Help, against good advice offered here, I married my long term GF in Isaan. Coming apart, advice please.

[KhaoYai]

Just now, steven100 said:

The reality is you are correct,  I would be concerned about my own well being in that house if she wants him out, especially if he has nobody to watch him. 

He certainly needs to take measures to protect himself but he should at least take legal advice.  That advice may well tell him to get the hell out of there.

[OneMoreFarang]

3 hours ago, notrub said:

She took the keys for my motorbike (returned), truck keys and now i think she has my credit card wallet.

Go to the police and tell them she stole your property.

And if she would use a credit card with your name on it then I guess that would be fraud. 

Fight that bitch! Don't let her destroy your life. 

[steven100]

10 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Go to the police and tell them she stole your property.

And if she would use a credit card with your name on it then I guess that would be fraud. 

Fight that bitch! Don't let her destroy your life. 

That's easier said than done ... imagine yourself in his shoes, going to the police etc .... all while she's at the house and wants him gone ... what do you think the environment will be like when he's back from the station after reporting her stealing his stuff .....  and especially at night when all you can hear are the crickets .. 

 

 

 

 

[JackGats]

4 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

Life's too short, end it

For a moment I thought you were advocating suicide.

[spidermike007]

Get out. Get out now. If you have to move, try to sell the house. If not, just move on. How can you stay in the village after kicking her out of the house? 

 

Life is too short. Hopefully, you have some good, remaining years. But, not enough time to spend another week with this horrific imitation of a woman. She sounds dreadful. I would end it tomorrow. Whatever it takes. Start by kicking her out of the house. 

[Furioso]

49 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

 

 

I guess it's either they feel that the house is theirs because you married them, or you're a foreigner so they can rip you off without consequence, but either way it's completely messed up.

It's the same everywhere I go. A woman looks for a man to give her a house. It's all they care about, they are 100% consumed by getting a free house. And yes, they have been taught their whole lives that somehow they deserve it. 

 

This never ending obsession with a house has ruined a large part of the world. 

[driver52]

3 hours ago, notrub said:

I am 75 today

Happy Birthday!

Have you got a spare room and if so have you thought about getting a lodger in case she comes at you with a rolling pin or even worse?

Good luck! Women over a certain age just seem to go all hormonal ????

[2009]

1.  Report your credit card and other possessions stolen.

2. Move to Pattaya.

3. Divorce her.

4. Get her out your house til you die.

 

Could you rent the house out?

 

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I don't think you can stay in her house in her village happily and safely forever.

 

It's over.

 

It's just another case of putting all your eggs in a woman's basket and she knows she ain't gonna get much more out you, so she's showing her true colors.

 

Enjoy your golden years.

 

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

39 minutes ago, steven100 said:

That's easier said than done ... imagine yourself in his shoes, going to the police etc .... all while she's at the house and wants him gone ... what do you think the environment will be like when he's back from the station after reporting her stealing his stuff .....  and especially at night when all you can hear are the crickets .. 

Now it's bad, then maybe it will be worse.

Maybe, because maybe if he is playing it right, then she will realize that he will not just lay down and let her beat him up. Maybe that will bring her more to a position of compromise. 

 

As far as I see it, he lives already in bad conditions. How would you feel if your wife goes on a holiday with her new lover and then tells you to move out? That's pretty bad from my point of view.

[FriendlyFarang]

5 hours ago, notrub said:

I have an usufruct on the land

Did you sign the usufruct before or after you got married?

[bignok]

2 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

Get out. Get out now. If you have to move, try to sell the house. If not, just move on. How can you stay in the village after kicking her out of the house? 

 

Life is too short. Hopefully, you have some good, remaining years. But, not enough time to spend another week with this horrific imitation of a woman. She sounds dreadful. I would end it tomorrow. Whatever it takes. Start by kicking her out of the house. 

Her name is on the land

[JensenZ]

2 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

Get out. Get out now. If you have to move, try to sell the house. If not, just move on. How can you stay in the village after kicking her out of the house? 

 

Life is too short. Hopefully, you have some good, remaining years. But, not enough time to spend another week with this horrific imitation of a woman. She sounds dreadful. I would end it tomorrow. Whatever it takes. Start by kicking her out of the house. 

The OP hasn't got any change of kicking her out the house. He'll have to move out... and as you said, why would he want to stay there anyway. There are better places for old guys to live.

[HauptmannUK]

Sad to hear of an elderly gentleman facing such problems.

I've read about usufructs over the years but to me they seem almost worthless. Would you really want to hang around in the wife's village when probably over half the residents are related to her in some way. Would you feel happy and safe?

My advice would be to get the hell away and deal with the situation remotely.  Gather all important possessions and documents together and make a run for it when she's out. Head to Pattaya. Keep your location a secret.  Decent rooms with A/C can be had for ฿4500/month (I know this for sure because my wife recently let out a couple of rooms at this price).

BE CAREFUL though. Don't eat anything prepared by your wife. Wild yam ('gloy') is popular in Isaan but unless carefully prepared it contains cyanide and has been used to poison people. 

Several years ago an acquaintance of mine had a bust-up with his young wife of three years. He'd done the whole 'house, farm, pick-up truck' thing with her. He fled to Pattaya and stayed in a hotel. She followed him to Pattaya - ostensibly to work on a reconciliation.  After not answering his phone for a couple of days he was found by friends. He was in his locked hotel room. Lying peacefully in his bed, quite dead. No sign of a struggle, no meds in the room.. He was a very fit 50-something fitness freak.....  Never saw his case reported anywhere and never heard any post mortem results...

[bignok]

Lessons

1 dont get married

2 dont buy in their name

3 have a plan b

 

[bignok]

Chiang mai has 3500 baht rooms per month. 6km from old city. 

[Hummin]

Life is to short, leave and find yourself a decent life anywhere else than her hometown. 

[Hummin]

12 minutes ago, bignok said:

Lessons

1 dont get married

2 dont buy in their name

3 have a plan b

 

Do not buy or invest more than you can pack up in your bags and leave, and never look back! 

 

If everyone followed simple rules lime that, and instead invested the rest of the money in an appartment in their own name elsewhere, rented it out, and you would had an safety asset as well for times like this

[bignok]

7 hours ago, notrub said:

Ricky, an Ausie, knew nothing of me and following an exchange of emails, he apologized and disappeared.

Email again. Tell Rick he can buy you out for 500,000. If he offers 300k take it.

[bignok]

2 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Do not buy or invest more than you can pack up in your bags and leave, and never look back! 

 

If everyone followed simple rules lime that, and instead invested the rest of the money in an appartment in their name elsewhere, rented it out, and you would had an safety asset as well for times like this

Or dont buy anything. Just rent. Then go. So many women. Just be mobile.

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, bignok said:

Or dont buy anything. Just rent. Then go. So many women. Just be mobile.

Cheap rent if you manage more than 5 years, included chef, cleaner ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, Hummin said:

Cheap rent if you manage more than 5 years, included chef, cleaner ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

And I enjoy having one woman who I can depend on and care for, who return your caring. 

[bignok]

Just now, Hummin said:

Cheap rent if you manage more than 5 years, included chef, cleaner ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Buying land and build house is 1.2m to 2m. Expensive rent.  8 years is 150k to 250k per year.

 

Rent 60k per year is better. 

 

I wouldnt marry a women over 50yo. Post menopause no good.

[bignok]

3 minutes ago, Hummin said:

And I enjoy having one woman who I can depend on and care for, who return your caring. 

26% chance of success lets say. If she good and under 45yo I agree.

 

 

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, bignok said:

Buying land and build house is 1.2m to 2m. Expensive rent.  8 years is 150k to 250k per year.

 

Rent 60k per year is better. 

 

I wouldnt marry a women over 50yo. Post menopause no good.

What I need and want is a decent home without neighbours with land enough to produce food. 

 

My standard would be rent from 20k a month

[bignok]

2 minutes ago, Hummin said:

What I need and want is a decent home without neighbours with land enough to produce food. 

 

My standard would be rent from 20k a month

Oh well good.

[Hummin]

5 minutes ago, bignok said:

26% chance of success lets say. If she good and under 45yo I agree.

 

 

Thank you for your optimistic analysis, Im 54, she is 37 and Im optimistic we will make it. 26% is quite good odds, much better than lottery. On our 8.  year now ????

[bignok]

3 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Thank you for your optimistic analysis, Im 54, she is 37 and Im optimistic we will make it. 26% is quite good odds, much better than lottery. On our 8.  year now ????

Under 50 is a good start. 13 good years left.

[Hummin]

4 minutes ago, bignok said:

Under 50 is a good start. 13 good years left.

That is great ☺️

[freedomnow]

Oh dear, so sorry for your situation...what an ungrateful ***** she is.

You don't need this at your age.

 

Am really thinking to end it with my g/f too due to incompatibility...not married..long-term like yourself....

[cmjl]

4 hours ago, KhaoYai said:

As you say, you went against the advice previously given and are now paying the price for that.  I don't see too many options for you but I recommend you talk to a lawyer. At the very least that might save you from any further problems - at best, they might come up with a solution that may help you.

 

The land may be in your wife's name and bought before you were married but if things go to court, things are not always as clear cut as they seem.  I presume you have evidence that the money used to buy the land and pay for the house came from you?  Bank transfers etc? If you can show that then it is possible that you could divorce her and force her to sell the land/house to pay you your share.

 

I recently had a car returned to me that I paid for and my ex wife put in her name. That was only possible because I could prove that I had transferred the funds to buy it. I also had a letter from the seller stating that he'd sold it to me (through online negotiations) and as far as he knew, my wife only picked it up.  As a sweetener, I also agreed to drop some criminal charges against my wife.  The gist is that, she took advice and that advice was to take my offer as I could prove my case - my lawyer ountilned the evidence I had against her and I presume her lawyer, friend, whoever, advised her to settle.

 

You need to try to get things on a more non-confrontational footing with your wife.  It is possible that she could be persuaded not to be so confident that she's going to win and accept a deal that gives you something back and allows you to bow out.  You will not win everything, you're going to have to accept that but based on what you say, if you can prove that you paid for everything with money you had before you were married - you stand a good chance of getting something.

 

Where in Isaan are you?  I have a very good lawyer but she's not taking on too many cases at the moment as she's preparing to become a judge.  If you're not too far away from her (Korat) she may take on your case. At the very least, if you are prepared to drive to Korat, I think she would advise you of your options and she will tell you the cost up front.

 

I hear a lot of stories that claim the 'farang always loses' - I can only think that in such cases, 'the farang' didn't actually go legal as my experience has been different.

 

However, there are way too many variables and I suspect, other details, for anyone here to give reliable advice - if I was you I'd at least spend a few thousand baht on the advice of a decent lawyer.

 

On thing I can tell you, if things do have to go to court - the courts in Thailand expect people to negotiate and try to reach a settlement before court.  If either party has acted unreasonably or has refused to negotiate without good reason, that will go against them.  Thai courts hate confrontation but love compromise.

 

Isaan lawyers are also in Korat and are under new (foreign) ownership

 

I would say this is excellent advice,may I also suggest that if you want to see your next birthday you get advice and change your will ASAP,you may wish to live the rest of your life in 'your' house but I think you probably realise in your mind that this isn't going to happen (unless you happen to have an unfortunate  'accident' in which case the rest of your life won't be very long),good luck and we hope you're still around in a years time for us to wish you a happy 76th birthday.