How to handle Thai women becoming “attached” right away?

[ASEANTraveler]

So, the rules of the “dating” game are clearly different here in Thailand.  I need some advice on how to handle a situation that keeps occurring to me.  Here’s what is happening:

 

Me: age 46, based in Thailand, not a bad looking guy, I come across as polite and a gentlemen (which is mostly accurate).

 

I personally do not drink alcohol or go to bars, but I do meet a variety of Thai women when out and about.  Examples include:

 

An Accountant, age 36

Hair Salon Owner, age 42

Dental Assistant, age 37

Retail Worker At A Mall, Age 43

 

When I meet these women, if I have a nice little conversation with them, I always invite them to dinner.  This is usually fairly quickly…often during our initial conversation or after a short second conversation.  I enjoy the company of a woman for dinner and always happily pay for our meals.  Dinner usually turns into a walk around the night market, a park, etc., some dessert, and more conversation into the evening.  I have made it a point to avoid sexual relations with the these women.  There has been some going back to my place and “snuggling”/“touching,” but no sex — so I am not using the women for sex.

 

The dinner dates have been great:   laughing, smiling, good conversation to the extent possible given the language barrier.  I think the woman have enjoyed the evenings as much as I have.

NOW comes the challenge.  These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date.  They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc.  

 

I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman.  I would like to continue to take them out to dinner.   However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act.  I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling.

So, how do I handle this is Thailand?  

 

 

 

 

[scubascuba3]

Maybe don't date so many at the same time, date one, see if it goes anywhere, if not move to the next and repeat

[Berkshire]

4 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said:

NOW comes the challenge.  These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date.  They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc.  

This happens to many of us.  But it's not about us being "special" or being the 2nd coming of Brad Pitt.  It's more about the women themselves.  "Very attached" is almost synonymous with being desperate.  These are all older women that you're dating.  They're past their prime and are ready to settle with almost anyone with means.  Are you looking for a GF or future wife?  If you're just dating for fun, I'd recommend a young hottie in her early twenties.  She won't get attached to you.

[ASEANTraveler]

2 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

Maybe don't date so many at the same time, date one, see if it goes anywhere, if not move to the next and repeat

A fair comment and appreciated.  However, even if you “date” just one at a time, they still all “act/imply/nudge” toward girlfriend status after just one date.

[DaLa]

I don't know whether sympathy is in order or congratulations. I don't have any advice either even though I've encountered the same issue. One lady started mentioning the word 'marriage' on the first day.

 

I could be pleased that I come across as a decent person, but also sad to see that maybe there's a pot of desperation for some of these women.

[Hanaguma]

3 minutes ago, Berkshire said:

This happens to many of us.  But it's not about us being "special" or being the 2nd coming of Brad Pitt.  It's more about the women themselves.  "Very attached" is almost synonymous with being desperate.  These are all older women that you're dating.  They're past their prime and are ready to settle with almost anyone with means.  Are you looking for a GF or future wife?  If you're just dating for fun, I'd recommend a young hottie in her early twenties.  She won't get attached to you.

I think this may be sage wisdom. The ladies aren't looking for "Mr. Right", they are looking for "Mr. Right Now".  The bio clock is ticking, or maybe they already have a kid or three back in Isaan with the grands.  For whatever reason, time is of the essence for them. 

[JeffersLos]

16 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said:

So, how do I handle this is Thailand?

The first 24 hours are vital. It entails:

 

Sh ag.

Block.

Next.

 

 

Edited July 18, 2023 by JeffersLos

[scubascuba3]

8 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said:

A fair comment and appreciated.  However, even if you “date” just one at a time, they still all “act/imply/nudge” toward girlfriend status after just one date.

Yep probably because not many decent farang out there, not much you can do about that, maybe be ruthless, if you don't like enough just move on quickly

[ASEANTraveler]

7 minutes ago, Berkshire said:

This happens to many of us.  But it's not about us being "special" or being the 2nd coming of Brad Pitt.  It's more about the women themselves.  "Very attached" is almost synonymous with being desperate.  These are all older women that you're dating.  They're past their prime and are ready to settle with almost anyone with means.  Are you looking for a GF or future wife?  If you're just dating for fun, I'd recommend a young hottie in her early twenties.  She won't get attached to you.

You know..I am “open” to the idea of a GF, but that takes time to develop organically.  Same as in my country, I have to date/get to know a woman for 2-3 months before going down the road of “okay, I want to be more serious with this woman.” Here - seems second “date” and they think you are looking for something permanent.  

[Berkshire]

2 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said:

You know..I am “open” to the idea of a GF, but that takes time to develop organically.  Same as in my country, I have to date/get to know a woman for 2-3 months before going down the road of “okay, I want to be more serious with this woman.” Here - seems second “date” and they think you are looking for something permanent.  

Did these women approach you or did you approach them (to ask out on a date)?  If you approached them, they can be of the belief that you're interested in them for a relationship.  That's not unreasonable.  Perhaps you should only date women that you think have the potential to be long term.  That way, you might appreciate them becoming "attached" to you.   

[Trippy]

That's the way it is here. If you have dinner, just the 2 of you, it's assumed that you're interested in a romantic way. 

If you go out in a group, there isn't the same assumption. 

It's on you to adjust to the Thai way in Thailand, not the other way around. 

[ASEANTraveler]

37 minutes ago, Berkshire said:

This happens to many of us.  But it's not about us being "special" or being the 2nd coming of Brad Pitt.  It's more about the women themselves.  "Very attached" is almost synonymous with being desperate.  These are all older women that you're dating.  They're past their prime and are ready to settle with almost anyone with means.  Are you looking for a GF or future wife?  If you're just dating for fun, I'd recommend a young hottie in her early twenties.  She won't get attached to you.

No women in their 20s, TYVM! This dynamic about being “past their prime” in Thailand if they are mid 30s or whatever is a strange one to me.  These women I meet are attractive ladies:  slim, long healthy hair, no tattoos, nice smooth skin, eat right, don’t smoke/drink, dressed feminine and look great.  

Edited July 18, 2023 by ASEANTraveler
Typo

[CG1 Blue]

42 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said:

I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman.  I would like to continue to take them out to dinner.   However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act.  I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling.

Tell them you're gay? You can always come out as straight later down the line, if you decide you like one of them

[JayClay]

50 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said:

They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE

Obsessive behaviour if I ever did hear it...

[freedomnow]

Too many chicks into me - get me out of here.

[FruitPudding]

Drop 1000 baht on the floor.

[FruitPudding]

27 minutes ago, Trippy said:

It's on you to adjust to the Thai way in Thailand, not the other way around. 

Nah, if she is looking for a farang, she can adjust too.

[FruitPudding]

56 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said:

So, how do I handle this is Thailand?  

I find if you don't reply to their Line message, they start acting crazy and immature within an hour or so.

 

Then, you say, "Bye"????

[Lacessit]

This is par for the course in Thailand.

 

Thai women know when they get to age 60, for the most part they can look forward to a government pension of 600 baht/month. They also know farangs, even retired ones, are much more financial than they will ever be.

 

It's the luck of the draw, one either gets one that will take good care of you in return for support, or one that tries to take you for as much as they can gouge.

 

You may encounter one that you feel is worth more investment of your time. Otherwise, withdraw after one or two dates. Block your phone. Good luck.

[ASEANTraveler]

2 minutes ago, JayClay said:

Obsessive behaviour if I ever did hear it...

You’re right.  It is.  I would be “open” to the idea of a potential relationship (down the road) with any of these woman.  I would not have asked them out to dinner in the first place if I thought they were not “possibilities.”  But the whole process of “dating” — effectively getting to know each other BEFORE commitment — is what I am struggling with here in Thailand.  It’s like the “let’s see if we are compatible” phase is missing.
 

Going out with a lady 5-8-10 times BEFORE you make her a girlfriend seems important to me.  How does she react to different situations?  What are her interests?  How does she react and solve a small disagreement?  Is she even tempered?  Does she seem responsible with money?  Do we have a shared sense of humor?  And on and on….

 

[Celsius]

They are attached to Farang wallet.

 

 

[Kwasaki]

https://images.app.goo.gl/ePYeMinC6Aa6eZ1L8

[JayClay]

26 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said:

You’re right.  It is.

No, asking if they'll see you tomorrow and sending some messages via Line is not obsessive behaviour. 

 

Unless there's more to what they're doing than you actually describe, I suggest your two options are either put up with it or stop dating.

[orchis]

avoid creating expectations.

[BE88]

46 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said:

You’re right.  It is.  I would be “open” to the idea of a potential relationship (down the road) with any of these woman.  I would not have asked them out to dinner in the first place if I thought they were not “possibilities.”  But the whole process of “dating” — effectively getting to know each other BEFORE commitment — is what I am struggling with here in Thailand.  It’s like the “let’s see if we are compatible” phase is missing.
 

Going out with a lady 5-8-10 times BEFORE you make her a girlfriend seems important to me.  How does she react to different situations?  What are her interests?  How does she react and solve a small disagreement?  Is she even tempered?  Does she seem responsible with money?  Do we have a shared sense of humor?  And on and on….

 

What you write is the right complement, it's not because you're in Thailand you have to change your approach, keep going until you find the one that really interests you. And forget it without a second thought to those who just want a farang ATM

 

[Kwasaki]

9 minutes ago, orchis said:

avoid creating expectations.

Or ask mummy. ????

[Hummin]

1 hour ago, ASEANTraveler said:

So, the rules of the “dating” game are clearly different here in Thailand.  I need some advice on how to handle a situation that keeps occurring to me.  Here’s what is happening:

 

Me: age 46, based in Thailand, not a bad looking guy, I come across as polite and a gentlemen (which is mostly accurate).

 

I personally do not drink alcohol or go to bars, but I do meet a variety of Thai women when out and about.  Examples include:

 

An Accountant, age 36

Hair Salon Owner, age 42

Dental Assistant, age 37

Retail Worker At A Mall, Age 43

 

When I meet these women, if I have a nice little conversation with them, I always invite them to dinner.  This is usually fairly quickly…often during our initial conversation or after a short second conversation.  I enjoy the company of a woman for dinner and always happily pay for our meals.  Dinner usually turns into a walk around the night market, a park, etc., some dessert, and more conversation into the evening.  I have made it a point to avoid sexual relations with the these women.  There has been some going back to my place and “snuggling”/“touching,” but no sex — so I am not using the women for sex.

 

The dinner dates have been great:   laughing, smiling, good conversation to the extent possible given the language barrier.  I think the woman have enjoyed the evenings as much as I have.

NOW comes the challenge.  These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date.  They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc.  

 

I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman.  I would like to continue to take them out to dinner.   However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act.  I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling.

So, how do I handle this is Thailand?  

 

 

 

 

Easy solution, play date game with pro's problem solved, even they play attached, you know and they know the game.

[ASEANTraveler]

13 minutes ago, JayClay said:

No, asking if they'll see you tomorrow and sending some messages via Line is not obsessive behaviour. 

 

Unless there's more to what they're doing than you actually describe, I suggest your two options are either put up with it or stop dating.

Just to be clear…as I said in my original post: “I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feelings.”  It is not that I am annoyed with any of these women’s behavior.  I am somewhat confused by them, but not angry or annoyed.
 

Bottom line:  I just don’t know how to communicate to these women that hey: “you are an attractive lady, I had a nice evening with you, and I would like to do it again to get to know you better and see if we are compatible.  (But FYI — you are NOT a girlfriend)”

 

That is the message I want them to hear, but (either because of cultural issues or I am saying it wrong), it does not seem to be  what they are hearing.  

 

 

[bignok]

2 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

So, the rules of the “dating” game are clearly different here in Thailand.  I need some advice on how to handle a situation that keeps occurring to me.  Here’s what is happening:

 

Me: age 46, based in Thailand, not a bad looking guy, I come across as polite and a gentlemen (which is mostly accurate).

 

I personally do not drink alcohol or go to bars, but I do meet a variety of Thai women when out and about.  Examples include:

 

An Accountant, age 36

Hair Salon Owner, age 42

Dental Assistant, age 37

Retail Worker At A Mall, Age 43

 

When I meet these women, if I have a nice little conversation with them, I always invite them to dinner.  This is usually fairly quickly…often during our initial conversation or after a short second conversation.  I enjoy the company of a woman for dinner and always happily pay for our meals.  Dinner usually turns into a walk around the night market, a park, etc., some dessert, and more conversation into the evening.  I have made it a point to avoid sexual relations with the these women.  There has been some going back to my place and “snuggling”/“touching,” but no sex — so I am not using the women for sex.

 

The dinner dates have been great:   laughing, smiling, good conversation to the extent possible given the language barrier.  I think the woman have enjoyed the evenings as much as I have.

NOW comes the challenge.  These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date.  They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc.  

 

I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman.  I would like to continue to take them out to dinner.   However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act.  I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling.

So, how do I handle this is Thailand?  

 

 

 

 

Do you like women? Just eat and go back to room for boom boom

 

No need to think

[JayClay]

2 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said:

Just to be clear…

Just to be clear.... none of the behaviour outlined in your original post is out of the ordinary or any way close to obsessive. 

 

If all they're doing is asking if they will see you tomorrow,  and sending you some messages on Line then there is nothing you need to do.