THE WEEK THAT WAS Hello Big Nut this is the Covid Czar calling!

[rooster59]

 

Deep within the bowels - appropriately enough - of Government House there exists a hotline phone.

 

It used to be red, white and blue with a nice yellow cord. These days it's decked out in khaki and is monogrammed with the initials P.O., letters that also appear on an elaborate “chair” for the comfort of the phone user. 

 

It was used earlier this week for a call from a man known universally as Uncle Too (translated as ‘yer mother’s brother who grabbed something that wasn’t his’). He was calling a certain DPM….

 

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring….

 

“Hello Big Nut? Uncle here, my goodness that took you a long time to answer. Hope you weren’t otherwise engaged talking behind my back.

 

“Uncle, my Lord. How delightful to hear from you. Always a respectful pleasure. Diss you my Lord? Absolutely not! The delay in picking up was because I was “graaping” the phone as a matter of fact in advance of this most welcome chat. Need some help with the 6,000 baht fine, sir!?”

 

“Less of the one liners, Big Nut. Remember that the PM is akin to God and a health minister doesn't want to be just another senator to make up the numbers".

 

“Even a vital political supporter such as moi,  my Lord?

 

“Erm, look here AC. I’ve got a couple of pressing matters.”

 

“Time to steamroller the opposition again?, sir”.

 

“No, our friends in the courts are managing that just fine. About the 6,000 baht, it all worked out a treat. Brother Aswin played his part and now I look like one of the people again. ‘er indoors had some spare cash from the daughters’ defamation fund so there was no need for an expenses form.

 

“Three cheers for General Aswin, eh sir; let’s arrange to give him a couple of extra parks.  Something pressing, you said?”

 

“Yes, Vlad over in Moscow has been in touch with some Sputnik stuff. I told him we’ve got our own spaceships circling Mars as we speak but he mentioned vaccines, first I’ve heard of it. This got me thinking and Vlad told me all about him and a chap called Navalny and how that worked out so well. 

 

“The upshot is I’ve decided to become a Covid Czar. Vlad said be careful if anyone tries to take me in the woods with the missus and the twins. Consequently I’m taking you off the Covid Caper.

 

“It had to happen, my Lord. Frankly, I’m glad. All those dirty farang without masks one has to deal with, making me quite queasy it was. 

 

“Yes, well I’m sure you’re busy with all the ganja stuff. How’s it coming along?”

 

“Absolutely, spliffing if you’ll pardon the pun, my Lord. No one or no thing is getting remotely high except me and the wife’s “joint account”. I've started calling her Maryjane you know!”

 

“Weed better pass over that”.

 

“Very good my Lord! PPE - Prayut Puns Exceptionally! Yes all this economic growth is tremendous and will certainly benefit the coffers.

 

“The coppers? Surely they should wait in line, I must have a work with old specsaver Big Pat at Pathumwan”.

 

 

“COFFERS, sir, the state coffers. Such a bad line, sir. Get that spokeswoman “Totalitarian Totty” to have a word with the phone people”.

 

“Will do. Anyway that pesky mask business means I’d better get a few extra. Do you have any in stock?

 

“By all means, your elevatedness. Usual deal, 10,000 baht for a box of ten?”

 

“So long as they’re monogrammed and scented with “Extract of People’s Happiness”, my favorite fragrance”. 

 

“Let it be done, my Lord”.

 

“Now, we’ve got the inconvenience of all this vaccine rollout nonsense. We’ve had our jabs so I was wondering what all the fuss was about?”

 

“The Krystal Club boys are getting agitated, sir, think we need to get the proles vaxxed as we say at the MoPH”.

 

“You leave muff out of this AC and get your finger out. And while you’re at it better get the foreigners jabbed or the Chinese will never come back”.

 

“Right you are, my omnipresence. I’ll get Pippy at tourism and sports to round up a few wearing Singha singlets in Pattaya”.

 

“Good thinking AC. Failing that, ask Big Oud at the IB. I understand he knows where they live and he’s got a few Beemers that are so special I’m sure they could act as field hospitals if push came to shove. Which reminds me…..Big Joke.

 

“Hit me sir. Is it the one about ‘What’s faster, The Thai vaccine rollout or the Chinese train to the Eastern Seaboard?’ or that brilliant list of the ‘twelve best things about Anutin from the completely unconnected Bhumjaithai party?’”

 

“No, not that kind of joke, that annoying Lt-Gen in the holey Lexus. Now you’ve got some freetime keep an eye on him for me. I’d ask Big Pom but he took umbrage when I said to maintain a detailed 24-hour watch”.

 

“Some people have no sense of humor my Lord and rest assured, they’ll be no backstabbing from me. That knife you found in my desk was used for cutting up a bit of Papaya Pok Pok as my foreign friends say!”

 

“You have foreign friends?”

 

“Only joking, my Lord. Cheerio!”

 

Ministerial phone calls notwithstanding, it was another busy week of news on Thaivisa as virus cases mostly exceeded 2,000 plus and upwards of ten deaths were recorded daily. 

 

Thailand did it’s best to stop Indians coming by ending the issuance of the Certificate of Entry in New Delhi.

 

The authorities were at pains to point out that Indian millionaires were not chartering planes in droves to come and get married in Thailand and we were safe from the Indian Strain for now. Even if 98% of cases were blamed on the UK strain.

 

Whatever, Phuket is apparently opening up July 1st as planned. Pipat’s red carpet is ordered even if the maid is trying to get rid of the smell of mothballs. 

 

Good news, it appeared, came for migrants and expats in Thailand who should be vaxxed for free starting July or August. What with easing of some immigration requirements and an ever improving pound it could soon be time for even Brits to break into a smile. 

 

Smiling in a very Schadenfreudian way were many on the forum when a 59 year old German retiree and his lady boy friend got arrested in QUOTES with enough “ice” to keep them busy on rice gruel for a decade or two. 

 

The idiotic war on drugs is alive and kicking wildly in Thailand but for people dealing in crystal meth there can be little sympathy.

 

Bangkok and several other provinces were named as Deep Red zones meaning even more draconian restrictions. 

 

Rooster complied faithfully along with most everyone else in the capital  though it was amusing to see the hordes scrambling for chicken feet in a decidedly un-socially-distanced Makro. 

 

Prayut’s fine for not wearing a mask, the only one in Bangkok we were told, was compared to a dozen others issued elsewhere. One police chief said two miscreants in Ayutthaya should not have been fined 500 baht and they were promptly relieved of their fine and sent to court to pay more!

 

Koh Samet - a place Rooster has visited more than 40 times in what seems like a past life - was shut for two weeks and Koh Chang looked to be heading that way.

 

After, surprise surprise, the virus was brought to hotel staff from Songkran tourists. 

 

Posters on the forum were in good form on the Covid Czar story. One went with “Arise Sir Czar - may the farce be with you!”. Many clicked ‘like’ on “Anyone who plays console or PC games will recognise this as god mode”, while others went with “Cool, now we know who we can blame” and “King Canute he is not”.

 

Yes, it’s not just Rooster that likes a sarky dig though I was obliged to take some flak last week for wanting to see covid deniers and misinformation spreaders prosecuted.

 

Rooster was slammed as a denier of free speech, an idiot, a moron, Joe Stalin and compared to Goebbels. 

 

And they were just the nice ones. I stick by everything I said but I did take exception at being repeatedly called a “sheep”.

 

I’m a cock and one that crows, I’ll clue ya and besides, to further quote a departed columnist of yore, I don’t give a hoot. 

 

Finally, in what fully deserved the addition of the “Amazing Thailand” tag, an army recruit who robbed a gold shop in Pantip Plaza, Bangkok, was taken on a reenactment.

 

Wearing a full white hazmat suit, shield, mask and handcuffs. 

 

Hapless Worathon, 21, told the cops he didn’t have the bus fare to return to base so he robbed the shop of a million baht in jewelry before entrusting his uncle, who had raised him since childhood, with most of the loot.

 

From the sale of one necklace he got enough to return to his hometown in Loei not by bus but in some considerable style before his inevitable arrest.

 

He did the 600 km trip in a taxi. 

 

Rooster

 

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2021-05-02

 

- Whatever you're going through, the Samaritans are here for you

- Follow Thaivisa on LINE for breaking COVID-19 updates

 

[clivebaxter]

Not bored enough to read it!

[Tropicalevo]

Nice one (again).

Thank you - nuff said.

[colinneil]

1 hour ago, rooster59 said:

pleasure. Diss you my Lord? Absolutely not! The delay in picking up was because I was “graaping” the phone as a matter of fact in advance of

More likely delay in pickup the phone, was he was busy emptying brown envelopes, and putting uncles share to 1 side.

[bluesofa]

1 minute ago, colinneil said:

More likely delay in pickup the phone, was he was busy emptying brown envelopes, and putting uncles share to 1 side.

Talking about 'brown' envelopes, I thought for second that was Prawit.

[Justgrazing]

1 hour ago, rooster59 said:

Deep within the bowels -

 

6 minutes ago, bluesofa said:

Talking about 'brown' envelopes, I thought for second that was Prawit.

 

I thought the bit at the top referred to DPM Prawit ..

[bluesofa]

3 minutes ago, Justgrazing said:

1 hour ago, rooster59 said:

Deep within the bowels -

 

10 minutes ago, bluesofa said:

Talking about 'brown' envelopes, I thought for second that was Prawit.

 

I thought the bit at the top referred to DPM Prawit ..

Yeah, but I'd always imagine it would be the bit at the bottom...

[mahtin]

But Trink was classier.

[WineOh]

1 hour ago, clivebaxter said:

Not bored enough to read it!

same

[Andycoops]

The opening phone call recital was a classic. 

 

[sead]

They need to get people out not like the OP haha. But i actually read all and it was a fun read

[Grusa]

1 hour ago, WineOh said:

same

 

3 hours ago, clivebaxter said:

Not bored enough to read it!

Not up to the usual standard. Drivel.

[overt2016]

Don't whatever you do give up your day job.

[Flying Saucage]

Great read Rooster, thanks!

[Todd Saed]

the only entertaining columnist alive,  a bit off here, but still way above

[Petrus]

How can they be too boored to read but take the trouble to criticise?

 

Pay no attention to the whiners Rooster, your phone call was classic

[friendofthai]

6 hours ago, rooster59 said:

This got me thinking and Vlad told me all about him and a chap called Navalny and how that worked out so well. 

This guy, Navalny, has been a pain in the aรร for a long time for us, Russians. He told us that in the West there are fair elections, democracy and freedom of speech. We really had no idea what to do with him for a long time because many people believed him.
But, suddenly the US elections came to the rescue. Navalny supporters had to listen all those "freedom of speech? Parler? hahaha"
"just write his name somewhere and see - troll post removed/banned/deleted"
"fair elections? look at this live video!"
Thanks to this people who had any illusions do not have them any more.

[Susco]

5 hours ago, bluesofa said:

Talking about 'brown' envelopes, I thought for second that was Prawit.

 

Talking about watch man, haven't seen him in the news for ages. You sure he's still kicking it?

[kynikoi]

Way too much time on your hands dude.

[NRGF]

7 hours ago, clivebaxter said:

Not bored enough to read it!

But bored enough to write a comment.

 

[Mark mark]

"Yes, it’s not just Rooster that likes a sarky dig though I was obliged to take some flak last week for wanting to see covid deniers and misinformation spreaders prosecuted."

 

Yes I totally agree with you Rooster. ... I find it really annoying just to watch, or just hear about these people, who just seem intent on ruining, what is left of the lives ! of us People that just want to get on with it !!! ... 

 

And well now the Indian situation is starting to look bad for me here still stuck in Australia also, with the Australian government now said to be ? Canceling flights from KL and Singapore ? … As well as India ! ? ... As they say that, Australian citizens trying to return from India are using them as a back door way of getting back in !

 

…. Including some of our cricketers, as well as a Lot of Ethic Indian Australians, who returned back to their original home to there, quite recently for funerals, and Family problems, … and now the situation there has just got Really REALLY Bad ! have just decide that they Really just want to get back to Australia now !!!

 

Like a flight from KL, that was Deigned entry just last week I think, had ? Something like 70 People on it ? ...  Of which about 68 of them ? Had just transited back there from India ...

 

… So well SIA still would have all of it's planed Flights listed on their site I am sure …  but well, do you think that they will still fly them ? ... After I finish my Vaccination ... and try to get back Home !!! ??? …  In July let’s say ???

 

… Well let’s Hope so Right, Aye !!!

[clivebaxter]

2 hours ago, Petrus said:

How can they be too boored to read but take the trouble to criticise?

 

Pay no attention to the whiners Rooster, your phone call was classic

 

Takes far less time to say not bored enough to read it ???? from what I remember of other pieces tries too hard to impress and be funny, drips with insincerity.

[RobMuir]

5 hours ago, Grusa said:

 

Not up to the usual standard. Drivel.

Usual standard.

Drivel.

[BostonRob2]

1 hour ago, clivebaxter said:

 

Takes far less time to say not bored enough to read it ???? from what I remember of other pieces tries too hard to impress and be funny, drips with insincerity.

How is Rooster insincere exactly? 

 

His track record, and it is long and consistent, is one of sincerity.

 

No one has to like the column, you don't have to read it or like him, but taking cheap shots like that are indicative of a keyboard warrior who perhaps is jealous of the writer's experience and ability. 

[Farang99]

"Good news, it appeared, came for migrants and expats in Thailand who should be vaxxed for free starting July or August. What with easing of some immigration requirements and an ever improving pound it could soon be time for even Brits to break into a smile. "

 

Only farang with Thai Social Security or Thai ID are allowed to register for vaccination. As I am ancient, fragile and lack any but the data necessary to repeatedly extend my Thai marriage visa I am not going to put myself at risk by going to the Ampheur to try and get the appropriate ID  I will just have to keep my fingers crossed that the virus passes me by

[Artisi]

13 hours ago, NRGF said:

But bored enough to write a comment.

 

Replace bored with boring and you're on the right track. 

[Mark mark]

Keep it up Rooster, … You are the Writer, and They … / We are only the Bloggers.

 

Though I will note re.  your … “What with easing of some immigration requirements” statement …

 

I have just searched the Thai Embassy hear’s web site, pretty well, … and the regulations for the COE and entry, seem to be all just the same as they were before ! … Like the Quarantine period on arrival has been put back up to 14 days, for everyone, … even people who have been vaccinated !!! – “After advice from the Virus control Health Department” ? or some reason like that.

 

I suspect that the professional and trained people, are now thinking that the Virus’s Mutations are developing, and spreading faster than the vaccines are being developed !!! … Which, Is NOT a good thing for anybody. … Still, let’s hope that it still stops you getting sick, becoming seriously infectious ! ? …. or Dyeing, ... even if now you can quite probably become infected by the variants. … Even if Vaccinated.

 

(By Astra Zeneca in My Case, though God, it is a long LONG time between their two shots !!!)

 

And that they ? / Some one, find good boosters to apply some time pretty soon also.

[Mark mark]

Well Possibly I am stepping over the line a bit here, but if so, well just Pull it Rooster. … Things are not very good, and I understand. … But well re the CV 19 Disaster in India, its relevance, and how it is possibly being Viewed Internationally, Including from Thailand. ???

 

The Australian Border force and Quarantine people have just reported a quite high, disconnect, between Indian Australian passengers testing negative in India, so being allowed to board flights back to Australia, … but then testing Positive for it when they get off the planes here !  … Almost exhausting the places in Hotel Quarantine here.  …  And increasing of incidents where the virus gets out of Quarantine, and in to the community .... Again !!! … Probably traveling on droplets in the air, out in to the corridors or between rooms and infecting the Guards and other people ! ? …

 

And this is driving the cancelation of any flights from India, or ones which have any sort of large numbers of People from India on them …  The Arab Emirates, Duola or Dibai ? I think ? ... KL, and Singapore having been mentioned, ... If they can find these flights of course. …

 

And now they are talking about fining any one that tries to fund a way in around these bans, … $5,000 or Goaling them for up to 5 years !!! Which well !!! … Quite possibly will be quashed Internationally.

 

But the explanation is that the testing of the passengers in India before they board the flights is “In Accurate” as well, that is all that they can say I guess! ? … Though any one that knows anything about, India … and the majority of our population here, … quite possibly might be seeing it simply as as probable bribery ? ??? …

 

And Despite the Human situation … like they might die in India d/t the lack of Oxygen, or Doctors, Or ICU beds !!! … So why not let them go back to Australia ASAP, and use our facilities .. and survive. … But our general Population, will probably backing everything that the government will do to stop them, I am sure. 

 

… And I wonder what Thailand will do ? … My Wife there said on Video Chat !!! The new Way !!!  That there are over 2,000 infections again there, and 30 Deaths per 24 hrs., just a few Minutes ago.

 

Still Human beings, ... we are emotional, BUT also very smart Creatures also … So Well, … One day this all might just be a great Children’s story, … To keep them away from Strangers, and get them to wash their hands. ? Right.

 

… The day the Australian government Banned all inward flights from India, or those with a lot of people coming from India on them !!! … And then threatened to fine them $5,000 or put them in Goal for 5 Years if they were caught trying it ? … (I cannot see that this threat will ever hold, though the government’s lawyer says that it is quite possible and constitutional with the present laws here in Australia. ! ? )

[Fex Bluse]

On 5/2/2021 at 1:47 PM, rooster59 said:

“Hello Big Nut?

 

That's great.

[overt2016]

On 5/2/2021 at 5:41 PM, Todd Saed said:

the only entertaining columnist alive,  a bit off here, but still way above

the dead ones. [finished that for you]..