Too good to be true? My Thai story continues...(part two)

[TonyFromItaly]

5 hours ago, The Theory said:

Just be aware of ladies who do long term (could be a decade or more) investment till the day arrives. 

Hi @The Theory,

I know what you mean, but for my situation it make no sense because I said and repeated to her that I'm not rich and I earn much less than her...

So what would her benefit be?

No logic..

Tony

[TonyFromItaly]

4 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Why is she doing that? What does she expect from me? And if I would accept that money what would be the obligations?

@OneMoreFarang

these are the same questions I asked to myself (and at the end my answer is because she fell in love with me). But I have to say that the "obligations" you mention are the more worring and scaring me a bit.

One day she could rub my face in it...

Tony

[Number 6]

Well, general rule is half your age plus 7 to marry. That could be difficult for the +50 of us. My gf now wife when we met half + 9.

 

At 46 and not so pretty. Prolly only gonna gets heavier and less purdy.

 

But I'll leave you with these thoughts...

 

 

 

At 46 and not pretty I'm sure she's ecstatic being romanced. Enjoy it, her. But don't get married. There's absolutely no need at her age. For SFF no sin sod. She's a granny.

[TonyFromItaly]

4 hours ago, Skallywag said:

So you have spent 5 weeks with her and planning future together. Great, chok dee. You study Thai? Bringing your kids you are supporting also? She has no family to support, just you? Hope all goes well ????????

Hi @Skallywag

our plan is a mid term plan (3-4 years). My children are 24 and 15 year old, so they will be older then.

She has only an old mother (84 year old) and two sisters (1 works at the same company and the other is married with a foreigner..) and 1 brother.

Tony

 

[Number 6]

26 minutes ago, TonyFromItaly said:

Hi @The Theory,

I know what you mean, but for my situation it make no sense because I said and repeated to her that I'm not rich and I earn much less than her...

So what would her benefit be?

No logic..

Tony

She might dream of ...

1) simply seeing Europe

2) living a different sort of life she'd never imagined.

3) having a companion in old age

4) you leaving something, anything to her upon death

5) I'm sure she's lonely

6) two incomes better than one. I bet she's making 25-35k at best. Sorry did not notice where she lives. That's BKK. Elsewhere would be 30% less

7) at 46 she's got no hope with Thai men

 

You need to find out about that other farang!! You may despite everything you've told her about money be constantly held up in competition.

 

Sister + farang hmmmmm

 

[jak2002003]

 

6 hours ago, Headgame said:

I guess it's me but I don't understand why every one wants to get married, quickly or not. It's 2019 guys.
 

I think in many cases here it is so the farang guy can get his visa, and also thinks that the girl then is his property.  He may be insecure about the relationship, and thinks that marriage will make her stay with him.  For some women they want to get married to a farang asap to get financial security (maybe they plan for a divorce and big settlement etc).  Please notes I don't say EVERYONE gets married here for those reasons!!  

 

4 hours ago, Skallywag said:

So you have spent 5 weeks with her and planning future together. Great, chok dee. You study Thai? Bringing your kids you are supporting also? She has no family to support, just you? Hope all goes well ????????

Seems a bit of a quick decision to marry someone you just been with properly for 5 weeks!!!  How can you both get a real understanding of what each other is like and if you will be compatible to live together in the same house for years to come?

3 hours ago, DJ54 said:

 Beauty is not the only thing... if their ugly on the inside it 

will never let you see the outer beauty... Trust me I know 

from experience,

Some people only interested in looks and could not care less about their partners personality, morals or 'faults'.  They are more like a pedigree pet or sex toy.  

27 minutes ago, TonyFromItaly said:

Hi @The Theory,

I know what you mean, but for my situation it make no sense because I said and repeated to her that I'm not rich and I earn much less than her...

So what would her benefit be?

No logic..

Tony

I really hope things work out for you both.  Just be aware on the negative things that could happen, as well as the great things that are happening now in your life.  Its just about balance and keeping a level head, something that is hard to do in the honeymoon period when you just meet someone, let alone being in a new county with the joys and excitement of all the new life experiences (grass always seems greener).

 

I did recall you told you wife you own a house in your own country, and I guess you have a pension, savings and other valuable things like a car, etc.  Getting married to you will also help her get a visa to live and work in your country, together with any benefits too.  So she does have something to 'gain'.  

[TonyFromItaly]

8 minutes ago, Number 6 said:

She might dream of ...

1) simply seeing Europe

2) living a different sort of life she'd never imagined.

3) having a companion in old age

4) you leaving something, anything to her upon death

5) I'm sure she's lonely

6) two incomes better than one. I bet she's making 25-35k at best. Sorry did not notice where she lives. That's BKK. Elsewhere would be 30% less

7) at 46 she's got no hope with Thai men

 

You need to find out about that other farang!! You may despite everything you've told her about money be constantly held up in competition.

 

Sister + farang hmmmmm

 

Hi @Number 6,

1) she already visited Europe,

3) This could be true, but who doesn't want it?

4) I don't have anything to leave as inheritance to her after my death (I told her that my home I will give to my children).

5) Maybe (she was unhappy with the former thai husband..)

6) Her salary currently is 75000 bath (every year it will increase 6-7%) and every year she got a bonus around 100000...

7) I'm agree with you.

 

Tony

 

 

[TonyFromItaly]

17 minutes ago, jak2002003 said:

Seems a bit of a quick decision to marry someone you just been with properly for 5 weeks!!!  How can you both get a real understanding of what each other is like and if you will be compatible to live together in the same house for years to come?

That's true, but my plan is a mid term plan, we still have a long way ahead, I won't marry soon.

 

17 minutes ago, jak2002003 said:

I did recall you told you wife you own a house in your own country, and I guess you have a pension, savings and other valuable things like a car, etc.  Getting married to you will also help her get a visa to live and work in your country, together with any benefits too.  So she does have something to 'gain'.  

She has a very good job and she doesn't like to live in other countries (she always repeated me).

I will have a very low pension...

My car its old and small ????

Tony

[TonyFromItaly]

7 hours ago, MadMuhammad said:

My gf and I found each other on ThaiCupid, and we have a similar experience to you. 

When we met she was working at a law firn in BKK and I was in Pattaya. So we met a few times for dinners etc and communicated on Line, messenger etc for a few months. I was to fly back to Oz for 6 weeks to finalise the sale of my property and and move my furniture. After 3 days back in home I signed my house over via power of attorney to a friend and flew back to Thailand. 

She comes from a middle class family but like your wife her everyday life is about saving money and not wasting needlessly. She works and gives me money towards rent/utilities/food and pulls her weight. She's funny, has the same personality as I do (which is rare cos I'm a lunatic) and my family love her. We've been together over a year now and will be getting married in the new year.

You're lucky. I wish you all the best!

Tony

[TonyFromItaly]

7 hours ago, Vacuum said:

Normally it's the other way around (if they want to save face) and not beeing looked at as a 'rented lady'.

Good point of view @Vacuum, I didn't think about this.

It all started when at the beginning I said to her that I felt uncomfortable to show at the restaurants that she always pay, so she gave me the money in the hands before, to pretend I was paying...

Tony

[Number 6]

Just enjoy it but again I wouldn't get married. I love my wife, we've been together ten years. At 49 I'd do it again. She's one of a kind.

 

Marriage really intwines you legally. I'm honestly surprised at 75k she'd marry you.

 

An issue I see arising is if for some reason you need or want to go back to Italy. Especially if she's still working as she's 15 more years left minimum. Thailand isn't the clean, carefree place it was. Your kids may need you. You may need your kids.

 

Just be friends is my advice to a 60yo.

 

I don't know where you're eating but you should be paying. Thai food is cheap.

 

Good luck

 

PS I don't know how her divorce worked out obviously. Often times the man gets a lot. The woman just want them to go. But at 75k she's been banking good money all her life. Judging by her comments she's thrifty. But she's definitely got a rainy day fund + home? + "small pension".

[TonyFromItaly]

18 minutes ago, Number 6 said:

An issue I see arising is if for some reason you need or want to go back to Italy. Especially if she's still working as she's 15 more years left minimum. Thailand isn't the clean, carefree place it was. Your kids may need you. You may need your kids.

Yes she must work until 60 before to retire.

About my kids... This is my biggest worry... for that reason I want to wait 3-4 years to let things at home more fixed as I can...

@Number 6 I think life it's full of risks but if we are not disposed to risk a bit we won't get anything... I like to think positive and work to get the positive..

Tony

 

18 minutes ago, Number 6 said:

PS I don't know how her divorce worked out obviously. Often times the man gets a lot. The woman just want them to go. But at 75k she's been banking good money all her life. Judging by her comments she's thrifty. But she's definitely got a rainy day fund + home? + "small pension".

Yes she is thrifty and wise, she got 1 house and 2 small apartments (she rents), but she has to continue to pay the loans on them...

She told me that when she will retire she will get a good amount (I don't remember, I think some millions bath...)

Tony

[otaku00]

Good to hear that story. If only that would happen with a woman half my age ...

[TonyFromItaly]

11 hours ago, Mbaki said:

My wife has her own business which provides a good income and we both share the bills, After we met it was 6 years before we actually married, and I moved here now having been married happily for 8 years never looking back. It’s like being on a permanent honeymoon, I hope you have found the happiness and long life relationship that will be needed to enjoy your life here.

Thank you @Mbaki. I wish you all the best.

Tony

[TheGhostWithin]

18 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Thanks for your reply.

Did you consider just asking her to pay the bills without giving you cash?

I know it's not unusual anywhere in Thailand when the woman pays the bill. So it should be a problem for her when she does it.

I know, my wife and I are the same. And I understand why. 

 

We did not include the family for our actual wedding, for reasons of family politics. So we had a holiday with family (hers and mine) after the wedding. At one point we ate lunch, and her mother witnessed us splitting the bill (we did not yet have a shared account to work from). She took it so badly, that she did not speak to me or my family for the rest of the afternoon or evening. The next day she had bundled herself up in a van and went back to the province (not Isaan, the south). 

 

So sometimes who pays for what in public really does matter, even though it means nothing to us. 

 

We now have an account we put money into together for general spending, that way family cannot say I paid or she paid, it simply comes down to which of us is holding the card at the time. 

[thaibeachlovers]

10 hours ago, TonyFromItaly said:

About my kids... This is my biggest worry... for that reason I want to wait 3-4 years to let things at home more fixed as I can...

Nice to see someone that cares about their kids. My parents abandoned me soon as I left school and got a job- moved to the other side of the planet.

On the other hand, you don't want to make them afraid to go out on their own. Children shouldn't still be living with their parents when adults.

[Pravda]

Tony, Tony, Tony.... 

 

No doubt she's a nice woman, but you're forgetting one thing and that is you are in Thailand. 

 

My ex wife who was also a nice woman, works for international company and practically paid for the wedding, put sinsod and also 400,000 baht in my bank account for marriage visa extensions could not do this forever. 

 

And why do you think that is Tony? 

 

Because Thai women unlike you who comes to Thai Visa to tell this incredible story have thousands of real friends and family who talk to each other. They will brag to her how their foreign husband's are doing this and that for them, they will put the nice Facebook pictures of their travels and will eventually tell her that supporting a foreign man in Thailand is beyond stupid. 

 

Watch and learn Tony as the years and events unravel right before your eyes. People (not just Thai women) have this habit of stop doing things they promised after the novelty wears off. 

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

4 hours ago, TheGhostWithin said:

I know, my wife and I are the same. And I understand why. 

 

We did not include the family for our actual wedding, for reasons of family politics. So we had a holiday with family (hers and mine) after the wedding. At one point we ate lunch, and her mother witnessed us splitting the bill (we did not yet have a shared account to work from). She took it so badly, that she did not speak to me or my family for the rest of the afternoon or evening. The next day she had bundled herself up in a van and went back to the province (not Isaan, the south). 

 

So sometimes who pays for what in public really does matter, even though it means nothing to us. 

 

We now have an account we put money into together for general spending, that way family cannot say I paid or she paid, it simply comes down to which of us is holding the card at the time. 

Let me get this straight:

You and your wife, maybe together with other family members, had lunch together. And when that lunch had to be paid you paid some of it and your wife paid some of it, correct?

Really?

I understand that the mother walked away.

You are married. It does not matter if you pay or she pays. But not splitting the (lunch) bill.

I am more surprised that your wife didn't also run away together with her mother.

[TonyFromItaly]

9 hours ago, Pravda said:

Tony, Tony, Tony.... 

 

No doubt she's a nice woman, but you're forgetting one thing and that is you are in Thailand. 

 

My ex wife who was also a nice woman, works for international company and practically paid for the wedding, put sinsod and also 400,000 baht in my bank account for marriage visa extensions could not do this forever. 

 

And why do you think that is Tony? 

 

Because Thai women unlike you who comes to Thai Visa to tell this incredible story have thousands of real friends and family who talk to each other. They will brag to her how their foreign husband's are doing this and that for them, they will put the nice Facebook pictures of their travels and will eventually tell her that supporting a foreign man in Thailand is beyond stupid. 

 

Watch and learn Tony as the years and events unravel right before your eyes. People (not just Thai women) have this habit of stop doing things they promised after the novelty wears off. 

 

 

Hi @Pravda,

interesting the story you told me... Many things are similar with my story (she offered to deposit the 400000 for the Visa in future).

How old were you and her when you met?

How long your relationship did last?

Why did your relationship finish?

Tony

 

 

 

[Pravda]

1 hour ago, TonyFromItaly said:

Hi @Pravda,

interesting the story you told me... Many things are similar with my story (she offered to deposit the 400000 for the Visa in future).

How old were you and her when you met?

How long your relationship did last?

Why did your relationship finish?

Tony

 

 

 

 

What a hell, I got nothing better to do ????

 

When we met I was 39 she was 32

 

Relationship lasted 6 years. 

 

In addition to the above as a bonus their parents really liked me. They liked me so much that they built as a house. Yes, on their land and with their money. My ex wife still teases me by sending me pictures when she goes back to the village to visit. Their parents and family still like me... but my wife does not. She thinks I am not a "leader". You may hear about this "leader" thing or you may not, but it does have to do a lot with money and not having to be babysat all the time by a woman. 

 

On a sidenote a salary of 75k baht a month is really not that much for a woman her age and for an accountant manager in a big company. She will not be impressed in the near future when her account starts shrinking every month because she has to support you. Seriously, you should start making a long term plan on how to survive in Thailand. Thai woman will not take care of you forever. She will expect you to get on your feet and start contributing.... and I mean seriously contributing. I am telling you this from experience and in this regard career women are all the same. They will not be impressed by you doing nothing in Thailand if that is your plan. My wife's best friend is a woman in her 30's worth 2 billion baht. She married an average (but faithful) Thai guy and they run a hotel together. They both clean, make food, take reservations and do million other thing despite all this money. She could be out pretending to be hiso but she does not. This is because her parents made money the hard way and they instilled serious work ethics into her.

 

To summarize, if your plan is to come to Thailand and live together with her while she wakes up at 6am to go to work and you do nothing while having less money than her this is going to wear off very soon and very fast with her. This is a guarantee without any doubt in my mind whatsoever. 

 

 

 

Anyway, good luck.

[IraqRon]

12 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Nice to see someone that cares about their kids. My parents abandoned me soon as I left school and got a job- moved to the other side of the planet.

On the other hand, you don't want to make them afraid to go out on their own. Children shouldn't still be living with their parents when adults.

Do you really mean abandonment?   I mean really, after you got a job. left school and moved out they wanted something for themselves, is that so bad of them?

Maybe it lead to you standing on your own and accomplishing more than if they had babied you for years.   I now have an 11 yr.old here and the responsibility and hope and planning for the future is tough for a retired person, but it has vast rewards.  I wish I had done it earlier in life at times.

[TonyFromItaly]

23 minutes ago, Pravda said:

What a hell, I got nothing better to do

I'm sorry mate that I'm wasting your time! ????

I appreciate you are sharing with me your experience, I think can be very useful to me for the future.

 

37 minutes ago, Pravda said:

She thinks I am not a "leader". You may hear about this "leader" thing or you may not, but it does have to do a lot with money and not having to be babysat all the time by a woman. 

I don't understand well... Was she complaining you didn't help with the expenses?

 

45 minutes ago, Pravda said:

Seriously, you should start making a long term plan on how to survive in Thailand. Thai woman will not take care of you forever. She will expect you to get on your feet and start contributing.... and I mean seriously contributing. I am telling you this from experience and in this regard career women are all the same.

@Pravda

46 minutes ago, Pravda said:

To summarize, if your plan is to come to Thailand and live together with her while she wakes up at 6am to go to work and you do nothing while having less money than her this is going to wear off very soon and very fast with her. This is a guarantee without any doubt in my mind whatsoever. 

@Pravda, That isn't my intention. I know that to be supported from her without doing anything it's not possible.

But the reality is that I have less money than her, and this is a fact she knew from the beginning. Maybe in a future I will get some inheritance from my parents but I didn't say her because I wanted to be be sure she is not with me for money, and now I know she is not.

My plan is to wait 3-4 years and after to go to work nearby Thailand (Singapore,Malaysia or other), if I don't find in Thailand (quite difficult for my job field).

In this way we can meet each other every 15 days because is near.

Later if I save some money I can buy a condo in Bangkok to have a little rent to contribute..

I know this is only a scenario that may go well or not, but I think life it's full of risks, if we are not disposed to risk a bit we won't get anything... I like to think positive and work to get the positive..

 

Tony

[Chazar]

On 12/17/2019 at 9:52 PM, Nakmuay887 said:

How is his relationship any of your business?

Because hes  posted it  on a  public  forum

[Chazar]

I met a  girl and bought a couple of condos in her name she said shed  take care  of them, then I bought another one, she was 29 I was 42 she seemed ok,family  mostly  bone idle just a couple alright

One time when I first came over to meet her she said i  could  put my  money in her bank account and she would give me her atm  if I needed any later.

seemed ok to me at the time.

Yeah that was 14  years ago Ive been a kept man now for most of that time, shes  got 7 condos  now, great kid glad i could help her get the  ball rolling

[Sonyboy]

On 12/18/2019 at 12:32 AM, TonyFromItaly said:

Hi @OneMoreFarang,

I have to admit that I felt uncomfortable at the beginning (when she gave me cash) but I knew that was a test, moreover I earn less than her and I have a family to support (she doesn't have children).

I told her I own only my house and I always repeated to her that I earn less than her.

The surprising thing is that when she fell in love she showed me how much she earns (the payroll) because she said she want me to know that she is not looking for money...

 

Tony

 

 

Well done Tony,I have known my good Thai lady for fourteen years now,we have lived together for twelve,she and her family,plus a close friend that's a nurse,have nursed me through a couple of tough illnesses over the years,when we first met I told her I didn't have a lot of cash,she's perfect for me,never argues,never get's angry,she has just sold a small plot of land and bought a brand new car(she owns a very large plot separate from that plot,at the back of her home,that was also handed down by her mother)she's still the same today as when we first met,to be honest I did have a completely different relationship with another Thai lady many years ago,all things good for both of you.

[TonyFromItaly]

1 hour ago, Sonyboy said:

Well done Tony,I have known my good Thai lady for fourteen years now,we have lived together for twelve,she and her family,plus a close friend that's a nurse,have nursed me through a couple of tough illnesses over the years,when we first met I told her I didn't have a lot of cash,she's perfect for me,never argues,never get's angry,she has just sold a small plot of land and bought a brand new car(she owns a very large plot separate from that plot,at the back of her home,that was also handed down by her mother)she's still the same today as when we first met,to be honest I did have a completely different relationship with another Thai lady many years ago,all things good for both of you.

Hi @Sonyboy

Can I ask you how old were you and her when you met?

I think you are very lucky, and your story shows that there are very good women in Thailand and not only the gold diggers we read too often.

Tony

 

[gamesgplayemail]

I think Thai women are used to meet guys without face, they have a dad and had Thai boyfriends before. Not it's not surprising for her to have to pay for another cheap low life charlie.

 

 

[TonyFromItaly]

5 minutes ago, gamesgplayemail said:

I think Thai women are used to meet guys without face, they have a dad and had Thai boyfriends before. Not it's not surprising for her to have to pay for another cheap low life charlie.

 

 

I'm sorry but I don't understand what you mean...

Tony

[gamesgplayemail]

1 minute ago, TonyFromItaly said:

I'm sorry but I don't understand what you mean...

Tony

 

Sorry but are you really proud of yourself to let a woman and especially a Thai pay for you ?

This is what low life Thai guys do, and you are doing exactly the same.

 

 

[TonyFromItaly]

15 minutes ago, gamesgplayemail said:

 

Sorry but are you really proud of yourself to let a woman and especially a Thai pay for you ?

This is what low life Thai guys do, and you are doing exactly the same.

 

 

I'm not proud, but this is my situation at the moment...

Tony