Does your Thai wife keep you on a short leash?

[NorthernRyland]

The background, last year I decided I just can't take living anywhere near Chiang Mai and being exposed to the city. It's making me miserable being stuck in traffic and eating off the sides of noisy roads. All I see being built are these miserable over priced housing developments. Investors bought everything and land prices are absurd. It sucks and I'm done.

 

I told me wife I'm going to have a mental breakdown if I have to stay another year and so now I've been staying at my rental house up in the mountains with my dog and she can visit me on the weekends or wait until I'm bored and come down to here house for a few days. She's been totally fine with this and happy to have some space to herself and make noise watching stuff on her phone. Win-win.

 

I was just back in Colorado visiting family and I told my aunt about this arrangement and she was totally not ok with this and even went so far as to say she would divorce my ass if I did this to her. 😂 Honestly I don't care if I get divorced but I'm not staying in that city until my wife retires in 15 years and I'm not going to let her quit and take care of her so this is where I'm at. If had the same marriage as my aunt and her husband I would have bailed years ago. What a nightmare.

 

Anyways this got my thinking, are Thai women more accepting of this or is it just me? I know 3 of my wives friends that have husbands that work in other provinces and send money back home. Everyone thinks this is normal. Maybe the guys do this to meet their societal obligations and then see girls on the side and that's just how some Thai people do it. No idea but that's the impression I get because there's certainly a pattern here.

 

Curious to know what your experience is. Are Thai women different in this regard?

 

[save the frogs]

one reason I broke up with at least 2-3 gfs was due to arguments on where to live. 

either different country or different city or different area of the city I didnt want to live in. 

it's probably the 3rd biggest cause of divorce after money and infidelity. 

[NorthernRyland]

11 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

one reason I broke up with at least 2-3 gfs was due to arguments on where to live. 

either different country or different city or different area of the city I didnt want to live in. 

it's probably the 3rd biggest cause of divorce after money and infidelity. 

 

How could it not be. I don't know what I'm going to do but I'm done. We'll see how it works out in the future but we've been good for the last year. Maybe because we've been living together for 10 years we needed some time apart anyways. 🙂

[advancebooking]

I recently read a comment on this forum about a guy who says his thai wife effectively has her head in the sand when it comes to their marriage. 

 

I think some thai ladies are complacent, yet accepting of their farang husbands. Mine is really accepting of the fact that I need to spend time alone. She lets me go away once a month for a few days. 

 

We bought some land and we put one plot in my kids name. I paid for a caport and room to be built on it. Now I can go there and sleep and get away from the stress of family life. Its called detachment (from thai people). I would go nuts if I didnt have this escape. I love coming here alone and Im the only one with keys. Surrounded by walls and a gate. I come here everyday to be with my dog. Do gardening. Trying to stay sane. 

 

To sum up, It think thai women are, in general, very forgiving people. I think I have a lot in common with the OP and I think my wife would get along well with his misus. 

[BangkokReady]

20 minutes ago, NorthernRyland said:

are Thai women more accepting of this or is it just me?

 

I think it's not that they are more accepting, they just don't feel the need to be around their partners all the time.  Thai people don't seem like Westerners, who want to be madly in love and joined at the hip.  Often they don't seem to even really love their partners, it's more like a business arrangement (how else could there be so much semi-open cheating?).  It's not unusual for parents and kids to live pretty much independently and in different locations.  As long as the flow of money doesn't stop, no problem.

 

It's quite common for Thai adults to still hang out with friends like we do when we're teens, for a big portion of their adult life.  They are also able to act like best friends with people they hardly know.  Easy come, easy go.

 

Thai people simply view relationships completely differently to us.

[NorthernRyland]

1 minute ago, advancebooking said:

To sum up, It think thai women are, in general, very forgiving people. I think I have a lot in common with the OP and I think my wife would get along well with his misus. 

Good to hear. I think this is right. Thai men to their credit have not let themselves get browbeaten in to the ground like American men have and the women seem to have a little fear for them. My last GF was ok in this regard too. When I had enough  I told her she needs to go back to her parents house and give me a few days off to be alone and she complied. No hard feelings we just need our space.

 

My mom however is horrible here. She gets all bent out of shape when my step dad doesn't come for dinner at the right time and he's given in to her for years. It's pathetic to watch. If my wife did that crap I would have never married her.

[BangkokReady]

5 minutes ago, NorthernRyland said:

My mom however is horrible here. She gets all bent out of shape when my step dad doesn't come for dinner at the right time and he's given in to her for years. It's pathetic to watch. If my wife did that crap I would have never married her.

 

It's amazing how often you see guys being women's emotional punching bags.  Really sad to see.  I think, unlike Thailand, Western society is set up in such a way that if a man is unmarried or divorced, he's kind of an outcast. 

 

Men are often scared to leave their wives, even when they treat them like garbage.  They even seem to end up having their friends cut out of their lives.  It's not a million miles away from what would be an abusive relationship if the genders were reversed, but it's kind of normalised for men.

[soi3eddie]

20 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

 

It's amazing how often you see guys being women's emotional punching bags. 

 

Men are often scared to leave their wives, even when they treat them like garbage.  They even seem to end up having their friends cut out of their lives.  It's not a million miles away from what would be an abusive relationship if the genders were reversed, but it's kind of normalised for men.

 

OMG! This is exactly what I endured living in the UK with my Thai wife. After 13 years I left her. Never looked back.

 

As for the OP, space apart is often a good thing and makes a relationship work. How many here are living in different countries from their wife or GF? Let alone a few miles away. I see no harm giving each other space. I do same for my GF and let her party with friends, she allows me to spend time with my friends. Often all the guys in our group go out together with our ladies as a big group. I go to Pattaya and stay with my lady, or she comes to Bangkok and stays with me. It just works for us. OP shouldn't worry about the western relative's comments.

 

 

[Hummin]

1 hour ago, NorthernRyland said:

The background, last year I decided I just can't take living anywhere near Chiang Mai and being exposed to the city. It's making me miserable being stuck in traffic and eating off the sides of noisy roads. All I see being built are these miserable over priced housing developments. Investors bought everything and land prices are absurd. It sucks and I'm done.

 

I told me wife I'm going to have a mental breakdown if I have to stay another year and so now I've been staying at my rental house up in the mountains with my dog and she can visit me on the weekends or wait until I'm bored and come down to here house for a few days. She's been totally fine with this and happy to have some space to herself and make noise watching stuff on her phone. Win-win.

 

I was just back in Colorado visiting family and I told my aunt about this arrangement and she was totally not ok with this and even went so far as to say she would divorce my ass if I did this to her. 😂 Honestly I don't care if I get divorced but I'm not staying in that city until my wife retires in 15 years and I'm not going to let her quit and take care of her so this is where I'm at. If had the same marriage as my aunt and her husband I would have bailed years ago. What a nightmare.

 

Anyways this got my thinking, are Thai women more accepting of this or is it just me? I know 3 of my wives friends that have husbands that work in other provinces and send money back home. Everyone thinks this is normal. Maybe the guys do this to meet their societal obligations and then see girls on the side and that's just how some Thai people do it. No idea but that's the impression I get because there's certainly a pattern here.

 

Curious to know what your experience is. Are Thai women different in this regard?

 

Most women just need to know who is the boss, and thats how it is. It is a fine fine limit how bossy you can be, and if you step wrong, you will regret sooner or later. 

 

Some men, can't be the leader, and finds comfort in the wife bossing them around. 

 

[Nick Carter icp]

1 hour ago, NorthernRyland said:

I was just back in Colorado visiting family and I told my aunt about this arrangement and she was totally not ok

 

   Its really nothing to do with your Aunt .

What difference does it make to you as to whether she agrees with your situation or not ?

   Why be bothered about what she thinks ?

[alien365]

1 hour ago, BangkokReady said:

 

It's amazing how often you see guys being women's emotional punching bags.  Really sad to see.  I think, unlike Thailand, Western society is set up in such a way that if a man is unmarried or divorced, he's kind of an outcast. 

 

Men are often scared to leave their wives, even when they treat them like garbage.  They even seem to end up having their friends cut out of their lives.  It's not a million miles away from what would be an abusive relationship if the genders were reversed, but it's kind of normalised for men.

Yeah. I'm in that position at the moment but won't be for much longer. Constant disrespect for being a caring person, and it is in my mind it's an abusive relationship. Just need to plan a time to get my things out of the house and I'm gone. 

[NorthernRyland]

9 hours ago, Nick Carter icp said:

What difference does it make to you as to whether she agrees with your situation or not ?

   Why be bothered about what she thinks ?

 

Oh believe me I don't care one bit. I tried to explain to her how the women are here in my observations but she was having none of it so I wanted to ask others if they had my experience with Thai women too.

 

It's laughable to think anyone would fear getting divorced by some bossy 60 y/o woman. Where would I get my floppy tit fix when I need it and who would argue with me over where to eat dinner? 😂

[NorthernRyland]

8 hours ago, alien365 said:

Yeah. I'm in that position at the moment but won't be for much longer. Constant disrespect for being a caring person, and it is in my mind it's an abusive relationship. Just need to plan a time to get my things out of the house and I'm gone. 

 I let my wife speak rudely to me for too long and I'm trying to reel it now. Nothing malicious but just not a tone you should be using with other people. Her parents should have taught her this but I guess I need to do. "say thank you and please" kind of stuff. Like you would do in public strangers etc...

 

She manages people at work too so she has that attitude and takes it home. I didn't bother me so much in the past but I'm starting to notice it more and more so I decided she can't do it anymore. Maybe it's too late but I'm trying.

 

I've heard once a woman loses respect for you it's basically over and she'll start being abusive. If that's the case might as well leave sooner than later.

[alien365]

7 hours ago, NorthernRyland said:

 I let my wife speak rudely to me for too long and I'm trying to reel it now. Nothing malicious but just not a tone you should be using with other people. Her parents should have taught her this but I guess I need to do. "say thank you and please" kind of stuff. Like you would do in public strangers etc...

 

She manages people at work too so she has that attitude and takes it home. I didn't bother me so much in the past but I'm starting to notice it more and more so I decided she can't do it anymore. Maybe it's too late but I'm trying.

 

I've heard once a woman loses respect for you it's basically over and she'll start being abusive. If that's the case might as well leave sooner than later.

Bad parenting is also a factor in my situation too. No dad involved and her mum dumped her with the grandparents. As my lady expects so much (she's well educated), I guess it was only a matter of time before the respect was gone and things went downhill, I've done similar to you by trying to get her to consider how she acts and what she says, for over a year now, but it hasn't helped in my situation. 

[Celsius]

I don't know what's normal. My wife is Chinese, so when we argue the whole condo building can hear us.

 

People at work are terrified of her.

 

She keeps me on the short leash, but gives me total freedom to f around with other girls if I want.

 

I didn't take her up on this offer because I simply don't have energy for that stuff anymore. 

[StephenD]

I think your aunt is the odd one in my opinion... Why be in a relationship with zero trust? If there's no trust, there's no relationship. 🤷‍♂️

[NorthernRyland]

On 9/16/2024 at 4:40 PM, Celsius said:

I don't know what's normal. My wife is Chinese, so when we argue the whole condo building can hear us.

 

People at work are terrified of her.

 

She keeps me on the short leash, but gives me total freedom to f around with other girls if I want.

 

hmmm this doesn't sounds like a very good marriage. Good luck with that one.

[NorthernRyland]

7 hours ago, StephenD said:

I think your aunt is the odd one in my opinion... Why be in a relationship with zero trust? If there's no trust, there's no relationship. 🤷‍♂️

I think some (many?) women are control freaks so they need to get their husband under their control at all times. Going out too late or leave her alone is too much freedom.

[Jenkins9039]

On 9/15/2024 at 9:48 PM, NorthernRyland said:

The background, last year I decided I just can't take living anywhere near Chiang Mai and being exposed to the city. It's making me miserable being stuck in traffic and eating off the sides of noisy roads. All I see being built are these miserable over priced housing developments. Investors bought everything and land prices are absurd. It sucks and I'm done.

 

I told me wife I'm going to have a mental breakdown if I have to stay another year and so now I've been staying at my rental house up in the mountains with my dog and she can visit me on the weekends or wait until I'm bored and come down to here house for a few days. She's been totally fine with this and happy to have some space to herself and make noise watching stuff on her phone. Win-win.

 

I was just back in Colorado visiting family and I told my aunt about this arrangement and she was totally not ok with this and even went so far as to say she would divorce my ass if I did this to her. 😂 Honestly I don't care if I get divorced but I'm not staying in that city until my wife retires in 15 years and I'm not going to let her quit and take care of her so this is where I'm at. If had the same marriage as my aunt and her husband I would have bailed years ago. What a nightmare.

 

Anyways this got my thinking, are Thai women more accepting of this or is it just me? I know 3 of my wives friends that have husbands that work in other provinces and send money back home. Everyone thinks this is normal. Maybe the guys do this to meet their societal obligations and then see girls on the side and that's just how some Thai people do it. No idea but that's the impression I get because there's certainly a pattern here.

 

Curious to know what your experience is. Are Thai women different in this regard?

 

Ever notice at events that the woman are all huddled together and all the men are huddled together.

 

This is typical thai style.

[novacova]

On 9/15/2024 at 9:48 PM, NorthernRyland said:

Does your Thai wife keep you on a short leash?

No. When I get tired of cm and need a change of scenery I split off to her house in lampang, though usually she tags along if business is slow. She really isn’t insecure about what I do when I’m out and about on my own. I never had a thing for insecure women though I know there’s a lot of insecure women in th. 

[OneMoreFarang]

On 9/15/2024 at 9:48 PM, NorthernRyland said:

Are Thai women different in this regard?

Is there something like "Thai women"?

Some are like this, some are like that. And they behave differently in different situations with different people.

 

Do you think your wife is like all other Thai women? My one is different. 😉 

[DrJoy]

On 9/15/2024 at 10:14 PM, BangkokReady said:

 

I think it's not that they are more accepting, they just don't feel the need to be around their partners all the time.  Thai people don't seem like Westerners, who want to be madly in love and joined at the hip.  Often they don't seem to even really love their partners, it's more like a business arrangement (how else could there be so much semi-open cheating?).  It's not unusual for parents and kids to live pretty much independently and in different locations.  As long as the flow of money doesn't stop, no problem.

 

It's quite common for Thai adults to still hang out with friends like we do when we're teens, for a big portion of their adult life.  They are also able to act like best friends with people they hardly know.  Easy come, easy go.

 

Thai people simply view relationships completely differently to us.

Agreed , my good sir

[DrJoy]

17 minutes ago, novacova said:

No. When I get tired of cm and need a change of scenery I split off to her house in lampang, though usually she tags along if business is slow. She really isn’t insecure about what I do when I’m out and about on my own. I never had a thing for insecure women though I know there’s a lot of insecure women in th. 

They are afraid , the other woman will steal their Farang husband!

[NorthernRyland]

35 minutes ago, novacova said:

No. When I get tired of cm and need a change of scenery I split off to her house in lampang, though usually she tags along if business is slow. She really isn’t insecure about what I do when I’m out and about on my own. I never had a thing for insecure women though I know there’s a lot of insecure women in th. 

She stays in CM and you go to her house in Lampang? I guess she has a vacant house that's available. That's a good arrangement indeed.

[NorthernRyland]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Is there something like "Thai women"?

Some are like this, some are like that. And they behave differently in different situations with different people.

 

There are cultural norms aren't there? Thai and American aren't the same on average by any means.

[thesetat2013]

On 9/15/2024 at 9:48 PM, NorthernRyland said:

The background, last year I decided I just can't take living anywhere near Chiang Mai and being exposed to the city. It's making me miserable being stuck in traffic and eating off the sides of noisy roads. All I see being built are these miserable over priced housing developments. Investors bought everything and land prices are absurd. It sucks and I'm done.

 

I told me wife I'm going to have a mental breakdown if I have to stay another year and so now I've been staying at my rental house up in the mountains with my dog and she can visit me on the weekends or wait until I'm bored and come down to here house for a few days. She's been totally fine with this and happy to have some space to herself and make noise watching stuff on her phone. Win-win.

 

I was just back in Colorado visiting family and I told my aunt about this arrangement and she was totally not ok with this and even went so far as to say she would divorce my ass if I did this to her. 😂 Honestly I don't care if I get divorced but I'm not staying in that city until my wife retires in 15 years and I'm not going to let her quit and take care of her so this is where I'm at. If had the same marriage as my aunt and her husband I would have bailed years ago. What a nightmare.

 

Anyways this got my thinking, are Thai women more accepting of this or is it just me? I know 3 of my wives friends that have husbands that work in other provinces and send money back home. Everyone thinks this is normal. Maybe the guys do this to meet their societal obligations and then see girls on the side and that's just how some Thai people do it. No idea but that's the impression I get because there's certainly a pattern here.

 

Curious to know what your experience is. Are Thai women different in this regard?

 

I think Thai women are accustomed and acceptable to being apart for work or health as long as it keeps the relationship together. Family is so important to most Thais although I think not with the younger generation as with middle age or older Thais. I worked 5 years in China with my wife working in Thailand. There was a year she lived in Bangkok and I was in Chumphon also taking care of our baby. We have been together almost 12 years now and still love and respect each other and want many more years and are even planning for our time when the kids are gone. 

Currently we have about a week apart every few months so I can escape the chaos at home with the kids. Or if i go to see a doctor in Bangkok I am gone a few days.. She also has her time when work sends her to seminars and conferences. We do not complain and argue about it. We do not harass each other by calling and making accusations to each other. We do that playfully only. Even now, if I want to go out alone for a beer the wife does not question me or think anything bad. I think the Thai woman likes the security knowing you take care of her and the family and all of their needs. Also, if the Thai woman leaves you in divorce here. It would take a lot of money and time to get courts to be able to take money from you for support. More than the effort or time they would have usually. Which i think is why the Thai man runs to other cities and leaves their woman knowing they have no responsibility to send money home. 

 

If I was married in the US still. Surely these actions would result in divorce. But you have to consider that divorce in the US is so common as well as finding a mistress for the man or a lover for the woman. So there is always going to be a problem. 

[Luuk Chaai]

On 9/16/2024 at 12:17 AM, alien365 said:

Yeah. I'm in that position at the moment but won't be for much longer. Constant disrespect for being a caring person, and it is in my mind it's an abusive relationship. Just need to plan a time to get my things out of the house and I'm gone. 

The problem is all inside your head," she said to me "The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free There must be fifty ways to leave your lover"

You just slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee And get yourself free

or as Eli Wallach put it

[Gobbler]

 

Does she look like this?

[SportRider]

Good space, and time apart, is the reason Mrs SR and I have just made 25 yrs together. 

[SportRider]

11 hours ago, NorthernRyland said:

I think some (many?) women are control freaks so they need to get their husband under their control at all times. Going out too late or leave her alone is too much freedom.

I'm lucky.  Mrs SR sends me into Pattaya when she wants to clean the house, because I 'make the place untidy.' No questions asked.