My girlfriends job

[Lacessit]

1 minute ago, MrMilk said:

It feels like I am dealing with a kid when I try to seriously talk to her about it.

 

I sit her down and explain to her the amount of money and time I put into her land. How it starting to get difficult for me to continue doing this.

She shrug me off with idiot comments like "you think 600 in diesel is so much. Why you have to be like this??!!" 

I ask her "do you know how much you spend every month only in diesel?" 

And the fight has began.

 

She already left the room yelling and screaming by the time I take out a piece of paper and start adding the monthly expenses together.

This is the point where you are the one who should be leaving the room, permanently. She is disrespecting you by refusing to listen to you. Any woman who yells and screams at me is history.

 

You have two choices. Either continue as her ATM, to your own financial ruin. Or leave. If she begs you to come back, set limits. If she doesn't contact you, it will be clear evidence you were being played for a sucker. She'll be out there looking for another one.

[Logosone]

10 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

It feels like I am dealing with a kid when I try to seriously talk to her about it.

 

I sit her down and explain to her the amount of money and time I put into her land. How it starting to get difficult for me to continue doing this.

She shrug me off with idiot comments like "you think 600 in diesel is so much. Why you have to be like this??!!" 

I ask her "do you know how much you spend every month only in diesel?" 

And the fight has began.

 

She already left the room yelling and screaming by the time I take out a piece of paper and start adding the monthly expenses together.

it's quite something, when someone's taking advantage of you they then start disrespecting you in an unpleasant way.

 

The typical tactics, but always should be resisted. You will never get any gratitude no matter how much you spend.

 

I once paid for my girl's sister to be operated. Cost 3000 Euro. Instead of gratitude I was always accused of bringing this up, they actually resent you for paying them. You'll get no respect. Only by standing firm. That they respect.

 

Be a man here.

Edited April 25, 2020 by Logosone

[baansgr]

Do what most others do...pay up and shut up... alternative is dump her and move on...she won't ever change

[BritManToo]

Just now, Lacessit said:

She'll be out there looking for another one.

Few and far between with the current lockdown.

She's stuck with only one possible mark.

[BritManToo]

Just now, baansgr said:

Do what most others do...pay up and shut up... alternative is dump her and move on...she won't ever change

I'm still waiting for him to come up with a monthly spend on her land.

It might be he's getting a bargain!

[Lacessit]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Few and far between with the current lockdown.

She's stuck with only one possible mark.

Love will find a way.

[Don Mega]

12 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

It feels like I am dealing with a kid when I try to seriously talk to her about it.

 

I sit her down and explain to her the amount of money and time I put into her land. How it starting to get difficult for me to continue doing this.

She shrug me off with idiot comments like "you think 600 in diesel is so much. Why you have to be like this??!!" 

I ask her "do you know how much you spend every month only in diesel?" 

And the fight has began.

 

She already left the room yelling and screaming by the time I take out a piece of paper and start adding the monthly expenses together.

Grab the set you were born with and shut the wallet until she comes to the table,i f she don't say goodbye and google thaifriendly.

[MrMilk]

14 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Give us a ballpark number for your monthly spend on her land ......

5k/month, 10k/month, more?

12.000 only in diesel for driving back and forth to farm and the watering.

Then you get the expenses for workers, fertilizer, cutting of grass, equipment, etc, several times a month on top.

Its around 20-25 in total depending on the month 

[473geo]

5 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I'm still waiting for him to come up with a monthly spend on her land.

It might be he's getting a bargain!

Well at current prices, 5 durian per tree would return a revenue equating to circa 60k + baht a month

[Davo369]

Grow some ball's and man up. If your putting money on the table 

And she's screaming and shouting at you.... what is she gonna be like later on in life? Your life will be a fxxxking misery.    

GET THE HELL OUT. 

Obviously after the lockdown. 

[BritManToo]

Just now, MrMilk said:

12.000 only in diesel for driving back and forth to farm and the watering.

Then you get the expenses for workers, fertilizer, cutting of grass, equipment, etc, several times a month on top.

Its around 20-25 in total depending on the month 

If that's just for the farm, then it's too much.

Normal rate to rent a gf/wife for the month is 10-12k, you're paying double, so unless she's really 'special', I'd just move on.

 

If you want to keep giving her money, always hand it to her after sex.

Just so you both are reminded what the 'relationship' is.

Edited April 25, 2020 by BritManToo

[AndyAndyAndy]

Just now, MrMilk said:

12.000 only in diesel for driving back and forth to farm and the watering.

Then you get the expenses for workers, fertilizer, cutting of grass, equipment, etc, several times a month on top.

Its around 20-25 in total depending on the month 

Tell her, that you are not paying for it anymore. Since next month. And end payments. Don't explain. Don't try to justify yourself. Just say it and do it. And stick to it.

 

It's that simple. If you stop handing out money, it is solved. Be a man. ???? It works!!!

[Tie Dye Samurai]

I have to agree with Don Mega, if the way she conducts business is scoffing at 600b that she doesn't have herself when you bring up the issue of expenses...then throws a tantrum and leaves the table...if she was not your girlfriend would you be in a business like that? Of course not...and would she treat a real investor like that, belittling his investment concerns and walking away yelling and screaming if the investor questions how money is being distributed? 

 

In my opinion (and just my opinion) is that you were lured into funding a business based on being in a relationship with this lady. She never asked you if you wanted to be in a Durian Tree business, this is her pursuit and she is expecting you to finance it the way a 12 year old girl would expect her father to finance her lemonade stand...except you are not making lemonade for 5 years and but are still growing the lemons and paying for it while the 12 year old gets angry when you introduce her to real world business problems...like diesel costs money.

 

She was not straight with you from the beginning....even if it is soemthing that the situation "evolved" into. Treat her like it is business or find a new girlfriend and get out of the durian business....I hate the way that <deleted> smells anyhow....

 

 

[4MyEgo]

Are you that naive ?

 

[MikeN]

1 hour ago, MrMilk said:

The land was given to her as a gift from by mom/dad. I think they jumped the gun a bit early and expected us to get married in not long. 

 

She come from a wealthy family which have a lot of land around in the district. Money is not a concern from them.

 

The thing I don`t get, and have a hard time accepting, is that I should be the one paying for this party.

 

If they want to give her land and secure her income then perfect. Nothing better than that. But shouldn't THEY be the one following up on this too then until she begin earning money from it?

 Well if you are living together I think it’s reasonable that they expect you to support her, they won’t want a Cheap Charlie farang sponging off their family.

 In an ideal world the two of you would have done a business plan before the expenditure started, did she understand how much investment would be required ? The durian should give a decent return in a few years ( on current prices) but some of your current figures seem rather high. 5000 baht per month on fertilizer ? 6000 baht on wages for casual labour ? Perhaps she should do more herself ? If you do keep going as you are now, make sure you document all expenses and make it clear this is going to be a business you expect to get a return on eventually.

 Sad to say, but many Thais with farms and small businesses have no business sense....they get excited when they turnover 10,000 baht but forget it cost them 9,900 in stock or expenses !

 I have put up money for some of the expenses of the wife’s family farm in the past, but only because I know the eldest sister looks after the money side ....and she is also the local loan shark, so I know the books will be kept, and that we will get our money back with a profit .....and as much rice as we can eat. But another sister asked me to “invest” in her farm, only for her eyes to glaze over and lose interest when I wanted to write down all her expected costs, and when I said I wanted the same percentage of the profit as I put in !

[Assurancetourix]

21 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

It feels like I am dealing with a kid when I try to seriously talk to her about it.

A moment of lucidity that does not make you understand that the only solution is:

bye-bye cherie?

To console you, you are not the only one who likes to be sodomized.
I know a Frenchman who is almost 60 years old, not married but living for nearly twenty years with a Thai woman who is 22 years younger than him; they have two children and he also has a lot of money.
he started a company - something you should do if you absolutely want to stay with her but that won't solve your problems either -
so a company that has several hundred rai on which he tries to make various cultures that do not work more than each other.

He throws his money into a bottomless pit;
sometimes he realizes it but most of the time he heads headlong into trouble;

one really has the impression that he likes it (the shi*t)

 

He has Thai employees but is still denigrating them; "they come when they want, they are big feigns, etc ...
They steal my mangoes (which have fallen to the ground) and my fishes.
He forgets that he pays them three cherry tails
In short, there is only him who knows how to do well, all the others, Thai and Farang are idiots who do not know how to work ...
Recently his girlfriend, to whom he offered the most expensive Fortuner ( about 1,7 million baht ), extracted more than a million baht from his safe.
I'm not telling you how, it's to die of laughter ...
Big anger but you think he would have gone to court to get the sole custody of his kids?
he could, he has the money and she has nothing , except that we are in Thailand and that it is she who has 100% of the rights on children.
So to recover rights you have to go to court and smack some money, lots of money.

From what I see in the 14 years that I have lived here full time, your story, a bunch of farangs of all ages, have already lived or are living it.
one piece of advice:

run, run Mr Milk  as Britmantoo and a few others kindly explain to you.

[holy cow cm]

27 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

50-50, are you insane?

I would be more than happy with 25% or 20% or 15%. It doesn't really matter. Just want to hear and know that I get something back from all this frustration.

At the end of the day I would much rather be left out of everything involving her work. But that seems impossible

Insane? I have been called not dealing with a full deck before, so maybe partially. Too late now to be not included. Maybe you can have her pay for things you currently pay (bedsides her farming) for now when the money starts coming in and get it back that way. 

 

End of the day, you are already in the middle. 

[mr mr]

why don't you just give me the money. i'll kick you in the balls and we'll call it even.

[4MyEgo]

1 hour ago, MrMilk said:

I can confirm 100% no money is being pocketing. The reason I can do that is because I have the "pleasure" of going with her weekly to help her too! The expenses are real.

Regardless, finances in relationships SHOULD always remain separate, because as soon as you allow access to your funds your toast !

 

Don't me wrong, very happily married 13 years, wife has a few land parcels of her own, rice, rubber etc etc, never asks me to get involved, her parents also have land, never asks me to get involved.

 

I have always support her, she has never worked, she is a full time mum, work that one out, she lives of what I give her, my finances are my finances and what she has is hers, yes we are married, but that doesn't give her the right to my funds which I made prior to meeting her.

 

Her life is in a better position 1,000% since she met me, and I have no problem with that, but why on earth would I allow any female to sponge off of me, her land/s, her problem/s, her parents land/s, her parents problems, I don't ask anyone for money and she knows not to ask me for money unless it's an absolute necessity and is justifiable.

 

When I am dead and cremated at the local temple, she can cash in my will, she deserves it, but I have a say until then, e.g. I know where my funds are, I have access to them, they are not going anywhere or to anyone else.

 

Unfortunately you started off on the wrong foot, we all make mistakes, and I doubt you can stop now, unless your man enough to talk the talk and be prepared to walk the walk.

 

You will never get back anything you invest from a Thai, so learn now, and the word borrow to a Thai means you give to me, I not pay you back SUCKER.

 

It's ok to say NO, use it EVERY single time someone asks you for money, and eventually you won't feel guilty or be a sucker for the worst, NO means NO, and you don't have to explain a thing or feel guilty for it.

 

Good luck, your still young enough to move forward, especially with no kids, but LEARN from your mistakes, your money is to always remain separate, without that, you have no POWER and with women, that is the only power you have, because without money, no woman will want to be with you unless she is desperate, or in my case, she says; if I hadn't have a big D, I wouldn't be with you....lol, that's what she tells me anyway which is laughable.

[cmsally]

You need to tell her to get a job or another business to fund this durian business. Simple maths , if you think a future business is so worthwhile then you have a plan to fund the start up.

How much actual work does she do?

If the family are really wealthy then presumably she has a good education and can get a job to fund her little business.

[UbonThani]

You shouldn't need relationship advice from people who don't know you or other person. Think about it rationally and make up your own mind.

 

Why guys need strangers to tell them to man up and make decisions I don't know.

Edited April 25, 2020 by UbonThani

[KhunFred]

If she were dealing with a Thai man, she would be picking her teeth up off the floor.

[473geo]

Just now, UbonThani said:

You shouldn't need relationship advice from people who don't know you or other person. Think about it rationally and make up your own mind.

 

Why guys need strangers to yell them to man up and make decisions I don't know.

Especially from a bunch where a hint of commitment, and spending a couple of baht has them fleeing like swarm of hornets is on their tail ????

[Logosone]

35 minutes ago, MikeN said:

 

 In an ideal world the two of you would have done a business plan before the expenditure started, did she understand how much investment would be required ? The durian should give a decent return in a few years ( on current prices) but some of your current figures seem rather high. 5000 baht per month on fertilizer ? 6000 baht on wages for casual labour ? Perhaps she should do more herself ? If you do keep going as you are now, make sure you document all expenses and make it clear this is going to be a business you expect to get a return on eventually.

 

He is in his thirties. She is in her thirties.

 

Even if he gets 60 Durian for life and 15000 every month this is not a good future investment.

 

When he is 45, she'll be 45. So this is what will happen:

 

 

 

[1FinickyOne]

2 hours ago, MrMilk said:

The expenses are real.

My wife has a family of farmers - great people. We have bought land for them to farm and no rental charge... but simple fact is that there is not a lot of money in family farming. They talk of the circle, as soon as the moeny comes in, it goes out again for seed and fertilizer etc..

 

the surer profit is to rent the land.. 

[Tagged]

1 hour ago, MrMilk said:

Its around 300 durian trees

So she is going to make a fortune if she succeeds! Anyway, there is no sense to use more than 200 000,- baht for making a 300 tree durian farm, and for sure no 5 000,- baht a month in fertilizer.  Durian trees needs alot of water, so it makes kind of sense, but still 600 in diesel for waterpump a week? 

 

And land size if you plant 4-5 meter apart? Workers for 300 trees? That is quite Hi So

 

 

[473geo]

6 minutes ago, Tagged said:

So she is going to make a fortune if she succeeds! Anyway, there is no sense to use more than 200 000,- baht for making a 300 tree durian farm, and for sure no 5 000,- baht a month in fertilizer.  Durian trees needs alot of water, so it makes kind of sense, but still 600 in diesel for waterpump a week? 

 

And land size if you plant 4-5 meter apart? Workers for 300 trees? That is quite Hi So

 

 

If you are running water for 300 young trees there will be quite a bit of weed control until they get established

[BritManToo]

42 minutes ago, Assurancetourix said:

Recently his girlfriend, to whom he offered the most expensive Fortuner ( about 1,7 million baht ), extracted more than a million baht from his safe.

My girls exactly the same, but downsized .......... to a more affordable level.

I bought her a rusty Nissan BigM (about 150k), extracts the off 100bht note from my wallet at night.

[ukrules]

3 hours ago, MrMilk said:

Expected to start earning money income from harvest after 4-5 years.

This is your problem.

 

Just move somewhere else, alone.

Edited April 25, 2020 by ukrules

[Tagged]

1 minute ago, 473geo said:

If you are running water for 300 young trees there will be quite a bit of weed control until they get established

We have 300 trees our selves, and I hired her parents to take care of the land for 10 000,- a month, while we living here now. We have 800 dripp from the watersystem which we will plant sweet corn as well, and have vegetable garden on top of that. Fertilizer cost some few bags of 15 - 15 - 15, and 100 bags of buffalo aa a 4 000,- bath for a season. You can call the hire of her parents social help, not that we need, but its handy when we want to travel, or I leave for work, they know how I want it, and how they should do it.