He could be behind other attacks dating back to the early 1990s committed by a sex offender known as the Hot Chocolate rapist.

I believe in miracles, but good ol' Errol wouldn't do that.

Where you from? you sexy thang, you sexy thing you.

He's got a head like a Malteaser, have to be careful if he went bowling in case someone used his bonce as a ball.

CB

Dangerous thing to do. Our errol was a boxer back in SA in his early days.

Dangerous thing to do. Our errol was a boxer back in SA in his early days.

Ok correct the post in light of additional information :

They could use his bonce like a speedball in the boxing gym

CB

From the Bangkok Post

Dangerous weapons

A London court was told a man was arrested for shoplifting after sneaking out of a supermarket with six chickens. Asked why he needed six chickens, he explained to the court: ''I had an argument with the wife and was taking the chickens home to throw at her.''

In the event he successfully carried out the attack on his wife the police no doubt would have issued a statement saying foul play was suspected.

From the Bangkok Post

Dangerous weapons

A London court was told a man was arrested for shoplifting after sneaking out of a supermarket with six chickens. Asked why he needed six chickens, he explained to the court: ''I had an argument with the wife and was taking the chickens home to throw at her.''

In the event he successfully carried out the attack on his wife the police no doubt would have issued a statement saying foul play was suspected.

Doesn't really matter 'cos it is a paltry offence

CB

Oh my word, a volley of groaners in quick sucession.

Oh my word, a volley of groaners in quick sucession.

I am going to duck out of this conversation before these one liners get too bad

CB

Oh my word, a volley of groaners in quick sucession.

I am going to duck out of this conversation before these one liners get too bad

CB

Too late, they have aready got too bad!

Oh my word, a volley of groaners in quick sucession.

I am going to duck out of this conversation before these one liners get too bad

CB

Too late, they have aready got too bad!

That's what happens when the place is overrun by a bunch of turkeys

CB

Just got this one in an email from my Brother.

Subject: True murder mystery

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, the American Association for Forensic Science President, Dr. Don Harper astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. This was his story..........

On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus, and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicting his despondency. As he fell past the 9th floor, his life was interrupted violently by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.

Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the 8th floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have completed his suicide the way he had planned.

'Ordinarily,' Dr. Mills continued, 'Someone who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide.' That Mr Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would have not been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.

The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigourously, and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed wife and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject 'A' but kills subject 'B' in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B'.

When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant, and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded.

The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident. that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident.

It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.

Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he is guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist........

Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing though the 9th story window.

The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself.

So the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

A TRUE STORY FROM ASSOCIATED PRESS!!!

Belgrad Zoo.....

Zoo care takers found a man in the Bears' quarters, naked. His clothes were neatly folded and placed on the ground in good order.

The point is that the bears ate him halfway and got angry with the care takers when they tried to remove the dead body.

Comment of the head of staff: "Only a fool would enter the bears' quarters"

How right.

LaoPo

what a way to go?!

What was he thinking of?

What was he thinking of?

Well whatever was going through his head up to the point he was neatly folding his skivvies there is a certain possibility that the words "OH <deleted> THAT HURTS" might have passed through his skull when the first bite went in.

I hope you find it reassuring that there will always be a stupid person on hand to give a stupid answer when you ask a stupid question.

It was not a stupid question, it was a rhetorical question! One that did not need an answer! But thanks anyway, yer a pal...

It was not a stupid question, it was a rhetorical question! One that did not need an answer! But thanks anyway, yer a pal...

You should know by now that that rettorick stuff confuses me.

Just got this one in an email from my Brother.

Subject: True murder mystery

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, the American Association for Forensic Science President, Dr. Don Harper astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. This was his story..........

On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus, and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicting his despondency. As he fell past the 9th floor, his life was interrupted violently by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.

Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the 8th floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have completed his suicide the way he had planned.

'Ordinarily,' Dr. Mills continued, 'Someone who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide.' That Mr Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would have not been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.

The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigourously, and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed wife and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject 'A' but kills subject 'B' in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B'.

When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant, and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded.

The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident. that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident.

It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.

Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he is guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist........

Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing though the 9th story window.

The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself.

So the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

A TRUE STORY FROM ASSOCIATED PRESS!!!

That's the best story I've read in Bedlam to date. Wow!

British dwarf's penis gets stuck in vacuum cleaner

A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf", was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed A&E with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.

"I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived."

Father of 78 aims for 100 children

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (Reuters) -- A one-legged Emirati father of 78 is lining up his next two wives in a bid to reach his target of 100 children by 2015, Emirates Today reported on Monday.

Daad Mohammed Murad Abdul Rahman, 60, has already had 15 brides although he has to divorce them as he goes along to remain within the legal limit of four wives at a time.

"In 2015 I will be 68 years old and will have 100 children," the local tabloid quoted Abdul Rahman as saying.

"After that I will stop marrying. I have to have at least three more marriages to hit the century."

The United Arab Emirates newspaper splashed its front page with a picture of Abdul Rahman surrounded by his children, the eldest of whom is 36 years old and the youngest of whom is 20 days old. Two of his current three wives are also pregnant.

Abdul Rahman said his large family lived in 15 houses. He supports them with his military pension and the help of the government of Ajman, one of seven emirates that comprise the UAE, which includes the Gulf trade and tourism hub of Dubai.

Islam allows men to marry up to four women at a time, though most marry only one. The UAE is a Muslim country but is home to migrants from around the world.

Australia - Queensland

A farmers' wife, fond of exotic animals, received a camel for her 60th birthday.

The camel of some 150kgs (not a big one, right?) however, decided to try and make love to the woman, lied down on her and crushed her to death.

Earlier the camel did the same with a goat...

LaoPo

Study: Fellatio may significantly decrease the risk of breast cancer in women

http://www.tatom.org/documents/CNN.com-Stu...wstudyshows.htm

Study: Fellatio may significantly decrease the risk of breast cancer in women

http://www.tatom.org/documents/CNN.com-Stu...wstudyshows.htm

Tonight I will have a serious discussion with my wife...

LaoPo

Study: Fellatio may significantly decrease the risk of breast cancer in women

http://www.tatom.org/documents/CNN.com-Stu...wstudyshows.htm

Oh man the only research grant I ever got was for laser optical targeting systems - how come I never get the good ones like this, dammit.

Hmm I wonder if cunnilingus significantly decreased the risk of some type of cancer in men

CB

Hmm I wonder if cunnilingus significantly decreased the risk of some type of cancer in men

CB

Well CB, propose some research into tongue-cancer ...... can I be your assistant?

Hmm I wonder if cunnilingus significantly decreased the risk of some type of cancer in men

CB

Well CB, propose some research into tongue-cancer ...... can I be your assistant?

Ummmm yeah sure, but they already did the fellatio testing and while I don't want you to contract breast cancer I am not sure if this is really the right place to discuss these things

CB

Least Competent Criminals

In May, Damion Mosher, 18, of Lake Luzerne, N.Y., became the most recent person to injure himself by needing to find out if putting a bullet into a vise and hitting it with a screwdriver would cause it to fire. (It would; he was slightly wounded.)

Two men and a woman were among the recent wave of people trying to cash in on the high price of copper scrap metal when they broke into an abandoned nursing home in Gainesville, Ga., in July. However, they had missed the sign at the entrance announcing that the building had recently been converted into a training facility and kennel for police dogs, and they were quickly sicced on and arrested. [Gainesville Times, 7-20-07]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Undignified Deaths

Police in Brandon, Fla., arrested Willie Tarpley Jr., 46, in May, alleging that he killed his ex-wife's boyfriend because he was upset that she was dating a man who was a registered sex offender (even though Tarpley and his ex-wife are reportedly also registered sex offenders). [united Press International, 5-14-07]

At a Toronto nursing home in May, a 69-year-old resident angrily kicked a 79-year-old fellow resident, causing him to fall and fatally hit his head. The victim had taken up with a female resident, thinking she was his wife, but the jealous younger man thought the woman was his own wife. She was actually married to neither; all three had Alzheimer's disease. (No charges were filed.) [The Star (Toronto), 6-21-07]

555 Thanks, LB. Here's one for you.

NEW YORK (AP) — Toy maker Mattel Inc. went to court Tuesday to declare that the name of its clean-cut Barbie dolls doesn’t belong on a model’s pornographic Web site.

In a lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court in Manhattan, Mattel said the Web site for an adult entertainer named China Barbie has tried to benefit from Mattel’s success with the 48-year-old line of dolls, which includes Barbie’s sister, Skipper, her best friend, Midge, and Skipper’s boyfriend, Kevin.

Oh. What happened to Ken?

:D

Woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict."

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

Anybody a Vodka ?

LaoPo

Florida inmate convicted for pleasuring self in cell

JULY 25--In a verdict that could chill lonely inmates everywhere, a jury today convicted a Florida inmate for masturbating in the privacy of his Ft. Lauderdale cell.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years...725071lee1.html

So all you tossers better watch out !

Florida inmate convicted for pleasuring self in cell

JULY 25--In a verdict that could chill lonely inmates everywhere, a jury today convicted a Florida inmate for masturbating in the privacy of his Ft. Lauderdale cell.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years...725071lee1.html

"According to investigators, a female guard--who was monitoring Alexander's cell from a jail control room--spotted Alexander pleasuring himself while seated on his bunk."

20-year old Alexander...guilty of indecent exposure

LaoPo