What are the chances of Thai wife apologizing?

[Captain 776]

Mine has apologized........

I am 66 and my wife is 60 not 26 like most.

We have been together over 10 yrs and very very rarely ever have a cross word.

[spidermike007]

5 hours ago, Pravda said:

 

I don't know the age of posters here, but I don't consider myself young. I am 45 and to be honest I have lost all hope for any meaningful long term relationship. Every relationship starts fine and then it's just a downward spiral from there.

 

I could dump her and then like it has happened before the new girl is going to be prettier than a previous one and I'll be boasting here on Thai Visa how lucky I am with this new girl, blah, blah, blah..... in reality after a few years it's just going to be the same thing.

 

Save for a few lucky souls, it does make me feel better that I am not the only one in this position.

 

 

 

There is hope, at any age. At 45 you have alot of good years ahead of you. I found an amazing Thai woman, who after 14 years, continues to delight me daily, on so many levels. I realize I was very fortunate. She is smart, funny, pretty, light hearted, everybody adores her, she is a great cook, and is easy to communicate with. And has a big heart. But, not common I agree. However, best to move on from a bad relationship. It is not going to get any better, and life to too short to be with someone who does not make you a better version of yourself. She is not worthy. 

[Bullie]

16 hours ago, Spidey said:

You sound as immature as her. Never sleep on an argument.

That's interesting. My wife can sleep on an argument or 2, 3 years easy. And even then she is still quite prepared to slit my throat....  Must be because we like different kinds of food.....

[holy cow cm]

20 years and only once heard the sorry about 1 year ago. And she meant it. Kids make a difference, sort of fulfills the open void. 

 

There is more to your story but you your self need to look inside for what isn't happening for you and her. Travel? See shows? Dinners?

 

No one can tell for you. It's called companionship and that is a two way street you want to give each other to make each other comfortable and happy. Maybe paying for something to just say I love you without strings is what she wants to feel. Too little attention or suffocating the person, smug attitudes or always being right will spiral things down to finality of no return. Seems the fizz needs some gas in some place. 

 

Surprise her with a nice dinner at a restaurant and open the talk of feelings.

 

Does she drink?

 

Good luck.

[sharktooth]

1 hour ago, Mavideol said:

  by beating them (punishment or assault in which the victim is hit repeatedly)

That was my theory, but I could be wrong... I regularly am. I don’t think domestic violence is reported here as much as it should be if it’s thai on Thai. Farang on thai would be a different story completely, for so many different reasons.

[freebyrd]

17 hours ago, oldhippy said:

So I'm not the only one in this situation?

I was married to a Thai woman for 22 years, she never apologised. I had a Filipina GF for 5 years, she never apologised. I'm currently  married to a Cambodian, she never apologises - yes I'm a glutton for punishment ????. My experience is that all SE Asian women are the same - silence (but never golden ????) is their way.

Edited February 25, 2019 by freebyrd

[freebyrd]

51 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

 

There is hope, at any age. At 45 you have alot of good years ahead of you. I found an amazing Thai woman, who after 14 years, continues to delight me daily, on so many levels. I realize I was very fortunate. She is smart, funny, pretty, light hearted, everybody adores her, she is a great cook, and is easy to communicate with. And has a big heart. But, not common I agree. However, best to move on from a bad relationship. It is not going to get any better, and life to too short to be with someone who does not make you a better version of yourself. She is not worthy. 

My wife is exactly the same when she's Dr Jekyll, but when Mr Hyde awakens....????

[roo860]

They couldn't hack it their own country and can't hack it here either, always some other sods fault.

Jesus.
Only read less than a quarter of this drivel.
Lotta bitter and twisted men on this forum with issues is all i can add.

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[roo860]

I was married to a Thai woman for 22 years, she never apologised. I had a Filipina GF for 5 years, she never apologised. I'm currently  married to a Cambodian, she never apologises - yes I'm a glutton for punishment [emoji6]. My experience is that all SE Asian women are the same - silence (but never golden [emoji58]) is their way.

Bloody he'll not exactly a 'freebyrd'.
[emoji848]

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[freebyrd]

2 hours ago, Huckenfell said:

Keep on struggling lads!   ......My old grandad taught me many years ago, that any man who says he understands women is either a Fool or a Liar.

As 'the good book' says, men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

[freebyrd]

2 minutes ago, roo860 said:

Bloody he'll not exactly a 'freebyrd'.


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Still that, however the years and a couple of strokes have taken my feathers ????.

Edited February 25, 2019 by freebyrd

[thaipo7]

Been married for 48 years and not one apology.   The other day I was at a married friend's house and asked the wife if she every apologized to her husband.  He was not expecting that question and gave me this "shut up" look and told me to never ask that question again.  LOL

[rabas]

I've been happily married to a Thai for ~25 years. Like you, nothing about bars or money. Apologize? Once in a great while she will say "I'm sorry" if she thought she did something wrong . Not to be confused with "Khaw thot".

 

Silences can be hard to fathom, but you also left out a couple of points.

 

1. Are you legally married?
NO - that may be the root cause, or she sees no commitment/future. All women are
insanely aware of their ageing and marketability. A relationship needs to move forward.

YES - then she may think you have done something wrong OR you're not doing things that she needs. (see 2 below)
 
2 Do you take time to do things she likes, attend to her needs? These may be things you are not interested in. 'Romantic' is a well known here, as is Valentine's Day.

YES - then you probably did something wrong and will have trouble knowing what.

NO - then that's likely the problem.   

 

Either way, you need to break the ice. Talking it out may not work as they may not be able to understand themselves.

 

So here is how to fix it,

 

Go out, today, and buy something she really likes, something useless, esp. like big flowers or a really cute stuffed animal (or both), nothing utilitarian. Put them on the table for when she comes home. Say absolutely nothing, but watch her response, it may be a tiny fleeting glance or imperceptible smile. If so, you're in. Later invite her to do something she really likes, go out or on a trip or some other activity, especially something you don't normally do. If there was no reaction from the flowers, do not give up and say nothing negative. You've made your overture and you may need to wait patiently. It will sink in.

 

If necessary, repeat tomorrow and report back.

 

OTOH, she may be watching Thai soaps and has decided you must be cheating, are a mafia boss, or she needs a 200 million baht house with columns - good luck with that.

 

[Pravda]

8 minutes ago, rabas said:

I've been happily married to a Thai for ~25 years. Like you, nothing about bars or money. Apologize? Once in a great while she will say "I'm sorry" if she thought she did something wrong . Not to be confused with "Khaw thot".

 

Silences can be hard to fathom, but you also left out a couple of points.

 

1. Are you legally married?
NO - that may be the root cause, or she sees no commitment/future. All women are
insanely aware of their ageing and marketability. A relationship needs to move forward.

YES - then she may think you have done something wrong OR you're not doing things that she needs. (see 2 below)
 
2 Do you take time to do things she likes, attend to her needs? These may be things you are not interested in. 'Romantic' is a well known here, as is Valentine's Day.

YES - then you probably did something wrong and will have trouble knowing what.

NO - then that's likely the problem.   

 

Either way, you need to break the ice. Talking it out may not work as they may not be able to understand themselves.

 

So here is how to fix it,

 

Go out, today, and buy something she really likes, something useless, esp. like big flowers or a really cute stuffed animal (or both), nothing utilitarian. Put them on the table for when she comes home. Say absolutely nothing, but watch her response, it may be a tiny fleeting glance or imperceptible smile. If so, you're in. Later invite her to do something she really likes, go out or on a trip or some other activity, especially something you don't normally do. If there was no reaction from the flowers, do not give up and say nothing negative. You've made your overture and you may need to wait patiently. It will sink in.

 

If necessary, repeat tomorrow and report back.

 

OTOH, she may be watching Thai soaps and has decided you must be cheating, are a mafia boss, or she needs a 200 million baht house with columns - good luck with that.

 

 

 

Thanks for that. Very useful ????

 

Yes, I'm legally and "traditionally" married.

[roo860]

Mine has apologized........
I am 66 and my wife is 60 not 26 like most.
We have been together over 10 yrs and very very rarely ever have a cross word.

Nice one Cap.
[emoji108]

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[spidermike007]

I was fortunate, in that I met my wife when she was still fairly young. I told her over and over and over again, how important it was to take responsibility, for one's mistake, actions and faults. Own it. Deal with it. She finally got it. And now, she is like a normal human being. Capable of taking responsibility for her mistakes.

 

If you want a Thai woman who is capable of apologizing, or being responsible for her errors, there are only two ways that is possible.

One. Find one that is young enough, and open enough to new ideas, that she can be taught truth, reality, responsibility, and the extreme nonsense that everything about "face" embodies. The sad truth is, the older a Thai woman is, the less open minded she is, and the more conventional she tends to be. The older ones tend to live in minuscule sized boxes, and peering over that 6" wall, looking onto the outside world, is the scariest thing in the possible for them. As a general rule.

Or two. Find one who has lived overseas, where behavior of this kind, is simply not tolerated.

 

 

Edited February 25, 2019 by spidermike007

[catman20]

5 hours ago, murraynz said:

why do you guys see the need to get married ???  surely if you didnt do that, it would simplfy things, when it turns to custard...

why complicate your lives and be miserable ??

man after my own heart. proper geezer.

[Pravda]

19 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

 

Or two. Find one who has lived overseas, where behavior of this kind, is simply not tolerated.

 

 

 

Well, before I met my wife I was with another Thai woman whom I met back home. Open minded, much younger even cashed up and took in the western lifestyle in more ways than one. However, when we broke up she told me and I quote "I'll never change and will always be Thai".

 

To this day I'm not entirely sure what it means, but my wild guess is farang take care or treat me like a spoiled slut princess that I am. 

 

Maybe I'm wrong.

Edited February 25, 2019 by Pravda

[spidermike007]

2 minutes ago, Pravda said:

 

Well, before I met my wife I was with another Thai woman whom I met back home. Open minded, much younger even cashed up and took in the western lifestyle in more ways than one. However, when we broke up she told me and I quote "I'll never change and will always be Thai".

 

To this day I'm not entirely sure what it means, but my wild guess is farang take care or treat me like a spoiled slut princess that I am. 

 

Maybe I'm wrong.

 

Well, many Thais can be very stubborn. Perhaps that is what she was referring to. But Thais, like all other people can improve, be taught, coached, encouraged, prodded, and stimulated into changing in modest ways. 

[rumak]

OK.... i read two pages of this thread.   I am sure it will reach into the 20's soon.   The answer is so simple.

Take your losses and move on.    Don't make the same mistake again.   

Simple solution.   So difficult for most men to understand.   

You only live once guys !    Why you want to live with someone who does not appreciate you is beyond my understanding.   

[zoza]

I would imagine being brought up to never put your hand up to any error/

mistake or wrongdoing since being a young child, might be hard to alter

now? and then how old is she ?menopuse range as that will not help from

what I have experienced, but my one has learned in the last few years but

no giant step for mankind,I am afraid but she can say sorry, but I doubt

it comes from her heart, I do not think there is any spite in her tantrums 

its just like the majority of them they can go from o to iffy in three seconds and like lots of stuff out here if there is a collision it is normally

The rain/The brakes  the object they hit, but never them.

[wreckingcountry]

They couldn't hack it their own country and can't hack it here either, always some other sods fault.


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Nothing to contribute then dont !


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[wreckingcountry]

Been married for 48 years and not one apology.   The other day I was at a married friend's house and asked the wife if she every apologized to her husband.  He was not expecting that question and gave me this "shut up" look and told me to never ask that question again.  LOL

That guy really has assimilated ! Can’t even ask the question! Complete Fear


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[roo860]

Didn't know you were a wannabe moderator, sod off.

Nothing to contribute then dont !


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[Gracas]

So you want a Thai lady to say sorry to you. Just buy a parrot, their much easier to teach.

[Pravda]

Well, she came back from work.

 

I started grimacing and imitating the way she acts when p off and it seems to be amusing her so far.

 

Just like a puppy.

 

I would have fed her too, but she religiously brings her somtam almost every night.

 

Until next time!

 

 

[elliss]

8 hours ago, RichardColeman said:

I prefer the wife's BJ apology than a worded one to be honest !

   Big Joke @ immi ... times  are getting  harder .

     I want good lady , take care me, free. 

 

 

 

Edited February 25, 2019 by elliss

[downunder66]

But, does she ever say I'm sorry?
 
So much abuse and never an apology. Just quiet.

When I read you original post I can honestly say ‘join the club’. Quite often when my wife has a problem with me and gets mad she has mis-interpreters a situation or something I said. Stays mad for days and days. Finally realises she mis-understood but I don’t expect an apology. Saying sorry means Thais would lose face and that is not going to happen.

I did get my wife to say sorry a number of times in the past in Australia when we lived there but only after demanding it several times in each case. Now we are in Thailand I accept that’s not going to happen again.

As far as I’m concerned many Thais in general are emotionally immature - how can anyone mature by not accepting blame when they are wrong? Saving face is such a childish trait. It is a culture of many grown children sadly.






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[quandow]

This is EXACTLY why I rent only, NEVER purchase (and I ain't talking about real estate!).

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, quandow said:

This is EXACTLY why I rent only, NEVER purchase (and I ain't talking about real estate!).

Some make it work, and some dont, you just have to find someone you match with, as you have to do in your home land. When you think you can just pick woman as apples and oranges, as many do, you will fail every time! 

 

Takes little bit social intelligens to understand that, but at once you do, you are on the way to make a decent living with a woman.