Advice for young people here who find it impossible to adapt culturally – what to do/when is it time to quit?

[NCC1701A]

On 2/1/2019 at 5:15 PM, Lost Bob said:

The other thing which is our business has turned out to be a very hands-on enterprise. There is an unbelievable amount of work to do for it

so much so that the Op has disappeared after 93 comments with everybody pouring their hearts out on this tread. 

Edited February 2, 2019 by NCC1701A

[MuuKondiao]

To Bob. I read the whole story, and some of the replies and I think that some of them gave you good, if tough advice.

The article gave me some depression, a state I am in much of the time. I am - I don't even want to say how old I am now - but I have experienced something of life and I have more than you to look back on and wish that I had done differently and things should have been different.

As for you: anyone could tell you that you owe it to yourself - you must - evaluate the life situation and do the most reasonable thing, disregarding emotional attachments that skew your thinking.

 

It surprises me - this is an aside - that you find yourself ignored by the Thais everywhere. In contrast, I ( who have always been shy, reclusive) have found that the people here make a fuss over me when I speak a little Thai and it comes natural to be accepted a person, not an outsider. I have less experience than you in Thailand, and am less proficient with the language.  I have lived in Mexico, Costa Rica, Senegal, Vietnam, and LOS, in 2009- 2014, and back here again in January.

 I am surprised at you not fitting in better, but depressed that you have had so many frustrating experiences.

 In 2014, when I was thinking about leaving Thailand - there were issues of health and of money involved, not just my situation in Thailand - and my g/f whom I was living with was pretty much..... nuts - I wrote to some online forum asking for advice and I am going to pass on to you what I was told:

 

                                    "Danny, GET THE <deleted> OUT OF THERE! 

                                             ....... Go to the 7-11 to buy a pack of cigarettes and don't go back."

 

That is the basic plan.

 

If you are really on a sinking ship the choice clearly is to jump into your life raft now. 

Or, to keep on doing what you are doing, living a hellish life, and wait until it is too late and you become a boat person. 

 

Make the Decision now.

 

I will even give you the first steps to the Plan: 

- Look at the calendar - choose the date, make the reservation... get the travel agent to give you a date..... 

buy the ticket

- You fit everything else around that one Date..... a business trip out to Hong Kong or visit to Siem Reap to chill,

or visa run to fukking Nanking. 

- Throw the sh1t that you cannot live without into a piece of luggage, go to the station and go.

 

 Later you call the woman you can't live without and ask her to join you  - in

California, or Amsterdam, or fraking Melbourne....  Then she makes her decision.

Hire a lawyer to deal with the legal issues when you are safe and stable.

 

So why am I (still) here? Long story. Not pertinent to anything much. I don't have much longer left.

I will probably fly to Saigon to get a visa and not come back. I studied Vietnamese- 50 years ago -

when I was in the Marine Corps.

[marcusarelus]

2 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

I'm not going to sentimentalize what can be learned, but here are some examples of useful things I've learned recently from my neighbors:

 

• onions shouldn't be washed after harvesting because it will cause them to rot prematurely
• banana blossom and collard greens go well together in curries
• how to kill a wild hare wreaking havoc in my vegetable garden (crossbow which neighbor lent me.)
• which variety of papaya is best for som tam and which variety is best for eating ripe.
• Several guys in my neighborhood have started early morning jogging (maybe inspired by my early morning bike riding) and we've started talking about weight loss, health issues.
• who owns a chainsaw in the area
• where the market pork vendor buys her pork
• also some discussions about the upcoming elections

 

BTW: Jared Diamond, a world renowned anthropologist who has more PhD's than you can shake a stick at, said in his book 'Guns, Germs, and Steel' that if intelligence is measured by how much you know about the environment around you, the hilltribe people of New Guinea are some of the most intelligent people on the planet. But, who knows, maybe he's just another 'soft' lad as well.

 

Also I believe the people he studied in New Guinea strangled the wife when her husband died.  The brother of the deceased or the man's son usually did it.  But maybe that is not so intelligent. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/jan/06/jared-diamond-tribal-life-anthropology

Edited February 2, 2019 by marcusarelus

[roo860]

Seems a good deal.

Also I believe the people he studied in New Guinea strangled the wife when her husband died.  The brother of the deceased or the man's son usually did it.  But maybe that is not so intelligent. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/jan/06/jared-diamond-tribal-life-anthropology

Sent from my SM-G920F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[StreetCowboy]

4 hours ago, marcusarelus said:

My mom and dad did stuff to me that is so bad I still can't talk about it.  My government pulled me out of college and tried to kill me every day for 2 years (draft Vietnam).  My teachers were sexual psychopaths (normal Catholic schools 12 years).  No wonder I like Thailand so much.  

Certainly makes me glad I'm Scottish.

When God created the world, he tried to balance things up, and  share the wealth of the world about.

"So we've got coal under the ground, oil in the sea, peaty water for single malt whiskies, rivers teeming with salmon..."

"Steady on, God, are you not giving the Scots a bit too much?"
"Aye, but look at the neighbours"

[Shaunduhpostman]

I enjoyed reading the OP's lengthy post, to me the swathes of 6 word dismissals, emojis and dry witticisms which seems to be the way people are being "socialized" to "communicate" with on internet is vastly more tedious than a detailed, well written lengthy post. Even a poorly written lengthy post is better to me, than the insulting witticism I am supposed to laugh at and push the heart button for, so that Johnny Hotshot gets an additional star on his rating or whatever it is, the short sharp barking of the forum bullies that is meant to end "discussion" on a discussion board. I'd rather read more detail in a longer post and by that you can better appreciate the uniqueness and message of any particular post. Short posts are aggressive or quick fix ego aggrandizing  gestures and not usually too much else. If you don't want to discuss anything or don't know how to then go kill things on a video game or whatever or don't and just spray the forums with your mark.

 

I would say that much of what the OP bemoans is sadly quite on the mark. I've observed that certain character types and even people with a certain physical appearance seem to be able to win more Thai people's attention than just being flat out ignored most of the time, but I don't really trust that perpetually smiling/soft spoken/skinny/5 foot 5/pasty faced males/ with wooden mannerisms  or people who are naturally quite obsequious and favor currying and are obsessively fastidious about their pleats and creases eventually get rewarded with a brilliant life here either. The Thais  are doing you a favor by ignoring you and they don't deserve your company or help even for a second if they are as you wrote about, I agree with what your relatives in Europe said about how you get received.

 

In the end Thai people have a problem. They don't seem to know anything and don't want to know, cannot cooperate, communicate, love, care, or appreciate anything, the majority of them, I don;t agree that its just reserved fro foreigners but being a foreigner certainly doesn;t help either in most cases. I have no idea what is wrong with these people and I would feel sorry for them if they didn't make my life  hassle  every time I have to leave the paradise that is my shack in Isaan. They live to obstruct and get in others' way because that is what has been done to them their whole life long. The signs of that nation wide malaise appear daily in the news and in your neighborhood. Its not your problem unless you let it and there is nothing anyone can do for them to solve their problems short of the probably alrerdy starting slow motion train wreck of the national karma has run its course and only then will something else emerge from the wreckage that even has a ice cube's chance in hell of being any better.

 

Myself, I can stay on here in Thailand, despite having long ago withdrawn from trying to be present in a significant way in the community and society at large, because my wife, who is Thai,  is a caring and mostly pleasant companion and friend whom I could never hope to land in the west  and because I was always pretty much of a lone wolf in my own society and don't need an outrageous social life and a motorcade and  a 1 millon dollar income to have self esteem or be happy. My wife has similar problems with Thais as you and I do. If you value integrity, your health, your life, are courageous, don't tolerate people's crap, and ask for just basic respect you'll have few if any friends as a foreigner in Thailand. That said, if you can cultivate a rewarding personal/family/inner life it becomes rather immaterial where you live aside from the pollution, noise and other things we can do nothing about. Finding a way to disengage without alcohol or drug dependence from the madness of this country is key and then you can relax and it will all bother you less. The rest of the world is not so great either is the way I see it, its no great loss to stay here.

 

That said I am not in as deep as you are even after 22 years. Long ago, I guess I saw it as a bad move to get involved in a business with the people in this country, who to me  plainly seemed to not care about anything, not even themselves. And again, I am not judging, no one says anyone has to care, its on you if you don't, but its difficult enough as you mentioned just getting a tooth filled because of that attitude, so I decided long ago I wasn't going to get too involved in trying to make a living here by becoming a business owner where 90% of the people are so poor they can't afford to pay attention, as the saying used to go.

 

Perhaps there is a way you could shift your business away from having to employ Thais. To me having to depend on a staff of Thais  just seems like an absolute nightmare. That would be a source of enormous stress if it were me.  Zero will to communicate or even get along with others, they don't want to be at work, and look out, everyone else is going to pay! Perhaps there are ways to do business online with people from outside the country. That way you could stay with your wife and get free of some of the bad parts of Thailand that you are stuck with presently.

 

It depends on your wife and how you feel about her, how important that relationship is to you. If that is not so hot, then it would seem  its a no brainer, you should make plans to gracefully leave. I don't agree that just because your wife  won't leave to live elsewhere that it means she doesn't care about you. My wife used to pack up and leave with me but now she doesn't want to do that, she feels living in another culture is even more stressful despite her being deeply unhappy with what Thailand has become. It would never occur to me that that change has anything to do with me.

[Nyezhov]

4 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

I'm not going to sentimentalize what can be learned, but here are some examples of useful things I've learned recently from my neighbors:

 

• onions shouldn't be washed after harvesting because it will cause them to rot prematurely
• banana blossom and collard greens go well together in curries
• how to kill a wild hare wreaking havoc in my vegetable garden (crossbow which neighbor lent me.)
• which variety of papaya is best for som tam and which variety is best for eating ripe.
• Several guys in my neighborhood have started early morning jogging (maybe inspired by my early morning bike riding) and we've started talking about weight loss, health issues.
• who owns a chainsaw in the area
• where the market pork vendor buys her pork
• also some discussions about the upcoming elections

 

BTW: Jared Diamond, a world renowned anthropologist who has more PhD's than you can shake a stick at, said in his book 'Guns, Germs, and Steel' that if intelligence is measured by how much you know about the environment around you, the hilltribe people of New Guinea are some of the most intelligent people on the planet. But, who knows, maybe he's just another 'soft' lad as well.

 

Well clearly, when the balloon goes up, tbose Hilltribes will be doing just fine while the bulk of Western Man will be dead in food riots

[Aussieroaming]

Another weekly troll post

[seancbk]

On 2/1/2019 at 5:15 PM, Lost Bob said:

Another thing I’ve noticed is a palpable feeling of being ignored despite being an obvious foreigner in a semi-rural area.

 

This is your problem.  Live in Bangkok and you'll have a much better time.  

[jimmy1967]

Man up.

[DJ54]

Try getting out of the office a few times a week. If not it will become a grind. I live in isaan and it takes time .....but I’m 65

 

[MyFriend You]

Without reading the post - its easy peasey what to do "Get on a Plane and Go Home"

[MyFriend You]

23 hours ago, NCC1701A said:

so much so that the Op has disappeared after 93 comments with everybody pouring their hearts out on this tread. 

He should read  post #104  -  Great Advice

[Grusa]

If I read your post missing out geolocation, I would say you you were writing about life in the UK! That's why my wife and I retired here 12 years ago. We considered living in all sorts pf places, but started and have ended up near Pattaya - not for the sex, but for the relative ease of surviving, and the relatively clean air.

 

I can quite see that running  a serious business would drive any farang to drink, an early grave, or suicide.

 

Either farm out the business to be run by someone else, or close it and go home, wherever that is. Girl friend? Plenty fish in the sea. Wife? Almost the same.

[Potter]

Sorry, But I dont bother to read beyond the first page. I came to Thailand in my early twenties. Am now in my early fourties. I have been through a lot of the same. I am planning to leave this year. Much of the same reasons and the visa immigration always changing to the more difficult.

Give up alcohol. Maximum once per week. If that does not work, then quit it. Alcohol will solve no problems. But could make things a lot worse.

The Thais cant change. Because they dont want to change. People who have never been outside their home countries are much like this. They do things their way or cant understand and adapt. You can show them and do things together with them. But they need to be held hand in hand during the process. Fx cleaning your house, doing your garden etc. 

No matter where you stay. You need a social network. If you dont have one where you currently live. Consider moving. Even if it is abroad. If you have bad neighbors. Consider moving. Or take up the fight. And then dont forget you are playing on an away field where people might not care if they play dirty. Dont forget our social status is only "farrang". They think in classes. We think in fairness. etc etc.

Your weight you need to fix. I had to use an application calorie counter. Get rid of at least a couple of GFs who over feeded me. Over feeding the partner is normal in Thailand. It is a part of the culture. Where we foreigners eats what gets served. Thais let it stay on the table and eat it slowly. Alcohol is a lot of calories. You need to consume few calories many times a day. Plus you could benefit from joining a gym 3-5 times a week. Joining a gym might open new connections to a social life meeting people who cares about their physical health etc. You winking, smiling and saying hello to the same faces. That helps creating social connections. etc etc.

If you can. Go on a holiday somewhere. It will help clear your mind. Alone if you need.

Learn some more Thai. Learn to communicate in the Thai ways. Pay attention to what is being said in between in the words. Or to what is not being said at all. Like I said. Learn the Thai ways of communication. Not only their vocabulary.

Every body I know who lives in Thailand for some years. They get what I call the "Thai depression". It is normal. Spending time in your home country (or other places in the world) can help cure it. If it doesnt get better. Consider moving away from Thailand.

[Berkshire]

There is a word that helps to explain the OP's attitude/situation....

 

Ethnocentrism

/ˌeTHnōˈsentrizəm/

noun

noun: ethnocentrism

1. evaluation of other cultures according to preconceptions originating in the standards and customs of one's own culture.

[Kentwants2run]

I moved to Ecuador when I was 16.  At first I hated it, but then I learned the language and how they're society functioned.  I adapted.  Many Americans I met down there continued to despise the country because it wasn't like where they came from.  They left, I stayed.  I loved it.  I feel the same way about Thailand.  I'm learning the language and how things work.  I don't compare it to the US because its Thailand, not the US.  Adapt or leave.

 

As far as how you are feeling, it is my opinion that you are suffering from depression.  See a therapist, get some meds.   Your serotonin levels are probable extremely low.  Get off the booze as that only contributes to the depression.  Get your serotonin levels back up and then decide what to do.  

 

Good luck.

[Lost Bob]

Thanks everyone for your responses, I really appreciate it. I've read them all and going to comment on a few.

 

 

On ‎2‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 5:30 PM, puukao said:

 Your LIFE is in your 20's, and you went off that path....so mistake number 1.  leave home country means leaving friends (super important in your 20's) and identity.  Then you can't get a "normal" job, or a job that gives you any self-esteem from a farang.  But, whatever, you ran from hard life and then made the easy life hard.  Number 3, you know you must leave but you stay.  stay for the business?  lol.  ridiculous.  

First of all I don’t believe that. I’ve met many young expats (many here in Thailand) who were fed up with their hometown and decided to move and make a name for themselves by going where they felt that they and their money were treated best. Secondly, I was born into a constantly moving family. We left my hometown as soon as the maternity ward gave the OK, then relocated every two years or so. By the time I was 20 I had lived in over a dozen places. Now I am aware of the negative side effects of constantly pulling up one’s roots, thus I hope you can understand how I’m trying to be cautious about picking up yet again and going somewhere new. It’s not as if I ran from my obligations. In fact that’s what I’m trying not to do now, but it’s difficult avoiding reality.

 

As for being narcissistic - I don’t know how one can admit they’re in a bad place and ask for help figuring stuff out without shedding some backstory. In any case, thank you for your comment.

Quote

stay for the business?  lol.  ridiculous

 

 

Not so ridiculous when we’ve invested millions of baht and several years into infrastructure, staff training and carving out our niche.

 

 

On ‎2‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 5:46 PM, NCC1701A said:

you are too young to be here and to be unhappy and don't try to apply your expectations to Thais.

And I am sure you love your girlfriend but everyone has to learn to take care of themselves in a relationship. 

 

 

Reading your regular comments on TV always brings a smile to my face. Thank you. Sad to hear that even in Hua Hin the air isn’t great. Looks like the new norm for most of Asia. I’ll try to take your advice regarding the drink although some days I know that’s the only way to get through the day. It’s strange because as soon as I’m in another country I don’t feel the need for it at all, so I have no idea if it’s entirely environmental or overall depression or what. I have a hunch this place is slowly killing me, and not in a fun way either.

 

On ‎2‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 5:59 PM, BestB said:

 opening biz was the biggest mistake of my life, because in 10-12 years I went bald, grey and lost interest in most things as all I do is work. If I do not work, I loose money. 

 

on the bright side, not much these days shocks me. Do I hate my life? Yes, but what would be the alternative ? Drink and be drunk on daily basis or just waste life away in room.

 

 

Thank you for your comment, however I think its unfortunate value lies in being a warning to me. Your situation is not one I want to end up in.

 

On ‎2‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 6:20 PM, Munsch said:

I am approaching my 30. I came here last year and I am starting a business with my girlfriend.

Am I destined to become what you are??

 

Highly unlikely. The majority of biz-minded expats I’ve met here are all doing fairly well, and although some may have occasional gripes about the culture I have yet to meet anyone like myself. I seem to be the odd ball out. I think if you don’t have the same problems/sensitivities as me and your relationship is sound you’re gonna do well. Biz-wise Thailand still offers a great overall package, much better than neighbouring countries. If you don’t screw your client around, give prompt concise well constructed replies and act professionally with them you’re already ahead of 90% of the competition here and can basically name your price.

 

On ‎2‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 6:25 PM, mike787 said:

I will keep this simple/short.  You're NOT alone.  

Thank you.

 

On ‎2‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 6:26 PM, HLover said:

If the stones have not dropped by 30 years of age, they never will.

 

A few replies like this here so I will respond to yours. As I mentioned – millions of baht invested and years of effort into our business. After sifting through many many d!ckheads we have finally a good team, 8 people in total. I have responsibility to them, to our regular clients and to the companies that work and have ongoing projects with us. I hope you can appreciate how given the stakes I’m trying to make sure that whatever decision I make it’s going to affect a lot of people, so I have to make sure that decision is going to be the best one. With all due respect to your own stones – I don’t think you would give up millions of baht worth of investment and a healthy relationship without giving it some thought.

 

On ‎2‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 7:11 PM, scorecard said:

 Have you done any serious deep thinking to identify why your so unhappy here and perhaps try to understand why it took so long for all of this to become so problematic and upsetting? Further, (not my business) are there now serious relationship issues, is that actually the main problem? Are you perhaps unfairly angry with Thailand?

 

 

It’s been bad for a while but this past year especially I’m no longer in control of it. No relationship issues. Whether my anger issues with Thailand are unfair is difficult to say – the transgressions I see going on every single day here are trampling on values that I feel should be central to any human societies past the stone age. I made this topic with the hope that other people with more experience and similar sensibilities could tell me how they cope with this affront to most things decent and humane. Funny you should mention counselling, my girlfriend has suggested it many times. I’m not sure about it – any therapist here is still a human farang, and given the high level of investment most farangs make here in setting up their profession I feel they would roll their eyes in sort of self-defence at my criticisms of LOS. Somehow I believe the anonymity of the internet would lead to more fruitful discussions.

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 8:06 AM, Nyezhov said:

 when you are 30 looking to start a biz and live your entire life here in a culture that is probably the most antithetical to the West you are making a mistake.

 

 

That’s what I’ve come to realize.

 

 

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 10:31 AM, Katia said:

 

As far as the business, can she buy you out?

 

 

Thank you for your advice. It’s not really so much the buying out part, it’s that my presence is critical for the entire operation to work. Without going into too much detail my role is quite technical and without me here everything would fall apart. I’m trying to figure out how to balance my personal happiness together with my professional responsibility to many other people.

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 4:26 PM, alex8912 said:

There must be a decent gym you can join within a 20 minute drive or so.  Go there 4/5 times a week get a good workout and do cardio and limit the booze. 

 

As things are now I barely have the energy for a walk to 7/11.

 

 

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 4:32 PM, unamazedloso said:

 

Apart from that lifes great. Your gf would be suffering so id take her outa here also. Its a depressing place when you mingle. Thats what my family have found. Everyones different though.

 

Although I can’t stand the place I’m always happy for other people who have been able to make peace with LOS. The unfavourable social aspect you describe is the kind of thing that absolutely breaks a place (any place) for me. I would rather live in a tiny 1BR and be able to visit my neighbour to discuss Gaddafi’s golf cart over tea than live in a 2 storey house with garden of fruit trees and have my neighbour burn plastic garbage because that’s how we’re supposed to conveniently dispose of trash in 2019 and no farang is gonna tell them otherwise. Many aspects of my life have deteriorated here and the social aspect was the first to go. The rest followed.

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 5:08 PM, jak2002003 said:

 

I found most Thai people really nice.  I don't mix with the hi so kinds though, just the villagers and neighbours.  They have treated us like their own family and we have been out biking and touring with some, parties, days out etc,  and they have shown us a lot of kindness and fun times.  They have been very kind to us and our family, including my mother and father when they come to visit on holiday, and will take pride in showing them how to make Thai food, lanterns, floating gratongs etc.... all for free with no expectation of money or something in return.  

  

 

Glad to hear you’ve found your home here. Thai people certainly exhibit their own sort of kindness such as you mention, and that can be very endearing at times. The problem I have is when those same people go back to their house and light a pile of plastic trash on fire, or decide to have singing parties till late, or drive like morons down the street, or let their dogs run around the village – then am I supposed to practice kindness in return by never raising my concern?

 

We had a family acquaintance who was eager to help us out with construction when our operations were being expanded. In the end we had to spend several times what we paid him on another contractor to come and fix his mistakes. The guy is a fixerupper chang with a team of 4. Of course in Thai culture you can never tell this person that they did a bad job. That might cause uncomfortable feelings and we want to avoid that here because we have the mentality of 5 year olds. That guy is probably still out there wreaking havoc with his dangerous good intentions and no one will tell him the reality because that will cause him to lose face.

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 5:45 PM, grollies said:

 

well mate, if the only positives for you are those then you didn't learn much in your formative years and you may want to re-assess some of your values.

 

Troll topic.

 

Thanks for your response. Care to share the positives you’ve come to value here?

 

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 6:53 PM, Gecko123 said:

 I'm sure the OP has considerable knowledge about health, food, money management, nutrition, economics, gardening, English, business, etc. that he could share with people in his area. Identify things you are interested in and want to talk about, and start striking up conversations and asking questions. But saying it's not worth the effort is a cop out.

 

I’m certain your neighbours burn their garbage or their fields like everybody else here, and I’m also sure that you have considerable knowledge about how to go about trash disposal and bio-char making that you could share with people in your area. But you haven’t succeeded in changing their ways, have you? I’ve seen it mentioned time and time on this forum and I’ve found it to be true myself – Thais have no interest in anything foreign and no desire to utilize foreign knowledge or advice to better their situation. Especially not if it requires a modicum of extra work. Have you taught your village the importance of wearing motorcycle helmets? Does everybody vaccinate their dogs thanks to your valuable input?

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 7:31 PM, vinegarbase said:

 I thought Asia was going to be my home years ago and had big plans for Thailand, that is until I also learned how Thailand is really like. Now I just have to come for business. The biggest turn off by far was how bad I have been treated and cheated over the years by Thai immigration just being honest and following the letter of the law. 

 

Thanks for the input, sounds like the direction I’m headed in. Likewise I was also put off by disrespect from immigration. It took us forever to setup a company and do everything in a legal way with work permits, etc. Every step of the way I was treated like a criminal. Endless hoops, changing documents, surprise visits, photo of you here by your desk not by your chair etc.

 

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 7:45 PM, Gecko123 said:

 if intelligence is measured by how much you know about the environment around you, the hilltribe people of New Guinea are some of the most intelligent people on the planet. But, who knows, maybe he's just another 'soft' lad as well.

 

 

Good thing that’s not how we measure intelligence because then average intelligence of societies would no longer be correlated to how horrible/wonderful those societies to live in. New Guinea’s crime rate is amongst the highest in the world. I’m not sure what that says about their (actual) intelligence.

 

 

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 8:51 PM, curtklay said:

 

Time is not necessarily on your side. I have been here 10 years, and if I knew then what I know now...

 

 

Thank you. I do not want to end up in a place for 10 years having to say something like that.

 

 

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 9:51 PM, MuuKondiao said:

 

- Look at the calendar - choose the date, make the reservation... get the travel agent to give you a date..... 

buy the ticket

- You fit everything else around that one Date..... a business trip out to Hong Kong or visit to Siem Reap to chill,

or visa run to fukking Nanking. 

 

That might be the best thing to do, at least in the short term. So easy to just let work pile up and spend the days churning through it.

[jak2002003]

OP.  You are going to have to make a decision if you really want to change your life around.

 

From your replies you have rejected every ones advise and just repeated your original feelings.

 

It does not matter how many millions of baht you have invested if you are going to spend you days laying in bed and hating you life, getting more and more depressed, its not worth it is it?

 

I cant believe that your very successful multi million pound business that employs so many staff would simple crumble without you (as you basically say you are doing all the 'technical' work).  Why not train up the staff to do it? 

 

OR,

 

As it's a profitable and valuable business you won't have a problem to sell it!!!!  Then more on.

 

It seems small petty things seem huge problems in your life.  A few loud parties with people singing... what's the big problem there?  They finish at midnight... that's better then in the UK or America where they can go on till the morning.  The occasional neighbour burning plastic in the garden... come on.... that is not every day... just close you window... or go to work.  Back in the UK there are traffic fumes, bad smells for cow muck spreading on fields, no wildlife left, more and more land build on, pollution, knife crime... and in America gun crime, race crime, teenagers in violent gangs with the worst mental health in the world etc etc.... no country is perfect.

 

And, the internet is NO place to get the best advise on forums either (even my own is not professional, and on here there are many very negative people who will bring you down).  See a professional to get help with you mental health, while you come to a decision about packing up and leaving, or changing you attitude and getting on with you life here, not living in some dream that you aspire to some perfect society with no problems which does not exist.  

 

PS... you life will get worse if you don't act now.  How long do you thing you lovely lady will stick with a guy who is laying in bed, depressed, no energy and not wanting to do anything?  Think of her feelings too.

 

 

Edited February 5, 2019 by jak2002003

[MH123]

Lost Bob, Do not pay any attention to most of these responses. They sound like the typical 8 am barroom discussions from expats.

You are not alone, I understand completely what you are saying. I have tried to involve myself in conversations with my wife and her friends. Sometimes I say I am trying to speak would you please listen. They all look at me, and continue their conversation.

The Thai people have no idea how to drive a car or motorbike and are obvious to where and how they park. The electrical wiring is beyond belief. The plastic trash pollution defies common sense. 

I go into a store and ask for something. The first thing they say is "No have," I am very familiar with hardware stores so when they tell me that, I walk past them and start looking because I know what hardware stores have. Of course they follow me for fear the farang may steal something. Their smile gets bigger and bigger the longer it takes for me to find what I want. As soon as I find what I want and I say see you do have it. All the air leaves them, they feel defeated and deflated. Such weak egos they have. Now they scatter when I come in but soon I have a tail looking to make sure I do not steal something.

They put in new asphalt or cement roads. Then decide they need to work on the ditch. They then take a steel track cat and proceed to rip the road up because they cannot figure out to put old tires or plywood down to protect the surface. I am a retired Merchant Seaman. Before we let them load cat's on board they had to put plywood down so they did not tear up the deck paint. 

The lying to save face Yep. Every complaint you have, I have and more. 

I sobered up 30 years ago so that is not a problem for me. 

My advice is to you being so young. Pack your bags drop everything and get out of here. I am considering doing the same. I am 68 in a bit of a different situation but am not happy or impressed with the Thai people one bit. For now I just don't even look at them but that is not how I want to live my life. I have been here on Koh Samui for 9 years.

I can already predict what the beer drinking no brain expat will have to say to me.

You are not alone man. A favorite author of mine Carolyn Myess  says "You know what you know," don't let anyone try to tell you different.

Whatever decision you make will not be easy. The more drinking you do the more you give away your power. If nothing else take what you need, bare essentials, tell your girlfriend you are going home for a bit. My guess is once you remove yourself, your mind will clear up and you will say I am never going back.

Hope this helps.

Mark

[Anastasios]

Mate all cultures have their own values which shine and then things they don't care about. I was born and raised in Sweden and hate it to death for the socialist feminist environmentalist shithole it is. I am of Greek blood but can't stand the laziness, corrupt, mismanaged shithole it is either. Well Greece and Thailand are both pretty nice if you semi retire or retire, I prefer Thailand, it's even cheaper and Bangkok is a true metropolis that I enjoy.

 

You can't decide how others think but over time (read centuries) the world is turning into a better place ???? otherwise just enjoy yourself without putting much focus on others. Try lifting weights and improving yourself. Set goals whether it is strength, endurance, physical appearance whatever. Become a better you and your brain chemistry will improve. You'll have less of a need to get affirmation from your environment to be satisfied this way. 

 

You can't demand that everyone follows your values. Think of what is happening in the west with the current ideologically possessed ones who won't let you have an opinion... 

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2019 at 12:19 AM, Gecko123 said:

if I were you I'd seriously consider repatriation, maybe with your girlfriend,

I know it was too long, but he made it clear that's not an option as she won't leave her family.

 

To the OP- as I see it, it all comes down to your girlfriend. If you can't leave her, you can't stay without the business, so suck it in and get on with it, ie man up, stop boozing and find some proper psychological help. I know when one is depressed it's not helpful to say that you are not the first in your situation, but that's true, and millions live lives far far worse than anything you have experienced.

You might also want to consider that many would be happy to trade places with you. I'd sell several body parts to be in a situation as good as you have, given I had to go home, and it's b**** awful. You complain about being ignored; lol- that's my everyday existence, and I don't have a partner to share anything with.

If you can leave her, do it and go home or wherever that you do like.

[thaibeachlovers]

7 hours ago, Anastasios said:

I was born and raised in Sweden and hate it to death for the socialist feminist environmentalist shithole it is.

I'm not in Sweden, but that sounds just like where I do live. I loved Thailand because it WASN'T feminist, though it wouldn't hurt for it to be a tad more environmentally responsible.

[grollies]

On 2/4/2019 at 11:43 PM, Lost Bob said:

 

Thanks for your response. Care to share the positives you’ve come to value here?

@Lost Bob, as a few people above have already said, you are suffering with depression.

 

List the positives I have come to value here?

 

Well let's start with your positives.

 

You are young, young enough to make lifestyle changes and improve your health.

 

You have a very stable relationship, vital for your well-being here.

 

You have a successful business.

 

You speak Thai.

 

You don't seem to have the immigration issues many here have.

 

For me personally, I live in rural Thailand with only 12 homes within a 1km radius. No soi dogs, no noisy neighbours (if theres a party going on we're usually there). We have no rubbish collection but recycle all waste to the village, where we get paid for our waste.

 

The weather is great.

 

There are loads of places (and not enough time) for day trips out, usually the beach 2 hours drive.

 

Yep, the people can drive you crazy but from my experience they are usually too keen to help. We got here fulltime 3 years ago and first job was to renovate the chicken coop. Around 8 people turned up to help FOC (well, food and Lao Khao).....

 

Wife bumped into a friend we hadn't seen in ages yesterday. They had lunch and as I was home he sent her back with a takeout for me.

 

Yeah, as said above, butting into conversations is a Thai trait but, hey, go with the flow. The 'mai mee' thing in shops too.

 

BUT, TIT. Learning to adapt is challenging. Sounds like your formative years growing up you had no stability, moving around so much, so maybe you don't know how to put roots down and settle.

 

That's something you have to learn to do and accept the good alongside the bad. Learn to accept you won't change the way people behave overnight but, by example, over a lifetime maybe, you can make a difference. You've started already with your business and 8 employees.

 

Maybe you should consider moving house to somewhere less stressfull. There must be quiet areas to live within an hour's drive of your business. Work from home one day a week. Get a bike and excercise...you have to have a life outside your business. Been there, done that for 15 years and it wasn't good.

 

Depression is difficult to get out of but can be done, with or without meds. Talk to someone maybe.

 

Most of all, focus on the positives.

 

Good luck.

[Anastasios]

10 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I'm not in Sweden, but that sounds just like where I do live. I loved Thailand because it WASN'T feminist, though it wouldn't hurt for it to be a tad more environmentally responsible.

I agree as long as it doesn't become a game of making people feel guilty and using it to gain power or increase taxes as punishment without providing anything for said tax.