Going out with affluent Thai family, being the eldest… who pays?

[Momofarang]

On 1/11/2020 at 10:15 PM, swissie said:

You can pay them now or later.

Yeah, pay and skim off the "Sin sot".

And bear in mind that, in French, "sot" means fool.

[justin case]

made up story...never met , no sex and you have to meet her family

 

mhhh

[Ridler]

Never heard the saying - Farang can pay, will pay, must pay!!!

[Salerno]

Nope 

[villagefarang]

When we go out with friends in Chiang Rai, the bill is always divided equally.  When it is mixed couples, the wives scrutinize the bill and pay accordingly.  Our Bangkok friends can be annoyingly generous and will not let us pay for anything.  We have tried every trick in the book to pay for meals but they simply refuse.

[SiSePuede419]

Hey.  This Thai family didn't get rich by paying for food for their daughter's boyfriend. ????

[petermik]

7 hours ago, SiSePuede419 said:

Hey.  This Thai family didn't get rich by paying for food for their daughter's boyfriend.s........... ????

corrected

[tonray]

On 1/11/2020 at 9:40 PM, henrik2000 said:

She had little exposure to foreigners (she was honestly surprised i don't like durian…).

I guess very little exposure to Google and the Internet too

[CH1961]

1 hour ago, samsensam said:

the restaurant staff know instinctively who is the 'highest' person at the table

.. highest person ????

[atyclb]

14 hours ago, Puchaiyank said:

On 1/12/2020 at 11:19 AM, marqus12 said:

One of the scams on dating sites is..."feed me and my friends".

When my live-in GF asked if she could bring one of her girlfriends along to dinner...I said...of course...

 

Six people showed up for dinner...I wanted to throw her and the entourage to the curb...but I went and paid...a seafood buffet...not too expensive...she saved face and I learned a valuable lesson...☺

 

and what lesson was that?

 

but thanks for a valuable lesson we all learned by you sharing that story

Edited January 13, 2020 by atyclb

[atyclb]

"Going out with affluent Thai family, being the eldest… who pays?"

 

if the op is at the age of her father or grandfather then likely her family will pay as a matter of respect for the elderly

[Thingamabob]

Sounds promising, but always be prepared for a let down. You should always try to pay, although I doubt they will let you.

[paulbrow]

After being here many years, my experience is the farang pays. This will most llkely change with the same group after several outings, but at first expect to be bank...

[elgenon]

My upper middle friend always pays for me and her and her 2 daughters. Her husband used to go with us but past last year. I always offer to pay. Sometimes i get to pay for desert at another place after the meal.

She figures there are more of her family.

[Gecko123]

 

4 hours ago, samsensam said:

the restaurant staff know instinctively who is the 'highest' person at the table and in my experience they always present the bill to that person.

yeah, and if those magical sixth sense powers fail to kick in, just give the bill to Granny.

 

 

Edited January 13, 2020 by Gecko123

[khunPer]

On 1/11/2020 at 5:08 PM, kingofthemountain said:

Traditionaly it's the person who invites you who pays for the dinner

so who has decided to do the dinner?

 

If nobody has decided alone, and it was a mutual decision

the tradition is the one who is the most comfortable financially who pays

it's for him\her an occasion to earn some ''face'' and show to the others how 

comfortable he\she is.

 

For the youngers generations, it's common to share the bill if evryone is on the

same level of finances, or if the bill is huge and everybody know it should be a

problem for someone to handlle it alone...

–And the remaining part of the post is very well explained, and as it is (I couldn't have told it better myself).

 

@henrik2000 follow kingofthemaoiuntain's advice and especially...

On 1/11/2020 at 5:08 PM, kingofthemountain said:

I recommand you to politely introduce this subject with your ''fiancee'' just before

the dinner, ask to her innocently if you need to take enough money to pay for her and 

you or if you need to take more to pay for all the bill.

I will recommend you to get hand on the book "The cure against THAILAND FEVER", which will explain a lot about the culture, and the differences to Western culture, so you are prepared – Thais might not always think that a foreigner don't understand what's going on, i.e. don't understand the Thai-way-of-thinking. You can buy the book online or in book stores selling English language book (don't buy in airport, it's often double price or more). The book is written in both English and Thai – and even German and Thai – so you can read it together with your "fiancee", or she can also read it alone, as it furthermore explain well about Western culture, and Western-way-of-thinking...???? 

[Enoon]

 

Perhaps meet her, in person, on her own, at least once, before starting to worry about it.

 

Edited January 13, 2020 by Enoon

[KKr]

did not read all the posts, so apologies if any duplicate opinions.

Heinrich, you are being tested man.
I think she wants to make sure you are what she expects you to be.
Do not be surprised if one of the friends is in the same profession you told her you are.
So, if you are truly interested, put your best foot forward. 
If family and friends are really educated people, it will be great fun and lots of laughs, supposing you are at their intellectual level of course.

As for the dinner bill, if you still like the lady after the meeting with friends, go wash your hands after the meal and take care of it.
If you lost the battle, pay your and lady's share, so you keep the honour to yourself.

Hope it works out !

[KKr]

On 1/12/2020 at 4:09 AM, uhuh said:

Why was she in a dating app looking for a foreigner? 

her previous was an Adonis look-alike Casanova, or at least he thought so. 

[Tagged]

Im happy to pick up the bill when I invite, but being invited, no, I expect at least the bill to be shared. 

 

If a date put me in a delicate situation like this before, I never invited her out again if not totally aggreed uppon. Trust me I had my share of surprises with going out with some friends before, and always paid up with a big smile, and bye bye. 

 

You have to know understand when you have someone genuin interested in you, and when being taken advantage of. 

Edited January 13, 2020 by Tagged

[JimmyJ]

On 1/12/2020 at 5:04 AM, HuskerDo said:

"She had little exposure to foreigners".... how can you possibly know? Because she TOLD you?

 

"She and her family are managers, architects, historians, writers, the works. I think no-one has less than 100k Baht/mo, some certainly much more."..... how can you possibly know for sure? Because she TOLD you?

 

"By all accounts and more, the family seems totally decent and conservative/liberal to various degrees. No freeloaders. I've seen many photos.".... you can tell all this about the family without meeting them and just looking at a few photos provided by a woman you've never met face to face?

 

"So far she seemed also totally reliable, say in Skype appointments and promises to provide certain info etc."..... She SEEMS reliable? Is she or isn't she? You've never even seen her in person.

 

There are SO MANY things wrong with this whole situation. Good luck but don't expect it to turn out well. 

 

Agree.

 

You barely know the woman, there's been no intimacy between you - why in the world do you have any interest in meeting the family - let alone possibly buying them a meal?

 

Ridiculous time waster - The OP, and the poster himself if there's any chance this is for real.

Edited January 13, 2020 by JimmyJ

[angloirishaussie]

Im sorry but this must be a wind up

 

If not get a grip mate

[natway09]

Personally, I would not waste my time or money,,,, but try & enjoy your potentially expensive experience. No matter how much she may love ya in the future it is always going to be a struggle.

Wait until dowry time comes

Find a cheaper one that enjoys one on one as well

[atyclb]

4 hours ago, paulbrow said:

After being here many years, my experience is the farang pays. This will most llkely change with the same group after several outings, but at first expect to be bank...

 

when at sizzler i try avoiding a condo neighbor that works for thai airways because when i run into him there never lets me pay and actually covers my bill without telling me. a bit uncomfirtable so will try to fool him and pay his bill covertly

[tonray]

6 minutes ago, atyclb said:

 

when at sizzler i try avoiding a condo neighbor that works for thai airways because when i run into him there never lets me pay and actually covers my bill without telling me. a bit uncomfirtable so will try to fool him and pay his bill covertly

Any vacancies in your building ?

[Paradice lost]

If you speak even basic Thai it means that you must have been in Thailand a long time.  She speaks good English and you met online and talk on Skype.  C'mon, this must all be a wind up!   I've been around Thailand for 20years + and married to one.  I'm  accepted by the family and most of the village, but I'm very aware that Thais, especially wealthy ones, do not like Farang. ATM card aside, they don't want their wealthy Daughters marrying one. If your story is even remotely true, I wish you the very best of luck for your future.   

[sauvagecheri]

Really,you think they know who to give tge bill to ?

My experience is that very often,the staff presents the bill first to my gf..go figure!

[BTB1977]

A good thai lady is not in a hurry for you to meet the family.  Something tells me there will be wedding plans and a sin sod in you near future. Good luck. 555

[KC 71]

Love Is In The Air ????????

[henrik2000]

Hi all, thanks all for your good advice! I do know that recommended book "Thailand Fever". It's mainly about marrying ex-prostitutes. But i leave that to the real Thaivisa pros like you guys. Gullible newbie me won't touch that for now.