I am posting this in Bedlam for a couple of reasons, one is that I respect the opinions of the contributors to Forum 47 and the other is that I don't want the fnaa fnaa comments that would probably flood in from the rabble.

I don't understand my wife sometimes .... I would expect that is quite normal..... but this one has been nibbling at the edges of my mind for a while now (and there isn't that much of it left)

For the last four years I have occasionally had the gentle reminder that if I even looked at another woman 'in a certain way' parts of my anatomy would be chicken feed.

This I have accepted without a problem, I am happy with our relationship and, to be quite honest, I am not going to endanger a happy marriage by even thinking about straying (ok... I''m a bloke .... but thinking of it is as far as it gets)

Last month I ended up being stuck in Bangkok for six days (details not important) .... I have been to Bangkok many times, originally as a tourist, but my tourist status ended some time ago, I have been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt and washed holes in it.... evenings are not a problem, but during the day I pretty much confined myself to the hotel watching whatever HBO had to offer.

On the fourth day wifey calls me me to see how I am (we had spoken every day, but the fourth one is important for this tale)

I tell her that I am bored, really bored ........ and I mean really bored.

She says .......... "why not go get girl for short time"

A few minutes later I recover consciousness and peel myself off the floor.

"you want me to do that?"

"no, but if you do, I will understand"

What the...... ?

You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. The only thing that matters is your own concience.

Do you know the one about the guy who finds a genie in a bottle?

The genie grants him one wish, so after thinking it over he decides he wants to do something that would benefit all his friends,

so he asks for a bridge to be built from Britain to America so everyone can come and go as they please.

The genie says he's not that powerful and asks the bloke to reconsider.

The guy thinks again and says he's having trouble with his wife and wishes he understood her more.

The genie says, how many lanes do you want on that bridge!?

I would respectfully suggest Thad, that is not what she meant, even though I don't doubt your hearing and she most certainly wouldn't understand after the event.

I have met both yourself, who on such short acquaintance, I feel this situation would never happen in the first place, and your better half who it would be a travesty to do this unlikely deed to, in the first place.

So leave it where it is, forgotten, and continue to watch HBO or you could give yourself a short time treat and turn over to Fox News

Good Luck

Moss

Have to partially disagree with Robski.

Sometimes the lovely ladies of Thailand can be slightly insecure in their relationships.

Ladies everywhere are sweet but devious creatures.

I would imagine everyone who has had experience of the fair sex here has had the

offer of "surgery while you sleep" at one time or another.

You were obviously on an ordinary phone during this conversation or you would

have seen one eyebrow arch and the accompanying eye open wide and menacing

when she suggested some relaxation.

You do not recount the end of the conversation , but frankly you did not make a

good start. The only excuse you could have for this lapse is herself waking you

from a deep Chang induced sleep.

Now I'll get back to Robski's comment.

You are dead if you do (she will find out).

You are damned if you don't because you failed the test by not protesting when

the suggestion was put.

Good luck old son , and at least this thread might serve as a heads up for any

other lad who might fall foul of the same trap.

Agree with F/say.

Da.mned if you do, and already dam.ned for not immediately stating, unequivocally, "NO HONEY I WON'T.

Mate, don't even think about it. She's toying with your mind, and unfortunately, this is one area, that the wimmen have the upper hand in, because we are, as you said, all blokes.

NO GO.

How much of this relationship stuff is about fashion accessories

women , seeing a good looking man and thinking , he'd look very good hanging on my arm.

men , seeing a good looking woman and thinking , she'd look very good hanging on my .....

and Thaddeus , tell your missus you had a good w4nk whilst thinking of her.

I totally disagree. You guys are yellow.

You are in Bkk. She won't lose face. I think she meant it.

Probably.

You'd be amazed what Thai women will accept if you push the envelope a little.....

I hope...

Thaddy, this is from my own hard-earned experience, from which I occasionally have to relearn: Never show weakness. Not to your wife, your friends, your business associates, even most of your family. You show weakness, and they start to discount you, especially in Asia, where the Confucian philosophy remains -- you are either above or below, nobody is equal.

You let your wife take the upper hand by asking her for advice, and she will dominate and slap you in the feeble husband category.

Move on from this BKK scenario. Next time, when something similar happens, you say everything is fine, just waiting to conclude business, even if you feel like sh*te and everything is horrid. You wanna be the king of your castle or the cuckolded husband? You make the decisions and enforce them, and you keep your feelings in control.

Get a grip, Thaddy. Come to Beddies like this to complain, but never do it with your wife or associates here.

xxx

Jet

Many years ago a great psychologist and philosopher studied the labyrinthine mechanisms of the woman's mind and finally after thousands of hours deep analysis he finally got to understand it's workings.

Unfortunately he died laughing before he could write up his findings.

Just asked the wife about this story.

Your wife was indeed playing with you. So I asked why she does it...answer: Why not??

If you would have taken one girl for short time, parts of your anatomy would become chicken feed, indeed, or...as a "warning" this particular appendix would be rendered unusable with knife cuts...

Apart from that, the wife advised to "try something else"...ahhh...I said, that would be a ladyboy. Apparently I don't understand....

there MAYBE, just a very tiny small maybe offchance of a woman, especially a thai wife who would let u do that...but read my small tiny maybe chance again

i cant explain why she mentioned it...some kind of test like others have said I suppose..but beats me why women do it .....its not a danned if u do or danned if u dont for the boys...works the same for the women...no matter which way the husband goes ...ends up putting the woman in misery.

girls can be very silly at times...sighhhh

my advice? call her about 3 times a day for a couple of days the next time u are away from her. or if u are already home...I suggest the following trick: when she goes out to the market, give her a call to ask when she gonna be home...and that u kinda miss her.....maybe ask her to pick up some icecream and then say u miss her...pls hurry home

vewy mushy...but hey u need to make up for lost points dont u

my advice? call her about 3 times a day for a couple of days the next time u are away from her. or if u are already home...I suggest the following trick: when she goes out to the market, give her a call to ask when she gonna be home...and that u kinda miss her.....maybe ask her to pick up some icecream and then say u miss her...pls hurry home

vewy mushy...but hey u need to make up for lost points dont u

Sorry, I disagree totally when it comes to Asian, Thai relations. Show the lady here you salivate and grovel over her very step, and that is exactly what you will do for the extent of the relationship.

Sorry, I disagree totally when it comes to Asian, Thai relations. Show the lady here you salivate and grovel over her very step, and that is exactly what you will do for the extent of the relationship.

I do 100% concur!

I would turn it around. One day when you are just sitting around or cooking or something ask her why, when the last time you were in bangkok, she said you could get a girl for the night. Tell her that it was very insulting to you & if you can't even tell your wife that your bored when so far away from her without her assuming that the only thing you need is a meaningless shag with some hooker then she isn't the women you thought she was & how little she must know you.

Then go into how you find it offensive & what kind of man does she think you are & how little she must value your marriage to even suggest such a thing.

IF she was playing games with you then you have just made her look foolish for playing the game. Being married, these games should never be part of your relationship. And if she wasn't playing games then you have given her a lot of reassurance of the kind of man you are & hopefully this kind of stupid senario wont happen again.

Sorry, I disagree totally when it comes to Asian, Thai relations. Show the lady here you salivate and grovel over her very step, and that is exactly what you will do for the extent of the relationship.

I do 100% concur!

Me too.

I thought that I would let a few replies come in before I made any further comments.

Moss..... it wasn't phrased as a question, it was phrased as a suggestion.

FS .... it wasn't Chang induced, it was 2pm and nothing alcoholic had passed my lips, I was confining myself to the hotel to avoid that.

K and others..... did I answer wrong? .... if it was a question I suppose I did, it just hit me so hard and fast that for a moment I just went gaga. I did later on say 'no darling I would NEVER do that' once I had regained some composure.

Stumonster ...... that was an interesting comment and it made me think of something..... during portions of the lunar cycle On will ask me if I have been kite flying, I think she thinks that I need more sexual gratification than I actually do.

Olred ..... I know quite a few ex-pats whose wives allow them to do whatever they want as long as they return home, On knows them too.... that is what has caused me to have furrowed brows for the last few weeks.

Jet .... thank you for your words, I never show weakness, I am a pussycat sometimes, but I live by 'he who pays the piper calls the tune' always will. (P.S. have you looked at your TV email account recently?)

Phil .... yes, I can believe that

Raro ..... see response to Stumonster

Mig .... That is what we used to be like, it was really bad when I was in the UK and On was here, I had to put a stop to it, wean her off it so to speak. It took a while, but for the last year or so it's been 'I'm going to X, I'll be back at Y'.... if I am not back at Y I will call to explain, I used to get lots of calls before Y, now I don't get any or very few and they will usually be a request I pick something up on the way home. ...... when On gives me her definition of Y I always add at least 2 hours

boo's suggestion to 'turn it around' seems sensible.

Boo

Upon my return, that is exactly what I did and she was very apologetic. The subject hasn't raised its head again since, but as I didn't get what I considered a satisfactory answer to 'why?' I thought that I would ask for some opinions in here, I don't want to raise it again with On now for some fairly obvious reasons.

ahh a satisfactory answer to irrational behaviour. good luck with that But good for you for raising it as soon as you got home. IMO too many problems in marriage come down to people being afraid to confront problems or ask why something was done or said. Everyone will have moments of insecurtiy even in the best relationships & sadly if she knows women who let their hubbies have short times she may have thought that you needed that permission too. Now she knows you don't so IMO drop it & put it in down to "nutty wife/think too much behaviour" .

I guess thats what I was trying to get at..that often women will still be insecure, and as a result of that cause them to do things looking for reassurance. many times I have seen this backfire

and sure the mature responsible way to deal with it was what Boo suggested, and u had already done it.

Im not too keen on the having to report myself every few minutes...and would also get annoyed if my woman (man) called up to check on me. but I was suggesting u did the I called just cos I miss u thing for a short while...might be a silly way to reasuure her that things havent changed in terms of how u feel in the last years

but if u think by starting it again will put u back in the spot where she takes it to that extreme level..then maybe not such a good idea afterall

Still....if I were her...wouldnt mind a few small gestures of romance these days but u dont have to listen to me...Im just a silly hopeless romantic at times (while my other neurotic half is on vacation )

hey there thaddy,

i cant understand how you could possibly get bored in bangkok.

there's no good reason that you need to stop in your room because your married, unless you really want to.

i mean you dont have to get pissed every night and shag slappers, but its nice just to go have a few beers , some tucker and a chat with the locals.

thats what i like to do every night and find it brilliant.

anyway,

considering your delema, dont ever shag another woman when your in a relationship unless your planning to leave her especially when your wife makes a passing remark about it.

woman can smell other woman 10 mile away and you'll pay the price big time for your dalliance.

A wide divergence of opinions here, which is exactly the Forum style. Great. I still beg to differ with many. Whether in business or personal relations in the world, but especially in Asia and in our realm of focus, Thailand, you have to set precedent on the key issues and ensure people know who is in command of your space, life, biz: ie, YOU. Sure, give way to others' little whims and fancies, but never give away the taking care of YOUR big picture and YOUR business. You gotta take care of that and be adamant in YOUR biz and life and ensure people know YOU are in charge of your life and stuff.

Thai people, to my experience, adjust better knowing exactly what your position is. Dialogue is useless from what I've seen in terms of "What should I do, Honey?". She thinks, "Ha, he has no spine, no life, what a loser" and then SHE starts making the decisions about YOUR life. Discussion about major issues, not what fish should we have for dinner, just makes Thais uncertain and then they think you are vacillating and thus weak.

A wide divergence of opinions here, which is exactly the Forum style. Great. I still beg to differ with many. Whether in business or personal relations in the world, but especially in Asia and in our realm of focus, Thailand, you have to set precedent on the key issues and ensure people know who is in command of your space, life, biz: ie, YOU. Sure, give way to others' little whims and fancies, but never give away the taking care of YOUR big picture and YOUR business. You gotta take care of that and be adamant in YOUR biz and life and ensure people know YOU are in charge of your life and stuff.

Thai people, to my experience, adjust better knowing exactly what your position is. Dialogue is useless from what I've seen in terms of "What should I do, Honey?". She thinks, "Ha, he has no spine, no life, what a loser" and then SHE starts making the decisions about YOUR life. Discussion about major issues, not what fish should we have for dinner, just makes Thais uncertain and then they think you are vacillating and thus weak.

hey jet,

you would make a top fella as you got all the correct answers.

you would have all the lovely women in bangkok going nuts over you.

i salute you my tressed friend and totally agree with your professions.

Sorry, while I was ruminating over my last post, I missed the latest additions. Um, I gotta differ again in opinion: Thai women insecure? Not the ones I have seen married to farang, and others too who rule the roost.

Ah, wimmin, can't live with em, can't live without em

My mrs said the same once Thaddy. I said "no way darling, never" and left it at that. One night we were out and a friend was talking about a similar topic. My mrs said she would chop my old fella off if i went with anybody else. I said "what, you told me i could". She said words to the effect of "no darling, i said if you want to, you can but i didn't tell you what i would do, if you did"!!

Thaddeus, it's true in the gay world that a lot of people like to play games, too. A common one that I know of is the "my friend saw you at [place] with a gay boy; you are cheating on me!!!" and then you have to argue them out of it or provide an alibi- even if the accusation is patently ridiculous or impossible you're supposed to put up an effort denying it. But as time goes on, if you're truly reliable, such behavior usually disappears. I'd guess that your missus was feeling a bit weak and insecure at the time because of your situation (and perhaps, as people do project these things, the way she has seen other men behave in such situations).

Ah, wimmin, can't live with em, can't live without em

My mrs said the same once Thaddy. I said "no way darling, never" and left it at that. One night we were out and a friend was talking about a similar topic. My mrs said she would chop my old fella off if i went with anybody else. I said "what, you told me i could". She said words to the effect of "no darling, i said if you want to, you can but i didn't tell you what i would do, if you did"!!

That's the one MrBoJ ...... "yes, I will understand" means impending midnight surgery ..... what time is it?

I'd guess that your missus was feeling a bit weak and insecure at the time because of your situation (and perhaps, as people do project these things, the way she has seen other men behave in such situations).

Thank you Steven .... the reason I posted this in Bedlam was to get some constructive remarks from people who I value the opinion of (that was really bad English wasn't it.... never mind)

I sort of knew beforehand how this topic was going to play out, and I sort of knew the answer to the original 'why' (thanks Boo, Jet, Mig and more than a few other names)

I just had to get it out of my system as bottling it up was not exactly driving me crazy, but it was constantly nibbling when I wasn't thinking about something else. Small problems I can deal with on my own.... this one, wasn't really a problem... but I feel much better for the input of other people.

P.S. ..... six days in BKK, when it isn't that strange and interesting any more, means you play a lot of pool.

Excellent! Now can we go get some wine, Thaddy?

P.S. ..... six days in BKK, when it isn't that strange and interesting any more, means you play a lot of pool.

eh ? I wonder if your wife thinks it is "pocket pool"

Excellent! Now can we go get some wine, Thaddy?

Yes please.... Chateau Neuf for me

(Stu .... my pockets aren't large enough for that )