Thai gf kid ignores me

[rocketdave]

Easy solution, ignore her back, don't pay any money for her keep, schooling, clothes or spending money. You will soon see what is going on.

[Jaxxper]

Yes having an existing child associated with your relationship is always a challenge. Hope you manage to work through it.

[Laza 45]

Don't be too harsh on her.. please be patient and kind to her.  I had a similar situation when my wife's daughter moved in with us 12 years ago.. For a Thai kid a ferang really is an alien.. and they tend to be very shy and withdrawn..  It took years for 'our' daughter to come around but we now have a great father daughter relationship.  Even now she is reluctant to speak English and I am often left out of conversations but that is just the way it is.  I love her like my own daughter and I know she loves me too.. I know that she appreciates the opportunity that I have given her to have a better life.. Don't expect too much.. enjoy small victories.. above all be patient.. it will pay off in the end.. Good luck.. 

[Captain 776]

Not typical of here but is typical of most teens when you are the new guy

[Thingamabob]

You are being judgemental and rather selfish. Persevere with a few smiles and a generally friendly attitude. 12 year olds plus take time to adjust to new people coming into their lives. Surely you can make some allowance for that ? If you cannot I suggest you move on.

[Thingamabob]

1 hour ago, rocketdave said:

Easy solution, ignore her back, don't pay any money for her keep, schooling, clothes or spending money. You will soon see what is going on.

Ridiculous.

[Max69xl]

On 12/18/2019 at 8:10 PM, dd1988 said:

maybe the kid is just shy?  

 

I asked gf why she is like this and she said she doesnt know what to say to me. Id say she could start with hello though

This is not about being shy. Thai kids are tought to be polite and at least say Sawadee Ka/Khap. So, imo nothing from Santa this year. 

[alex8912]

I think you have to realize the math and truth about being young. My guess is you are QUITE a lot older than the 12 year old and her mom. When you are 12 and someone takes off and leaves for 7 months you just missed nearly 5% of her life. How can you think she respects and understands that? She has been through this already if she speaks English pretty well. 

[Nanaplaza666]

On 12/18/2019 at 8:33 PM, Momofarang said:

Dunno, but I don't see how a 12 years old girl would accept a "new" dad, possibly "alien" , just because her mum decides she has to do so. At 12 she a Thai girl isn't a child anymore.

I like your comment , think about the kid your with her mom for a year . How many strange fathers did the kid have before you ?? And everytime she has to be polite and wai but after a year or so get's a new dad again . Maybe she doesn't trust anybody and it will take a few years before she does . Give her some time i think 1 year and not even a full year, but being here of and on doesn't realy count as much to me . 

[The Theory]

I never liked my dad’s gf. Never hi or bye, because she was somehow strange to me. 

[samsensam]

1 hour ago, Thingamabob said:

You are being judgemental and rather selfish. Persevere with a few smiles and a generally friendly attitude. 12 year olds plus take time to adjust to new people coming into their lives. Surely you can make some allowance for that ? If you cannot I suggest you move on.

 

anyone familiar with teenage girls, whether your own children or not, will know you could be in for a whole world of frustration. never mind a male figure, who may be one in a long line of similar 'farang' males (i'm being judgmental here but it's very possible despite what your gf may tell you...). children like consistency and familiarity, most dont react well to change.

 

my advice; you have to go with the flow and manage your expectations - this could go on for years, remain calm, laid back and friendly but consistent, don't try too hard. the phase will pass. the question is... will you still be around when that happens?!

 

 

Edited December 20, 2019 by samsensam

[NoshowJones]

Thai gf kid ignores me.

Do you ever take her to MacDonalds, buy her anything nice, treat her so that she looks forward

to seeing you when you come to her house?

[HuskerDo]

3 hours ago, rocketdave said:

Easy solution, ignore her back, don't pay any money for her keep, schooling, clothes or spending money. You will soon see what is going on.

I have no words for such comments. The girl is 12 but you appear to be much younger mentally with such a comment.

[HuskerDo]

1 hour ago, Max69xl said:

This is not about being shy. Thai kids are tought to be polite and at least say Sawadee Ka/Khap. So, imo nothing from Santa this year. 

Nice response Max. Imagine you are 12 and your mom has various different guys visiting her from time to time. Are you saying you would be fine with it and running up with a big Sawadee for each guy when you know they are only there to spend a little time with you mom? Try to grasp reality. 

[NoshowJones]

On 12/18/2019 at 9:19 PM, maprao said:

Thai step children especially boys will always be a problem. Even after they become adults.

My wife had two teenage children, a boy and a girl, when I moved in with her, and now after 14 years, I can honestly say I have never had any complaints about either of them, nor to my knowledge, have they had any complaints about me.

[sherwood]

The kids father lives nextdoor and she has been told to disrespect you. Maybe she has seen too many step fathers in her life?

Give it time mate and she may come round. Good luck.

[RJRS1301]

This appears to be plain rudeness baring any psychological issues

If the child shows respect and interacts with others in the family life or outside the house, then you have some hard decisions to make

This is likely to continue, and increase should relocate them to your home country where she will be without any personal supports.

 

This behaviour will only come between you and partner, rudeness is intolerable and needs to be named, not by you but by the mother. The child obviously resents you being in your partners life and will freeze you out

[GreasyFingers]

The Op just needs to get over it, as he has it easy if he is not there all of the time. My wife's 17yo (but thinks like a 12yo) daughter has been living with us for 4 years and does not speak to me. She used to say thank you for her weekly allowance until she stepped too far out of line, again, and I criticized her for not showing respect to her mother.

 

The elder daughter and I get along fine.

[samsensam]

 

a few years ago i was dating a thai lady with a thirteen year old daughter, we planned to go away for the weekend, i had yet to meet the daughter but the gf suggested we share not only a bedroom but a bed with the daughter(!). i said absolutely not, and that her daughter needs time to get to know me.

 

the trip went fine, as did the relationship with the daughter, she was cool kid, she would choose to hang out with me while her mum did boring jobs, we always had a laugh.

 

one thing; i never tried to 'buy' her affection with gifts or ice cream etc., it was gained by being relaxed, laid back, friendly and reliable, and treating her as a child approaching adulthood.

[Bluespunk]

20 hours ago, dd1988 said:

lol, its true.

 

Many immigrants to canada choose welfare over a job live in tents etc.  

 

I would be liable for the welfare payments too. 

 

and lol im not feeding a misbehavong kid steaks just lol.  they can eat potatoes until they decide to be well behaved

Beginning to see why the child ignores you. 

[natway09]

How many "Farang boyfriends" has your GF had ??

My wife has a 22 year old son & it took 12 years for him to accept me.

Now he understands the whole deal he is fine & I even get called Dad.

Earn her respect let it be as long as she is not actually rude to you

[ToddinChonburi]

I thought you were dealing with a five year old, sad that this girl is twelve and appears to recent you. I would say move on because your not going to win , you will just become the bigger enemy. Our ways of thinking are very different from the way they spoil these little brats.

[SoonOh]

Plenty of childless girls in Asia. Time to fine one 

 

[tifino]

On 12/19/2019 at 12:21 AM, dd1988 said:

On 12/19/2019 at 12:17 AM, Dumbastheycome said:

No easy way to  say. Each situation is  different. How  old is she? the kid having

 

12.  Her mom has to yell at her to get her to say hello to me.  

 

My gut tells me that her kid is  slightly narcissistic and maybe recieves to much praise from her mom.  Her kid does not get enouhh socialization outside of school maybe this is a contributing factor. 

 hopefully with any luck, it's only the kid that is the problem...    2 years of having 1st Mrs as a GF, then just as we were finally hitched; 

 

 - the first English word she spoke at me (not to, but, at) , was:

 

"Uncle"   

 

okaaaayyy - she had (or exhibited No English up to that time) 

 - so of all the possible words that a kid could pick up on...

why 'that' word? 

 Made me wonder at the time... well, who taught her that? 

 

so I came straight back to correct her, with 'Daddy"

 

then she showed she had more than the one English word... she had two!

"no... Uncle"  while shaking her head.

 

 

eventually turned out (aka proven) that it was more than the kid that was the problem...

 

... as, 6 months later her eldest two started calling me 'Daddy'

Mrs was livid, and stopping short of hitting them; but scolded 'me' that her kids were not mine to be calling me Dad

 

oh the joys of finding you are being treated (betrayed by mrs) to be seen just as a -

 (stealth by her collusion with hidden BF) - foster husband. 

 

 

Edited December 20, 2019 by tifino

[Krataiboy]

Kids tend to jealous and insecure by nature. I got the same kind of initial reaction from one of my stepchildren, but we're fine now. Try to understand how the little girl might be feeling and kill her with kindness. 

 

If that doesn't work, maybe something have happened in the past has made the child wary of her mother's friends? Sorry to even suggest it, but sh-t happens. 

[ramrod711]

On ‎12‎/‎18‎/‎2019 at 8:22 PM, dd1988 said:

felt rude when i didnt even get that after not seeing her for 7 months

A friend is raising/ financially supporting his wifes grandkids. The eldest, a teenage boy, wouldn't obey or acknowledge him at all. He sat down with the boy, told him that he was ready to leave because of it and if he left there would be no money for such things as an internet connection. Seems to have done the trick.

[JRG23]

Yep, I hd a similar experience with my gf's (now wife's) kid. Lasted about 12 years. She's nearly over it now, at university etc. Can just about look me in the eye, although discussions don't last long. I think we probably just tolerate one another.

[scorecard]

On 12/19/2019 at 12:21 AM, CharlieH said:

It doesnt require words to smile and "wai" and shows respect, something the child is shown and told on daily basis in school.

 

Keep in mind there might be some baggage because of previous experiences with her mothers boyfriends and/or strong dislike and lack of trust of all men because of previous experiences with her father.

 

Treat her with respect and inclusion as often as possible might help. Slowly slowly.

 

Edited December 20, 2019 by scorecard

[ThaiBunny]

On 12/19/2019 at 12:00 AM, dd1988 said:

I was considering moving them to my home country but could not tolerste her rude brattish behavior

Get back to first principles - what's in it for you?

[Tchooptip]

The daughter of my girlfriend for eight years whom I also know for 8 years calls me daddy, wishes me every year Father's Day in the traditional way with her and her husband on their knees with a small garland of flowers, telling me I love you a lot more than my father who never took care of me, his children of 8 and 6 years old have always known me and call me taa, grandpa, and constantly ask when I come to visit them .
And it's not for my money as some would immediately think, she and her husband now earn around 100,000 Bhats a month. At the very beginning I had loaned them 20,000 Bahts and they returned it to me, apologizing for not giving me an extra%.
So it's not impossible either to have this good luck!