Next.

OK, I was looking for Maizefarmer, as he deals in tractors, but maybe you can help. Yesterday I inadvertantly ran out of fuel while driving my diesel tractor. I got some more diesel, filled it up and now it won't start. I think I might have sucked some dirty residue at the bottom of the fuel tank into the fuel lines/injectors. I checked the fuel filter bowl and it was pretty cruddy. so I drained it, rinsed it out and replaced the paper cartridge filter inside. Still it wouldn't start.

I was thinking of getting some aerosol starting fluid to spray in the air breather to see if I could start it, but they don't sell that product here in Thailand it seems. So then I got this idea of using a spray bottle to shoot a little 95 octane into the breather. Do you think that will work? If not, what might, short of dismantaling all of the fuel lines and injector and cleaning them out? TIA for your learned view.

Dear Dr. Chownah,

I think I am insane.

Sincerly,

Confused and Ostracized

Dear Chownah,

I am wondering if you could help me work out my budget, I want to know how much I need to live on when I settle in Thailand, by the way I have never been here before....

Yours in anticipation

Dear Chownah,

I met a lovely Thai girl last night in Get em off Agogo, she had only started work that same day as cashier. Anyway it was love at first sight and after a night of great s*x she told me she loved me too much and wanted to marry me. I fly back to UK in two days time and my question is, do you think I can get her a visa in time so she can go with me?

PS in case you are thinking she is only in it for the money she assures me that money isn't everything it is love that is important and all she wanted was enough to buy breakfast. 10,000 Baht did seem a little expensive but she told me that it was the best khaw phat kai in town.

Next.

Dear Chownah

I have been living in Thailand for the last 5 years, bought a house, business, have adopted the wife's two kids who I love very much and think of as my own. I have a car and two motorcycles and have been happy in my time here. Yesterday someone asked me about my visa and I thought jeeze mate when I came here it was just turn up at the airport and stay as long as you like. Do you think I really need one now after all this time? If so how should I get one?

yours in anticipation

Crowboy aka anxious in CNX

OK, I was looking for Maizefarmer, as he deals in tractors, but maybe you can help. Yesterday I inadvertantly ran out of fuel while driving my diesel tractor. I got some more diesel, filled it up and now it won't start. I think I might have sucked some dirty residue at the bottom of the fuel tank into the fuel lines/injectors. I checked the fuel filter bowl and it was pretty cruddy. so I drained it, rinsed it out and replaced the paper cartridge filter inside. Still it wouldn't start.

I was thinking of getting some aerosol starting fluid to spray in the air breather to see if I could start it, but they don't sell that product here in Thailand it seems. So then I got this idea of using a spray bottle to shoot a little 95 octane into the breather. Do you think that will work? If not, what might, short of dismantaling all of the fuel lines and injector and cleaning them out? TIA for your learned view.

Here's what to do......kick that sucker really really hard three times.....when the pain in your foot subsides try to start it....if it doesn't start then go buy a new tractor.

Next.

Dear Dr. Chownah,

I think I am insane.

Sincerly,

Confused and Ostracized

I think you are insane too....so....?

Next.

Dear Chownah,

I am wondering if you could help me work out my budget, I want to know how much I need to live on when I settle in Thailand, by the way I have never been here before....

Yours in anticipation

Come and live here for awhile first....then you will get a better idea of what it will cost when you come here to live.

Another way to estimate your monthly living expenses is to think of a number between 19 and 21.....add three zeros after the number....your living expenses will be somewhere between your number of baht and your number of dollars.

Next.

Dear Chownah,

I met a lovely Thai girl last night in Get em off Agogo, she had only started work that same day as cashier. Anyway it was love at first sight and after a night of great s*x she told me she loved me too much and wanted to marry me. I fly back to UK in two days time and my question is, do you think I can get her a visa in time so she can go with me?

PS in case you are thinking she is only in it for the money she assures me that money isn't everything it is love that is important and all she wanted was enough to buy breakfast. 10,000 Baht did seem a little expensive but she told me that it was the best khaw phat kai in town.

I don't think you need worry about a visa....when you get to immigration just have her hand the official there a voucher for one night of great s*x and the doors will be thrown open for both of you I'm sure.

Next.

Next.

Dear Chownah

I have been living in Thailand for the last 5 years, bought a house, business, have adopted the wife's two kids who I love very much and think of as my own. I have a car and two motorcycles and have been happy in my time here. Yesterday someone asked me about my visa and I thought jeeze mate when I came here it was just turn up at the airport and stay as long as you like. Do you think I really need one now after all this time? If so how should I get one?

yours in anticipation

Crowboy aka anxious in CNX

Visa shhmeeza.....forget it.....after 5 years they'll probably give you citizenship if they find out!!!!.....also....my motto is "if it isn't broken...don't fix it."

Next.

....and my advice for the member who PM'ed me to remain anonymous:

dip it in chocolate and top with cream and then lick away you naughty girl you!!!!

Next.

Dear Chownah,

I used to be one of the popular kids in school. Even the teachers liked me. (I knew how much they liked being sucked up to!)

Recently some new kids turned up and decided to make their own rules in the playground. This gave me the shits and I ended up kicking a couple of them in the nuts and they went home crying. After this I dumped my wife, went out drinking in the girlie bars all the time and bought a Ferrari.

Now nobody in the school yard will talk to me and some ignore me totally. Even the teachers are looking for an excuse to expell me.

Did I do the right thing Chownah,

or should I have bought a Lamborghini?

OK, I was looking for Maizefarmer, as he deals in tractors, but maybe you can help. Yesterday I inadvertantly ran out of fuel while driving my diesel tractor. I got some more diesel, filled it up and now it won't start. I think I might have sucked some dirty residue at the bottom of the fuel tank into the fuel lines/injectors. I checked the fuel filter bowl and it was pretty cruddy. so I drained it, rinsed it out and replaced the paper cartridge filter inside. Still it wouldn't start.

I was thinking of getting some aerosol starting fluid to spray in the air breather to see if I could start it, but they don't sell that product here in Thailand it seems. So then I got this idea of using a spray bottle to shoot a little 95 octane into the breather. Do you think that will work? If not, what might, short of dismantaling all of the fuel lines and injector and cleaning them out? TIA for your learned view.

Here's what to do......kick that sucker really really hard three times.....when the pain in your foot subsides try to start it....if it doesn't start then go buy a new tractor.

Next.

Oh, it was just an egocentric post, sorry I missed that I hope you're a better farmer than advice columnist.

Dear Chownah,

I used to be one of the popular kids in school. Even the teachers liked me. (I knew how much they liked being sucked up to!)

Recently some new kids turned up and decided to make their own rules in the playground. This gave me the shits and I ended up kicking a couple of them in the nuts and they went home crying. After this I dumped my wife, went out drinking in the girlie bars all the time and bought a Ferrari.

Now nobody in the school yard will talk to me and some ignore me totally. Even the teachers are looking for an excuse to expell me.

Did I do the right thing Chownah,

or should I have bought a Lamborghini?

If you continue to worry about the Ferrari vs. Lamborghini dilemma...as many of us do...next time buy both. As to the kids....kicking them in the nuts seemed to work for you before and my motto is "if it works once then work it to death". As to the teachers...keep sucking up to them...they'll come around...they always do.

Next.

OK, I was looking for Maizefarmer, as he deals in tractors, but maybe you can help. Yesterday I inadvertantly ran out of fuel while driving my diesel tractor. I got some more diesel, filled it up and now it won't start. I think I might have sucked some dirty residue at the bottom of the fuel tank into the fuel lines/injectors. I checked the fuel filter bowl and it was pretty cruddy. so I drained it, rinsed it out and replaced the paper cartridge filter inside. Still it wouldn't start.

I was thinking of getting some aerosol starting fluid to spray in the air breather to see if I could start it, but they don't sell that product here in Thailand it seems. So then I got this idea of using a spray bottle to shoot a little 95 octane into the breather. Do you think that will work? If not, what might, short of dismantaling all of the fuel lines and injector and cleaning them out? TIA for your learned view.

Here's what to do......kick that sucker really really hard three times.....when the pain in your foot subsides try to start it....if it doesn't start then go buy a new tractor.

Next.

Oh, it was just an egocentric post, sorry I missed that I hope you're a better farmer than advice columnist.

Don't worry...I am a much better farmer than advice columnist....although I'm sure that is hard to imagine......should I start an advice column in the farming forum?

Next.

Don't worry...I am a much better farmer than advice columnist....although I'm sure that is hard to imagine......should I start an advice column in the farming forum?

Take my advice - don't. Perhaps you should consider the option of setting yourself up as a guru in the mystic mountains. It that appeals to you then I am sure that we would all agree that the best place for you would be on top of an isolated moutain devoid of contact with the outside world where you can contemplate the answers to the great questions. Those that need your help will seek you out.

CB

OK, I was looking for Maizefarmer, as he deals in tractors, but maybe you can help. Yesterday I inadvertantly ran out of fuel while driving my diesel tractor. I got some more diesel, filled it up and now it won't start. I think I might have sucked some dirty residue at the bottom of the fuel tank into the fuel lines/injectors. I checked the fuel filter bowl and it was pretty cruddy. so I drained it, rinsed it out and replaced the paper cartridge filter inside. Still it wouldn't start.

I was thinking of getting some aerosol starting fluid to spray in the air breather to see if I could start it, but they don't sell that product here in Thailand it seems. So then I got this idea of using a spray bottle to shoot a little 95 octane into the breather. Do you think that will work? If not, what might, short of dismantaling all of the fuel lines and injector and cleaning them out? TIA for your learned view.

Here's what to do......kick that sucker really really hard three times.....when the pain in your foot subsides try to start it....if it doesn't start then go buy a new tractor.

Next.

Oh, it was just an egocentric post, sorry I missed that I hope you're a better farmer than advice columnist.

Don't worry...I am a much better farmer than advice columnist....although I'm sure that is hard to imagine......should I start an advice column in the farming forum?

Next.

I think the farming forum participants can sense your contempt for them without any further literary constructs being necessary.

Hey chownah? You ever do any prison time?

Don't worry...I am a much better farmer than advice columnist....although I'm sure that is hard to imagine......should I start an advice column in the farming forum?

Take my advice - don't. Perhaps you should consider the option of setting yourself up as a guru in the mystic mountains. It that appeals to you then I am sure that we would all agree that the best place for you would be on top of an isolated moutain devoid of contact with the outside world where you can contemplate the answers to the great questions. Those that need your help will seek you out.

CB

My advice is to go start your own advice column.

Next.

Chownah,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Not Mine ,

Sincerely,

Grover

OK, I was looking for Maizefarmer, as he deals in tractors, but maybe you can help. Yesterday I inadvertantly ran out of fuel while driving my diesel tractor. I got some more diesel, filled it up and now it won't start. I think I might have sucked some dirty residue at the bottom of the fuel tank into the fuel lines/injectors. I checked the fuel filter bowl and it was pretty cruddy. so I drained it, rinsed it out and replaced the paper cartridge filter inside. Still it wouldn't start.

I was thinking of getting some aerosol starting fluid to spray in the air breather to see if I could start it, but they don't sell that product here in Thailand it seems. So then I got this idea of using a spray bottle to shoot a little 95 octane into the breather. Do you think that will work? If not, what might, short of dismantaling all of the fuel lines and injector and cleaning them out? TIA for your learned view.

Here's what to do......kick that sucker really really hard three times.....when the pain in your foot subsides try to start it....if it doesn't start then go buy a new tractor.

Next.

Oh, it was just an egocentric post, sorry I missed that I hope you're a better farmer than advice columnist.

Don't worry...I am a much better farmer than advice columnist....although I'm sure that is hard to imagine......should I start an advice column in the farming forum?

Next.

I think the farming forum participants can sense your contempt for them without any further literary constructs being necessary.

Hey chownah? You ever do any prison time?

My advice is to stop worrying about the misconceptions that the farming forum participants might have about me. I don't worry about it. Some people just can't hear a viewpoint different from their own without feeling personally attacked. I usually only feel personally attacked when I AM personally attacked....which has happened all too frequently over there....and I'm glad that recently this has stopped. If you really want to discuss this in greater length then we can certainly do this by PM....I suggest that you select a series of posts which gives you the sense that I hold them in contempt and then we'll discuss it with you.....and then I'll choose a series of posts to show where I feel that I am being held in contempt and then we can discuss that too. There is probably no need to do this however.....if you go back and look at all of the unpleasant exchanges from the beginning I think it will become obvious what was going on and there will be no need to discuss....but I'm game if you are.

To summarize.............forget it.....why get all stressed out over nothing!!!

Prison time?....never been caught!!

Next.

Chownah,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Not Mine ,

Sincerely,

Grover

Back in the rural US Harley owners used to try to bill the county for oiling the roads. When they stopped paying they all converted to rice burners.

I had friend who had a combined Harley and Honda dealership many years ago....for the Harleys he had on display he put a big sheet metal pan under each one with some dripped oil in it.......no one ever brought back a Harley complaining about leaking oil and expected it to be fixed under warranty....this is true.

A friend of mine bought a brand new Harley in the 90's and when I questioned why she commented that Harley's had really been improved....they didn't even leak oil anymore!!!!!

You can probably fix it yourself...putting sugar in the gas tank should stop that oil leak.

Next.

Chownah,

I've just been back to Get em off agogo to see Lek, the love of my life, but she wasn't there. Her friends told me she was my sabi, or something like that which I've since learnt means sick so I'm learning a bit of Thai as well. Walking away down the road I though I saw Lek hanging on the arm of a big fat western guy with shaved head and tattoos. I must have been mistaken as she ignored me when I called out and waved to her. They all look the same don't they? Anyway I thought I'd have a beer to cheer me up and went into Fat G*t beer bar where I met some really nice gentlemen from London of all places. Fancy travelling all the way to Thailand and meeting a bunch of guys from the same country as me, what a coincidence. I told them my story about Lek and getting her a visa in two days and they said not to worry about going back before that date in my passport, I can stay as long as I like. I was so happy I thought I'd have a laugh and pretend to be the landlord. I rang the bell and shouted "Time ladies and gentlemen". Oh what fun, you would not believe how many people appeared and chinked bottles with me, I seemed to be the life and soul of the party.

My only question is, I had three beers and my bill was 9,865 Baht. Do you think that is a little expensive as the place did not look very posh?

Chownah,

I've just been back to Get em off agogo to see Lek, the love of my life, but she wasn't there. Her friends told me she was my sabi, or something like that which I've since learnt means sick so I'm learning a bit of Thai as well. Walking away down the road I though I saw Lek hanging on the arm of a big fat western guy with shaved head and tattoos. I must have been mistaken as she ignored me when I called out and waved to her. They all look the same don't they? Anyway I thought I'd have a beer to cheer me up and went into Fat G*t beer bar where I met some really nice gentlemen from London of all places. Fancy travelling all the way to Thailand and meeting a bunch of guys from the same country as me, what a coincidence. I told them my story about Lek and getting her a visa in two days and they said not to worry about going back before that date in my passport, I can stay as long as I like. I was so happy I thought I'd have a laugh and pretend to be the landlord. I rang the bell and shouted "Time ladies and gentlemen". Oh what fun, you would not believe how many people appeared and chinked bottles with me, I seemed to be the life and soul of the party.

My only question is, I had three beers and my bill was 9,865 Baht. Do you think that is a little expensive as the place did not look very posh?

Go back and ask them about ringing the bell!!!! I think you bought WAY more than three beers....but....obviously you can afford it or else you wouldn't be walking around bars with 10,000 baht in your pocket!!!

Next.

Chownah,

I've just been back to Get em off agogo to see Lek, the love of my life, but she wasn't there. Her friends told me she was my sabi, or something like that which I've since learnt means sick so I'm learning a bit of Thai as well. Walking away down the road I though I saw Lek hanging on the arm of a big fat western guy with shaved head and tattoos. I must have been mistaken as she ignored me when I called out and waved to her.

Hey hang on a minute - she is my Lek not yours. I have been sending her money by Western Union every two weeks since I went to Thailand on a holiday two years ago. She is a really nice girl and I like her a lot but gee she sure has some bad luck. First her mother had to go to hospital, so I sent her money to pay for the bill, then her mother died - twice, then the buffalo got real sick and I sent her money to pay for the special medicine. Now when we were walking along she told me that her new motorcyle that I bought last trip had been stolen. She also told me that a strange man from Malaysia keeps calling and harrassing her. SO STAY AWAY MATE OR THERE WILL BE TROUBLE.

My only question is, I had three beers and my bill was 9,865 Baht. Do you think that is a little expensive as the place did not look very posh?

Ah so it was you in my bar the other night was it - well keep up the good work and if you are interested Lek has a younger sister who also works for me at the bar. oh and btw 9,865Baht is a bargain so please come again.

signed

Bazz ex Oz

now living the good life in LOS

Chownah,

I've just been back to Get em off agogo to see Lek, the love of my life, but she wasn't there. Her friends told me she was my sabi, or something like that which I've since learnt means sick so I'm learning a bit of Thai as well. Walking away down the road I though I saw Lek hanging on the arm of a big fat western guy with shaved head and tattoos. I must have been mistaken as she ignored me when I called out and waved to her.

Hey hang on a minute - she is my Lek not yours. I have been sending her money by Western Union every two weeks since I went to Thailand on a holiday two years ago. She is a really nice girl and I like her a lot but gee she sure has some bad luck. First her mother had to go to hospital, so I sent her money to pay for the bill, then her mother died - twice, then the buffalo got real sick and I sent her money to pay for the special medicine. Now when we were walking along she told me that her new motorcyle that I bought last trip had been stolen. She also told me that a strange man from Malaysia keeps calling and harrassing her. SO STAY AWAY MATE OR THERE WILL BE TROUBLE.

My only question is, I had three beers and my bill was 9,865 Baht. Do you think that is a little expensive as the place did not look very posh?

Ah so it was you in my bar the other night was it - well keep up the good work and if you are interested Lek has a younger sister who also works for me at the bar. oh and btw 9,865Baht is a bargain so please come again.

signed

Bazz ex Oz

now living the good life in LOS

My advice is that both of you go visit a doctor really soon because Lek is my girl too and I just got back from the doctor and had a treatment which the doctor says if I had been a day later my little horse would never have been able to pull the plow again.

Next.

Dear Mr Chownah,

1) Why is my garden flooded?

2) If I hit somebody who first hit my dog for no reason except that my dog bit her when she trod on him, do I have to apologise or supply plasters? Should I sue? Who should pay for my dog's anti-rabies treatment?

Thank you for your sage advice.

Chownah,

I would like some advice on how to win friends and influence people. Do you have any ideas or perhaps you could suggest some literature that I might try reading on my quest.

Thanks in advance.

I have small chickens running around my mind, however my love life is fine. What about the chickens though, will they ever go away?

My advice is that both of you go visit a doctor really soon because Lek is my girl too and I just got back from the doctor and had a treatment which the doctor says if I had been a day later my little horse would never have been able to pull the plow again.

Next.

Dear Chownah - I went to the doctor and he gave me a check up and everything is ok. I decided that Lek is not the girl for me and have decided to go with her younger sister Noi. I think Lek may have been lying to me because Noi said their ma ma is sick and needs to go to hospital. I know Thailand is Buddhist and they believe in reincarnation but her mother has died three times in the last two years. Is this normal?

thanks in anticipation

CB