Right mates, so I’m mid-session with one of me regular birds, yeah, Thai-Chinese uni bit of kit, fair skinned, smart enough, but no illusions about what we’s there for. We’ve been bumping bits for a while now, and she goes off like a fidget spinner in sport mode. No awkward warm-ups, no guessing games, just straight back into the playlist every time like we never left. She likes it cheeky, I keep it cheeky, everyone’s happy.

 

Anyway we’re a few tracks in, rear formation, parliamentary position, nice tempo, the kind where you don’t stop to check if the kettle is on. I’ve got me Apple Watch Ultra 2 strapped in, latest model, titanium and sapphire, a real beast. Its step counter thinks I'm climbing Everest the way I'm clapping that keyster. Watch looks like something a Batman villain would wear to trigger a bomb at a bank heist. Got it paired with this nice silicone magnetic strap I found on Lazada. Bright Dutch orange. Snaps together like a dream, holds tighter than a Scott's wallet, never had a problem.

 

Until now.

 

She starts throwing it back like she’s trying to knock plaster off the walls, and I’m giving it some with the palm, proper backhanded appreciation, in between playing the double bass, yeah. Then all of a sudden — fwip — magnets give up the match. Watch launches off me wrist like it’s late for a flight, full speed, straight across the room. CRACK. Into the wall. Face first. I swear I aged five years in that second.

 

I scurry over to it like it’s a hostage situation, didn't even finish giving her the payload, and there it is: my Ultra, FFS lads. Screen protector dented along the edge, just enough that it’s peeled up a smidge, like a crisps packet someone got halfway through. But the glass? Not a single scratch mates. Watch? Perfect. Not even a scuff. That protector cost me less than ฿100 and it took the full wall-smack like a legend. Needs replacing now, but two quid well spent innit. 

 

Moral of the story? You don’t need to bubble wrap your whole life, just the bits you actually wanna keep. Everything else can take its chances. Like me dignity.

When I look at the stories highlighted on the right of my screen, I skip some when I see who wrote them.

 

When I see Lewie's avatar, I know I'm in for a treat!

Those watches are built like a tank. Prolly smack the wall like that and would be fine, even without any added protection.