Relationship advice

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, cavallerio said:

Side effect of medication...happy to sacrifice some libido to keep my heart in good shape 🙂

Very true about side effects. I was on medication for depression at one stage of my life. I had to wean myself off before I went to LOS as it made me impotent. Being impotent in Thailand- that really would have made me depressed!

[thaibeachlovers]

On 1/4/2024 at 3:00 AM, Elkski said:

I would travel from USA or pay for their flight to visit I think uts prudent to see all the goods on video.  If they hide anything its a big red flag.  

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think a non pro woman would have to be nutso to expose herself to anyone on a digital medium, as it might then end up on some porn site. It's not just women faking on social media.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 1/4/2024 at 7:53 PM, riclag said:

“I get that if I shop around I could probably find someone younger, but TBH at my age and state of health 'boom boom' isn't the driver it once was...more looking for someone I respect, trust and can settle down with”.

I like this thought , companionship!

Sounds like you’re on the right track

mate.

Cheers

If "companionship" was all he wanted it would have helped if he made that clear in the OP.

However that puts a different spin on everything and my advice would have been completely different.

[GinBoy2]

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

If "companionship" was all he wanted it would have helped if he made that clear in the OP.

However that puts a different spin on everything and my advice would have been completely different.

Well thats a good point.

 

I think for many of us as we age sex becomes less important, and just having someone to share life with becomes more important.

 

Not saying me and MrsG don't go at it it like rabbits when we do, but it's most definitely not the defining aspect of our life together.

 

Been together a long time, had our kids and now grandkids, so we're just kinda comfortable being around each other.

 

Alone in the house as the kids are gone, happiness can be just hanging out, watching stupid Thai TV, laughing when someone farts, and just the familiarity of another human

[cavallerio]

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

If "companionship" was all he wanted it would have helped if he made that clear in the OP.

However that puts a different spin on everything and my advice would have been completely different

It's a bit both, I'm not ready to hang the pecker up for good just yet...but I am looking for a proper relationship, if I was just looking to get my end away there are cheaper and easier ways than flying to Thailand - thanks for your input mate, it is appreciated 

[hotandsticky]

9 minutes ago, cavallerio said:

It's a bit both, I'm not ready to hang the pecker up for good just yet...but I am looking for a proper relationship, if I was just looking to get my end away there are cheaper and easier ways than flying to Thailand - thanks for your input mate, it is appreciated 

 

 

Cheaper and easier than Thailand?

 

 

Please send details.

[cavallerio]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

. I was on medication for depression at one stage of my life. I had to wean myself off

 

Me too... congratulations on getting through it. The black dog is tough to beat 👍

[cavallerio]

10 minutes ago, hotandsticky said:

Please send details.

Register on AdultWork and take your pick

[GypsyT]

28 minutes ago, hotandsticky said:

Cheaper and easier than Thailand?

Oh yes, there are plenty IF you like big, large, fat women. They even pay you!

 

[hotandsticky]

1 minute ago, GypsyT said:

Oh yes, there are plenty IF you like big, large, fat women. They even pay you!

 

 

 

Cheers.

 

I think that I will stick with Thailand.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, cavallerio said:

Me too... congratulations on getting through it. The black dog is tough to beat 👍

Thanks, it was a period in my life where I had nothing and nobody- not a happy time. Some drugs, some counseling, and a more settled life helped.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, hotandsticky said:

 

 

Cheaper and easier than Thailand?

 

 

Please send details.

Nothing beats the Thai GF experience.

Unfeminine large divorced women are not a substitute.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, cavallerio said:

It's a bit both, I'm not ready to hang the pecker up for good just yet...but I am looking for a proper relationship, if I was just looking to get my end away there are cheaper and easier ways than flying to Thailand - thanks for your input mate, it is appreciated 

Mrs Palmer and a porn DVD usually work without costing and no regrets after.

[cavallerio]

8 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Mrs Palmer and a porn DVD

Heh...must be the modern version, it used to be Rosie Palm and her five daughters

[Banana7]

On 1/6/2024 at 2:04 AM, cavallerio said:

She's a single mum raising two kids on a low wage, I'm a single guy with no commitments, earning a decent wage, house paid for, money in the bank, final salary pension...I don't expect reciprocity. If I can help out a little, I'm ok with that. It's not going to bankrupt me, and no plans to transfer assets from the UK anytime soon

Well there is an orphanage here in Pattaya with 250 abandoned kids and they need a little help too. These kids are less fortunate than the ones you are now showering with gifts and cash because they don't even have a parent to take care of them. Here is the website for donations:www.fr-ray.org

 

Could you please send a little to Father Ray Foundation since you're feeling charitable and generous and seem to want to rescue/help unfortunate Thai? 

 

 

[riclag]

On 1/5/2024 at 12:05 AM, Banana7 said:

Lots of good advice in this thread before my 2 bits here.

 

There are probably hundreds of ladies in Thailand as good or better (less kids, better job, more attractive, more honest, nicer and more compatible personality) than the one you met online, many of them would be interested in you. In thailand, you'll be like a kid in candy shop, tough to choose only one. So line-up at least 5 and come for a month. Make no commitments, shop around, pace yourself.

 

Never send money to anyone whom you have never met in person. 

 

It will be a difficult relationship for the next 5 years, until you retire. You'll only be together for your vacation (1 month/year?) each year. For me, that wouldn't be enough. You might get lucky, and UK gives her a visa to visit you. But never send her airline tickets, ask her buy her own tickets, and you reimburse upon her arrival. I have had too many no shows.  But is even 2 months together per year enough, for 5 years? Also, if she doesn't take vacation while you are here, you'll have lots of spare time, while she is working or taking care of her children, etc.

 

In the Western world, men are starving for love and affection. Use your big head, not your little head, when making a choice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I met a Canadian guy years ago who would do exactly what you mentioned!

He would go on the dating sites and line up ladies before he arrived in 

Thailand. Then spend a month or two visiting them.I think he did it once or twice before settling with one !

After talking with him , it seems we had a couple of things in common.

We use to go to the Dominican Republic (Sosua) to monger!

We both enjoy playing the guitar!

 

 

[Banana7]

1 minute ago, riclag said:

I met a Canadian guy years ago who would do exactly what you mentioned!

He would go on the dating sites and line up ladies before he arrived in 

Thailand. Then spend a month or two visiting them.I think he did it once or twice before settling with one !

After talking with him , it seems we had a couple of things in common.

We use to go to the Dominican Republic (Sosua) to monger!

We both enjoy playing the guitar!

 

 

I have had several friends do this line-up method with Thai and Filipino ladies. Eventually you can find a very good companion. Lots of fish in the sea, some taste better than others.

 

[SAFETY FIRST]

On 1/3/2024 at 4:31 AM, cavallerio said:

Hi chaps.

 

Be grateful for your thoughts on my situation. I live in the UK, never visited Thailand. Met a Thai lady on Tinder. She's a single mom lives in Bangkok with two kids, works for a government ministry. Originally from Isaan. We've been video chatting for a three months now, and Ive booked a trip to Bangkok later this month to meet. I'm 53, she's 38... would be way out of my league in the UK. She speaks good English and is quite open that she's looking for a European partner, and dated a few European guys in the past, has a lot of friends married to European guys. 

 

She ticks a lot of boxes for me, she's smart hard-working and straightforward. I understand that a big part of her attraction to me is financial, as she's wanting a good education for her kids, and up to a point I'm okay with that. I'm probably about 5 years away from retirement here, and wouldn't be averse to moving somewhere warmer permanently. Got no real ties here, divorced and kids grown up.

 

I guess I am just a little bit wary about being played. I'd be interested to hear from anybody who has been in a similar situation, any red flags to look out for, other advice, thoughts, etc? 

I'm seeing more and more of these threads asking for help regarding relationship on AN forums.

 

I reckon Admin should create a DEAR ABBY section within the Thailand Chat Forums, be good weekend reading after mowing the lawn. 😎

 

 

Edited January 7 by SAFETY FIRST

[thaibeachlovers]

14 hours ago, Banana7 said:

Well there is an orphanage here in Pattaya with 250 abandoned kids and they need a little help too. These kids are less fortunate than the ones you are now showering with gifts and cash because they don't even have a parent to take care of them. Here is the website for donations:www.fr-ray.org

 

Could you please send a little to Father Ray Foundation since you're feeling charitable and generous and seem to want to rescue/help unfortunate Thai? 

 

 

I was lucky enough to meet Fr Ray on a few occasions and I sponsored a child there. He was a wonderful man that was unjustly destroyed by scumbags on the media.

 

 

[cavallerio]

13 hours ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

I'm seeing more and more of these threads asking for help regarding relationship on AN forums.

 

I reckon Admin should create a DEAR ABBY section within the Thailand Chat Forums, be good weekend reading after mowing the lawn. 😎

Always happy to entertain. It's a shame you weren't able to share your wisdom on the topic, I'm sure it would be immeasurably helpful.

 

Thanks again to everyone that left constructive comments, really helpful to hear the different viewpoints. I'll post an update when I get back.

[SAFETY FIRST]

2 hours ago, cavallerio said:

Always happy to entertain. It's a shame you weren't able to share your wisdom on the topic, I'm sure it would be immeasurably helpful.

I never offer advice on relationships nor do I ask. I understand there are those people in the world that look for advice on relationships. 

I was a big fan of Jerry Springer, lots of weird people with weird stuff on his shows that kept me entertained, I would often view after mowing the lawn. 

He probably never helped these sad people but old Jerry (RIP) made alot of money.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

20 hours ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

He probably never helped these sad people but old Jerry (RIP) made alot of money.

No one made money by overestimating people's intelligence. Says something about humanity that isn't very nice.

[Elkski]

On 1/7/2024 at 1:15 AM, Banana7 said:

I have had several friends do this line-up method with Thai and Filipino ladies. Eventually you can find a very good companion. Lots of fish in the sea, some taste better than others.

 

Taste is important!!!    Hope OP does post a followup.  He sounds like a caring and smart guy.  It just seemed so obvious  on my first trip that if  both gal 1&2 ( only had 7 days so don't bash me)  seemed so far superior to Western women there must be so many more and there was and are.  

I guess it comes down to if you buy the first car or house you look at or always want to compare at least 20 or more.   I actually walked into over 100 houses before buying my current house. 

Edited January 9 by Elkski

[PingRoundTheWorld]

On 1/5/2024 at 12:59 PM, Banana7 said:

I found  in my past relationships, a women can hide her true personality, behaviour and attitude for up to 2 or 3 weeks, if you are together 24/7. After this period, I saw their true genuine characteristics beginning to emerge.  If you two are not together 24/7, it takes longer. I found that taking them on a one or 2 week vacation, isn't adequate to make a reasonable assessment.

While I did not live with her 24/7, my previous girlfriend took about a year to turn from a complete sweetheart who showed zero signs of jealousy and was always supportive to a raging jealous monster who demanded we get married, went through my phone while I was drunk blocking and deleting any woman she could find, went through my cabinets and threw away bottle tickets and a lucrative membership discount card, and in general turned into a crazy *****. Turns out she was crazy all along - she did similar things with her past boyfriends too - but she was just very good at hiding it. She even said she was hiding it at first because she didn't want to scare me off. Eventually I cut it off because you can't fix a broken woman - it only gets worse.

 

So yeah, give it PLENTY of time before you marry a woman. Live with her for a while. See what she's really like behind the mask.

[BigStar]

Time to memorialize the common theme uniting the advice in most posts on this topic. Listen to what your momma told you. Note how the backup singers effectively reinforce the message from the lead advocate.

 

Should be automatically included as the first post on all such threads. Forum software, take note. Use the AI. Are we ready for /CLOSED/?

 

 

Edited January 12 by BigStar

[thaibeachlovers]

18 hours ago, PingRoundTheWorld said:

While I did not live with her 24/7, my previous girlfriend took about a year to turn from a complete sweetheart who showed zero signs of jealousy and was always supportive to a raging jealous monster who demanded we get married, went through my phone while I was drunk blocking and deleting any woman she could find, went through my cabinets and threw away bottle tickets and a lucrative membership discount card, and in general turned into a crazy *****. Turns out she was crazy all along - she did similar things with her past boyfriends too - but she was just very good at hiding it. She even said she was hiding it at first because she didn't want to scare me off. Eventually I cut it off because you can't fix a broken woman - it only gets worse.

 

So yeah, give it PLENTY of time before you marry a woman. Live with her for a while. See what she's really like behind the mask.

Mine was lovely for a year. Only after we got legal did reality out.

 

Even then, she was nice enough to keep me for a few more years till she just couldn't control herself any more.

[Elkski]

Hoping for an update soon.  

[cavallerio]

Just got home yesterday. Really good visit, we get on way better in person than online. Learned a lot about Thai/ Isaan culture, some of which made my jaw drop, and got to see some bits of Bangkok maybe tourists wouldn't normally get to. We're planning to meet again later in the year, in the UK if we can get a visa to include the kids, Thailand again if not. I'm well aware that I'll be expected to foot the bill for this stuff, and to be fair she's never sugar coated that. Having spent a week together I think I'm getting the best of the deal whatever 🙂

 

A few random thoughts after my first visit to Thailand/Bangkok:

 

1. The heat and humidity....and this is the winter??

 

2. Cruising down the Chao Praya river at night, and watching the fireworks...just magical 

 

3. Weaving through rush hour traffic on a motorcycle taxi - petrified

 

4. Thai massage...already looking for a place near my home

 

5. How nice and helpful everyone was, everywhere 

 

6. The food. I don't think I had a bad meal once, although a somtam dish with a crab in it was whipped away from me, as it would 'make sick'

[uttradit]

On 1/3/2024 at 4:31 AM, cavallerio said:

live in the UK, never visited Thailand

1st red flag

Probably 10m Thai ladies to choose from

Don't pick the first one you talk to

[uttradit]

21 hours ago, cavallerio said:

Having spent a week together

1 week. You are being played most likely.