My new Thai gf (35/f) invited me (42/m) to visit her family in Isaan after < 1 month of dating? I feel uncomfortable but agreed. What do you think?

[Hummin]

3 hours ago, ChipButty said:

One of the first things I used to ask them was how much debt have you got.........? I have seen huge amounts and they are expecting you to pay it off, as for the kids I would be gone with the wind, most of them dont have any respect for you, I had a one years ago with a kid the only thing that came out of his mouth was farang this farang that, tell that little <deleted> my name is not farang, 

I remember one farang who lived in Phuket and met this woman here eventually he was invited to sticky rice land to meet the family just like you, she had arranged a party it seemed like half the village turned up unknown to him it was a wedding ceremony he was getting married and didn't know it until the last minute, 

I could tell you some stories, 

You must have heard stories about the so called brother, who you think is the brother but it's not, it's the husband, 

As much much of its is true, it is still the one who willingly seeking up women in need, who making the mistakes, and let him self being taken for a ride.

 

Same who continuously involving everyone who have a Isaan woman, in to their own misery and make them look stupid to everyone else, as much those who have only heard to stories from a bar stool, and also make them a the truth.

 

Yes, many fail, but they already knew it from the very first moment painted with red flags all over. 

 

There is many decent women in Thailand, same as everywhere else, you just have to find them. 

 

 

[Hummin]

4 minutes ago, Hummin said:

As much much of its is true, it is still the one who willingly seeking up women in need, who making the mistakes, and let him self being taken for a ride.

 

Same who continuously involving everyone who have a Isaan woman, in to their own misery and make them look stupid to everyone else, as much those who have only heard to stories from a bar stool, and also make them a the truth.

 

Yes, many fail, but they already knew it from the very first moment painted with red flags all over. 

 

There is many decent women in Thailand, same as everywhere else, you just have to find them. 

 

 

And bring the confused emotions, I do not care ????

 

 

 

[thailand49]

It too late once you open that can of worms not even a  month supporting her.

Obviously you never read the book Thailand fever. 

[Alidiver]

Read Private Dancer.

[Bundooman]

On 7/8/2023 at 4:40 PM, at15 said:

imagine dishing out your hard earned money to a woman that has been impregnated by another mans sperm. unbelievable.

What an unnecessarily, vindictive and spiteful sentence to post on this forum.

I can't think of anything nastier that anyone could say to a genuine request for advice.

 

Mean, childish and immature.

[Bundooman]

On 7/8/2023 at 7:01 PM, Madgee said:

My oh my ..... I see a little sarcasm and dry wit goes way over your head.
I'm single and intend to stay that way for the foreseeable future but I do live in Isaan and often see these sad guys in tow with a couple of laden trollies at the checkout. 
As they say: No money no honey ........... Or should it be no trolley no dolly?

Does that 'sad guy in tow' comment apply to all of us foreigners who are in a long term relationship of 15 years, (or more) and standing in the queue at Lotus or Big C or Makro on a monthly basis with their Thai wife and a trolley full of shopping for the month?

 

Very narrow-minded viewpoint. No wonder you are single.............

Probably always will be - who'd want to be with someone like you?

[drgoon]

17 hours ago, norfolkandchance said:

I'll take your word for that.

The ones we had were much bigger than the pic. Front legs served like chicken wings, rear like chicken legs. Both minus the feet. No body or head. 

[Hummin]

9 hours ago, Bundooman said:

Does that 'sad guy in tow' comment apply to all of us foreigners who are in a long term relationship of 15 years, (or more) and standing in the queue at Lotus or Big C or Makro on a monthly basis with their Thai wife and a trolley full of shopping for the month?

 

Very narrow-minded viewpoint. No wonder you are single.............

Probably always will be - who'd want to be with someone like you?

and who really like to go shopping, even only two times a month ?

[Danderman123]

18 hours ago, BTB1977 said:

She will be pregnant with your kid soon. Than too late to run. 

Pregnant with a kid, sure. *His* kid, maybe not.

[Madgee]

14 hours ago, Bundooman said:

Does that 'sad guy in tow' comment apply to all of us foreigners who are in a long term relationship of 15 years, (or more) and standing in the queue at Lotus or Big C or Makro on a monthly basis with their Thai wife and a trolley full of shopping for the month?

 

Very narrow-minded viewpoint. No wonder you are single.............

Probably always will be - who'd want to be with someone like you?

My oh my .... Another soul who has lost the ability to read and his sense of humour. 

Oh, I said I was single, I never said I was not in a relationship (10 years and still going strong). 

Carry on petal and enjoy your shopping, such fun eh?

[747man]

On 7/8/2023 at 4:40 PM, at15 said:

imagine dishing out your hard earned money to a woman that has been impregnated by another mans sperm. unbelievable.

So YOU Are looking for a Virgin Are YOU ?? Good Luck with that !!

[BarraMarra]

Any feedback yet from the op who posted this thread or has he disappeared? like the is it ok  lie to lye to your partner of 5 years no feedback on that 1 either.

[Hummin]

5 hours ago, Madgee said:

My oh my .... Another soul who has lost the ability to read and his sense of humour. 

Oh, I said I was single, I never said I was not in a relationship (10 years and still going strong). 

Carry on petal and enjoy your shopping, such fun eh?

Oh my, Humor do not seems as your thing, or even sarcasm ????

[AventurasEnMadrid]

Wow my post went viral! Even featured on the aseannow facebook page. I read all the comments - I’m not sure if I should feel good or foolish, probably a little of both. Anyway I’m on the bus coming back to Bangkok from my weekend in Isaan. Her family was super nice and welcoming and generous. I gave 1000 baht to them which was probably more than returned by cooking me meals buying me beer driving me around etc. They did not ask me for money or pressure me in any way. It is clear they have a challenging financial situation and would want me to help if I got closer to their daughter, but I am not as much of a sucker as many people in this group think I am. I also speak and read Thai and Lao languages so that helps reduce “misconceptions” and manage expectations. I like the sex and warmth I have with the daughter, let’s see how long it will last. I won’t be buying a house in her name any time soon but I am glad to spend my time and a little bit of money to make sure she is alright while we were together and so far compensation has  been more than returned 5555. Peace out lol. 

[Gecko123]

9 pages of advice, and not a word of appreciation? You also didn't mention the kids,  the one with long covid, remember? Just sayin'.

[NanLaew]

On 7/8/2023 at 10:55 PM, freedomnow said:

Sometimes its good to meet potential in-laws fast if you think its going to be long-term...though a month in how would you know...love at first sight ?

 

My friends regrets not doing that as they are a nightmare.

It's a great way of assessing how one's current paramour may turn out as the years roll by because you will be meeting her mum and seeing how the genetics of physiology play out. If the future mother-in-law is an overly-large and a bit loud, then I reckon the OP's got himself a keeper.

 

Like Neville Southall.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/10/2023 at 2:56 PM, khunpa said:

Although happily married for 10 years to a Thai-woman (who recently passed away), I would personally not repeat. Had it only been a life with her, then I would say go for it. But it’s not and you better have the money ready to “take care” and be the “good heart” farang.

Agree. My life with the wife was bliss till she decided we should live in the village with part of the family- game over.

However, after that, every time she attacked me ( verbally ) for some problem related to her family I was able to retort that "you shouldn't have made me leave Pattaya then!" She never had an answer to that.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/10/2023 at 3:25 PM, BangkokHank said:

I went to the village in Isaan with my then girlfriend 20 years ago. (I was 43 years old at the time and she was 23.) Before we went, I told her that I had no intention of marrying her - and I asked her if that would be a problem for her or her family. She assured me that it wouldn't be a problem.

 

We spent a nice weekend in the village. But for the next few years (until she married another farang), she was ridiculed in the village for having brought a farang back who didn't marry her.

 

So regardless of what this woman says, going back to the village with her represents a commitment in the eyes of her family and her fellow villagers. If you are not ready to make a commitment, I don't think you should go. In fact, she might use this against you later to pressure you into marrying her - saying that not doing so would spoil her reputation in the eyes of her family and friends. That's not a good basis for a marriage.

The option I'd have taken, if I could go back, would be a village wedding. Keeps the outsiders happy and no legal obligations should one decide to leave her.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/12/2023 at 12:27 AM, Gecko123 said:

9 pages of advice, and not a word of appreciation? You also didn't mention the kids,  the one with long covid, remember? Just sayin'.

Welcome to forum life. In my experience many posters ask a question and are never heard from again.

 

As for the kids, does any guy really want to be paying to support another man's offspring?

[BritManToo]

5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

As for the kids, does any guy really want to be paying to support another man's offspring?

I'm not that bothered, if I've got the money, might as well spend it.

[Gecko123]

7 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Welcome to forum life. In my experience many posters ask a question and are never heard from again.

The OP did finally respond Tue Jul 11 4:17 PM and my post was in response to his post.

 

The OP started the thread on Saturday and finally came back on Tuesday 7/11 @4:17PM to gush about 'gosh I just checked the thread and gosh, LOL, so many responses, look at me, the thread went viral, was even featured on ASEANNOW's FB page, gee, golly, gush, LOL, silly me.'

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I can understand how someone can start a thread for purposes of amusement, and I can also understand how someone can deliberately make themselves sound more naive than they really are in order to generate a lot of reaction. It's called being a troll, but it happens.

 

But what irritated me about the OP's 'gee, gosh, LOL, gush, I had a terrific weekend, and, truth be told, I was just ego trippin' and really wasn't interested in any advice any of you losers might have had to offer anyway because I'm actually a lot more experienced than I let on and speak several SE Asian languages, blah, blah, blah' is that it showed a lot of disrespect for forum members. He asked for advice about going up to Isaan right before he's about to leave, and then pretends he didn't even bother checking the responses until the trip's over and he's on the bus back home? That's disrespectful.

 

And the other thing I want to say to the OP is that 20-25 years ago there wasn't the internet, and people couldn't really pick one another's brains about how to handle situations they encountered over here. They had to feel their way on their own, and a lot of guys learned a lot of stuff by brutal trial and error. Much of the 'common wisdom' savviness and insight into interacting with Thais, and Thai women in particular, came from guys who learned it the hard way.

 

Today, with Google and social media, any question can be answered at the push of a button, and everybody thinks they're an overnight expert on all things Thai. But don't forget where much of that body of knowledge came from. It came from guys who pioneered and paved the way for today's newbies. So my message to the OP is when you ask a question on this forum, either show respect to the people you are posing your questions to, or go get lost.

 

Edited July 13, 2023 by Gecko123

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/10/2023 at 10:50 PM, Bundooman said:

What an unnecessarily, vindictive and spiteful sentence to post on this forum.

I can't think of anything nastier that anyone could say to a genuine request for advice.

 

Mean, childish and immature.

I'm with him. It's not as though they are not expecting farang to be ATM and support someone else's kids. I supported another man's kids for years, but I was stupid back then- lesson learned.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/11/2023 at 5:42 PM, 747man said:

So YOU Are looking for a Virgin Are YOU ?? Good Luck with that !!

Not all women want children. Doesn't mean they don't have sex though. Ever heard of contraception?

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I'm not that bothered, if I've got the money, might as well spend it.

In my case, I wouldn't have minded so much if she had kept her side of the bargain and had sex. Paying and no honey is not going to make the sucker happy.

We were not, IMO, put on planet Earth to support other men's children.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/10/2023 at 4:18 PM, ChipButty said:

One of the first things I used to ask them was how much debt have you got.........?

and they told you?

Frankly I doubt they'd say if they had a big debt. They would surely understand that telling a newly hooked ATM that telling him he'd be paying a big debt off would not be conducive to a continuing relationship.

[Danderman123]

14 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Agree. My life with the wife was bliss till she decided we should live in the village with part of the family- game over.

However, after that, every time she attacked me ( verbally ) for some problem related to her family I was able to retort that "you shouldn't have made me leave Pattaya then!" She never had an answer to that.

but still she would be angry after your response. Once you are in the village, you are dead meat.

[thaibeachlovers]

17 hours ago, Danderman123 said:

but still she would be angry after your response. Once you are in the village, you are dead meat.

Oh dear, posting with too little information.

 

What I was saying was long after we left the village and living far from the family in Lamphun. Dead meat- I think not.

I liked the village life and would have stayed there but for annoying nephews that she refused to do anything about. By putting her nephews above me she sowed the seeds of our eventual divorce.

[glegolo18]

On 7/8/2023 at 5:08 PM, Hummin said:

Not everyone have the same experience as you, or you might only heard it, and no experience yourself at all. 

 

 

Yes you are 100% spot on, loads of unexperienced "boys" that probably live in motherland England and comment. At least they have no clue what Isaan is and how it is to be part of a family here in Thailand...

[bignok]

On 7/13/2023 at 7:23 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

Welcome to forum life. In my experience many posters ask a question and are never heard from again.

 

As for the kids, does any guy really want to be paying to support another man's offspring?

True. Other flog kid fathers should do it.

[wombat]

On 7/11/2023 at 4:17 PM, AventurasEnMadrid said:

They did not ask me for money or pressure me in any way. 

So beginith the long con.