How to handle Thai women becoming “attached” right away?

[bignok]

2 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

So, the rules of the “dating” game are clearly different here in Thailand.  I need some advice on how to handle a situation that keeps occurring to me.  Here’s what is happening:

 

Me: age 46, based in Thailand, not a bad looking guy, I come across as polite and a gentlemen (which is mostly accurate).

 

I personally do not drink alcohol or go to bars, but I do meet a variety of Thai women when out and about.  Examples include:

 

An Accountant, age 36

Hair Salon Owner, age 42

Dental Assistant, age 37

Retail Worker At A Mall, Age 43

 

When I meet these women, if I have a nice little conversation with them, I always invite them to dinner.  This is usually fairly quickly…often during our initial conversation or after a short second conversation.  I enjoy the company of a woman for dinner and always happily pay for our meals.  Dinner usually turns into a walk around the night market, a park, etc., some dessert, and more conversation into the evening.  I have made it a point to avoid sexual relations with the these women.  There has been some going back to my place and “snuggling”/“touching,” but no sex — so I am not using the women for sex.

 

The dinner dates have been great:   laughing, smiling, good conversation to the extent possible given the language barrier.  I think the woman have enjoyed the evenings as much as I have.

NOW comes the challenge.  These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date.  They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc.  

 

I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman.  I would like to continue to take them out to dinner.   However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act.  I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling.

So, how do I handle this is Thailand?  

 

 

 

 

Do you like women? Just eat and go back to room for boom boom

 

No need to think

[JayClay]

2 minutes ago, ASEANTraveler said:

Just to be clear…

Just to be clear.... none of the behaviour outlined in your original post is out of the ordinary or any way close to obsessive. 

 

If all they're doing is asking if they will see you tomorrow,  and sending you some messages on Line then there is nothing you need to do.

[bignok]

2 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

Accountant, age 36

Hair Salon Owner, age 42

Dental Assistant, age 37

Retail Worker At A Mall, Age 43

 

Who was the hottest? Pick her.

[Celsius]

1 hour ago, ASEANTraveler said:

You’re right.  It is.  I would be “open” to the idea of a potential relationship (down the road) with any of these woman.  I would not have asked them out to dinner in the first place if I thought they were not “possibilities.”  But the whole process of “dating” — effectively getting to know each other BEFORE commitment — is what I am struggling with here in Thailand.  It’s like the “let’s see if we are compatible” phase is missing.
 

Going out with a lady 5-8-10 times BEFORE you make her a girlfriend seems important to me.  How does she react to different situations?  What are her interests?  How does she react and solve a small disagreement?  Is she even tempered?  Does she seem responsible with money?  Do we have a shared sense of humor?  And on and on….

 

 

What a load of granola.

 

You are in Thailand and you are doing  a compatibility test drive with all these women that you will never be compatible with. Like never.

 

And maybe you should be honest with yourself a little.  You are meeting these women on dating sites 100% and you are getting exactly what you signed up for. I am not saying these girls are prostitutes and have low morals, but they are on a dating site to get laid and maybe find a long term relationship. All these women and their professions that you mentioned have probably been buldozzed by dozens of Farangs, Arabs and probably Indians before you.  My last tinder date before I met my wife was working for 3M making 100k a year and she proudly gave a list with how many guys on dating sites she was with. Most girls will lie about this.

 

Yes these girls are absolutely 100% desperate. If you want to date like in the west, you should meet women the more traditional way. Otheewise the only reason you keep doing this is because you want your ego stroked.

 

Sorry for reality check.

 

 

 

 

[Muzzique]

2 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

I enjoy the company of a woman for dinner and always happily pay for our meals.  Dinner usually turns into a walk around the night market, a park, etc....  I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman.  I would like to continue to take them out to dinner.   However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act.  I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling.

Tell them you are James Bond..

 

He´s about the only guy I know who can get away with that...

 

 

[bignok]

27 minutes ago, Celsius said:

My last tinder date before I met my wife was working for 3M making 100k a year and she proudly gave a list with how many guys on dating sites she was with. Most girls will lie about this.

Proud? Err

[freeworld]

2 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

So, the rules of the “dating” game are clearly different here in Thailand.  I need some advice on how to handle a situation that keeps occurring to me.  Here’s what is happening:

 

Me: age 46, based in Thailand, not a bad looking guy, I come across as polite and a gentlemen (which is mostly accurate).

 

I personally do not drink alcohol or go to bars, but I do meet a variety of Thai women when out and about.  Examples include:

 

An Accountant, age 36

Hair Salon Owner, age 42

Dental Assistant, age 37

Retail Worker At A Mall, Age 43

 

When I meet these women, if I have a nice little conversation with them, I always invite them to dinner.  This is usually fairly quickly…often during our initial conversation or after a short second conversation.  I enjoy the company of a woman for dinner and always happily pay for our meals.  Dinner usually turns into a walk around the night market, a park, etc., some dessert, and more conversation into the evening.  I have made it a point to avoid sexual relations with the these women.  There has been some going back to my place and “snuggling”/“touching,” but no sex — so I am not using the women for sex.

 

The dinner dates have been great:   laughing, smiling, good conversation to the extent possible given the language barrier.  I think the woman have enjoyed the evenings as much as I have.

NOW comes the challenge.  These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date.  They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc.  

 

I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman.  I would like to continue to take them out to dinner.   However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act.  I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling.

So, how do I handle this is Thailand?  

 

 

 

 

So after one date they only asked will they see you again. Did they say they want to be your girlfriend or is that an assumption by you that you desire.

Edited July 18, 2023 by freeworld

[Don Chance]

2 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

 

The dinner dates have been great:   laughing, smiling, good conversation to the extent possible given the language barrier.  I think the woman have enjoyed the evenings as much as I have.

NOW comes the challenge.  These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date.  They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc.  

 

So, how do I handle this is Thailand?  

 

 

 

 

Before you get involved with someone you need to ask a LOT of questions. How many farangs have you had, how many children do you have etc. A lot of hard question so you do not waste your time and emotional energy. 

 

For a relationship to work you need 1 ) Love 2) Sex.  So you had better get to know them first.

[baansgr]

Stop inviting people out for dinner after a few minutes of conversation 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

 

age 36

age 42

age 37

Age 43

 

So, how do I handle this is Thailand?  

Avoid old women! 

[NextG]

1 hour ago, Sticky Rice Balls said:

I suspect you took them to KFC..hence the attachment and messaging you   ????

 

If you take me to KFC I may be tempted also to text bomb you!  can i get the cole slaw too?

The coleslaw is not the same in Thailand ☺️ That was a disappointment. 

[GammaGlobulin]

Just start picking your nose during dinner.

 

Or, don't bathe for a week.

Women hate it when you don't bathe.

 

And, stop changing your socks.

I think women here like a man with clean socks.

 

If all else fails, just keep telling her you don't understand her English, and ask her to repeat everything she says, five times.

 

 

[GarryP]

2 hours ago, Lacessit said:

This is par for the course in Thailand.

 

Thai women know when they get to age 60, for the most part they can look forward to a government pension of 600 baht/month. They also know farangs, even retired ones, are much more financial than they will ever be.

 

It's the luck of the draw, one either gets one that will take good care of you in return for support, or one that tries to take you for as much as they can gouge.

 

You may encounter one that you feel is worth more investment of your time. Otherwise, withdraw after one or two dates. Block your phone. Good luck.

Withdraw during each date. You don't want to get them pregnant. 

[bkk6060]

Is your mother still alive?  Maybe give her a call and ask her Mommy's usually have good perspective. 

[NextG]

49 minutes ago, Celsius said:

 

What a load of granola.

 

You are in Thailand and you are doing  a compatibility test drive with all these women that you will never be compatible with. Like never.

 

And maybe you should be honest with yourself a little.  You are meeting these women on dating sites 100% and you are getting exactly what you signed up for. I am not saying these girls are prostitutes and have low morals, but they are on a dating site to get laid and maybe find a long term relationship. All these women and their professions that you mentioned have probably been buldozzed by dozens of Farangs, Arabs and probably Indians before you.  My last tinder date before I met my wife was working for 3M making 100k a year and she proudly gave a list with how many guys on dating sites she was with. Most girls will lie about this.

 

Yes these girls are absolutely 100% desperate. If you want to date like in the west, you should meet women the more traditional way. Otheewise the only reason you keep doing this is because you want your ego stroked.

 

Sorry for reality check.

 

 

 

 

He did write “ …when out and about..” Are you suggested he is being economical with the truth?

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

I have to date/get to know a woman for 2-3 months before going down the road of “okay, I want to be more serious with this woman.”

I remember seeing a video from a German woman living in the USA.

She explained that there are huge differences in "dating" and what people expect.

According to her in the USA dating seems to have an almost rigid structure what happens in which order and what makes a date a date. In Germany, and in other countries, that is not the case.

 

I don't know how this dating concept works in Thailand, and probably there are different concepts depending on the age, etc.

 

If you want to take it easy, then take it easy. If you call the same woman 3 days in a row, then probably she will have some ideas of what you want. If you call them maybe once a week then they will understand that probably you will do something else with other people, including women, the rest of the week.

 

[OneMoreFarang]

19 minutes ago, Don Chance said:

Before you get involved with someone you need to ask a LOT of questions. How many farangs have you had, how many children do you have etc. A lot of hard question so you do not waste your time and emotional energy. 

And do you expect truthful answers? 

It seems many Thais tell you what they think you want to hear. Truth is not so important. 

[ASEANTraveler]

19 minutes ago, baansgr said:

Stop inviting people out for dinner after a few minutes of conversation 

This maybe the most practical advice yet.  Perhaps I need to just converse a bit more before asking out to dinner.  Dinner to me is not a big deal — I eat out everyday anyway, usually alone —  but “dinner” might have a committed, romantic connotation to some Thai women, I guess.  The woman I met last night (which prompted me to write this post today) I met while waiting for the Songtaew.  It was starting to rain, I ordered Grab, and knowing that our destinations were close, I had her join me for the ride.  Dinner invite was fourthcoming from my lips within about 7-8 minutes.  And when Grab let us off at the night market, that’s precisely what happened.  

Edited July 18, 2023 by ASEANTraveler
Typo

[save the frogs]

3 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

I always invite them to dinner.

for what reason?

 

if you want to do business with someone, you might invite them to dinner to discuss business matters.

if you invite a woman to dinner, there's only 2 reasons ... you want to have casual sex or you want to start a relationship. 

 

if the woman is not giving off vibes of casual sex, then she wants a relationship.

 

it's the same anywhere in the world. 

 

 

[Kwasaki]

17 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I remember seeing a video from a German woman living in the USA.

She explained that there are huge differences in "dating" and what people expect.

According to her in the USA dating seems to have an almost rigid structure what happens in which order and what makes a date a date. In Germany, and in other countries, that is not the case.

 

I don't know how this dating concept works in Thailand, and probably there are different concepts depending on the age, etc.

 

If you want to take it easy, then take it easy. If you call the same woman 3 days in a row, then probably she will have some ideas of what you want. If you call them maybe once a week then they will understand that probably you will do something else with other people, including women, the rest of the week.

 

Well you surprise me do you not know of the Mia noi arrangements.

[spidermike007]

Well, we all seem to have a very different definition of what girlfriend is, or is not. I hear some men or women talk about being in love with someone after knowing them two weeks. All that is, is anxiety, impatience, and the intense desire to be in love. Some are more in love with the idea of being in love, than with the person they are with. I think for most of us who are emotionally healthy, the idea of taking one's time to really get to know someone, is alot more informative and desirable, than just losing oneself in the moment. 
 
I have seen countless men lose their fortunes, or at least their financial stability here, by moving too fast, assuming she is someone she definitely is not, and projecting too much onto someone they have not bothered to really get to know, and allowing the woman to push the agenda.

 

Always push back against a timeline. Always. It is far better to lose the woman, than to unnecessarily lose your money and feel like a fool. So, the best course of action, if to take you time to get to know her. Time allows clarity. If it is good it will only get better. If there are problems (such as the ones you are describing), they will manifest themselves over time.

 

This is why you do not allow yourself to get emotionally invested, until you know who she is. That takes a year, or two, or longer. If she shows you she is not worthy of your affection, and attention, you walk away. Man up. Pay tribute to your gender. Show yourself some self respect. Do not allow yourself to be abused, and treated like a street dog.

[OneMoreFarang]

Just now, Kwasaki said:

Well you surprise me do you not know of the Mia noi arrangements.

I know that they exist. But I don't know the rules and how they are arranged.

 

One time I was surprised when a farang friend told me the story of a Thai guy with two daughters.

The Thai guy had to work in Phuket, far away from home. His two daughters, in their twenties, realized that their father will have some requirements when he is away from home. He needs someone to take care of him and to have sex with. So they decided they will look for a mia noi for their father.

True story.

[roo860]

3 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

So, the rules of the “dating” game are clearly different here in Thailand.  I need some advice on how to handle a situation that keeps occurring to me.  Here’s what is happening:

 

Me: age 46, based in Thailand, not a bad looking guy, I come across as polite and a gentlemen (which is mostly accurate).

 

I personally do not drink alcohol or go to bars, but I do meet a variety of Thai women when out and about.  Examples include:

 

An Accountant, age 36

Hair Salon Owner, age 42

Dental Assistant, age 37

Retail Worker At A Mall, Age 43

 

When I meet these women, if I have a nice little conversation with them, I always invite them to dinner.  This is usually fairly quickly…often during our initial conversation or after a short second conversation.  I enjoy the company of a woman for dinner and always happily pay for our meals.  Dinner usually turns into a walk around the night market, a park, etc., some dessert, and more conversation into the evening.  I have made it a point to avoid sexual relations with the these women.  There has been some going back to my place and “snuggling”/“touching,” but no sex — so I am not using the women for sex.

 

The dinner dates have been great:   laughing, smiling, good conversation to the extent possible given the language barrier.  I think the woman have enjoyed the evenings as much as I have.

NOW comes the challenge.  These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date.  They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc.  

 

I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman.  I would like to continue to take them out to dinner.   However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act.  I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling.

So, how do I handle this is Thailand?  

 

 

 

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

4 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

assuming she is someone she definitely is not

I think that is a talent of some (bar) girls. They give out very little information about themselves. They let the guy make up what he wants to see in them. And obviously guys see what they want to see, the perfect girl. If the girl doesn't contradict him with reality, then he gets exactly what he wants - at least in his own imagination. 

[save the frogs]

5 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

He needs someone to take care of him and to have sex with. So they decided they will look for a mia noi for their father.

True story.

wow, did your true story have a happy ending?

 

i'll tell you another true story.

the children got wind that their father was cheating on their mother and hired a thug to threaten him to stop.

 

Edited July 18, 2023 by save the frogs

[BangkokReady]

They're old and desperate, and possibly you are underestimating your value in Thailand.

 

Try someone younger, say around 30.

Edited July 18, 2023 by BangkokReady

[Kwasaki]

8 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I know that they exist. But I don't know the rules and how they are arranged.

 

One time I was surprised when a farang friend told me the story of a Thai guy with two daughters.

The Thai guy had to work in Phuket, far away from home. His two daughters, in their twenties, realized that their father will have some requirements when he is away from home. He needs someone to take care of him and to have sex with. So they decided they will look for a mia noi for their father.

True story.

That's cool Thai daughters luv their Papa in most families.

Being married I ended up with what I call Mia Noi's and see them on my bike trips maybe once or twice a year.

Basically these days they are good friends I guess.

 

Edited July 18, 2023 by Kwasaki

[OneMoreFarang]

Just now, save the frogs said:

wow, did your true story have a happy ending?

 

i'll tell you another true story.

the children got wind that their father was cheating on their mother and hired a threaten him to stop.

 

Sorry, I never followed up on the story. One of the daughters was a colleague of my farang friend. He told me the (beginning) of the story because he was surprised that it happened. But then we never talked about it again.

[BritManToo]

3 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman.  I would like to continue to take them out to dinner.   However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act.  I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling.

So, how do I handle this is Thailand?  

I'm guessing the women you listed are all in low paying jobs and need some cash.

Accountant ........ her own company or just an office girl?

All the others you listed won't be making 500bht/day.

[kingstonkid]

3 hours ago, Hanaguma said:

I think this may be sage wisdom. The ladies aren't looking for "Mr. Right", they are looking for "Mr. Right Now".  The bio clock is ticking, or maybe they already have a kid or three back in Isaan with the grands.  For whatever reason, time is of the essence for them. 

 

1 hour ago, ASEANTraveler said:

Just to be clear…as I said in my original post: “I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feelings.”  It is not that I am annoyed with any of these women’s behavior.  I am somewhat confused by them, but not angry or annoyed.
 

Bottom line:  I just don’t know how to communicate to these women that hey: “you are an attractive lady, I had a nice evening with you, and I would like to do it again to get to know you better and see if we are compatible.  (But FYI — you are NOT a girlfriend)”

 

That is the message I want them to hear, but (either because of cultural issues or I am saying it wrong), it does not seem to be  what they are hearing.  

 

 

I think you have just said it but in a different way.  You need to explain that you would like to have dinner again or go to a movie but right now you are not looking for a girlfriend at this time.

 

Her competitive juices will start and though she will hear and understand she is still going to give you the BF treatment so that she can change your mind.

 

As stated at the 30 and above they are looking for marriage or to settle down.  They are also 1 man women and will at thot point put everything into making you feel that they are your 1 woman.

 

Enjoy it and if it gets too clingy just keep reminding them or break it off.  

 

The other way to let them know you are no longer interested is block them on line.