First Thai relationship, any advice?

[scubascuba3]

8 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

Was that you on the bicycle, the picture you posted? I thought you were like 40 years old and just very immature for your age, but you are not a kid and should know better than to make fun of people - - I am a bit overweight, it goes up and down, but it is really perverse that you seem to care more about my weight than I do... 

I don't care about your weight, but i know you are very sensitive about it, always struggling to lose weight, i thought maybe finally you started doing the right things, seems not

[fredwiggy]

44 minutes ago, n00dle said:

You bloody hypocrite, demanding valdiation and proof froom other posters while spewing your own self-righteous opinion as gospel.

Nothing you purport is supported by fact either. it is not up to us to deprove your negative.

by your own yardstick, it is up to you to provide  evidence.   

Prostitution and sponsorship amongst university students is a decades old practice in Thailand and there are articles discussiing it as far back as 20 years ago. A sponsorship culture (mia nois and gigs ring a bell?) is endemic in thailand and your verbose denials arent changing that anytime soon.

https://www.chiangmaicitylife.com/clg/our-city/university-students-sex-drugs-uniforms/ 

https://www.afr.com/world/thai-officials-order-survey-after-campus-sex-claims-19990910-k8zmv

 

https://thaisabai.org/2012/03/from-bangkok-udon-thani-tale-very-different-thai-girls/

 

and just to be clear noboidy is claiming this is true of all students. only someone entirely obutse would make that claim to validate their own myopoic understanding of the culture. 

Thinking I'm a hypocrite shows you aren't understanding what I write. You believing his side, where he said most UNI students are servicing Thai males, is wrong.  I don't need to prove otherwise to know this is a statement based on him talking to a few locals who gave him his opinion to make. I didn't say some students don't act this way. They do this in America and anywhere else for that matter. Teen pregnancies have been happening as long as we've been living, and some are girls going to college. He made it sound like most, I made it sound like some.

[LaosLover]

6 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

A "distinguished" poster 

It sounds like you wandered into the wrong moribund internet backwater.

[n00dle]

27 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

When someone says the girl students here all service Thai males more than farangs, he is making an opinion

NOBODY has said ALL students you pillock.

 

You are making my point for me. I think you need to revist your definition of narcissim, because you seem unable to read, let alone respond directly to any point that contradicts your world view. Keep it up with the word salad, why dontcha.

 

30 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

I don't make opinions but go mostly by research of proven facts. I don't form beliefs but see things as they are.

Sure ya do buddy boy. lets see those sources.

31 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

I'm usually trying to help others, quite the opposite of many here who are narcissists that think they are right

 uh huh. thats not you, nope.

[MangoKorat]

6 hours ago, ozthai23 said:

Anyway, sorry about the long post but I like the girl, I just don't understand some of the behavior

And you never will.

 

Sorry if this has already been said but I don't have time to read all the other replies.

 

Her behaviour in terms of claiming she can't stay because of lessons.........that's easy - she has a Thai boyfriend, they all do.

[Mickmouse1]

3 hours ago, ozthai23 said:

Literally tells me she doesn't want to any of my money, just grab and food 

All F&B=£££

[bignok]

27 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

Was that you on the bicycle, the picture you posted? I thought you were like 40 years old and just very immature for your age, but you are not a kid and should know better than to make fun of people - - I am a bit overweight, it goes up and down, but it is really perverse that you seem to care more about my weight than I do... 

Maybe he is into dating skinny guys

[fredwiggy]

9 minutes ago, n00dle said:

NOBODY has said ALL students you pillock.

 

You are making my point for me. I think you need to revist your definition of narcissim, because you seem unable to read, let alone respond directly to any point that contradicts your world view. Keep it up with the word salad, why dontcha.

 

Sure ya do buddy boy. lets see those sources.

 uh huh. thats not you, nope.

Try looking at my posts to see that I am trying to help others. Calling someone stupid because they disagree with your opinions makes you look more the pillock. I don't have a definition of narcissism, the dictionary does. If you understood what an empath is, you would see that it's someone that can feel what others feel, quite the opposite of a narcissist who thinks they are always right. I always respond directly to anyone who contradicts my views, as I've been doing with you all along. I didn't say anyone said ALL students. I said when someone says the girl students here all service the Thai males more than farangs, he is making an opinion. Maybe his opinion was right, mainly because there are millions more Thai males than farang males. Do you understand? Anyone that says most girl students do anything is making an opinion. Are there any studies shown that this is true? Studies have people who lie, exaggerate, and tell the truth. Besides that, there are, like I said, people who make opinions based on what others tell them. You getting all bent out of shape because I'm sticking up for the girl students that I think are not doing what he said they are is out of line. I know what goes on in college dorms, and have since the 70's. If you take the whole population of girls that are college age, from 17-25, do you think these girls are having more sex than the average village girl with no or little prospects besides hopefully finding someone that might marry them and help with the kids they make? The students have a lot more to do than the average girls, meaning studies, and haven't as much time on their hands as girls that are back living at home. Doesn't mean they aren't having sex. Just not like the average Thai girls do. If you think that's an opinion, so be it.

[LaosLover]

4 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

 I said when someone says the girl students here all service the Thai males more than farangs, he is making an opinion. 

I never thought of shagging a student before, but now I don't think I can live without it.

 

Sexually speaking, what can I get for a used Iphone? I have an extra one laying around.

 

Should I take her to the mall and let her pick out her own new iPhone case? It seems iPhone case kiosks support one out of every four mall workers.

 

I'm envisioning a little beach trip, re-enacting The Story of O, presenting the phone near the end, and then changing my Line address.

 

Don't help the guy getting sex for free; Help ME.

[ozthai23]

46 minutes ago, RichardColeman said:

Not really, my point was a young person in their 30's wanting a relationship with a thai girl has to be either living in Thailand (working) or have the funds to take her to their home country. Basically many young men come here, meet and fall in love with absolutely no way of being able to either A take care of her financially, B have an ability to work, or C take her home. It's not the same for us old codgers who are more financially stable. His girls antics might not be worth the effort if he has no way to take care of her long term anyway - maybe that is what she worries about too and hence acts like she is 

I receive a military pension for the rest of my days, enough to live comfortably in Australia enough to live very be comfortable here. I can stay indefinitely.

[ozthai23]

44 minutes ago, MangoKorat said:

And you never will.

 

Sorry if this has already been said but I don't have time to read all the other replies.

 

Her behaviour in terms of claiming she can't stay because of lessons.........that's easy - she has a Thai boyfriend, they all do.

But how would it be possible? He would be pissed off he sees her less than me? I see her 75% of her free time roughly?

[n00dle]

41 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Try looking at my posts to see that I am trying to help others. Calling someone stupid because they disagree with your opinions makes you look more the pillock. I don't have a definition of narcissism, the dictionary does. If you understood what an empath is, you would see that it's someone that can feel what others feel, quite the opposite of a narcissist who thinks they are always right. I always respond directly to anyone who contradicts my views, as I've been doing with you all along. I didn't say anyone said ALL students. I said when someone says the girl students here all service the Thai males more than farangs, he is making an opinion. Maybe his opinion was right, mainly because there are millions more Thai males than farang males. Do you understand? Anyone that says most girl students do anything is making an opinion. Are there any studies shown that this is true? Studies have people who lie, exaggerate, and tell the truth. Besides that, there are, like I said, people who make opinions based on what others tell them. You getting all bent out of shape because I'm sticking up for the girl students that I think are not doing what he said they are is out of line. I know what goes on in college dorms, and have since the 70's. If you take the whole population of girls that are college age, from 17-25, do you think these girls are having more sex than the average village girl with no or little prospects besides hopefully finding someone that might marry them and help with the kids they make? The students have a lot more to do than the average girls, meaning studies, and haven't as much time on their hands as girls that are back living at home. Doesn't mean they aren't having sex. Just not like the average Thai girls do. If you think that's an opinion, so be it.

Seriously mate. What the absolute <deleted> are you on about?

have a nice day.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

4 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

Well known college students do sex work to fund their studies and families

And I-Phones, clothes, cosmetics, nights out, etc etc for themselves...

 

You know... all the important stuff!

 

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

4 hours ago, ozthai23 said:

Lol, you think the whole family would go as far as to put on a whole fake show? They've never received a cent from me and in 3 months I've spent maybe 4000b on her?

Some girls and their families choose to play the so-called "long game," which typically results in the family looking for you to fund / purchase a new house for them, car or cars and misc. other belongings -- if you want to stay with their daughter after a certain point in time... But you gotta be reeled in securely, first.

 

[fredwiggy]

42 minutes ago, ozthai23 said:

But how would it be possible? He would be pissed off he sees her less than me? I see her 75% of her free time roughly?

Let them assume based on their own experiences. No one knows her or what she's doing, and comparing one girl here to another doesn't work. Girls have many reasons to shy away from their boyfriends. Fear of intimacy because of past experiences, even though she wants to trust you, it may be hard for her based on this past history. Many stay guarded and want to remain mysterious, not wanting to let someone have all of them just yet. Some test you to see what you'll do if they just up and leave for no apparent reason. They want to see if you're controlling, because previous ones may have tried to control her.                             Many girls date a few at a time, looking for the best for them. Nothing wrong as long as they're up front about it, and they know you're okay with it. It is true that some have Thai boyfriends, and they don't care if she has others, as long as he gets some. You can ask here and see what she says. Juggling school and more than one boyfriend isn't easy to do .A student has to study to pass subjects. It isn't like grade school here, where everyone passes no matter what they do in class. College requires study, and passing all subjects. That takes time. Does she talk about school? What are her goals?                                                                                                                    You've met her family, which Thais usually don't do unless they're serious about someone. When you met the parent(s) did they take an interest in you or look like they've seen it all before? There are plenty of shysters here, as well as plenty of girls who know what's in store if they settle with a local, or with a farang instead. A smart girl will want to settle down with someone who's not only attractive to them, but isn't a bum, and that has mutual interests and future plans.                                                                                 Time spent talking to each other tells a lot. When she's in the other room on her phone, ask her to sit down and watch a show or just talk. Some are addicted to their phones. It doesn't mean you aren't on their minds. Some have to be coaxed to get away from media.They don't talk to one another much here, meaning men and women, like we do in the US and other countries. It's usually the girls talking with the girls, the boys with the boys. I've observed this as long as I've been here, but women are all the same as far as one thing is concerned. If they talk to you, you listen, meaning really listen. That part of communication has no borders. Women respond to someone who takes an interest in what they have to say. Men  don't usually understand that, especially here. If you can stand out, she will choose you, unless of course she has a lot of baggage she can't get over. A girl with daddy issues with be a serial dater, not staying with anyone because no one can compare to that missing "perfect" father she fantasizes about. Let no one tell you what's right for you. No one is living your life and doesn't know her at all.

[MangoKorat]

19 minutes ago, ozthai23 said:

But how would it be possible? He would be pissed off he sees her less than me? I see her 75% of her free time roughly?

I could write you a book buddy - when you've been around a few years, heard the stories about Thai women with foreign husbands and Thai boyfriends.  The ones who's Thai boyfriend moves out for a while when the husband arrives in the country etc. etc. - then you'll know what I mean.

 

Beware especially of the ones that introduce you to their 'brother' or 'cousin'.

 

A guy in my local bar thinks his wife is totally different and would swear blind that his wife isn't at it. I know different, I've seen her in action on one of her 'shopping trips'.

 

Have you heard of 'Love Hotels' yet?  When you do, consider why they are necessary.

 

Its the national sport mate.

 

I'll throw another bone in your bowl for you to chew on.  Have you considered that she might have a little 'part time job'?  Quite a lot of students, office girls etc. earn a 'little extra' either from the odd customer or two or they may have an older Thai 'care giver'. With the latter, she'll behave erraticly, suddenly have to change plans etc. - the guy might not call her for a couple of weeks but when he does, she has to comply.

[fredwiggy]

5 minutes ago, n00dle said:

Seriously mate. What the absolute <deleted> are you on about?

have a nice day.

If you haven't figured out that I'm here trying to help by now, you never will.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

4 hours ago, fredwiggy said:

I would think the majority of girls going to a University don't bother much with men here.

You do realize, Thailand is filled with so-called "universities" in name, including many low-caliber government ones, that aren't much more than what we'd consider high schools back home.

 

It's not like the academic curriculum at most of these places is comparable to Harvard or Stanford, and past experience tells me there's plenty of young Thai "uni" students perfectly able to balance and manage their school studies and extracurricular pursuits.

 

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, MangoKorat said:

I could write you a book buddy - when you've been around a few years, heard the stories about Thai women with foreign husbands and Thai boyfriends.  The ones who's Thai boyfriend moves out for a while when the husband arrives in the country etc. etc. - then you'll know what I mean.

 

Beware especially of the ones that introduce you to their 'brother' or 'cousin'.

 

A guy in my local bar thinks his wife is totally different and would swear blind that his wife isn't at it. I know different, I've seen her in action on one of her 'shopping trips'.

 

Have you heard of 'Love Hotels' yet?  When you do, consider why they are necessary.

 

Its the national sport mate.

 

I'll throw another bone in your bowl for you to chew on.  Have you considered that she might have a little 'part time job'?  Quite a lot of students, office girls etc. earn a 'little extra' either from the odd customer or two or they may have an older Thai 'care giver'. With the latter, she'll behave erraticly, suddenly have to change plans etc. - the guy might not call her for a couple of weeks but when he does, she has to comply.

What you say is true, but not with all Thai women. Hard to tell who's what but again, that takes time. Many reasons a woman acts erratic, and not all involve infidelity. One thing many Thai women only get after awhile, along with all other women. When you cheat on someone that is good to you, when you lose that good man, you end up with someone who cheated with you, and surely will do it to you as son as he gets the chance. they think they are slick, all the while too stupid to understand that locals will not stay but a fraction of the time, and if they have children, that translates to never. Hit and run, a lot because the court system here is beyond broken, as far as making sure men here that have children will support them. The women end up alone, used and confused. They might have a house to live in, and a car, but they'll be the talk of the town, their "friends" talking behind their back and looking down on them, miserable because they ruined the only good thing they'll ever have. Gold doesn't make a warm bed partner.

[fredwiggy]

Just now, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

You do realize, Thailand is filled with so-called "universities" in name, including many low-caliber government ones, that aren't much more than what we'd consider high schools back home.

 

It's not like the academic curriculum at most of these places is comparable to Harvard or Stanford, and past experience tells me there's plenty of young Thai "uni" students perfectly able to balance and manage their school studies and extracurricular pursuits.

 

Just like back home in the US, yes.

[n00dle]

11 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

If you haven't figured out that I'm here trying to help by now, you never will.

I understand you think you are trying to help. That, however, does not mitigate your delusions. 

[Celsius]

Some people here think that if she is not a prostitute she is a good girl. Reading the OP, it doesn't seem that way at all. I have dated plenty of normal, career girls even students who never asked for anything, yet it was ovbious they were hiding something, lying something or were just plain psychos.

[mancub]

2 hours ago, bignok said:

CM is way better than Isaan. Better food, more western stuff. Gyms etc. Isaan people probably nicer but Lanna food better and a mix of western stuff, airport and train plus mountains in CM.

Not to mention the air quality of course !????

[Dan O]

Read your own posting and remove your emotions and feelings for a minute and see what her behavior is. There is more going on that's hidden from you for some reason. She's young and not in the same place if she really is a student and you are not. There are some big red flags here and even if they are truly honest, does her behavior make you feel good or causing you to question the relationship and what's going on? She's probably not gonna change. Can you go on feeling like this for the future. The smile and laugh are a dime a dozen in Thailand as are honest girls that dont have these red flags. If you ask her to explain and she cant talk to you about it then the writing is on the wall. The question is can you admit it for what it is. 

[fredwiggy]

Let your heart lead the way.

[fredwiggy]

23 minutes ago, n00dle said:

I understand you think you are trying to help. That, however, does not mitigate your delusions. 

You don't understand because it isn't I think I'm trying to help. It is that I do help. Your assumptions that I have delusions are based on ignorance. Anyone can argue with someone because they have been told something by another they believe to be true, and think the person they are arguing with is wrong, while the whole time that person they learned something from was wrong, and so are they. Anyone can argue a point, then go and research to find a link that another made using their opinion, and try and use that to bolster your argument.  I have no delusions. I see things as they are. I try to not make opinions like you are doing, because they are not always valid, meaning yours are biased on your beliefs, your bias based on your experiences and not based on facts. You don't know a thing about me, nor anyone else on this forum, unless you have met them in person. if you did, you would be very embarrassed and shy away. Don't assume you know me because I differ from your opinions. If you are an adult, you already should know this, and not waste time trying to prove otherwise. You aren't looking smart to anyone here, besides the few clueless that are narcissists also. I have tried to help many here with knowledge I've gained over 67 years of studying various topics, reading constantly about psychology, narcissism, depression, nutrition and health, among other personal hobbies. In other words, I'm not a bu**shi**er.

[bignok]

15 minutes ago, Celsius said:

Some people here think that if she is not a prostitute she is a good girl. Reading the OP, it doesn't seem that way at all. I have dated plenty of normal, career girls even students who never asked for anything, yet it was ovbious they were hiding something, lying something or were just plain psychos.

While the farang males are perfect 55

[MangoKorat]

25 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

What you say is true, but not with all Thai women. Hard to tell who's what but again, that takes time. Many reasons a woman acts erratic, and not all involve infidelity. One thing many Thai women only get after awhile, along with all other women. When you cheat on someone that is good to you, when you lose that good man, you end up with someone who cheated with you, and surely will do it to you as son as he gets the chance. they think they are slick, all the while too stupid to understand that locals will not stay but a fraction of the time, and if they have children, that translates to never. Hit and run, a lot because the court system here is beyond broken, as far as making sure men here that have children will support them. The women end up alone, used and confused. They might have a house to live in, and a car, but they'll be the talk of the town, their "friends" talking behind their back and looking down on them, miserable because they ruined the only good thing they'll ever have. Gold doesn't make a warm bed partner.

Not all but a lot more than most people think. Currently I know of 3 my gf just says she knows many and I was caught out by an ex wife's 'cousin'.

 

Most of what you refer to is regarding the morality and consequences of cheating and I'd agree with you that most will no doubt end up on the losing side.  However, that doesn't stop it happening - for every girl that gets burned by it or gets too old - there's another 2 newcomers waiting in the wings.

 

Every guy I've spoken to that is still married, says his wife would never do it and in any case, she 'never goes out'.  They are a lot more crafty than they are given credit for - I know of one girl that sees her 'benefactor' for an hour to an hour and a half every evening after work, she just lies to her boyfriend about what time she finishes work.

 

These days I just see them for what they are and don't look for anything serious - much safer and a lot more fun.

 

In the last 8 years, I've become a lot more involved in Thai society when I'm in the country. Most of my friends are Thai and you're more likely to find me in a Thai style bar than the one 'farang bar' in my area. The more I hear, the more I'm amazed at what goes on.

 

The OP, much like most of us, will

[fredwiggy]

17 minutes ago, Celsius said:

Some people here think that if she is not a prostitute she is a good girl. Reading the OP, it doesn't seem that way at all. I have dated plenty of normal, career girls even students who never asked for anything, yet it was ovbious they were hiding something, lying something or were just plain psychos.

A "normal" girl doesn't have to be hiding something if she is just scared of men in general. Most people will lie to protect themselves, and it's not always to hide something but to not let down their guard because they don't want to be hurt. Women who are damaged from childhood, and don't have a good male role model don't know how to act around men, using whatever tactics they know to keep distance, which makes them more comfortable. This girl shows attraction but isn't letting her guard down. is she hiding something or just scared? Time tells. That's up to him to see if any red flags are just that or a defensive mechanism. And also, psychos aren't normal girls.

[fredwiggy]

4 minutes ago, MangoKorat said:

Not all but a lot more than most people think. Currently I know of 3 my gf just says she knows many and I was caught out by an ex wife's 'cousin'.

 

Most of what you refer to is regarding the morality and consequences of cheating and I'd agree with you that most will no doubt end up on the losing side.  However, that doesn't stop it happening - for every girl that gets burned by it or gets too old - there's another 2 newcomers waiting in the wings.

 

Every guy I've spoken to that is still married, says his wife would never do it and in any case, she 'never goes out'.  They are a lot more crafty than they are given credit for - I know of one girl that sees her 'benefactor' for an hour to an hour and a half every evening after work, she just lies to her boyfriend about what time she finishes work.

 

These days I just see them for what they are and don't look for anything serious - much safer and a lot more fun.

 

In the last 8 years, I've become a lot more involved in Thai society when I'm in the country. Most of my friends are Thai and you're more likely to find me in a Thai style bar than the one 'farang bar' in my area. The more I hear, the more I'm amazed at what goes on.

 

The OP, much like most of us, will

True, and this is what gives the rest of the women here a bad rap from men, because not all are con artists. If a woman wants to cheat, there's a reason for it, and it's not always the man's "fault". She is disturbed in her thinking, and feels entitled, no matter how good or bad she is otherwise. No one wins in cheating except the man she's cheating with. He doesn't care what happens because there's always another woman he can fool.