Is it okay to lie to your partner of 5 years?

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Let's say we have a couple where the guy makes 100k per month, and she has no decent education and she would only be able to get a minimum salary job for 10k per month. Would it make sense that both work? And if she doesn't work should she asked him for money every time she wants to eat som-tum? Or does it make sense that she has some money to spend?

And according to the OP she also buys food from that money. 

My wife worked and got the average wage. I paid household expenses as it would have been mean to make her contribute to that. If we went to a movie or ate at a restaurant I paid. If we went to a nightclub I paid. If we drove to the village I paid for fuel. If we went on holiday I paid travel, hotel and restaurants.

 

Get it? If we did things together, I paid. If she wanted to go off on her own, she paid her own way.

 

I'd never have just given her a monthly "salary" to spend as she wanted. That's part of treating her as an equal, not as a person lower than myself that had to be "employed".

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I'd never have just given her a monthly "salary" to spend as she wanted. That's part of treating her as an equal, not as a person lower than myself that had to be "employed".

Nobody is my equal!

Why should I pretend they are?

 

Back to the OP,

I don't know if my woman lies to me, I don't really listen to the constant talk.

As long as she's at home when it's dark, there's no problem.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

My wife worked and got the average wage. I paid household expenses as it would have been mean to make her contribute to that. If we went to a movie or ate at a restaurant I paid. If we went to a nightclub I paid. If we drove to the village I paid for fuel. If we went on holiday I paid travel, hotel and restaurants.

 

Get it? If we did things together, I paid. If she wanted to go off on her own, she paid her own way.

 

I'd never have just given her a monthly "salary" to spend as she wanted. That's part of treating her as an equal, not as a person lower than myself that had to be "employed".

And what about the couples who live together and she cleans and cooks and doesn't go to work?

Should she be happy that she gets food everyday? Or should she have a little pocket money for anything she likes to buy for herself?

Obviously we can argue about the amount of such pocket money. But then, we can also argue about what she should pay with that money and what he will pay (i.e. going out, etc.). The fact that he gives her money is in itself nothing unusual. 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Nobody is my equal!

Why should I pretend they are?

 

Back to the OP,

I don't know if my woman lies to me, I don't really listen to the constant talk.

As long as she's at home when it's dark, there's no problem.

I am also happy to see my gf at daytime, even when the sun is shining. ???? 

[BarraMarra]

4 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Let's say we have a couple where the guy makes 100k per month, and she has no decent education and she would only be able to get a minimum salary job for 10k per month. Would it make sense that both work? And if she doesn't work should she asked him for money every time she wants to eat som-tum? Or does it make sense that she has some money to spend?

And according to the OP she also buys food from that money. 

Unless his tilak has an official ministry job or a good job paying 20k a month she will be in retail making maybe 10k a month. So even getting 20k to sit on her <deleted> is not bad.

[BarraMarra]

Are you suggesting you should pay your better half to keep your house clean n tidy and cook your meals OMF? These girls from the Villages should be more than happy moving into a modern house where they can flick a switch on for a shower instead of chucking buckets of cold water over herself. Give em a couple of grand a month for clothes they should be happy with that but most want more and more.

[BritManToo]

9 minutes ago, BarraMarra said:

These girls from the Villages should be more than happy moving into a modern house where they can flick a switch on for a shower instead of chucking buckets of cold water over herself.

Mine still throws buckets of cold water over herself despite us having heated showers.

[BritManToo]

19 minutes ago, BarraMarra said:

Unless his tilak has an official ministry job or a good job paying 20k a month she will be in retail making maybe 10k a month. So even getting 20k to sit on her <deleted> is not bad.

Yeah, but she was previously earning 60kbht/month in the Gogo bar.

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

And what about the couples who live together and she cleans and cooks and doesn't go to work?

Mine always says, "I was hired for the bedroom, if you want a housekeeper you will need to hire someone else"

[BarraMarra]

Been a couple of days now since the Op posted this any feedback or more news?

[OneMoreFarang]

13 minutes ago, BarraMarra said:

Are you suggesting you should pay your better half to keep your house clean n tidy and cook your meals OMF? These girls from the Villages should be more than happy moving into a modern house where they can flick a switch on for a shower instead of chucking buckets of cold water over herself. Give em a couple of grand a month for clothes they should be happy with that but most want more and more.

In my case I live together with my gf for many years.

She doesn't work. Main reason, with her limited education she would only get jobs with low salary.

Second reason is that I prefer that she is most of the time at home with me. I work since forever mostly at home. Maybe she prepares food, or she cleans the apartment. Or we go out for lunch or coffee. I like her company, most of the time. If she would work, then I would have to make my own food or go out alone. I do this from time to time, but it's nice to have company. That's the whole idea about having a gf or wife.

 

I never paid a salary to my gf. But obviously I understand that she needs money for living. When we go out together then normally I pay. But if she goes to the market then she pays. And if she visits her relatives in the village then the trip obviously also cost money. What should I do? Tell her she has to work for a week so that she makes enough money to visit her family? I just accept that I pay, and she doesn't waste money. That is life.

 

My mother also didn't have a job when I grew up. And she bought food, etc. I don't know if my father gave her a regular "salary" or if she just took money from the shared bank account or if she told him every second day that now she needs money again for food or whatever. Fact is, my father was the only one in the family who made money and he paid for everything. That used to be normal for many families.

[OneMoreFarang]

10 minutes ago, BarraMarra said:

Been a couple of days now since the Op posted this any feedback or more news?

Maybe he visited that special place and is currently unable to communicate. ???? 

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

And what about the couples who live together and she cleans and cooks and doesn't go to work?

Should she be happy that she gets food everyday? Or should she have a little pocket money for anything she likes to buy for herself?

Obviously we can argue about the amount of such pocket money. But then, we can also argue about what she should pay with that money and what he will pay (i.e. going out, etc.). The fact that he gives her money is in itself nothing unusual. 

If a guy wants his wife/ g f to stay at home as a companion/ housekeeper/ sex goddess then yes, he should give her money in compensation for what she could have made working, but only that amount- no 20,000 baht when she could only earn 9,000.

 

Personally, if I was a young woman and an old guy asked me to stay home with him all day, I'd have dumped him on the spot. My father tried that on with my mother and ended up alone ( they were the same age but you get the picture- I'm referring to farangs in LOS- probably no way they are marrying some old woman ).

I can't imagine anything more soul destroying than being forced to hang around with one person  for years. Perhaps it'd be different with small children, but that only lasts till they go to school, so what happens after that?

 

I liked that my wife worked. It gave me my own time to do what I liked while I was by myself.

[Hummin]

23 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

In my case I live together with my gf for many years.

She doesn't work. Main reason, with her limited education she would only get jobs with low salary.

Second reason is that I prefer that she is most of the time at home with me. I work since forever mostly at home. Maybe she prepares food, or she cleans the apartment. Or we go out for lunch or coffee. I like her company, most of the time. If she would work, then I would have to make my own food or go out alone. I do this from time to time, but it's nice to have company. That's the whole idea about having a gf or wife.

 

I never paid a salary to my gf. But obviously I understand that she needs money for living. When we go out together then normally I pay. But if she goes to the market then she pays. And if she visits her relatives in the village then the trip obviously also cost money. What should I do? Tell her she has to work for a week so that she makes enough money to visit her family? I just accept that I pay, and she doesn't waste money. That is life.

 

My mother also didn't have a job when I grew up. And she bought food, etc. I don't know if my father gave her a regular "salary" or if she just took money from the shared bank account or if she told him every second day that now she needs money again for food or whatever. Fact is, my father was the only one in the family who made money and he paid for everything. That used to be normal for many families.

Same here, she take care of the farm with family, and I provide being semi retired and also travel for work. Farm doesn't bring any income, but pay for itself more or less. Our total living costs I provide is 360k pr year, the farm provide 150k about, and of course all fruit, vegetables and some meat and fish for own consumption.

 

Living cost includes everything for 4 adults and one kid we foster for relatives, and monthly payment for parents in law for their work and care, as well living there if we are not there. 

 

I enjoy the freedom of her not working in a underpaid position where we would had been limited to here holidays only, and as long she have something she love and keeps her busy, as well manage to take care of family, we are all good. A

 

So for me it is cheap rent and pay for a chef, cleaner and a lover. 

 

I take care of you, you take care of me.

 

[Hummin]

38 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

If a guy wants his wife/ g f to stay at home as a companion/ housekeeper/ sex goddess then yes, he should give her money in compensation for what she could have made working, but only that amount- no 20,000 baht when she could only earn 9,000.

 

Personally, if I was a young woman and an old guy asked me to stay home with him all day, I'd have dumped him on the spot. My father tried that on with my mother and ended up alone ( they were the same age but you get the picture- I'm referring to farangs in LOS- probably no way they are marrying some old woman ).

I can't imagine anything more soul destroying than being forced to hang around with one person  for years. Perhaps it'd be different with small children, but that only lasts till they go to school, so what happens after that?

 

I liked that my wife worked. It gave me my own time to do what I liked while I was by myself.

The problem when discussing these matters, we are all coloured by our own experiences, and cant see other ways or solutions, or the mix of two other peoples needs to live happily together. 

 

 

[BarraMarra]

Does a westerner pay a monthly ammount of cash to his wife or g/f in the West no because there a cpl so why should you pay for your wife or g/f in Thailand ? your a cpl.

 

[Hummin]

1 minute ago, BarraMarra said:

Does a westerner pay a monthly ammount of cash to his wife or g/f in the West no because there a cpl so why should you pay for your wife or g/f in Thailand ? your a cpl.

 

All depending on their needs and life situation! 

 

As said earlier, you only see yourself in the situation, and have your linited experience to base your choices on, as well your economic situation as well. 

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

She doesn't work. Main reason, with her limited education she would only get jobs with low salary.

You should have sent her to high school and university when you first met her.

That's what I did with mine and it worked out well for her, not expensive.

Our son was born at the end of her final year, she took him to school with her an they would pass him around the class.

[xtrnuno41]

OK open mind.

Maybe it is something nice, she has an extra house or so made for maybe holidays,

So she has to lie for a surprise. Couldnt think more positive in this.

I wondered why all at a sudden so many personal bad stories are running now in the forum.

Are we only just feeding an AI ? Probably with all items since AI really came in.

As said OP doesnt respond anymore. Just saying, just keep an open mind.

[OneMoreFarang]

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

If a guy wants his wife/ g f to stay at home as a companion/ housekeeper/ sex goddess then yes, he should give her money in compensation for what she could have made working, but only that amount- no 20,000 baht when she could only earn 9,000.

 

Personally, if I was a young woman and an old guy asked me to stay home with him all day, I'd have dumped him on the spot. My father tried that on with my mother and ended up alone ( they were the same age but you get the picture- I'm referring to farangs in LOS- probably no way they are marrying some old woman ).

I can't imagine anything more soul destroying than being forced to hang around with one person  for years. Perhaps it'd be different with small children, but that only lasts till they go to school, so what happens after that?

 

I liked that my wife worked. It gave me my own time to do what I liked while I was by myself.

I think you underestimate how lazy many people are and want to be.

Watching movies all day, a little cooking and a little house work is probably the dream for lot of women - not only in Thailand.

And of course there are also others.

 

I don't understand why you should think a guy shouldn't give his wife 20k a month if she could only make 10k in a normal job. If he loves her and the 20k is no problem, then why not?

I know a guy who gives his darling 40k per month. Does he have to? I don't know. But he makes so much money that that 40k is an amount which he won't notice at the end of the month. 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, BarraMarra said:

Does a westerner pay a monthly ammount of cash to his wife or g/f in the West no because there a cpl so why should you pay for your wife or g/f in Thailand ? your a cpl.

If she doesn't work, then from what does she live?

I am sure that some guys want that their wife works and contributes 50% to everything. And he does half the house work and he changes the diapers of the kids and whatever. 

If that is what a guy wants, please, go ahead.

But many of us don't want to do any women's work. ???? 

[xtrnuno41]

But many of us don't want to do any "women's work". ???? 

You have to be very flexible to do so

[BarraMarra]

The question I asked was would you pay your Mrs a monthly income in the West probably no so why should you pay her in Thailand whats the difference ?

[thaibeachlovers]

20 hours ago, Hummin said:

Same here, she take care of the farm with family,

That's not the same as some woman getting paid to sit around house, playing on phone and watching soaps on tv.

If she's taking care of the farm she's not a/ getting bored, b/ getting in the way of the farang.

[thaibeachlovers]

14 hours ago, BarraMarra said:

The question I asked was would you pay your Mrs a monthly income in the West probably no so why should you pay her in Thailand whats the difference ?

Didn't you know that Thai women are "different"? 55555555555555555

[BritManToo]

14 hours ago, BarraMarra said:

The question I asked was would you pay your Mrs a monthly income in the West probably no so why should you pay her in Thailand whats the difference ?

In the west she had a gold card on my account and took much more than my Thai lady wants.

She also took my 600,000gbp home and half my pension on the way out.

And everyone thought she should have got more!

Not much sex in the UK though.

[OneMoreFarang]

20 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

In the west she had a gold card on my account and took much more than my Thai lady wants.

She also took my 600,000gbp home and half my pension on the way out.

And everyone thought she should have got more!

Not much sex in the UK though.

You must be a misogynist or something like that. Expecting sex in the UK? ???? 

[thaibeachlovers]

13 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

You must be a misogynist or something like that. Expecting sex in the UK? ???? 

Make that any western country.

[bob smith]

yeah.

[glegolo18]

22 hours ago, BritManToo said:

You should have sent her to high school and university when you first met her.

That's what I did with mine and it worked out well for her, not expensive.

Our son was born at the end of her final year, she took him to school with her an they would pass him around the class.

That was nice to hear, good thinking and doing by you, congrats...