Age Gap Relationships... in the Later Years? (Opinions/Experiences Sought)

[NoshowJones]

On 4/5/2022 at 12:07 AM, BangkokReady said:

I'm curious what you consider to be "buying".  Suppose a twenty something university educated girl is willing to marry a man twenty years older than her, so not a bar-girl, massive dowry, fee paid to the parents every month, type of deal.  Perhaps she wants a boost in social status, a half-White baby, a husband with a higher paying job, perhaps she has heard that foreign guys are more supportive, like brown or fat girls ("ugly"), less likely to cheat, etc..  Is that still "buying a girl"?

 

I realise we're a little off topic, but I'm interested to hear your thoughts.

My wife is a university educated girl, I never paid a dowry, or have financially supported any of her family, she is above average in looks and we lived together for five years before we got married.

[BangkokReady]

14 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

Yes, the big bellied, facial haired lot certainly look about 20 years older than their age.

I would say that the person you are replying to is looking at this select group and assuming that they represent the majority of Westerners.

[BangkokReady]

11 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

Money is no factor at all with Mrs Possum and me, I am 20 years older, she has her money and I have mine, and it has been highly successful the 15 years we have been together.

What do you put the tolerance of the age-gap down to then?  It just wasn't ever a factor?  Or there is something else about you (or about her)?

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, RafPinto said:

I am slowing down.

Now only 5x a night. 8 was a bit too much. Got cramps everywhere.

I do love a good bull$$$$er.

[NoshowJones]

On 4/5/2022 at 6:50 AM, BritManToo said:

My Thai cycling pal, age 64, retired schoolteacher, has a 24yo girlfriend (younger than his daughter).

My woman's best pal, age 43, has a Thai boyfriend, builder age 66.

Italian guy down the road, age 58, has a Thai wife age 58.

 

As far as I can see your post is complete nonsense.

Or maybe you don't know any Thais?

I worked with a school teacher who is now 43 and his wife an ex bargirl, is 53, although he never met her until she had left the bar, they now have two teenage daughters.

[starky]

16 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Are all university aged Thai women same same?

Some will prefer Thai men, some Japanese, some farangs, and and and

Is it so absurd for me to suggest that in 2022, in the boundaries of the OP as written, that a 20-25 year old university educated Thai girl (as opposed to your off topic suggestions) is probably NOT looking for a 40-45 year old falang as a life partner in the first instance?

  Probably the reason I stay out of the pub thread for the most part as it definitiely panders to a certain type of dinosaur.

 Keeping in mind we arent talking about short times or sugar daddies or flings but in the context of this op that this is the sort of person they would be looking for in terms of marriage and children.

[OneMoreFarang]

12 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

I  wonder if Thai women actually want to be treated badly, or believe it is what they deserve in some way, as it is what they are used to.

I think with (almost?) any relationship between two or more Thai people there is often a clear pecking order. Who is in charge, who tells the others what to do, and who listens and does what he/she was told to do.

With Thai and Thai people together that is established and it works. That's the way it is.

 

But farang men were told by farang women now for many years that they are all equal. It is not he who makes the decisions, they make the decisions together. And for a farang couple that might work.

But if a farang man meets a Thai woman and the Thai woman expects that one of them is in charge and the farang man thinks they should decide together that does (I think almost always) not work.

Because when she realizes that he is not in charge and doesn't even want to be in charge then she will take control. And he, being a nice guy, will understand and accept that she should make decisions. The problem is that he thinks she will makes some decisions and he will make some decisions. But it doesn't work like that. When she realizes that she can be in charge then she knows she is in charge and will tell him to shut up and do what she tells him to do. And too many guys realize that too late. Game over.

And some guys learn from that. They realize: One of us will be in charge. It's me or her. And if I don't want that she is in charge (alone) then the only way to prevent this is to make sure I am in charge.

And if it is established who is in charge then "normal life" can continue, because the ground rules are set.

 

Thai guys have this behavior internalized. They make sure that she never gets the idea that she could be in charge or that she could be an equal. I am sure that explains a lot about Thai relations.

 

P.S.: And if you think you don't want to be the dominant guy in your relationship with your Thai darling then you don't have to wait too long before she will be the dominant person in your relationship. 

[RafPinto]

9 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think with (almost?) any relationship between two or more Thai people there is often a clear pecking order. Who is in charge, who tells the others what to do, and who listens and does what he/she was told to do.

With Thai and Thai people together that is established and it works. That's the way it is.

 

But farang men were told by farang women now for many years that they are all equal. It is not he who makes the decisions, they make the decisions together. And for a farang couple that might work.

But if a farang man meets a Thai woman and the Thai woman expects that one of them is in charge and the farang man thinks they should decide together that does (I think almost always) not work.

Because when she realizes that he is not in charge and doesn't even want to be in charge then she will take control. And he, being a nice guy, will understand and accept that she should make decisions. The problem is that he thinks she will makes some decisions and he will make some decisions. But it doesn't work like that. When she realizes that she can be in charge then she knows she is in charge and will tell him to shut up and do what she tells him to do. And too many guys realize that too late. Game over.

And some guys learn from that. They realize: One of us will be in charge. It's me or her. And if I don't want that she is in charge (alone) then the only way to prevent this is to make sure I am in charge.

And if it is established who is in charge then "normal life" can continue, because the ground rules are set.

 

Thai guys have this behavior internalized. They make sure that she never gets the idea that she could be in charge or that she could be an equal. I am sure that explains a lot about Thai relations.

 

P.S.: And if you think you don't want to be the dominant guy in your relationship with your Thai darling then you don't have to wait too long before she will be the dominant person in your relationship. 

And too many foreigners let their wifes/girlfriends take control of finances 555

 

Ridiculous.
I just bring here, what I need to live a good life. Monthly. The rest stays invested in Europe, far away from greedy eyes.

[BangkokReady]

10 minutes ago, starky said:

Is it so absurd for me to suggest that in 2022, in the boundaries of the OP as written, that a 20-25 year old university educated Thai girl (as opposed to your off topic suggestions) is probably NOT looking for a 40-45 year old falang as a life partner in the first instance?

I realise you aren't replying to me, but hopefully you won't mind me answering.

 

There's nothing wrong with you suggesting that an early twenties university educated Thai girl's first choice is not a foreign man 20 years her senior.  However, you cannot say that there is absolutely no early twenties university educated Thai girl whose first choice is a foreign man 20 years her senior. 

 

Also, you cannot say that a "first choice" is always relevant in terms of who the girl chooses to be with, as there may be other factors that limit the choice of men available to her or incentivise her to choose a foreign man 20 years her senior.

[NoshowJones]

44 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

What do you put the tolerance of the age-gap down to then?  It just wasn't ever a factor?  Or there is something else about you (or about her)?

This is the first time I have never known how to answer a post, your first question. I don't know. Your second, I don't understand. Your third, I cannot think of anything.

[473geo]

16 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Good luck with that.

I find it always amazing how many guys move with the wife to her home town/village. And then it's game over.

You have to be equipped to adapt, never a boring day for me, in fact I am starting to appreciate the occasional hour or two where I am not so busy ???? my wife is 20+ years younger than me and a real grafter, this encourages me to be extremely active as I was prior to moving to Thailand. I participate, provide solutions, a help rather than a hindrance. ????For me years ago being at the beach or playing in bars all day passed its sell by date, I needed more and here in the village there are so many options, but only if one carries a useful rural skillset ????

 

 

[Adumbration]

On 4/5/2022 at 3:09 AM, cobra said:

I think the real issue is, can a relationship with a significant age difference even sustain itself, as it is an eventuality that the vagaries of age will certainly manifest in one form or another, be it dementia, heart disease, stroke, etc.

 

Would a Thai spouse wish to take that on, could they even do it ?

 

I suppose if the revenue stream is ample enough, maybe they'll farm you off to another family member to care for you, or maybe you'll find yourself alone and discarded.

 

Not an enviable position to be in at that age.

Not a valid point and certainly not logical.

 

If you did not have a younger partner but rather a partner of your own age then the possibility that she also falls ill and cannot care for you is obvious.

[Adumbration]

20 minutes ago, 473geo said:

but only if one carries a useful rural skillset ????

 

 

I read that as being able to pick ones nose and remove headlice with a hair brush.

[473geo]

13 minutes ago, Adumbration said:

I read that as being able to pick ones nose and remove headlice with a hair brush.

If that is the skillset you possess could well read that way ????

[NanLaew]

On 4/5/2022 at 12:33 AM, Adumbration said:

Do you even live in Thailand?  Show me just one Thai guy who has a mia noi the same age as him.

The sister-in-law's ex-husband.

 

In other news, her new boyfriend is younger than her but looks older.

[JackGats]

Thailand the land of age-gap relationships? I'd say not any more. Of course my experience is limited to my wealth bracket. I have a working girl who's been my regular for short times for over 2 years now, we get on very well even outside the sheets but she doesn't want to spend more time with me.  I'm convinced this is because I'm too old for her to be comfortable being seen with.

 

Thailand is no longer a poor country. Even in poor Africa these days girls learn through social media what kind of men they should go for (young & handsome). Gone are the days when all they wanted was a well-heeled fatherly figure.

 

This being said, if an old fart like me wants to become a short-lived ATM pig for some teenage gold-digger, he can still become one if he plays his cards right.

[OneMoreFarang]

8 hours ago, rimmae2 said:

Maybe you and the previous poster met women who were initially more conservative than a woman who is looking to 'grab' a farang and your expectations were different.

There is this famous sentence: Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.

I think there is a lot of truth about that. It seems many office girls learned how to behave properly. And they did this most of their life. Maybe if they drink they loosen up, but good girls don't drink (a lot).

On the other hand most bar girls are way past that stage. They drink and smoke and dance do whatever they want. They live their life.

 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

I realise you aren't replying to me, but hopefully you won't mind me answering.

 

There's nothing wrong with you suggesting that an early twenties university educated Thai girl's first choice is not a foreign man 20 years her senior.  However, you cannot say that there is absolutely no early twenties university educated Thai girl whose first choice is a foreign man 20 years her senior. 

 

Also, you cannot say that a "first choice" is always relevant in terms of who the girl chooses to be with, as there may be other factors that limit the choice of men available to her or incentivise her to choose a foreign man 20 years her senior.

And what about if that university educated girl is small and brown? How high are her chances of finding a Thai guy with similar education who wants a little brown girl? Obviously all that is not fair and all that. But it's reality. So if only the darkest 10% are available for farangs that is still more than enough. 

[OneMoreFarang]

27 minutes ago, JackGats said:

Thailand is no longer a poor country. Even in poor Africa these days girls learn through social media what kind of men they should go for (young & handsome).

Young & handsome? Really? How many Thai girls did that, got pregnant and then he was gone?

And maybe they did it again.

The problem with young & handsome guys is that they can have lots of girls. And that is not the perfect situation for a long term relationship.

[Gecko123]

This thread is all over the map because some people are talking about formal marriage while others are talking about casual mistresses and prostitution.

 

Speaking strictly about formal marriages, in my observation the incidence of older Thai males marrying significantly younger women is extremely rare in Thai society, much less so than in Western countries where it isn't that uncommon for affluent males (and sometimes females) to marry much younger spouses.

 

Traditionally, Thailand was an agrarian culture, and a man's able-bodiedness was of paramount importance in terms of ability to work the land. A much older spouse has the major drawback of being unable to contribute labor while the younger female is still physically active. The same is true in many mercantile businesses where the husband and wife work as a team.

 

As far as mia noi type relationships between older Thai men and younger Thai women, these relationships appear to mostly be of a clandestine and nocturnal nature. You simply do not see older Thai men parading down the street or out and about with a young dolly on his arm. So the secretive nature of these relationships belies the claim that Thai culture is permissive in this regards.

 

Many on this forum will remember Yinn, who presented herself as a Thai female. She expressed an attitude towards older foreign men and younger Thai women, many of whom were prostitutes (certainly in red light districts) which I found surprising. Her attitude was that if people wanted to engage in these types of relationships, she didn't think moral judgments should be passed, but she questioned why it should be done out in the open. Spare me the snarky comments about whether you think she is really Thai, but I think that attitude captures the attitude of many Thais.

 

As far as older foreign men marrying younger Thai women, my perception is that these relationships are often viewed cynically, until shown to be otherwise. The assumption is that the motive of the woman is financial, and that there is a fairly high likelihood that the relationship will not stand the test of time. I think it is erroneous to describe Thai culture as infinitely non-judgemental and tolerant, devoid of any sense of societal norms. I think the superficial appearance of tolerance has more to do with a reluctance to meddle in the affairs of other people, but that doesn't mean that tongues aren't wagging out of earshot.

 

[OneMoreFarang]

14 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

Hmm interesting perspective, not one that would work for me.

 

I've never wanted a partner who was lesser than me.

I've cherished the fact that all the women in my life were able to be my intellectual equal and give as good as they get.

I understand that for some, a power, dominant relationship works. But I would suggest that back to the OP, if you are looking for 'love' that probably isn't going to work long term

I don't see my younger gf as "lesser than me". We are different in many ways.

I can't discuss my computer work with her or international politics and many other topics. But that is no problem at all, because I can discuss that with other people who want to talk about those things.

My gf is a great cook, she does the shopping in the fresh market, and she is talented in lots of ways.

We spend most of our time together, but we also have friends independent from each other. I don't know what she talks about with her friends but it might include Thai celebrities, soap operas, ghosts, lottery number and all those things which I absolutely don't care about. And I talk with my friends about things which my gf doesn't care about.

The situation is just fine as long as we all have friends who fulfil different roles. 

[OneMoreFarang]

7 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

As far as mia noi type relationships between older Thai men and younger Thai women, these relationships appear to mostly be of a clandestine nature. You simply do not see older Thai men parading down the street or out and about with a young dolly on his arm.

I agree that we don't see old Thai men walking hand in hand with their young darling on the street and kissing her every couple of minutes. Instead he drives in a Mercedes with tinted windows with her to the next hotel.

 

You can see lots of old guys and relative young and beautiful Thai woman couples in good restaurants. And most of the time he doesn't look at her as if she is his daughter.

 

[OneMoreFarang]

16 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

As far as older foreign men marrying younger Thai women, my perception is that these relationships are often viewed cynically, until shown to be otherwise. The assumption is that the motive of the woman is financial, and that there is a fairly high likelihood that the relationship will not stand the test of time. I think it is erroneous to describe Thai culture as infinitely non-judgemental and tolerant, devoid of any sense of societal norms. I think the superficial appearance of tolerance has more to do with a reluctance to meddle in the affairs of other people, but that doesn't mean that tongues aren't wagging out of earshot.

I am sure it depends a lot on where you live and which places you visit.

I.e. I live in lower Sukhumvit in Bangkok. Age gap farang Thai couples are normal in this area. I would be surprised if many people think much about them.

The only people who seem to look are the new arriving tourists when the old woman points out to her old husband that old guy with the young girl. Obviously she is disgusted by this view. And obviously he thinks how wonderful life could be with such a girl. ???? 

[GinBoy2]

6 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I am sure it depends a lot on where you live and which places you visit.

I.e. I live in lower Sukhumvit in Bangkok. Age gap farang Thai couples are normal in this area. I would be surprised if many people think much about them.

The only people who seem to look are the new arriving tourists when the old woman points out to her old husband that old guy with the young girl. Obviously she is disgusted by this view. And obviously he thinks how wonderful life could be with such a girl. ???? 

Not sure I agree with some of that.

Obviously I've seen a lot of it, but I'm not sure I ever feel totally comfortable with it.

 

It's especially true when I see an older farangs slopping around the mall with a couple of rugrats.

 

I was still in my 40's when my son was born. He grew up with us messing around, playing ball, usual dad/son rough n tumble. He's a man now in a relationship and I'm still young enough to look forward to my grandkids being able to know their grandfather.

 

But there may be a bit of a culture thing in all of this. My wife is a little bit of an odd duck, since she grew up as a teenager in Chicago after her parents died so she straddles two cultures.

 

I remember after we moved to Thailand from Singapore we went to Pattaya for a weekend. I was fuc***ing horrified down walking st that my teenage son was seeing this.

 

My wife on the other hand was much more sanguine, 'hey they gotta support their family so whats the problem'

 

So maybe my inherent biases kick in, I don't know

[BritManToo]

4 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

I remember after we moved to Thailand from Singapore we went to Pattaya for a weekend. I was fuc***ing horrified down walking st that my teenage son was seeing this.

 

My wife on the other hand was much more sanguine, 'hey they gotta support their family so whats the problem'

So you were the only middle aged man on the planet not to know the reason Pattaya was famous. As for your son, if he was under 14 he wouldn't notice, if he was over 14 it would have been constantly on his mind anyway.

[GinBoy2]

Just now, BritManToo said:

So you were the only middle aged man on the planet not to know the reason Pattaya was famous.

Seriously until we went to live in Thailand I had no idea what Pattaya was. One trip and i was 'educated' so to speak

[Will B Good]

26 years age difference. never think about it, never bothered me and never had any cause to be concerned......except once.........

 

Sat in an Irish bar in Paris and two woman walked towards me and the wife, each carrying a pint of Guinness. Wife was 23 at the time.

 

I was convinced they were going to throw the beers in our faces.

 

They put the beers down on our table and said.....that's for you....the prettiest girl in the world......and that's for....the luckiest <deleted> in the world.

[OneMoreFarang]

22 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

Seriously until we went to live in Thailand I had no idea what Pattaya was. One trip and i was 'educated' so to speak

That's what I told my mother when she asked me about my first holiday in Pattaya.

Mother, I was shocked! I read about that nice beach resort and that that. Shocking! And I walked around for three weeks to check if there was anywhere a quiet corner. But no, bars everywhere. Shocking!

I have to check next year if anything changed. 

[BangkokReady]

1 minute ago, Will B Good said:

26 years age difference. never think about it, never bothered me and never had any cause to be concerned......except once.........

What about with her parents?  Were you concerned about what they might think?  Were you closer to the age of her parents than you were to her?

[Will B Good]

15 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

What about with her parents?  Were you concerned about what they might think?  Were you closer to the age of her parents than you were to her?

Older than both her parents (real mum and step-dad) by about 5/6 years.

 

I honestly can't recall being concerned, although I don't know why I wouldn't have been.

 

I think as the wife had no hesitation (or showed no hesitation) in introducing me to the family, and it is huge (80% of the village), I just didn't think about it.

 

What problems there were, arose with my kids initially, as the wife is younger than my two eldest. My youngest was 18 at the time and a little anti- at first, but emotions soon settled down and we have all holidayed together, been to family events etc......no problems.