There was a recent thread on the possibility of being obliged to produce an

outgoing air ticket on re-entering via a land border sans visa. Now I for one

began following this , waiting for a post where somebody actually had to

produce such a ticket , but I gave up because of the volume of off-topic

crap I had to wade through. A certain amount of generalities about

immigration policies was to be expected , but controls on the US/Mexico

border ? <deleted> ?

Consider yourself lucky that no one discussed the Iraqi immigration policies imposed on American marines...

Did you mean to say Iranian immigration policies imposed on British marines but you were

slurring your words ?

he;s got a point actually. I mean, surely Iraq didn't approve tourist visa's for 250 thousan soldiers...?

he;s got a point actually. I mean, surely Iraq didn't approve tourist visa's for 250 thousan soldiers...?

Your numbers are a bit all embracing.

The Americans and their "coalition of the fooled" don't make up much more than half that.

They were covered by a retroactive law allowing visa wavers for anyone who could produce

an M16.

The other participants (Syrians , Saudis , Iranians and anyone else with a good tan) were

admitted on a border pass.

Hey Joe, where you going with that gun in your hand? ba dah dada dah.

Hey Joe, where you going with that gun in your hand? ba dah dada dah.

1) It is bad etiquette to use real names on this forum

2) My standard response to that question was always "don't ask , it might be for you".

There's somethin' happenin' here.

What it is ain't exactly clear.

There's a man with a gun over there

A-tellin' me I've got to beware.

There's battle lines bein' drawn.

Nobody's right if everybody's wrong.

Young people speakin' their minds

A-gettin' so much resistance from behind.

What a field day for the heat.

A thousand people in the street

Singin' songs and a-carryin' signs

Mostly sayin' hooray for our side.

Paranoia strikes deep.

Into your life it will creep.

It starts when you're always afraid.

Step out of line, the MAN come and take you away.

You better stop.

Hey, what's that sound?

Everybody look what's goin' down.

SHOCK AND AWE

Back in the days of shock and awe

We came to liberate them all

History was the cruel judge of overconfidence

Back in the days of shock and awe

Back in the days of "mission accomplished"

Our chief was landing on the deck

The sun was setting on a golden photo op

Back in the days of "mission accomplished"

Thousands of bodies in the ground

Brought home in boxes to a trumpet's sound

No one sees them coming home that way

Thousands buried in the ground

Thousands of children scarred for life

Millions of tears for a soldier's wife

Both sides are losing now

Heaven takes them in

Thousands of children scarred for life

We had a chance to change our mind

But somehow wisdom was hard to find

We went with what we knew and now we can't go back

But we had a chance to change our mind.

-neil young

Wake up you sleepy head

Put on some clothes,

shake up your bed

Put another log on the fire for me

I've made some breakfast and coffee

Look out my window and what do I see

A crack in the sky

and a hand reaching down to me

All the nightmares came today

And it looks as though they're

here to stay

What are we coming to

No room for me,

no fun for you

I think about a world to come

Where the books were found

by the Golden ones

Written in pain, written in awe

By a puzzled man who questioned

What we were here for

All the strangers came today

And it looks as though

they're here to stay

Look at your children

See their faces in golden rays

Don't kid yourself they belong to you

They're the start of a coming race

The earth is a bitch

We've finished our news

Homo Sapiens have outgrown their use

All the strangers came today

And it looks as though they're here to stay

Nice one Robski!

All the nightmares came today

And it looks as though they're

here to stay

Somebody buy this man a bl**dy £4.20 pint of beer. He's going looney toons alone in his bedsit.

Wake up you sleepy head

Put on some clothes,

shake up your bed

Put another log on the fire for me

I've made some breakfast and coffee

Look out my window and what do I see

A crack in the sky

and a hand reaching down to me

All the nightmares came today

And it looks as though they're

here to stay

What are we coming to

No room for me,

no fun for you

I think about a world to come

Where the books were found

by the Golden ones

Written in pain, written in awe

By a puzzled man who questioned

What we were here for

All the strangers came today

And it looks as though

they're here to stay

Look at your children

See their faces in golden rays

Don't kid yourself they belong to you

They're the start of a coming race

The earth is a bitch

We've finished our news

Homo Sapiens have outgrown their use

All the strangers came today

And it looks as though they're here to stay

Nice one Robski!

Oh You Pretty Things

Don't you know you're driving your

Mamas and Papas insane

Oh You Pretty Things

Don't you know you're driving your

Mamas and Papas insane

Let me make it plain

You gotta make way for the Homo Superior

:D :D

Yeah, suddenly gun all toipkal man, pass me the spliff...

Please don't post the words to 'Don't bogart that Joint my friend'

Thanks for getting us back on topic Tiffy, Due to forum rules I've edited out certain words

The following is very Yank, but some of them apply/have been stolen/borrowed from the Old world.

1. The person who rolls the
   joint
   , no matter whose
   weed
   it is, gets to spark up the
   joint
   and get first hits.
   
2. If someone rolls a nice
   joint
   , it's good to give the person a complement on his rolling skills.
   
3. Never bogart. (What does "bogart" mean? Well, if you've ever seen Humphrey Bogart in a movie, he always has a cig going, but he hardly ever takes a hit. To "bogart" a
   joint
   , then, is to waste it by holding it while talking or whatever, and letting it burn to no one's benefit. Add, made famous by the movie Easy Rider)
   
4. Never put the whole roach in your mouth and get it all sopping wet ("duck arse" it in British parlance). That's disgusting and it messes up the
   joint
   . Likewise, don't put the whole mouthpiece of a bong in your mouth and slobber all over it.
   
5. If someone starts bogartting the bowl and starts using the excuse that it's okay for him to bogart it since it's his
   weed
   , this is definitely not cool. The punishment depends on the quality of the
   weed
   and how much he put in - if it was real crappy and he was real cheap with it, then you bug on the person and rag on him. :-)
   
6. If someone is too palsy to light the bowl, due to being too stoned or just being a retard :-) then they must relinquish control of the lighter to someone more able to get it lit. Note: this does not mean the person who lights gets free hits; this privilege tends to get abused ("Hey, lemme light it for you...").
   
7. Never ask for a
   joint
   or call two's - wait until the
   joint
   is passed to you. However, this rule may be broken if someone is obviously abusing the trust placed in them by the other smokers.
   
8. If someone is so much of a palsy that they blow into the bowl and fire the contents all over the floor, this person must be ragged on and the person can't smoke on the next round (unless it was his stuff).
   
9. Never make fun of how big a hit someone takes. Each person has their own lung capacity and knows how much they can take. It's their fault they didn't take a big hit. All the more for you! (Then again, if you're all veteran smokers, you may have an excuse to poke fun if someone is smoking like a wuss :-)
   
10. If you smoke with someone in your house, you should let them eat some munchy food that you may have lying around. Don't be cheap with your food if you have food.
    
11. If someone who's smoked asks for a sip of your soda, you must give him some. Drymouth is not fun.
    
12. Converse of the above: if you ask for a sip, don't be rude and take a large gulp.
    
13. If you're smoking from a bong and there's not enough in the bowl for a whole further hit, finish it off, but then refill the bowl. Note also that it's very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl without telling them about it. A proper warning would be along the lines of "Here you go... I think it might be cashed."
    
14. Never bitch about someone else's
    weed
    being no good. If you don't like it, don't smoke it, my friend.
    
15. Don't ever push someone to smoke
    weed
    . It's their choice.
    
16. If a friend gets you high, then sometime in the future you need to get that friend high. C'mon, that oughtta be obvious.
    
17. Share the wealth to the needy. Remember that time you had lots of
    weed
    , but now you don't? Well, if you shared your last stash with friends, they'll be sure to get you high this time around.
    
18. The Cardinal Rule: Thou shalt not turn down a smoke.
    
19. Always offer to match someone if they offer to smoke you up. Even if you only have shake left, offer to throw it in... it makes those who buy
    weed
    a lot feel a little better.
    
20. Phrased in the form of a narrative:
    OK. My buddy and I are sitting around smoking the
    weed
    that I just scored. After flaming-up, and taking a few moderate puffs, I pass it on. The sounds that follow can only be described as vacuum-like. After an a couple of huge, lung-busting tokes, the guy passes back the remnants of something that could have, at some point, been a
    joint
    . If it's not completely "canoed", then it's absolutely soaked. I not-so-subtly drop that old Cheech & Chong line "Hey man, can I wring it out for you?" He just looks at me.
    
21. After smoking-up, the odd "crass-monkey" will actually eat the stained, disgusting roach. This must be because they want that "extra bit" of oil, resin, or whatever's left on the paper. This situation can be compared to the patron of a good restaurant picking up his "as good as empty" plate and licking off the remaining morsels of food. Sure he got that little pool of gravy, but was it really worth it?
    
22. You get a shotgun, you give a shotgun.
    
23. If you buy
    weed
    from a friend or a friend of a friend, it is polite to roll a
    joint
    - a small one, if you wish - and smoke with the person who sells you the stuff.
    
24. The person who fills the bowl is given the opportunity to take the first hit. It doesn't matter whose bowl it is.
    
25. If you're going pack a bowl, pack it fat. Tiny's no good to anyone.
    
26. Always remember to thank a person who has gotten you high. If people never say thanks it gets a little annoying.
    
27. The person who brought the bud picks the music.
    
28. When smoking in a car, the driver gets to choose whether or not you bake it out. Hey, if you don't like it, get your own car.
    
29. Again, when using a bong, don't blow out the ashes, unless that's what the "homeowner" does.
    
30. Never go to someone's house expecting them to catch you a buzz. (Of course, there are exceptions to this rule...)
    
31. If you spill the bong, clean it up - and don't forget to put water back in it!
    
32. If the bong is plugged, always clean it out before passing it on.
    
33. Always clean up after yourself, especially if you're in a place you can get caught (your dorm, house, car...).
    
34. You should obviously try not to knock the cherry out of the
    joint
    (and you wondered why a big
    joint
    is often known as a "bomber"?) and drop it somewhere that it'll burn a hole in something, but if the unthinkable happens, you should always own up to it. It could be the source of great embarassment for your friend if their folks find it without them having a prior excuse.
    
35. When the roach gets too small, if someone has a problem with it, it's common courtesy to put the roach in a bowl and finish it like that, as that way the people who don't mind burning their fingers don't get it all.
    Author unknown.
    

Well, let's just start cutting and pasting whole f** books like War and Peace, Complete Works of Bill, Rhubaiyat of Omar Khayyam...

"How to Make Friends Go Gaga in Bedlam and How to Send Fellow TV Members to Nana Land"

by Jet Gorgon

Cut and paste whole f** song lyrics, directions for the imbibing of insidious substances or books like War and Peace in 2 pt in posts.

Reply to these posts by leaving in the whole content and adding one emoticon to show your imbecilic response.

Repeat ad vomitum.

Well, let's just start cutting and pasting whole f** books like War and Peace, Complete Works of Bill, Rhubaiyat of Omar Khayyam...

"How to Make Friends Go Gaga in Bedlam and How to Send Fellow TV Members to Nana Land"

by Jet Gorgon

Cut and paste whole f** song lyrics, directions for the imbibing of insidious substances or books like War and Peace in 2 pt in posts.

Reply to these posts by leaving in the whole content and adding one emoticon to show your imbecilic response.

Repeat ad vomitum.

I say , m'dear , if you must spit when you speak could you at least cover your mouth.

Might muffle the noise a bit as well.

I say , m'dear , if you must spit when you speak could you at least cover your mouth.

Might muffle the noise a bit as well.

Spit? Only when chewing tobacco, and I do use a spittoon. Sorry, I don't know how to control my volume button.

Well, let's just start cutting and pasting whole f** books like War and Peace, Complete Works of Bill, Rhubaiyat of Omar Khayyam...

"How to Make Friends Go Gaga in Bedlam and How to Send Fellow TV Members to Nana Land"

by Jet Gorgon

Cut and paste whole f** song lyrics, directions for the imbibing of insidious substances or books like War and Peace in 2 pt in posts.

Reply to these posts by leaving in the whole content and adding one emoticon to show your imbecilic response.

Repeat ad vomitum.

You got a beutiful chin,

You got beutiful skin,

You got a beutiful face,

You got taste,

You got beutiful eyes,

You got beutiful thighs,

You got a lot whout a doubt,

But i think bout blowin u out,

Coz you wont stop talkin,

Why dont you give it a rest?,

You got more rabbit than sainsburys,

Its time you got it off your chest,

Now you is just the kinda girl to break my heart in two,

I knew right off when i first set my eyes on you,

But how was i to know you fed my earholes too?,

With your ecessive talking,

Your becoming a pest,

Rabbit x 20

Now your a wonderful girl,

You got a wonderful smell,

You got wonderful arms,

You got charm,

You got wonderful hair,

We make a wonderful pair,

Now i dont mind avin a chat,

But you have to keep givin it that,

No, you wont stop talkin,

Why dont you give it a rest?,

You got more rabbit than sainsburys,

Its time you got it off your chest,

Now you are just the kinda girl to break my heart in two,

I knew right off wen i first set my eyes on you,

But how was i to know you fed my earholes too,

With your excessive talkin,

Your becoming a pest,

Rabbit x 8

Yup yup rabbit yup yup yup rabbit rabbit bunny jabber yup rabbit bunny yup yup yup rabbit bunny jabber yup yup yup rabbit bunny jabber yup yup bunny jabber rabbit

This thread has got more rabbit than Sainsburys.

Jumpin H Jehosawabbit.

You are either measuring out your life in coffee spoons or shot glasses of Absolut, Robski. Did somebody steal the "a" from your keyboard? I think I will play Vanna now and make you pay for every other vowel you wanna use, which will make your text even more Welsh-like.

I like Pheasants............and all other well hung, game, birds.

Thanks for getting us back on topic Tiffy, Due to forum rules I've edited out certain words

The following is very Yank, but some of them apply/have been stolen/borrowed from the Old world.

1. The person who rolls the
   joint
   , no matter whose
   weed
   it is, gets to spark up the
   joint
   and get first hits.
   
2. If someone rolls a nice
   joint
   , it's good to give the person a complement on his rolling skills.
   
3. Never bogart. (What does "bogart" mean? Well, if you've ever seen Humphrey Bogart in a movie, he always has a cig going, but he hardly ever takes a hit. To "bogart" a
   joint
   , then, is to waste it by holding it while talking or whatever, and letting it burn to no one's benefit. Add, made famous by the movie Easy Rider)
   
4. Never put the whole roach in your mouth and get it all sopping wet ("duck arse" it in British parlance). That's disgusting and it messes up the
   joint
   . Likewise, don't put the whole mouthpiece of a bong in your mouth and slobber all over it.
   
5. If someone starts bogartting the bowl and starts using the excuse that it's okay for him to bogart it since it's his
   weed
   , this is definitely not cool. The punishment depends on the quality of the
   weed
   and how much he put in - if it was real crappy and he was real cheap with it, then you bug on the person and rag on him. :-)
   
6. If someone is too palsy to light the bowl, due to being too stoned or just being a retard :-) then they must relinquish control of the lighter to someone more able to get it lit. Note: this does not mean the person who lights gets free hits; this privilege tends to get abused ("Hey, lemme light it for you...").
   
7. Never ask for a
   joint
   or call two's - wait until the
   joint
   is passed to you. However, this rule may be broken if someone is obviously abusing the trust placed in them by the other smokers.
   
8. If someone is so much of a palsy that they blow into the bowl and fire the contents all over the floor, this person must be ragged on and the person can't smoke on the next round (unless it was his stuff).
   
9. Never make fun of how big a hit someone takes. Each person has their own lung capacity and knows how much they can take. It's their fault they didn't take a big hit. All the more for you! (Then again, if you're all veteran smokers, you may have an excuse to poke fun if someone is smoking like a wuss :-)
   
10. If you smoke with someone in your house, you should let them eat some munchy food that you may have lying around. Don't be cheap with your food if you have food.
    
11. If someone who's smoked asks for a sip of your soda, you must give him some. Drymouth is not fun.
    
12. Converse of the above: if you ask for a sip, don't be rude and take a large gulp.
    
13. If you're smoking from a bong and there's not enough in the bowl for a whole further hit, finish it off, but then refill the bowl. Note also that it's very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl without telling them about it. A proper warning would be along the lines of "Here you go... I think it might be cashed."
    
14. Never bitch about someone else's
    weed
    being no good. If you don't like it, don't smoke it, my friend.
    
15. Don't ever push someone to smoke
    weed
    . It's their choice.
    
16. If a friend gets you high, then sometime in the future you need to get that friend high. C'mon, that oughtta be obvious.
    
17. Share the wealth to the needy. Remember that time you had lots of
    weed
    , but now you don't? Well, if you shared your last stash with friends, they'll be sure to get you high this time around.
    
18. The Cardinal Rule: Thou shalt not turn down a smoke.
    
19. Always offer to match someone if they offer to smoke you up. Even if you only have shake left, offer to throw it in... it makes those who buy
    weed
    a lot feel a little better.
    
20. Phrased in the form of a narrative:
    OK. My buddy and I are sitting around smoking the
    weed
    that I just scored. After flaming-up, and taking a few moderate puffs, I pass it on. The sounds that follow can only be described as vacuum-like. After an a couple of huge, lung-busting tokes, the guy passes back the remnants of something that could have, at some point, been a
    joint
    . If it's not completely "canoed", then it's absolutely soaked. I not-so-subtly drop that old Cheech & Chong line "Hey man, can I wring it out for you?" He just looks at me.
    
21. After smoking-up, the odd "crass-monkey" will actually eat the stained, disgusting roach. This must be because they want that "extra bit" of oil, resin, or whatever's left on the paper. This situation can be compared to the patron of a good restaurant picking up his "as good as empty" plate and licking off the remaining morsels of food. Sure he got that little pool of gravy, but was it really worth it?
    
22. You get a shotgun, you give a shotgun.
    
23. If you buy
    weed
    from a friend or a friend of a friend, it is polite to roll a
    joint
    - a small one, if you wish - and smoke with the person who sells you the stuff.
    
24. The person who fills the bowl is given the opportunity to take the first hit. It doesn't matter whose bowl it is.
    
25. If you're going pack a bowl, pack it fat. Tiny's no good to anyone.
    
26. Always remember to thank a person who has gotten you high. If people never say thanks it gets a little annoying.
    
27. The person who brought the bud picks the music.
    
28. When smoking in a car, the driver gets to choose whether or not you bake it out. Hey, if you don't like it, get your own car.
    
29. Again, when using a bong, don't blow out the ashes, unless that's what the "homeowner" does.
    
30. Never go to someone's house expecting them to catch you a buzz. (Of course, there are exceptions to this rule...)
    
31. If you spill the bong, clean it up - and don't forget to put water back in it!
    
32. If the bong is plugged, always clean it out before passing it on.
    
33. Always clean up after yourself, especially if you're in a place you can get caught (your dorm, house, car...).
    
34. You should obviously try not to knock the cherry out of the
    joint
    (and you wondered why a big
    joint
    is often known as a "bomber"?) and drop it somewhere that it'll burn a hole in something, but if the unthinkable happens, you should always own up to it. It could be the source of great embarassment for your friend if their folks find it without them having a prior excuse.
    
35. When the roach gets too small, if someone has a problem with it, it's common courtesy to put the roach in a bowl and finish it like that, as that way the people who don't mind burning their fingers don't get it all.
    Author unknown.
    

A bit long - but very good...

Well, let's just start cutting and pasting whole f** books like War and Peace, Complete Works of Bill, Rhubaiyat of Omar Khayyam...

"How to Make Friends Go Gaga in Bedlam and How to Send Fellow TV Members to Nana Land"

by Jet Gorgon

Cut and paste whole f** song lyrics, directions for the imbibing of insidious substances or books like War and Peace in 2 pt in posts.

Reply to these posts by leaving in the whole content and adding one emoticon to show your imbecilic response.

Repeat ad vomitum.

Chill Babe!

Well, let's just start cutting and pasting whole f** books like War and Peace, Complete Works of Bill, Rhubaiyat of Omar Khayyam...

"How to Make Friends Go Gaga in Bedlam and How to Send Fellow TV Members to Nana Land"

by Jet Gorgon

Cut and paste whole f** song lyrics, directions for the imbibing of insidious substances or books like War and Peace in 2 pt in posts.

Reply to these posts by leaving in the whole content and adding one emoticon to show your imbecilic response.

Repeat ad vomitum.

You got a beutiful chin,

You got beutiful skin,

You got a beutiful face,

You got taste,

You got beutiful eyes,

You got beutiful thighs,

You got a lot whout a doubt,

But i think bout blowin u out,

Coz you wont stop talkin,

Why dont you give it a rest?,

You got more rabbit than sainsburys,

Its time you got it off your chest,

Now you is just the kinda girl to break my heart in two,

I knew right off when i first set my eyes on you,

But how was i to know you fed my earholes too?,

With your ecessive talking,

Your becoming a pest,

Rabbit x 20

Now your a wonderful girl,

You got a wonderful smell,

You got wonderful arms,

You got charm,

You got wonderful hair,

We make a wonderful pair,

Now i dont mind avin a chat,

But you have to keep givin it that,

No, you wont stop talkin,

Why dont you give it a rest?,

You got more rabbit than sainsburys,

Its time you got it off your chest,

Now you are just the kinda girl to break my heart in two,

I knew right off wen i first set my eyes on you,

But how was i to know you fed my earholes too,

With your excessive talkin,

Your becoming a pest,

Rabbit x 8

Yup yup rabbit yup yup yup rabbit rabbit bunny jabber yup rabbit bunny yup yup yup rabbit bunny jabber yup yup yup rabbit bunny jabber yup yup bunny jabber rabbit

Wasn't there a thread about doing this sort of thing???

Wasn't there a thread about doing this sort of thing???

It probably got hi-jacked.

Wasn't there a thread about doing this sort of thing???

You mean like what you just did two posts above?

Yes.

Kayo did the big NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO scream at sweet Limpalong Suiging for this transgression in TLW, causing nurse to inject Kayo with lithium.

You trying to P** me off, Tiggy? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Woof. Snarl. Chomp at bit. etcetera etcetera etcetera

Oh dear, didn't you get your coffee yet.

The topic of the thread is never mind the topic, surely the clearest sign ever that it's a free for all,

an open invitation to blatantly hi-jack the thread with what ever happens to float your boat.

If you keep biting and spitting at the other Bedlamites the warders might take away your crayons,

and let me tell you, a straightjacket in solitary aint no fun.

Hmmmn, 'chomp at bit' eh? You tryin' to turn me on?

The breath of the morning,

I keep forgetting

The smell of the warm summer air.

I live in a town

Where you can't smell a thing,

You watch your feet

For cracks in the pavement.

Up above, aliens hover

Making home movies for the folk back home.

Of all these weird creatures who lock up their spirits,

Drill holes in themselves and live for their secrets.

They're all...

Uptight.

I wish that they'd swoop down, in a country lane,

Late at night when I'm driving.

Take me onboard their beautiful ship, show me the world as I'd love to see it.

I'd tell all my friends but they'd never believe me

They'd think that I'd finally lost it completely.

I'd show them the stars, and the meaning of life.

They'd shut me away, but I'd be alright.

Alright.

I'm just...

Uptight!

I got indelible ink markers in the full range of rainbow colours. Chomp, champ, chang, charge, sarge, farge. Madame de Farge. I think I shall start knitting names in my scarves. Tum de dum de dum.

I seem to recall a recent coup in bedlam that boiled down to this>

Hijacking threads with inane drivel will no longer be tolerated... period.

I hope we're all clear on that now.

So Never Mind the Topic, can you all please shut up and send me 100 dollars each for cost and time and emotional displacement please.

It can't be hijacking a thread that has the title 'Never mind the topic'! How can you stay on topic? Ya' just haven't thought it through, have ya'?

I suppose you have a point Tiffy. So, anyway, can you all please shut up carry on and send me 100 dollars each for cost and time and emotional displacement please.

and let me tell you, a straightjacket in solitary aint no fun.

It's not exactly a barrel of laughs with an audience I would expect