We all know one...

... and if you don't, then that one is you.

Ballpoint missed out this one;

32 minutes ago, overherebc said:

She can shake her Boos at me anytime!

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party.
They were ready to leave when the wife came down with a headache. She told her husband to go to the party, no need to miss it because of her headache. So the husband left with his costume for the party.

 

About an hour later his wife's headache went away and she felt better so she put on her costume and went to the party. As she arrived, she spotted her husband cavorting around the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. The wife sidled up to him and let him, drunk as he was, go as far as he wished, naturally because he was her husband. Finally, he drunkenly whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So they went off to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before midnight unmasking she slipped away and went home, got in bed, and wondered what kind of explanation he would have.

 

At breakfast she asked, "Did you have a good time? Did you dance much?"

He replied, "You know I never have any fun if you are not with me. I never danced one dance, When I got there I met some of my friends and we played cards all night. I lent my costume to some drunk guy who arrived without one. I woke him up this morning to get my costume back and he said he had a terrific time except for some old hag who he had coaxed into a car!."
 

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with the wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very Truely Yours,
Acme Costume Co

The man thinks this is terrilbe because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.

Very Truely Yours,
Acme Costume Co


Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. So again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next week he gets a small parcel and a note which reads:

Dear Sir,
Please find the enclosed bottle of treacle. Pour the treacle over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your rear and go as a toffee apple.

When I was young, one Halloween I told my parents,

"I'm going to dress up as a small island off the coast of Italy."

Exasperated, my mother said,

"Don't be Sicily".

Gonna dress up as a vaccine this Halloween since everyone is afraid of them and I might not get another shot at it!

My wife wants me to go as a band-aid this Halloween.

But I always have a hard time pulling it off.

A kid with a speech impediment is trick or treating on Halloween.

At his last door a nice elderly lady opens it and he says the traditional

"Brick or breat!"

She replied "Oh what do we have hear what are you dressed as little boy?"

He proudly replied "I'm a Birate!"
"Oh you're a Pirate!" She responds

"Well where are your Buccaneers?"

He scowls at the lady and points to his head and shouts

"My buccen ears are right here why don't you use your buccen eyes?!"

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

"Ballpoint"; I am going to start gunning for you! 

I looked and looked at the meme above and could not get it.  It was not until I was flicking through again and read the "holsters" bit that it hit me between the eyes,

Well done,

I'll go and read some gun magazines and see if I can round off my evening without shooting myself in the foot!

????

 

 

 

1 hour ago, fangless said:

"Ballpoint"; I am going to start gunning for you! 

I looked and looked at the meme above and could not get it.  It was not until I was flicking through again and read the "holsters" bit that it hit me between the eyes,

Well done,

I'll go and read some gun magazines and see if I can round off my evening without shooting myself in the foot!

????

 

 

 

Yes, it's always a good idea to rifle though some magazines before shooting off and making a target of yourself. Frankly, I expected more from a man of your calibre, and not the reaction of a small bore.

American lady asks a Scotsman,  is it true you wear nothing under your kilt?

Put your hand up and see he says.

She does and says Oh ma gawd that's gruesome.

Put it back he says, its grue some more.

1 minute ago, ballpoint said:

Yes, it's always a good idea to rifle though some magazines before shooting off and making a target of yourself. Frankly, I expected more from a man of your calibre, and not the reaction of a small bore.

I may just have to make a point or two to you about the calibre of my discharges but what do you expect from a shot in the dark?

I'll just have to get re-primed before our next broadsides and get blasted!

11 minutes ago, overherebc said:

American lady asks a Scotsman,  is it true you wear nothing under your kilt?

Put your hand up and see he says.

She does and says Oh ma gawd that's gruesome.

Put it back he says, its grue some more.

Actually the quote is "is it true you wear there is nothing worn under your kilt?

Answer "No Madam it's all in perfect working order!"

8 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Darling, this is just a misunderstanding. It's Sven - not seven.

 

Sven is my Norwegian friend. He's still in the pub.