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Why is there this kind of "impossible communication" between farang and thais ?


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Posted

Don't get me wrong, Thais are lovely when they hold business transactions in stores, in the streets, in taxis... the cleaner lady says hello to me everytime i see her in the hallway.. but if you're not in their 'perimeter' anymore, you're like air to them. 
I'm at the supermarket, i want to buy broccolis. In front of me are a couple of Thais, and the vegetable lady spontaneously holds them plastic bags so they can wrap the broccolis inside them. Come my turn, I'm being ignored... I had to come to the vegetable lady, and point to the plastic bag. "Saitong, nung krap". I had to repeat several times until she finally decided to give one to me. 
I enter the pharmacy at the same time as Thais. Thais are directly being greated and served. "Hello, how can i help you?" I very distinctely put myself against a counter, clearly indicating that i need something, but no employee would come to me. Everybody see me, but nobody comes. I had to wait until the Thais were done, that finally and employeed comes to serve me. Speaking in good English too. In fact, I know all their staff speak good English, as I go there often.
Down my condo is a mini mart i go to every few days to buy cigarettes. The employee, a young Thai man, seems very happy to see me everytime, big smiles, kindness, chit chat etc... I'm walking down the street, see him walking as well, and thought "oh, our paths are going to cross, we'll probably greet each other". Once we cross, I look at him, just waiving my hand slighlty to say hello, and he doesn't even look at me like...so weird. There's no way he didn't see me, or even if he's shy he could just waive his head and that's it...
I know this is trivial and it probably doesn't apply in the most tourist based areas of the cities, but once a little outside of the usual hustle and bustle, and the behavior of Thais change drastically I found...

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Posted
4 minutes ago, Aurelien said:

Don't get me wrong, Thais are lovely when they hold business transactions in stores, in the streets, in taxis... the cleaner lady says hello to me everytime i see her in the hallway.. but if you're not in their 'perimeter' anymore, you're like air to them. 
I'm at the supermarket, i want to buy broccolis. In front of me are a couple of Thais, and the vegetable lady spontaneously holds them plastic bags so they can wrap the broccolis inside them. Come my turn, I'm being ignored... I had to come to the vegetable lady, and point to the plastic bag. "Saitong, nung krap". I had to repeat several times until she finally decided to give one to me. 
I enter the pharmacy at the same time as Thais. Thais are directly being greated and served. "Hello, how can i help you?" I very distinctely put myself against a counter, clearly indicating that i need something, but no employee would come to me. Everybody see me, but nobody comes. I had to wait until the Thais were done, that finally and employeed comes to serve me. Speaking in good English too. In fact, I know all their staff speak good English, as I go there often.
Down my condo is a mini mart i go to every few days to buy cigarettes. The employee, a young Thai man, seems very happy to see me everytime, big smiles, kindness, chit chat etc... I'm walking down the street, see him walking as well, and thought "oh, our paths are going to cross, we'll probably greet each other". Once we cross, I look at him, just waiving my hand slighlty to say hello, and he doesn't even look at me like...so weird. There's no way he didn't see me, or even if he's shy he could just waive his head and that's it...
I know this is trivial and it probably doesn't apply in the most tourist based areas of the cities, but once a little outside of the usual hustle and bustle, and the behavior of Thais change drastically I found...

 

This is very normal behaviour you find in all countries.

 

Locals are warm and considerate with their own, and cold and incosiderate against those outside their own tribe. Not always, but often.

 

Very normal.

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Posted

Op, i don't know how long you have lived here but the more often they see you the better it gets.

If they see you for the first time they may think you are a tourist and maybe a language problem.

It also depends of where you live,sometimes i also do not feel like greeting people.

 

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Posted
24 minutes ago, safarimike11 said:

I've been living here for almost 20 years. I would say this happens to me less than 10% of the time, so it's no biggie; in other words, 90% of the time is very pleasant. I find that when I interact with Thais in a supermarket - men, women, families with children it can be a very positive experience. While waiting in line at the checkout, if there is a parent with a child, I often show the child a video of animals that I have downloaded from YTube. I also ask the child if they speak English: "Put Anggrit dai mai? If they don't say anything, I follow up with: "Put Thai dai mai?" Most of the time I get a reply: "Dai". If they do speak English, I ask them about their school.

 

My experience as well. Often women will out of themselves pack my shopping in a bag at Big C. Usually older women, less often young women and never the men.

 

Still that this happens at all is a miracle, try getting a cashier in the UK, German, France or Spain to put your groceries in the bag. Not gonna happen. 

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Posted
1 hour ago, Andre0720 said:

How about when they have a stabbing argument within their culture. Warm and considerate, huh.

 

How about riding motorbikes that can break an eardrum?

How about endangering people on the roads by caring only about themselves?

How about people having to put a 'No parking' sign in their driveway?

And so on...

 

I find many of them smiling during an hand to hand' money transaction...

How is that different from Rome?

Posted
12 hours ago, Andre0720 said:

I find many of them smiling during an hand to hand' money transaction...

such is life when money is hard to come by.

i don't find people back home particularly friendly either unless you're helping them in some way.

it's human nature. 

 

Posted
3 hours ago, Aurelien said:

Don't get me wrong, Thais are lovely when they hold business transactions in stores, in the streets, in taxis... the cleaner lady says hello to me everytime i see her in the hallway.. but if you're not in their 'perimeter' anymore, you're like air to them. 
I'm at the supermarket, i want to buy broccolis. In front of me are a couple of Thais, and the vegetable lady spontaneously holds them plastic bags so they can wrap the broccolis inside them. Come my turn, I'm being ignored... I had to come to the vegetable lady, and point to the plastic bag. "Saitong, nung krap". I had to repeat several times until she finally decided to give one to me. 
I enter the pharmacy at the same time as Thais. Thais are directly being greated and served. "Hello, how can i help you?" I very distinctely put myself against a counter, clearly indicating that i need something, but no employee would come to me. Everybody see me, but nobody comes. I had to wait until the Thais were done, that finally and employeed comes to serve me. Speaking in good English too. In fact, I know all their staff speak good English, as I go there often.
Down my condo is a mini mart i go to every few days to buy cigarettes. The employee, a young Thai man, seems very happy to see me everytime, big smiles, kindness, chit chat etc... I'm walking down the street, see him walking as well, and thought "oh, our paths are going to cross, we'll probably greet each other". Once we cross, I look at him, just waiving my hand slighlty to say hello, and he doesn't even look at me like...so weird. There's no way he didn't see me, or even if he's shy he could just waive his head and that's it...
I know this is trivial and it probably doesn't apply in the most tourist based areas of the cities, but once a little outside of the usual hustle and bustle, and the behavior of Thais change drastically I found...

Guilos is the term the Chinese use......you are a ghost man......go to HK to experience it.....55

Posted
4 hours ago, Aurelien said:

Don't get me wrong, Thais are lovely when they hold business transactions in stores, in the streets, in taxis... the cleaner lady says hello to me everytime i see her in the hallway.. but if you're not in their 'perimeter' anymore, you're like air to them. 
I'm at the supermarket, i want to buy broccolis. In front of me are a couple of Thais, and the vegetable lady spontaneously holds them plastic bags so they can wrap the broccolis inside them. Come my turn, I'm being ignored... I had to come to the vegetable lady, and point to the plastic bag. "Saitong, nung krap". I had to repeat several times until she finally decided to give one to me. 
I enter the pharmacy at the same time as Thais. Thais are directly being greated and served. "Hello, how can i help you?" I very distinctely put myself against a counter, clearly indicating that i need something, but no employee would come to me. Everybody see me, but nobody comes. I had to wait until the Thais were done, that finally and employeed comes to serve me. Speaking in good English too. In fact, I know all their staff speak good English, as I go there often.
Down my condo is a mini mart i go to every few days to buy cigarettes. The employee, a young Thai man, seems very happy to see me everytime, big smiles, kindness, chit chat etc... I'm walking down the street, see him walking as well, and thought "oh, our paths are going to cross, we'll probably greet each other". Once we cross, I look at him, just waiving my hand slighlty to say hello, and he doesn't even look at me like...so weird. There's no way he didn't see me, or even if he's shy he could just waive his head and that's it...
I know this is trivial and it probably doesn't apply in the most tourist based areas of the cities, but once a little outside of the usual hustle and bustle, and the behavior of Thais change drastically I found...

They are very shy

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Posted

Not everybody in Thailand speaks or understands English. Many people who do not will be embarrassed that they do not understand your English or badly pronounced Thai.

No Thai would ever say 'Saitong, nung krap' they would say something like 'sai toong hai noi krap' or 'sai toong hai duay na khrap' or 'kor toong bai diaw khrap' if you just wanted a bag.

Learn to speak Thai , be confident and pronounce your Thai language well and you will have a much better experience. 

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Posted
3 hours ago, Cameroni said:

 

My experience as well. Often women will out of themselves pack my shopping in a bag at Big C. Usually older women, less often young women and never the men.

 

Still that this happens at all is a miracle, try getting a cashier in the UK, German, France or Spain to put your groceries in the bag. Not gonna happen. 

 

Yeah but you're more likely to exchange small talk with a European grocery checkout clerk than a Thai one.

 

I've observed Thai customers barely acknowledge checkout clerks or any service employee when they are addressed. Yesterday, a Dairy Queen employee asked a customer if it was his order. He barely mustered up the strength to say anything. He just grunted something. 

 

Thais aren't like Americans; who will engage in small talk with people who are serving them. Sure, in small shops and small towns, there may be some small talk between people who know each other, but almost never between a visitor from outside or someone who is shopping at a particular store for the first time.

 

I do engage in small talk sometimes, though rarely with busy clerks, unless related to my shopping. 

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Posted
37 minutes ago, sqwakvfr said:

I have a similar experience in my 7 years in CNX.  Just today i got into the elevator and a young Thai mother put her child behind her as if to shield her from danger.  I realize at 5"8", 150 lbs, with short hair, clean shaven, no tatoos or scars, wearing clean shirt/pants and had just showered that I pose a threat to Thai children.  Anyway I consider these types of events and reactions from Thai people as "just another day in LOS".  I made the choice to come here and decided to stay for years so I can't expect anything else.  On otherhand  I did something new: I gave each member of the cleaning staff n my building 100 Baht for Songkran.  The smiles lasted about a day.  Things have now gone back to normal; They mostly acknowledge my presence in the common area and to make it easier for them so I leave for the day when they clean my room.  This way it is better for everybody.  I now prefer minimal contact with Thai peo;ple.  They seem to want the same except for when I buy a product or service. 

 

Even in 2023 and at least the first half of 2024, some Thais were adjusting their masks or putting them on "properly" while in an elevator (lift) when a foreigner entered. I saw this happen even in 4 and 5 star hotels with lots of foreign guests. The brainwashing is off the charts. Thais really live in a bubble. 

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Posted
55 minutes ago, Will B Good said:

Guilos is the term the Chinese use......you are a ghost man......go to HK to experience it.....55

 

No, the Chinese term is Laowai or Waiguoren. First one literally means "old outsider", while the second one means "outside country man" (or in English, simply "foreigner").

 

Guailo is Cantonese and while yes, Cantonese is a Chinese dialect, it's not "Chinese" in the sense that Mandarin is the official language of China and Taiwan, whereas Cantonese is merely a regional dialect, which happens to be one of the official languages of the territory of Hong Kong. 

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Posted
1 hour ago, richard_smith237 said:

What you are witnessing, I believe, is a reflection of the same quiet indifference with which many Thais interact outside their immediate circles of influence.

 

While often observed specifically within Thai society, this phenomenon, I would argue, is simply a mirror of a broader, universal human pattern. Across cultures and societies, the nature of our interactions is largely shaped by invisible, concentric circles of connection and familiarity.

 

These circles of influence can be described as follows:

 

1. Inner Circle: Family and Dearest Friends
Within this circle, interactions are marked by deep care, generosity, and emotional investment. Relationships here are intimate, nurturing, and resilient, often carrying a profound sense of duty and devotion.

 

2. Middle Circle: Friends, Acquaintances, Business and Work Associates
In this space, interactions are governed by politeness, mutual respect, and social convention. While relationships can be warm and even meaningful, they are often transactional and bounded by context rather than unconditional loyalty.

 

3. Outer Circle: Strangers and the Unconnected
Beyond the familiar, most people slip into a landscape of general indifference. Strangers are barely acknowledged, unseen until their presence overlaps or interrupts our own path. Here, interactions are minimal, incidental, or absent altogether.

 

I don't think this layered social dynamic is unique to Thailand; it seems almost innate to the human condition. At its core, it reflects the natural limitations of emotional bandwidth - the reality that genuine care cannot be infinitely extended without diluting its meaning.

 

In Thai culture, this structure may feel more visible because of the country's strong emphasis on social harmony (known as 'kreng jai') and its distinct separation of social roles. But the underlying principle - warmth within, coolness without - transcends borders and speaks quietly of how all of us, in our own ways, prioritise intimacy and conserve emotional energy.

 

Correct. 

 

Thais also do this among themselves. 

 

Hence why they don't really do small talk with strangers, except occasionally when some old granny talks to you because you happen to have your young child with you. 

 

Most of the time, it's me who initiates conversations with Thais, who are very receptive towards me, but unless my son is with me, they rarely talk to me first. 

 

Totally different to America where you can find yourself chatting away with some stranger you met on the bus. 

Posted

I think it's the hustle and bustle of living in a crowded asian country. Whenever my friend complains I tell him we get 9 out of 10 things we want and still complain.

 

Still, I agree there are frustrating moments and it does bother me enough that I'm taking more trips out of Thailand. I think starting in November I'll spend 4 months Thailand, 3 months Vietnam, 1 months Bali then maybe KL, Singapore or maybe S. America. 

 

In short, maybe spending a year straight in Thailand too much!

 

 

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Posted
1 hour ago, Presnock said:

Strange, I have been in Thailand over 30 years with some years in the 70's 90's and almost all of the years of this century and I have yet to experience anything like that.  Whenever I go into any store and need something that i do not immediately see, I just talk to anyone that looks like they work there.  When I went to check in for the 1st year of my LTR, after check in at the information desk, they said the 90-day window.  I looked but didn't see it but saw a Thai with a badge hanging around his neck walking through the area.  So I asked him (in Thai) if he worked there and he smiled and said what window do you want (in Thai) and I said the 90-day window but for the LTR and he smiled and said follow me and he led me around the hallways to the 90-day window with a smile - I thanked him and then I was out of there in less than 5 minutes as there were no others in front of me.  In stores, the same thing but usually there are a lot of local employees and they always seem happy and ready to help if I ask.  maybe my smile and speaking Thai has helped but I sure have never had the type of experience as Aurelien related.  Wear a bigger smile whenever going to buy something a see if that helps.

 

That's because you are initiating the exchange. My experience is similar to yours (except I'm not as old as you nor spent as many years in Thailand) but I am fluent in the language and get treated alright most of the time but there are always going to be the odd strange experiences here and there, though they have greatly reduced over the years. 

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Furioso said:

I think it's the hustle and bustle of living in a crowded asian country. Whenever my friend complains I tell him we get 9 out of 10 things we want and still complain.

 

Still, I agree there are frustrating moments and it does bother me enough that I'm taking more trips out of Thailand. I think starting in November I'll spend 4 months Thailand, 3 months Vietnam, 1 months Bali then maybe KL, Singapore or maybe S. America. 

 

In short, maybe spending a year straight in Thailand too much!

 

 

 

Laos is very much uncrowded and yet the experiences you'll have there are similar to Thailand. Perhaps because the culture is very similar; the language is too. 

Posted
7 minutes ago, Tomtomtom69 said:

 

Even in 2023 and at least the first half of 2024, some Thais were adjusting their masks or putting them on "properly" while in an elevator (lift) when a foreigner entered. I saw this happen even in 4 and 5 star hotels with lots of foreign guests. The brainwashing is off the charts. Thais really live in a bubble. 

The other day I saw a lady get on a treadmill at the gym. Yes she was wearing a mask.  Like most of the Thai people in my gym she slowly walked on the treadmill for about 10 minutes and had to cool off.   Even after 7 years in CNX and I speak basic conversational Thai (make the usualy mistakes with tones) and still don';t understand how most Thai people think or not.  I guess I never will and my only goal is to just get along. 

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