Face

[Kanada]

9 hours ago, Saraburi121 said:

Sometimes differences have to be expressed in my experience, its just how you say or express it that means the difference.  Not talking about a night out in a bar but living in a village. Living here in a small village I was very passive at first but learned that I needed to show I would not put up with certain things.  If you don't you will get run over probably because the folks think you are weak.  Its a fine line.  Avoid direct confrontations and let the wife handle as much as possible but sometimes you have to stand your ground.  Living here the last thing you want are confrontations but don't be seen as afraid. Great relations in the village except for one individual who no one likes anyway. 

Good rules to live by anywhere I’d say????

[Kanada]

I think the “term” FACE may have thrown some....

Seems to me every country/continent has Face only by another name...I hear the term “respect” thrown around a lot in US...everyone wants their respect (always thought that was something you earned) but apparently not!

Point is in a lot of countries we have less inhibitions when it comes to drawing attention to ourselves and our shortcomings...we are able to laugh easily at ourselves and most certainly at our best friends????

Its just not taken so lightly here!

 

Face is all around you in Thailand....whether you see it or not is up to you but it does carry a lot of weight at least with the older generation 

[Kanada]

9 hours ago, Saraburi121 said:

Sometimes differences have to be expressed in my experience, its just how you say or express it that means the difference.  Not talking about a night out in a bar but living in a village. Living here in a small village I was very passive at first but learned that I needed to show I would not put up with certain things.  If you don't you will get run over probably because the folks think you are weak.  Its a fine line.  Avoid direct confrontations and let the wife handle as much as possible but sometimes you have to stand your ground.  Living here the last thing you want are confrontations but don't be seen as afraid. Great relations in the village except for one individual who no one likes anyway. 

That’s certainly true...there’s only two people in this town we will do any real business with....my wife deals with him but I’m almost always there...his crew has done out electrical upgrade...plumbing upgrade and roof soffits as well as new pressure pump with never a problem (so far)....comes I with a large crew and almost in every case done in a day even it it’s dark when they leave!

The other one supplies us with man power when we need it....we tip the workers well and they always want to come back...three 145# Thai men get a lot of work done in a day!!!

When we buy large electrical items TV , fridge etc. it’s almost always in ChiangMai with a large company that has delivery and warranty and has treated us well

Day to day we buy as much as we can at the market and try to buy a little from each vendor!

The old ladies will skin me for an extra ten baht if I’m alone...I tolerate a little of that????

[RobMuir]

15 hours ago, topt said:

Perhaps not a good example (from you) but not sure I understand why you would want to actively humiliate a worker in a Home Pro for no reason other than they were "useless". Not a good look in my view......

If it were back in my home country I would give him a verbal spray and call him a useless p....k to his face.

But anger doesn't work in these situations in Thailand. So I use face loss.

 

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Hopefully Pon will have a good hard look at himself and harden up and make a success out of his life now.

 

[elgenon]

They also might not respond to a Line or a text or an email. I've learned that this is OK. Nice.

[AquaThai]

On 5/15/2021 at 4:34 PM, Kanada said:

What an interesting comment!

I have found when you have some money you soon find it’s a short term answer to any problem!
It certainly does not trump your integrity or your reputation!

 

Integrity and reputation  in this town.  You must live in another world or have yet to dive deep into the culture.   They will practically do anything  for money.  One of the oldest facts of life is, "everyone  has a price."

[Kanada]

18 minutes ago, AquaThai said:

Integrity and reputation  in this town.  You must live in another world or have yet to dive deep into the culture.   They will practically do anything  for money.  One of the oldest facts of life is, "everyone  has a price."

I don’t live in another world and I don’t have a price....simply said money isn’t everything!

Ask Bill Gates...he’s just announced his divorce...didn’t make him happy!

Just because that’s who you see in the mirror every day doesn’t mean everyone else sees the same thing!

Issan farm girls and 20 year old bar girls are not the average Thai....they are  just “your average” Thai!

I don’t live in that world so I have a different opinion.

[AquaThai]

1 hour ago, Kanada said:

I don’t live in another world and I don’t have a price....simply said money isn’t everything!

Ask Bill Gates...he’s just announced his divorce...didn’t make him happy!

Just because that’s who you see in the mirror every day doesn’t mean everyone else sees the same thing!

Issan farm girls and 20 year old bar girls are not the average Thai....they are  just “your average” Thai!

I don’t live in that world so I have a different opinion.

Keep telling yourself  that.  If you live here you are here for a vice you cant fulfill in your hime country.  We have a saying that holds true to you.  You're not fooling anyone but yourself. 

[from the home of CC]

On 5/15/2021 at 8:54 PM, bermondburi said:

Yes, you are fortunate. One of the lucky ones privileged by the fortune of your birthplace.

 

I would suggest that 99.9% of most people's problems are caused by the lack of money. That you have found differently is indeed your good fortune. 

through my travels in life I've met many who had financial security but were miserable as hell..

[Kanada]

55 minutes ago, from the home of CC said:

through my travels in life I've met many who had financial security but were miserable as hell..

As I just mentioned to someone

Bill Gates just announced his divorce....he’s not very happy 

[AquaThai]

47 minutes ago, Kanada said:

Well took some doing to read that....you obviously aren’t educated so some of your views might be justified!

No my wife is pretty close to my age and we are happy together even in the heat and restricted travel!

we aren’t making any babies as I think I understand your writing too ok mean...

We have a moderate but nicely appointed home with some happy pets and looking forward to going to the families home at the sea 

She was successful in business and so was I but both retired now!

Now let me see if I can decipher your last paragraph......

Oh yes....holier than thou!

Doesn’t sound like you really understand the meaning of that phrase but I believe your meaning is that I think I’m better than you?!

Well yes....just reading your post would justify that thought....in your case yes I do...definitely...yes????

Then obviously bu your own admission and continued fodder of words you do think you have everyone fooled.  You once again only fool yourself.    You can't change their culture  no matter the situation  of social class.  I'm sure she will enjoy spending  your dime when you are gone.  Close to your age ...indeed, you say more about the facts, and expose exactly why you came here and that you are no different  than anyone else here.  You are here to get that which you couldn't in your own country.  "Close in age."  No you arent.  At a minimum  theres a ten year gap, and you attempt to look down on everyone who addressed the fact you are no different,  as you came here to take advantage  of the culture, and its opportunities afforded because  its different  than what you could meet in your home country.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, AquaThai said:

I bet hes happier than your small minded self can forsee.  He will still be wealrhy, and he will not be dwelling in the past.  

Most divorced men aren't all that happy about the divorce.

I certainly wasn't, but I've made the best of it with a lot of younger and more attractive women.

 

Bill Gates has a lot of money, but I'm guessing he won't leave the western world and will expose himself to a bit of asset stripping by a series of younger gold-diggers (if Robin Williams is anything to go by).

 

How did we get from 'face' to 'Bill Gates'?

Edited May 20, 2021 by BritManToo

[AquaThai]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Most divorced men aren't all that happy about the divorce.

I certainly wasn't, but I've made the best of it with a lot of younger and more attractive women.

 

Bill Gates has a lot of money, but I'm guessing he won't leave the western world and will expose himself to a bit of asset stripping by a series of younger gold-diggers (if Robin Williams is anything to go by).

I wasnt happy at first with my divorce.   And history will always be whats behind.  But divorce offten as it does opens new and better opportunities.   If one learns from their mistakes.  Mr. Gates obviously wasn't  happily  married if the allegations from the women coming forward, and excursion he made with them on private trips ate true.  Theres always some truth to rumors.

[CharlieH]

Flame exchange removed. Forum rule 7.

 

Anymore and you both will be suspended.

[Saraburi121]

An example maybe or maybe not of losing face may be as simple as this.  I tossed a roll of tape to a man working on the roof because the ladder was not available. He cursed me and wanted to fight.  Wife explained to me it is not polite to toss anything, only to dogs.  Had no idea.  He came down and we had an animated conversation translated through my wife that I had no idea that was impolite.  Spent years working with Thais and had no idea.  Stood my ground and explained through my wife I don't know everything about Thai culture but respect it but respect me too. He was still angry but didn't work for me again.  Respect works both ways. 

[faraday]

5 hours ago, Saraburi121 said:

Stood my ground and explained through my wife I don't know everything about Thai culture but respect it but respect me too. He was still angry but didn't work for me again.  Respect works both ways. 

Did you apologise? 

 

[Kanada]

8 hours ago, Saraburi121 said:

An example maybe or maybe not of losing face may be as simple as this.  I tossed a roll of tape to a man working on the roof because the ladder was not available. He cursed me and wanted to fight.  Wife explained to me it is not polite to toss anything, only to dogs.  Had no idea.  He came down and we had an animated conversation translated through my wife that I had no idea that was impolite.  Spent years working with Thais and had no idea.  Stood my ground and explained through my wife I don't know everything about Thai culture but respect it but respect me too. He was still angry but didn't work for me again.  Respect works both ways. 

Yes I learned that my tossing the tv remote to my wife five feet away...she just said “not polite “

They are small things and I don’t have a problem learning and living their way...I’m in their country so I’m not going to try to force my ways!

I remember how we felt when Indians, Pakistanis and Asian first started to come to Canada 

we would say....”our country learn our ways!!”

Ill do the same for them

[Saraburi121]

4 hours ago, faraday said:

Did you apologise? 

 

No apologies just explained to him I didn’t know.  Then I fired him and told him never to come back for cursing me.  

[poskat]

face is just one of the ways thais avoid accountability. When a thai lies and another person calls them on their BS, socially, the one calling BS is the Axxhole.

 

Similarly, the mai phen rai thing is just a social construct that just means "I wont call you out for your screwing up and you dont call me out for my screw-ups"

[Leaver]

A Thai reality TV show should do an experiment where they get Somchai off the rice farm in Issan, give him a haircut and a shave, dress him in a suit, and give him a BMW with chauffer for the day, so we can see how he handles gaining "face." 

 

Then, they get a hiso Thai and put him on a nightshift in a 7/11 in a tourist area and see how he enjoys losing "face."  

 

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