Wanted: Lunch for Old, Retired, Expats (Bangkok) ??

[steven100]

Head down to Nana, plenty of bars and it doesn't matter how old you are.

I guarantee you'll hook up with someone.

[blackcab]

@RLAretired

 

Give Bistro 33 (on a side soi of Sukhumvit 33) a try. It might take a couple of attempts to meet people, but during some lunchtimes and afternoons there are often a few gentlemen gathered there, some of which, I know for certain, have spent several years in the Forces.

 

There are some good lunch specials, and Barry, the owner, is a really nice and pleasant guy who it is always a pleasure to talk to.

 

It's a manageable walk from BTS Phrom Phong exit 5. On site parking is available.

 

Click here for a link in Google maps

[observer90210]

And after the meeting I may have some good happy ending soapies to recommend...????

[neupaneaj]

I'm trying to find any informal groups of old expats who get together for lunch and conversation.  Other old, fat, bald, curmudgeons like myself, who've been in Thailand enough years so that “rose colored glasses” are long gone.  Get together to talk about life here and maybe can help each other about the inevitable problems that come up.  Anything like that around Bangkok??
 
But daytime only, because thoughtful conversation impossible if “meet for a beer” in a bar with loud noise, pestering women, etc.
 
As for that web site “Meetups”, I've tried a couple of those already:  Waste of time.
 
When I've mentioned this other other expats, all say, “Great idea!”  But when I then say, “How about Wednesday, the 15th, at Bourbon Street restaurant,” then the excuses start:   “Can't. I play golf on Wednesdays.”  “Can't. The wife goes to Big-C on Wednesdays, and I have to help her carry the bags”. Etc.
 
Years ago (I've been here 15 years) old expats used to say hello to each other, strike up conversations, sometimes continue over lunch or just coffee.  Had many pleasant and worthwhile conversations like that.  These days, not at all -- in my experience.  Is there any way to find pleasant conversations like that among old expats here?

Op - you say “meet up” is waste of time - I may disagree - it’s for the very purpose of meeting new people - but it comes with one caveat - you need to find certain activity/traits/crafts/skils besides meeting let’s say just for chitchat - Hope I don’t sound too condescending.
Last week I was at a photography enthusiasts meet up called “ Bangkok photographers” and met with close to 30 decent expats. Then there is excite tribe -again full of ex-pats with lively decent conversations that doesn’t involve bashing Thailand on how things are not same as their home country or hinting where the next sleazy night life can be had.
I have lived here for 10 years and I have found good expats when wanted to socialize.
Ignore some of the sneering trolls with no good advice!!


Sent from my iPhone using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[Sandy Freckle]

I often think(surprise surprise)..., while I'm in Bangers, that it would be nice to meet up with various people of a similar bent(believe me - no hidden message there).., but then, I second guess myself.., thinking I could possibly end up saddled with a sad sack, woe is me, 'energy vampire' !
Crikey, I just want to enjoy a cold beverage, tucker and some good cheer..., at a chilled quiet spot.., how hard can it be ? I used to enjoy slipping down to Cheap Charlies - a bloke could always meet up with some old work mates or some such..., and at the very least strike up a good conversation with any number of random individuals ! Over they years, I've met some very outstanding unconventional 'square pegs' at Cheap Charlies. I would have thought it's a business model that was ripe for reproduction..., although the dunny's out back would definitely benefit from a refurb !
Anyway..., whats my point...., my point is..., I'd be up for a yarn and a frosty or 3..., but the discourse would need to meet a certain elevated standard..., if you catch my drift ?  

Edited June 2, 2019 by Sandy Freckle
clarify

[OneMoreFarang]

It seems you live in Thailand since a long time. And you complain online to strangers that your offline friends are too busy to meet with you.

Maybe think about that for a moment...

 

[roobaa01]

join the  infoormal freemason group.

 

so mote it be.

 

wbr

roobaa01

[rott]

On 5/31/2019 at 1:29 PM, RLAretired said:

 

 The challenge is to find other intelligent expats with whom to enjoy those conversations.   I don't expect to find such expats anywhere near Suk 4.

 

 

.

 

You have a very myopic view of lower Sukhumvit. Possibly been looking at TVF too much. ????

 

Up to you of course.

[RLAretired]

22 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

It seems you live in Thailand since a long time. And you complain online to strangers that your offline friends are too busy to meet with you.

Maybe think about that for a moment...

 

That's a good observation, and, yes, worth thinking about. 

 

You hint that I have an individual, personal, "problem".   While that's certainly possible, none of my observations fit that hypothesis.

 

The stumbling block is that expats here reflect the social culture back home.  And in Western countries today, men are increasingly alienated from one another.  Most English-speaking, Western men I encounter here act afraid to talk with other Western men whom they don't already know (other than chit-chat in a bar). 

 

This topic is not about that situation, so I won't go into detail, but it would make a worthwhile topic for lunch conversation among thoughtful expats.

 

.

 

Edited June 3, 2019 by RLAretired

[RLAretired]

22 hours ago, roobaa01 said:

join the  infoormal freemason group.

so mote it be.

 

PM sent.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, RLAretired said:

 

That's a good observation, and, yes, worth thinking about. 

 

You hint that I have an individual, personal, "problem".   While that's certainly possible, none of my observations fit that hypothesis.

 

The stumbling block is that expats here reflect the social culture back home.  And in Western countries today, men are increasingly alienated from one another.  Most English-speaking, Western men I encounter here act afraid to talk with other Western men whom they don't already know (other than chit-chat in a bar). 

 

This topic is not about that situation, so I won't go into detail, but it would make a worthwhile topic for lunch conversation among thoughtful expats.

Thanks for your reply.

And I guess I was a little fast with my original comment. I apologize.

 

I don't know what most men do or don't do. But in my personal experience I would discuss certain issues only with a real good friend and not with a group of people (friends or otherwise).

I think with groups of people, especially men, there is always some kind of dynamic how we want to present ourselves. With one on one meetings that's different.

 

Maybe your last sentence would be better in the singular form: "it would make a worthwhile topic for lunch conversation with one thoughtful expat". And maybe another day with another one.

[RLAretired]

18 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

... with groups of people, especially men, there is always some kind of dynamic how we want to present ourselves. With one on one meetings that's different.

 

Good point.

 

 

18 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

.. your last sentence would be better in the singular form: "it would make a worthwhile topic for lunch conversation with one thoughtful expat". And maybe another day with another one.

 

I hadn't thought of it in that way, but, yes, much better.  Thank you.

.

 

Edited June 3, 2019 by RLAretired

[fhickson]

On 5/31/2019 at 12:40 AM, RLAretired said:

 

I appreciate advice, but apparently my opening post was not clear enough ... The goal is thoughtful, intelligent conversation about expat life in Thailand.   That just doesn't happen in a bar, any bar, even a nice place like Robin Hood.   (I used to live nearby.)

 

well your not going to get much thoughtful intelligent conversation here anywhere, its more about drinking and being loud, ill make an exception for the writers club in chiang mai or maybe the expats club up there possibly.

[RLAretired]

A report on results of this topic after 3 months: 

 

Not even one possibility.

In short: zero results.

 

Suggestions of specific restaurants and bars, yes, but that was not what was asked for.

 

Plenty of opinions that thoughtful conversation was unlikely outside of organized groups, like the formal expats clubs or MeetUps. 

 

But not a single private message that resulted in any meeting -- lunch or anything else.  Not even a suggestion, "I'd like something like this, too.  Maybe you and I can start something ourselves."

 

My conclusion:  From personal observations over the years, I know there are some thoughtful, intelligent, expats around here, but all seem either absorbed in their family activities or are reluctant to meet other expats.

 

I'm still open to suggestions, but I'm not "holding my breath".

 

Edited August 27, 2019 by RLAretired

[ThaiBunny]

2 minutes ago, RLAretired said:

A report on results of this topic after 3 months: 

 

Not even one possibility.

In short: zero results.

 

Suggestions of specific restaurants and bars, yes, but that was not what was asked for.  Plenty of opinions that thoughtful conversation was unlikely outside of organized groups, like the formal expats clubs or MeetUps.  But not a single private message that resulted in any meeting -- lunch or anything else.  Not even a suggestion, "I'd like something like this, too.  Maybe you and I can start something ourselves."  My conclusion:  From personal observations over the years, I know there are some thoughtful, intelligent, expats around here, but all seem either absorbed in their family activities or are reluctant to meet other expats.

 

I'm still open to suggestions, but I'm not "holding my breath".

I usually start paying particular attention to a person's posts once this sort of thing is broached to screen them for compatability

[fhickson]

On 8/27/2019 at 1:58 PM, RLAretired said:

A report on results of this topic after 3 months: 

 

Not even one possibility.

In short: zero results.

 

Suggestions of specific restaurants and bars, yes, but that was not what was asked for.

 

Plenty of opinions that thoughtful conversation was unlikely outside of organized groups, like the formal expats clubs or MeetUps. 

 

But not a single private message that resulted in any meeting -- lunch or anything else.  Not even a suggestion, "I'd like something like this, too.  Maybe you and I can start something ourselves."

 

My conclusion:  From personal observations over the years, I know there are some thoughtful, intelligent, expats around here, but all seem either absorbed in their family activities or are reluctant to meet other expats.

 

I'm still open to suggestions, but I'm not "holding my breath".

 

what specific interests or topics do you want to address at a meeting? do you have any lock picking techniques. can you make a fake leg out of a tree stump?

 

just meeting for the sake of meeting makes little sense. thats the same scene you would get in a bar where people are just loaded and spouting off.

 

you can start your own meetup btw with whatever your topic happens to be. setup some snacks, see who drops by. its setup by area so people will be living nearby.

 

of course your likely to get just general chit chat, which was probably the problem you had with meetups before. nothing much you can do about that anywhere other then just talk more with who is interesting.

 

Edited August 28, 2019 by fhickson

[OneMoreFarang]

On 8/27/2019 at 1:58 PM, RLAretired said:

A report on results of this topic after 3 months: 

 

Not even one possibility.

In short: zero results.

 

Suggestions of specific restaurants and bars, yes, but that was not what was asked for.

 

Plenty of opinions that thoughtful conversation was unlikely outside of organized groups, like the formal expats clubs or MeetUps. 

 

But not a single private message that resulted in any meeting -- lunch or anything else.  Not even a suggestion, "I'd like something like this, too.  Maybe you and I can start something ourselves."

 

My conclusion:  From personal observations over the years, I know there are some thoughtful, intelligent, expats around here, but all seem either absorbed in their family activities or are reluctant to meet other expats.

 

I'm still open to suggestions, but I'm not "holding my breath".

 

Personally I think this is the wrong approach.

I think we all "know" many people. Neighbors, people we see regular or from time to time in bars, pubs, etc.

I am sure you know many people, and hopefully you think at least a few of them think similar to the way you think.

So why don't you ask people who you know already (a little) personally if they would like to go for lunch?

Or you could do something like this (online or offline): I will be on the so and so in the so and so for lunch. Please join me to discuss ...

[fhickson]

.

Edited August 28, 2019 by fhickson

[madmen]

On 6/2/2019 at 11:42 AM, Sandy Freckle said:

? I used to enjoy slipping down to Cheap Charlies - a bloke could always meet up with some old work mates or some such.

That place changed a lot in the last few years and the much younger hip crowd moved in getting drunk before hitting the more expensive night clubs. All Good things Will come to an end

[RLAretired]

33 minutes ago, fhickson said:

what specific interests or topics do you want to address at a meeting?

 

Very often people post without reading what has come before.

@fhickson's post above is another example of that.

 

Specific topics are suggested in posts #1, #5 & #7 on this thread.

And the most obvious topic is expat life in general.

[ExpatOilWorker]

On 8/27/2019 at 1:58 PM, RLAretired said:

A report on results of this topic after 3 months: 

 

Not even one possibility.

In short: zero results.

 

Suggestions of specific restaurants and bars, yes, but that was not what was asked for.

 

Plenty of opinions that thoughtful conversation was unlikely outside of organized groups, like the formal expats clubs or MeetUps. 

 

But not a single private message that resulted in any meeting -- lunch or anything else.  Not even a suggestion, "I'd like something like this, too.  Maybe you and I can start something ourselves."

 

My conclusion:  From personal observations over the years, I know there are some thoughtful, intelligent, expats around here, but all seem either absorbed in their family activities or are reluctant to meet other expats.

 

I'm still open to suggestions, but I'm not "holding my breath".

 

Time to break the ice then. I am out for coffee around Ploenchit, Chitlom or Languan at 8 am pretty much ever day. I could venture down toward Nana if there is a good coffee shop.

PM if you want to join one day.

 

[RLAretired]

19 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Personally I think this is the wrong approach.

I think we all "know" many people. ... So why don't you ask people who you know already ... like to go for lunch?

 

@OneMoreFarang I wish you were correct, but I have tried exactly that already, many, many times over the years here, with consistently disappointing results.  You may be interested in a few details:

 

I "know" quite a few expats, yes.  Many times I have selected one or two or three and invited them to meet for lunch (or supper, or coffee).  I tried two different methods:  First, as suggested above, "Please join me..."  That has never worked here.  They liked the idea (as I mentioned in post #1), but it was never "convenient" for any of them to attend.

 

The second method was to add, "and I'll pay."  That ALWAYS worked.  I selected nice restaurants, but not "high-falutin" places.   And I did pay.  Easy to find other expats to join me then.

 

Never once did I get a return invitation.  Nothing even along the lines of, "Well, I can't afford Bourbon Street, but how about next time we meet at Lek's Coffee Shop and it will be my turn to pay."  Never happened. 

 

Yet, if by chance we met in the parking lot of the condo, or I happened to notice a neighbor also shopping at TOPS, then no problem for 1/2 hour of pleasant and interesting conversation standing there.  But intentionally getting together for the same purpose, NO (unless I was paying).

 

Now I'll add something which is a little bit "delicate".  Posting about this on a public forum is NOT my first choice of how to go about this.  I have tried various forums, including this one.  I won't go into details here, but you can send me a private message if you want to discuss. 

 

So before posting here, I tried many other approaches, may times.  So far, here, among expats in Thailand, none has worked.

 

I think it points to a larger problem.  The vast majority of English-speaking expats here just don't want to meet other expats (whom they don't already know).  That's the problem I'm trying to solve in a tiny way, just for myself, not for all expats.

 

The exceptions are the "civic" clubs: Rotary, Lions, British Club, Foreign Correspondents Club, and several others such as the expats clubs in Pattaya and Chiang Mai.  I made the "rounds" of many of those years ago.  The sort of expats who join such clubs are often quite decent people, and would make good neighbors, but they are usually not the sort with whom I want to invest much time.

 

On the other hand, I do have years of positive experience doing something similar, back in the United States.  Years ago, I organized a supper group for others in my occupation.  We met every two months at very nice restaurants.  Reserved a private room for 15-20 people.   And it was very popular.  Some men drove 3-4 hours to attend.  It was a good time.  The biggest compliment I could get was at the end of those dinners, many came to ask me, "When is the next one?"  I am hoping to replicate something like that among a few expats here.  So far, no progress at all.   So I'm very open to suggestions about what I'm doing wrong.

[RLAretired]

36 minutes ago, ExpatOilWorker said:

Time to break the ice then. I am out for coffee around Ploenchit, Chitlom or Languan at 8 am pretty much ever day.

 

Thank you, @ExpatOilWorker.  I respect your courage for breaking the ice, but I don't care for your method of doing that.  Here's why:

 

Over my years in Thailand, I've posted on pleny of forums, not just here.  Many, many, times, someone would read one of my posts and  issue an invitation to meet.  I always took that as a nice compliment. 

 

In the early years, I was always willing to go to meet.  But not now.   Why not?

 

In every single case like that it was a waste of my time.  Various reasons, but they all come down to in-compatible thinking.  Some wanted a drinking buddy.  Others wanted someone to listen while they complained about their lives.  Two wanted to show off their girl friends with large busts (yes, really).  And, of course, some were homosexuals looking for new "friends".

 

So I learned -- learned the hard way, of course -- that before going to meet anyone I want a wide and deep exchange of ideas first.  That usually means by email, but could be telephone conversations.  It certainly will not be via public posts on any social media.

 

In short, I'm not willing to meet just anybody who passes by.  I am very careful with my time and I only want to meet with other expats who are careful with theirs, too.

.

 

Edited August 28, 2019 by RLAretired

[NightSky]

On 5/28/2019 at 8:06 AM, RLAretired said:

I expect topics of conversations among old expats something along these lines:

• I need to buy good quality set of open-end wrenches -- NOT made in China? 
• My car has been in the shop for 3 weeks already.  How can I get them to speed up the repair?
• I keep getting headaches from street food.  In Thai, how do you say, "Don't put any MSG in my food." ?
• Is it worthwhile ordering on Lazada -- or just too much trouble?
• What's happening at your condo with any Air BnB checkins?
• What's been your experience with Grab?  Do you find private cars better than taxis, or the other way around?
• After all these years, my Thai language is still pretty thin.  Should I take some classes?
• Restaurants with good "home style" meals are getting harder to find.  Any recommendations?
• Have you tried the grocery delivery services from Villa, TOPS, Lotus, and others?

And, finally, on a really positive note, I will reveal my secret source of top quality hamburger in Bangkok.  (Note: It's not cheap, and I will only reveal it in person, not on any public forums.  In fact, thinking about it now, that would be a good location for a lunch meeting!)

 

.

Im not old so I probably don't pass your meet up entry requirements although I will try to help  by responding here..

 

(sorry couldn't resist) 

 

• I need to buy good quality set of open-end wrenches -- NOT made in China? 

> Wrenches or wenches? Regardless the better ones are surely made in Thailand?

 

• My car has been in the shop for 3 weeks already.  How can I get them to speed up the repair?

> Instead of parking in the car park and walking away, also tell the mechanics you want the car repairing.

 

• I keep getting headaches from street food.  In Thai, how do you say, "Don't put any MSG in my food." ?

> Mai tong sai guer krap, pom pen oan man moo leaw ????

 

• Is it worthwhile ordering on Lazada -- or just too much trouble?

> it depends if you are too old to know how to operate a computer or not?

 

• What's happening at your condo with any Air BnB checkins?

> Im considering starting an AirB&B business, its all the rage you know and VERY profitable too!

 

 

• What's been your experience with Grab?  Do you find private cars better than taxis, or the other way around?

 

> I always grab my own private vehicle and cruise around town in my own private vehicle.

 

 

• After all these years, my Thai language is still pretty thin.  Should I take some classes?

> No. If you havn't learned anything after all these years dont waste time now, just accept you might be a slow learner, you'll get by in any case. ????

 

 

• Restaurants with good "home style" meals are getting harder to find.  Any recommendations?

 

> Yes my Thai wife makes a really nice home style Thai meal. She's Thai you know, Thailand is our home.

 

 

• Have you tried the grocery delivery services from Villa, TOPS, Lotus, and others?

 

> No. I could never be that lazy.

 

 

Regards, 

 

SA-MART AZZ

 

????

 

[fhickson]

42 minutes ago, RLAretired said:

I think it points to a larger problem.  The vast majority of English-speaking expats here just don't want to meet other expats (whom they don't already know).  That's the problem I'm trying to solve in a tiny way, just for myself, not for all expats.

i think you are correct. i have a good buddy who chose to retire in mexico for pretty much the sole reason being it is a culture where "men do things with other men" as he puts it. women have a role but are in a different place for lack of a better word. your not going to get that type of thing everywhere. i think his sexual needs play into the decision and makes other things tolerable over there but thats another matter.

 

in addition to the male bonding issue, there is also an avoidance factor i have noticed in thailand among expats like you say. i stopped analyzing it, but i don't think that's gonna change. not sure what it is. kind of like a james bond thing where there is a suspicion there in a foreign land. could be because a lot of people have money issues here because they are not working, personal problems they are running from, etc, etc. i have noticed that this suspicion and avoidance is NOT there in mexico however, and did not seem to be there in vietnam when i was there.

 

 

[Olmate]

32 minutes ago, RLAretired said:

 

Thank you, @ExpatOilWorker.  I respect your courage for breaking the ice, but I don't care for your method of doing that.  Here's why:

 

Over my years in Thailand, I've posted on pleny of forums, not just here.  Many, many, times, someone would read one of my posts and  issue an invitation to meet.  I always took that as a nice compliment. 

 

In the early years, I was always willing to go to meet.  But not now.   Why not?

 

In every single case like that it was a waste of my time.  Various reasons, but they all come down to in-compatible thinking.  Some wanted a drinking buddy.  Others wanted someone to listen while they complained about their lives.  Two wanted to show off their girl friends with large busts (yes, really).  And, of course, some were homosexuals looking for new "friends".

 

So I learned -- learned the hard way, of course -- that before going to meet anyone I want a wide and deep exchange of ideas first.  That usually means by email, but could be telephone conversations.  It certainly will not be via public posts on any social media.

 

In short, I'm not willing to meet just anybody who passes by.  I am very careful with my time and I only want to meet with other expats who are careful with theirs, too.

.

 

Think maybe your last few words are the answer,.....just wing it, go to the pub ,not everyone plans who to make friends with!

[RLAretired]

13 minutes ago, Olmate said:

Think maybe your last few words are the answer,.....just wing it, go to the pub ,not everyone plans who to make friends with!

 

@Olmate is another who doesn't read before posting.  "The pub" was covered -- and dismissed -- in Post #1 on this thread.

[RLAretired]

45 minutes ago, fhickson said:

... mexico for pretty much the sole reason being it is a culture where "men do things with other men" as he puts it.

 

Very good point.  Thank you @fhickson

 

 

Quote

there is also an avoidance factor i have noticed in thailand ... a suspicion there in a foreign land.  ...this suspicion and avoidance is NOT there in mexico however, and did not seem to be there in vietnam when i was there.

 

Very, very interesting observations.

 

Before deciding on retirement in Thailand, I, too, had a brief look at Mexico and next door, Belize.

 

I wonder if the differences you describe are due to national culture of those who select Mexico and Vietnam rather than Thailand.  It looks to me (and I am far from sure about this), that the majority of long-stay expats in Mexico and, perhaps, Vietnam are from North America.  And so their attitudes determine the Zeitgeist among expats there.  But in Thailand, the majority of long term expats have come from the British drinking classes, so that's the predominant attitude around here.  Brits are, always and everywhere, aloof from others to whom they have not been properly introduced.  And that's the best "fit" to what I see here in Thailand.  Is there a better explanation?

Edited August 28, 2019 by RLAretired

[Olmate]

16 minutes ago, RLAretired said:

 

@Olmate is another who doesn't read before posting.  "The pub" was covered -- and dismissed -- in Post #1 on this thread.

Sorry don’t read way back when,too busy with serious issues.Guess you best keep pushing it uphill then, seems not too many think your way. But good luck in the hunt!

[NCC1701A]

1 hour ago, RLAretired said:

Two wanted to show off their girl friends with large busts (yes, really). 

i would find something to talk about.