The meaning of friends

[Aomelia]

On 2/20/2021 at 9:34 PM, georgegeorgia said:

Wow !!! Seems he wasn't your " real ' friend though...sounds like he was jealous of you .

Yes he was poorly paid here , and terminated from his job in Korat , he didn’t have any extra cash , Ever , I always paid at Restaurants and Bars 

[don43451]

On 2/20/2021 at 12:05 AM, Pilotman said:

I first heard it on day one of Staff College

I first heard it as a ROTC Cadet.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 2/21/2021 at 4:57 PM, brianthainess said:

She was so crafty not taking out more than B5,000 at a time so no SMS from bank

More fool him for giving her the means to access his bank account. I never even told my wife how much money I had, and a very good thing too, or she'd have taken me to family court for the divorce to get some of it, instead of giving me a quickie divorce at the local office.

[brianthainess]

20 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

More fool him for giving her the means to access his bank account. I never even told my wife how much money I had, and a very good thing too, or she'd have taken me to family court for the divorce to get some of it, instead of giving me a quickie divorce at the local office.

So how do you suggest he could access his own money, when unable to use his hands.??  Read my post on his medical condition.

[thaibeachlovers]

Just now, brianthainess said:

So how do you suggest he could access his own money, when unable to use his hands.??  Read my post on his medical condition.

He could set up a fixed amount withdrawal with the bank every week or month to cover bills. That way she would be limited in the amount she could steal.

[brianthainess]

3 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

6 minutes ago, brianthainess said:

So how do you suggest he could access his own money, when unable to use his hands.??  .

He could set up a fixed amount withdrawal with the bank every week or month to cover bills. That way she would be limited in the amount she could steal

Read my post on his medical condition

[thaibeachlovers]

4 minutes ago, brianthainess said:

Read my post on his medical condition

As you keep saying, but as it's nothing to do with the OP I'm not going to keep on with this sidetrack. Have a nice day.

[Hanuman2547]

Outside of family, I probably have about 5-6 here that I could rely on.  In my home country, a few from my family that live there and another 3-4 friends.

[Odysseus123]

On 2/20/2021 at 6:56 PM, Gecko123 said:

Thai cultural attitudes toward friendship often influence expat thinking over time. Thais really don't aspire to blood pact 'I'd-take-a-bullet-for-you' type friendship bonds which in my book is wise and pragmatic, because, as the OP's friend probably just learned the hard way, these bonds are often nothing more than illusory castles made of sand.

A very interesting post and one that I have mulled over..so here's some thoughts..

.

I have not found the Thai (or Indonesians or Indians for that matter) to be either as obsessively analytical or prone to over intellectualization about their relationships as Westerners are often inclined to be.I agree that they probably will not take a bullet for you as you so sagely observed..but they will put you on 24 hour hospital watch if you are ill and goodness only knows who will be there at 2 AM in the morning lying on a mat on the floor.

 

They often have far better manners as well.

[Gecko123]

1 hour ago, Odysseus123 said:

A very interesting post and one that I have mulled over..so here's some thoughts..

.

I have not found the Thai (or Indonesians or Indians for that matter) to be either as obsessively analytical or prone to over intellectualization about their relationships as Westerners are often inclined to be.I agree that they probably will not take a bullet for you as you so sagely observed..but they will put you on 24 hour hospital watch if you are ill and goodness only knows who will be there at 2 AM in the morning lying on a mat on the floor.

 

They often have far better manners as well.

I used to think that it was just because I was a foreigner that Thais didn't interact with me the same way as friends back home, but then I started looking at how Thai men interact with other Thai men. They're not going to football games, playing golf, going on camping trips, taking summer vacations together with their wives, having one another over for dinner. Maybe they are part of a drinking circle, play cards together, have a shared hobby of raising fighting cocks, but those activities don't really appeal to me.

 

The friendships I've formed in my village with Thai guys are based on shared interests. This or that guy is into bicycling or jogging, and we sometimes talk about stuff related to working out. Maybe somebody is a handyman and has done repairs at the house. Maybe there's a shared interest in farming or gardening or food. I talk to lots of older guys about health concerns and diet issues. It's just much more pragmatic and functional, nobody's thinking in terms of being in a "friendship" per se. I find that approach to friendship to be a lot more honest, straightforward, and natural, and as I said in my earlier post, I admire it and find it refreshing.

 

The other thing that inhibits foreign guys from bonding as much as they might otherwise want to is that the expat community is quite transitory. Even though lots of houses get built and condos get bought, there's a lot of turn over in the expat community. Divorce, relocation, repatriation, death, snowbirds stop coming as often as they get older. So a lot of foreigners just stop making a lot of effort to form deep bonds because they see it as futile.

 

Then of course there's the widespread mentality that all foreigners other than yourself is a sleazeball. Guys may be palsy-walsy enough down at the pub, but below the surface they remain guarded, even over long stretches of time.

 

Edited February 23, 2021 by Gecko123

[BritManToo]

50 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Then of course there's the widespread mentality that all foreigners other than yourself is a sleazeball. Guys may be palsy-walsy enough down at the pub, but below the surface they remain guarded, even over long stretches of time.

My best pal in the UK, helped my Brit wife load the car and watch to see I wasn't coming while she  was abducting my children and dog. I'm pretty sure all guys are sleazeballs, especially if they think they might get their leg over your woman.

 

Never let other men into your home, meet your woman or even know where you live if you can avoid it.

Edited February 23, 2021 by BritManToo

[Odysseus123]

7 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

Guys may be palsy-walsy enough down at the pub, but below the surface they remain guarded, even over long stretches of time.

Yes...a good post.

The other factor that may be mentioned is that the Thai come from a reasonably homogeneous culture whilst "farang" are something of a job lot in that they may come from many different countries with no two cultures being exactly the same.So that may narrow the choices even further in the long term.

 

But,overall I found in my work in the region that Asians/Indians sought harmony within the group as much as possible, whilst no-one in their right mind has ever accused Europeans (including the diaspora) of ever having the same goal.

[sirineou]

18 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Yes...a good post.

The other factor that may be mentioned is that the Thai come from a reasonably homogeneous culture whilst "farang" are something of a job lot in that they may come from many different countries with no two cultures being exactly the same.So that may narrow the choices even further in the long term.

 

But,overall I found in my work in the region that Asians/Indians sought harmony within the group as much as possible, whilst no-one in their right mind has ever accused Europeans (including the diaspora) of ever having the same goal.

Have you noticed that Thais build their houses all the way in the back of the property and hung out at the front , to see and be seen. where , at least where we are here in the US, and I suspect in many other western countries, they build the house at the front with the fenced in yard at the back? 

[Odysseus123]

1 hour ago, sirineou said:

Have you noticed that Thais build their houses all the way in the back of the property and hung out at the front , to see and be seen. where , at least where we are here in the US, and I suspect in many other western countries, they build the house at the front with the fenced in yard at the back? 

Yes,and that is equally so in Australia.

 

It must have been all those John Wayne movies in my youth but I dub them little 'Fort Apaches'-you go inside,bar the gates and hunker down for it's a dangerous world out there.

 

Western capitalism with its intrinsic emphasis on competition and aggression virtually ensures that we perceive the world as a place of hostile intent and that most people will be viewed as 'hostiles'  until proven different. Altho',come to think of it, the perception of "friendly" may be merely transitory..

Edited February 23, 2021 by Odysseus123

[BritManToo]

5 hours ago, sirineou said:

Have you noticed that Thais build their houses all the way in the back of the property and hung out at the front , to see and be seen. where , at least where we are here in the US, and I suspect in many other western countries, they build the house at the front with the fenced in yard at the back? 

I've always assumed it was because Thais want everyone to see how much land they own.

Whereas white folk wanted privacy.

 

If we were protecting ourselves from hostiles, we'd build at the back to give us a better 'killing field' at the front.

Edited February 24, 2021 by BritManToo

[sirineou]

Just now, BritManToo said:

I've always assumed it was because Thais want everyone to see how much land they own.

Whereas white folk wanted privacy.

Are you sure it's not because white folks  are ashamed of  how little land they have after they pay their property tax. ? ????

[DDBKK]

It's a very interesting topic this one. Not just for the mates/friends within thailand but also those "back home".

 

Ultimately though as I get older and wiser I have come to conclusion not to expect anything from any friend.

 

Friendships are no different than any other type of relationship. They have a start date and an end date. Sometimes the end date is clearly visable for quite some time but you both string it out for all it's worth until it's just not worth the effort any more and it drifts into oblivion. Whatsap/line probably allow those ones to string along well past their sell by dates. 

 

Then there are those that end quite suddenly that can leave you feeling a bit like "what the f$%k happened there" but what ever the event or situation, in all instances when you take a step back and look at it for what it is, it becomes quite clear that it was at the end of the line. 

 

It's all about being honest with yourself. Get a solid thai lady on your side from a decent family and you'll never look back or care about when a friendship ends. A solid thai family is absolute gold. 

[georgegeorgia]

2 hours ago, DDBKK said:

It's a very interesting topic this one. Not just for the mates/friends within thailand but also those "back home".

 

Ultimately though as I get older and wiser I have come to conclusion not to expect anything from any friend.

 

Friendships are no different than any other type of relationship. They have a start date and an end date. Sometimes the end date is clearly visable for quite some time but you both string it out for all it's worth until it's just not worth the effort any more and it drifts into oblivion. Whatsap/line probably allow those ones to string along well past their sell by dates. 

 

Then there are those that end quite suddenly that can leave you feeling a bit like "what the f$%k happened there" but what ever the event or situation, in all instances when you take a step back and look at it for what it is, it becomes quite clear that it was at the end of the line. 

 

It's all about being honest with yourself. Get a solid thai lady on your side from a decent family and you'll never look back or care about when a friendship ends. A solid thai family is absolute gold. 

Fantastic 

Your absolutely right about the friendships...some just end and we don't know why 

 

[Leaver]

On 2/24/2021 at 7:17 AM, BritManToo said:

If we were protecting ourselves from hostiles, we'd build at the back to give us a better 'killing field' at the front.

 

Build in the middle, and guard the perimeter.  

[thaibeachlovers]

On 2/25/2021 at 4:35 PM, georgegeorgia said:

Fantastic 

Your absolutely right about the friendships...some just end and we don't know why 

 

True, but sometimes I worked out the reason years later. It's difficult for a male as it's hard for a mere male to work out what a female's reasons might be.

I got dumped once for pointing out that she had an attractive posterior.

Then there was the one that dumped me AFTER I fixed her car, though she must have known she was going to do so before I did.

 

Not just women though. I was dumped by a male "friend" who rang me the next week to ask me around again. I worked out that that was because he'd forgotten I hadn't finished fixing his car when he dumped me on the phone. I didn't go back and for sure he couldn't pay someone to fix it. Sometimes there is such a thing as karma.

 

Sometimes the reason is obvious, like when a 30 year friendship ended because he stole a years wages worth from me.

[Leaver]

On 3/2/2021 at 12:48 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

Sometimes the reason is obvious, like when a 30 year friendship ended because he stole a years wages worth from me.

 

Yet, a Thai lady that is known for only 1 year can steal 30 years worth of a farang's savings, and it's accepted.  ????

[DDBKK]

On 3/2/2021 at 5:48 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

True, but sometimes I worked out the reason years later. It's difficult for a male as it's hard for a mere male to work out what a female's reasons might be.

I got dumped once for pointing out that she had an attractive posterior.

Then there was the one that dumped me AFTER I fixed her car, though she must have known she was going to do so before I did.

 

Not just women though. I was dumped by a male "friend" who rang me the next week to ask me around again. I worked out that that was because he'd forgotten I hadn't finished fixing his car when he dumped me on the phone. I didn't go back and for sure he couldn't pay someone to fix it. Sometimes there is such a thing as karma.

 

Sometimes the reason is obvious, like when a 30 year friendship ended because he stole a years wages worth from me.

You need to seriously start focusing on positives more than negatives TBL. Your posts are all the same of late and its telling of your mental state. 

 

God speed mate.