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A blonde is like a pooltable, put a dollar in and she'll rack your balls.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.

A state trooper pulls a car over for speeding. In the car is an old lady who is hard of hearing and her husband. When the trooper asks the lady for her driver's license the lady responds, “Heh, what did he say?”

The old man speaks up as he says, “HE NEEDS YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE.”

A few minutes later the trooper comes back to the car and says, “Ma'am I see you're from Florida.”

The old lady comments, “Heh, what did he say?”

The old man speaks up as he says, “HE SEES YOU'RE FROM FLORIDA.'” The old lady nods her head, “Yup.”

The trooper mutters, “Boy, one time, I got the worst piece of ass I ever had in Florida.”

The old lady replies, “Heh, what did he say?”

The old man yells, “HE SAYS HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!”

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him. "You, sir, are drunk!"

"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"

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