Problem with increasingly aggressive & violent wife

[JammG]

I live with my Thai wife and 4 year old son in a rented apartment in bkk & we was married at the local amphur, I have a situation now where my wife is becoming more and more aggressive and violent often breaking things in the apartment.

The police have been called before and they didn't do anything, not even looked at our smashed up room. Luckily I recorded the last time she went berserk on video and have taken pics & have i been to the police to record any incidents & have received reports. Actually the police have said to leave her if she keeps doing it.

 

I have spoken to her about divorce before but she only wants to go to the amphur without any lawyer present and refuses to talk to anyone about it. My son is scared of her outbursts as she often targets his toys a lot to break, anyway from speaking to people I gather there is no reason I can't take my son away from where we currently live for his safety.

She contributes very little to my son anyway, I pay for his schooling & everything else & she just works to pay off her depts.

I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there that has any advice or has experienced something similar, if I do take my son with me obviously I am worried about how she will react & what could happen in the future. 

Any sensible replies are welcome & thanks in advance. 

[scubascuba3]

Sounds like she's sucking the life out of you, time to leave and divorce

[NanLaew]

1 minute ago, scubascuba3 said:

Sounds like she's sucking the life out of you, time to leave and divorce

...and his son?

[scubascuba3]

1 minute ago, NanLaew said:

...and his son?

take him too if he can, like he mentioned

[CharlieKo]

Get yourself a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. If need be go through the family court. With the evidence you have there should be no problem getting a divorce and custody of the child. Don't delay! 

[OneMoreFarang]

29 minutes ago, JammG said:

I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there that has any advice or has experienced something similar

Maybe she is on drugs and that influences her behavior. 

Try to find out and try to fix that problem.

Good luck - you need it.

[peter zwart]

22 minutes ago, CharlieKo said:

Get yourself a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. If need be go through the family court. With the evidence you have there should be no problem getting a divorce and custody of the child. Don't delay! 

Thats about the only way to win this case. 

[NanLaew]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Maybe she is on drugs and that influences her behavior. 

Try to find out and try to fix that problem.

Good luck - you need it.

Bipolar would be my bet. Maybe a bit of schizophrenia in the mix? My former fiancee was blessed with both in spades. Luckily, her parents stepped up and despite her being an adult and living away from home, they came and took her home and into the care and support she desperately needed but I couldn't provide.

[bkk6060]

I would get away from her ASAP.

Too many stories about physical harm or even death in these escalating situations.

[BritManToo]

43 minutes ago, JammG said:

Actually the police have said to leave her if she keeps doing it.

The police are often quite sensible bout domestic violence.

I agree with them, if you don't like it leave.

[OneMoreFarang]

5 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

11 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Maybe she is on drugs and that influences her behavior. 

Try to find out and try to fix that problem.

Good luck - you need it.

Bipolar would be my bet. Maybe a bit of schizophrenia in the mix? My former fiancee was blessed with both in spades. Luckily, her parents stepped up and despite her being an adult and living away from home, they came and took her home and into the care and support she desperately needed but I couldn't provide.

I don't know how many people are bipolar. But I know many Thais take drugs. And often drugs, and then craving for drugs, results in such behavior. That's what I would look first at the most likely scenario. And maybe he is lucky and get her away from drugs - if they are the problem. 

[JimTripper]

Your married. Find out what she’s angry about and work it out. That’s what therapy is for.

[ChipButty]

You really need to speak to a lawyer regarding your son, easy for you just to go alone 

[Plern]

21 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Maybe she is on drugs and that influences her behavior. 

Try to find out and try to fix that problem.

Good luck - you need it.

It's not worth it. On or off drugs. I'm all for keeping a marriage and family together but this one is just a matter of when not if.

 

Get another apartment if you can afford two. Start divorce proceedings. Why live in that hell?

[Plern]

5 minutes ago, JimTripper said:

Your married. Find out what she’s angry about and work it out. That’s what therapy is for.

Rubbish

 

Being angry or unhappy is one thing. Behaving like that, placing fear in a child. Done

[ChipButty]

personally i would be out of there i wouldn't live with that, just go on the missing list 

[Sandboxer]

Time for a dose of reality - you can't rescue your son unless you rescue yourself first. So leave, and do whatever needs to be done to divorce the psycho and maybe get custody.

 

Might take a long time, you may not see the kid for a long time, and nothing is guaranteed (will obviously be an uphill battle for a falang and in the end maybe even futile), but I think that's your only chance. 

 

One thing that is almost certain is that the situation will escalate if you stay. Perhaps to a point where the kid's safety becomes an issue because her hatred for you crosses the red line from verbal/light violence to a full on homicidal episode where anyone near her becomes a target.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

 

[bignok]

1 dont take marriage advice from the internet

2 listen to your gut. Then you will know what to do.

[msbkk]

quote : I have spoken to her about divorce before but she only wants to go to the amphur without any lawyer present 

 

If she agrees to a divorce without a lawyer present go for it first. A lawyer might only lead to more anxiety and refusal. 

After the divorce think about the next steps.

[HandsomeTallFarang]

Step 1: never get married in the first place and certainly do not ever have kids with any Thai woman. 

 

 

There I just saved the Boomers' on here many many hours of headaches 

Edited July 1, 2023 by HandsomeTallFarang

[NanLaew]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I don't know how many people are bipolar. But I know many Thais take drugs. And often drugs, and then craving for drugs, results in such behavior. That's what I would look first at the most likely scenario. And maybe he is lucky and get her away from drugs - if they are the problem. 

Since it can still bit of a medical mystery and a facet of life "hidden in plain sight" when undiagnosed in western cultures, It's not too much of a stretch to consider that's it's just as prevalent in Thailand where mental healthcare is poor to non-existent.

 

You have a point with drugs though. My former fiancee may have tried or been provided unknowingly with some designer drugs that were prevalent where we lived and worked back in the early 1990's. It was like one summer a switch had been flicked and her manageable manic moments became more interspersed with intense bouts of unmanageable paranoid schizophrenia. Her maternal grandmother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and eventually ended up in an insane asylum so her mum, although saddened and hurt, wasn't overly surprised.

 

Back on topic: The op does need to enlist both legal and mental health professionals before his situation goes too badly wrong.

Edited July 1, 2023 by NanLaew

[JammG]

She is not on drugs but I couldn't say about mental health issues but I think she gets a kick out of it. We haven't got on for a while & she spends a lot of time on a webcam chat site called camfrog talking to other men, not that I'm bothered. That's why I said to speak to a lawyer about how we can separate & both look after our son but she is not interested in speaking about anything. 

I have got to the point where I am just going to leave, I can't afford to run two apartments so she will have to look after herself but apparently there are no child abduction laws in Thailand so I can just leave & take my son with me and then take it from there.

[Gaccha]

4 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

Her maternal grandmother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia

That's surprising because schizophrenia, when it is inherited (50% of cases), is almost always through the paternal lineage (90%).

[IndomitableSpirit]

Would it still be possible to get her checked in a mental health hospital/facility? She might be suffering from something and her outbursts are indirect way of asking for help. There are people who can't express their emotions well and scared or embarrassed to ask for help directly. I hope she will be willing to get assessed.

 

 

[Danderman123]

There is clearly some root cause for her behavior. Presumably, she was not acting in this manner prior to marriage. 

 

It would seem to be unusual if mental illness just happened to kick in after marriage. Same with drug use, its hard to imagine that she started taking drugs after marriage.

 

It may simply be the case that she has realized that marriage isn't the solution to her problems, and is acting out in response.

 

Having said that, its imperitive that you get out while you still can. Remove yourself, and deal with the consequences later.

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, Danderman123 said:

It would seem to be unusual if mental illness just happened to kick in after marriage. Same with drug use, its hard to imagine that she started taking drugs after marriage.

 

Menopause often brings on mental illness, if she's 45-55 that could be the cause.

My misses back in the UK went completely bonkers at that age.

Edited July 1, 2023 by BritManToo

[Gecko123]

When the OP said she was going on line chatting with different guys, my guess as to the likely explanation for her behavior immediately shifted from mental illness to a deliberate attempt on her part to get the OP to move out and divorce because she's romantically involved with someone else.

 

Edited July 1, 2023 by Gecko123

[JammG]

Yes it is definitely deliberate and she is not involved with anyone else because she is at work all day. But I will not leave my son, like I said if I leave I will take him with me. I was just interested to hear if anyone else had ever been in a similar situation and what happened.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, Plern said:

It's not worth it. On or off drugs. I'm all for keeping a marriage and family together but this one is just a matter of when not if.

 

Get another apartment if you can afford two. Start divorce proceedings. Why live in that hell?

How do you know?

I guess he married her because he loved her at some time.

Drugs change people tremendously. And some people give up drugs and are normal again.

I think in a situation with a young child it's a good idea to try to restore the situation, even if it is difficult.

If he finds out the situation is impossible then he can still divorce her. 

[Gecko123]

Just now, JammG said:

Yes it is definitely deliberate and she is not involved with anyone else because she is at work all day. But I will not leave my son, like I said if I leave I will take him with me. I was just interested to hear if anyone else had ever been in a similar situation and what happened.

Well, if it's deliberate, what's the underlying motive? How can you say she's not involved with anyone else, when's she's spending time on dating apps?