Pattaya Was Never Stocked With Hotties, Bruv — It’s Always Been Fat Birds and Old Plonkers

[Lewie London]

Right, let’s have it straight, people bangin’ on like Pattaya’s fallen off some cliff, like it used to be Victoria’s Secret down Walking Street and now it’s just leftover Greggs pasties in lipstick. Nah, mate. Pattaya’s always been built different. First time I rocked up there, what, thirty years ago, I clocked it straight away. It weren’t full of young stunners prancin’ about, nah it was mostly plumpers and old boilers even then. Half of ‘em looked like they’d just clocked off a shift at Debenhams. Old, haggard tarts, slappers, and sluts. The young ones? They were rare, like finding a decent pint of bitter in a Bangkok Irish bar. And if you did spot one in the high-priced go-gos, she was already booked by some Swiss bloke with orthopedic sandals and a gut like a sack of schnitzel.

 

And it made sense, didn’t it? The old boys, mostly Germans with ponytails, French geezers with dodgy moustaches, Brits lookin’ like they’d been left out in the rain, they weren’t after the young hot ones. Nah. They wanted the older ones, the ones with less ambition, ones who wouldn’t leg it first time they spotted some Yank flashin’ dollars about. Marriage material, they called it. Settle down, buy a shophouse, open a little cafe servin’ chips and Chang, job done. The young ones? Nah, too much admin. Always eyein’ up the next geezer with a bigger wallet and a better set of dentures.

 

Bangkok’s where the worldies were, always has been. If you wanted the ten-out-of-tens, you got yourself to Bangers. Or maybe one of the islands if you fancied a bit of that salty-air vibe. Pattaya? Nah. Pattaya was the retirement home of the game. It’s where Bangkok’s ex-stunners went to finish their careers, yeah.

 

So now you get these mugs moaning, “Oh the girls in Pattaya ain’t what they used to be.” Mate, what, you think it used to be full of? Instagram models? Get out of it. It was always Doris and her mates from the provinces, makin’ ends meet, lookin’ for a geezer with a bad knee and a pension. Always has been, always will be.

 

If you want the top shelf, you don’t shop in Poundland, do ya? Pattaya’s always been Porkerland. Great fun, plenty of bargains, but don’t complain when the packaging’s a bit battered and fallin' off the scale. Know what I mean, bruv?

[kevozman1]

The first time I visited Thailand seeing fat women in general wasn't common, so you're wrong. I haven't been to Pattaya since around 2018, and unlikely that I will ever visit again, but the last time I was there the amount of chubby women had gone up notably, just like most of the rest of Thailand (and many other parts of the world also).

[Screaming]

21 minutes ago, Lewie London said:

Right, let’s have it straight, people bangin’ on like Pattaya’s fallen off some cliff, like it used to be Victoria’s Secret down Walking Street and now it’s just leftover Greggs pasties in lipstick. Nah, mate. Pattaya’s always been built different. First time I rocked up there, what, thirty years ago, I clocked it straight away. It weren’t full of young stunners prancin’ about, nah it was mostly plumpers and old boilers even then. Half of ‘em looked like they’d just clocked off a shift at Debenhams. Old, haggard tarts, slappers, and sluts. The young ones? They were rare, like finding a decent pint of bitter in a Bangkok Irish bar. And if you did spot one in the high-priced go-gos, she was already booked by some Swiss bloke with orthopedic sandals and a gut like a sack of schnitzel.

 

And it made sense, didn’t it? The old boys, mostly Germans with ponytails, French geezers with dodgy moustaches, Brits lookin’ like they’d been left out in the rain, they weren’t after the young hot ones. Nah. They wanted the older ones, the ones with less ambition, ones who wouldn’t leg it first time they spotted some Yank flashin’ dollars about. Marriage material, they called it. Settle down, buy a shophouse, open a little cafe servin’ chips and Chang, job done. The young ones? Nah, too much admin. Always eyein’ up the next geezer with a bigger wallet and a better set of dentures.

 

Bangkok’s where the worldies were, always has been. If you wanted the ten-out-of-tens, you got yourself to Bangers. Or maybe one of the islands if you fancied a bit of that salty-air vibe. Pattaya? Nah. Pattaya was the retirement home of the game. It’s where Bangkok’s ex-stunners went to finish their careers, yeah.

 

So now you get these mugs moaning, “Oh the girls in Pattaya ain’t what they used to be.” Mate, what, you think it used to be full of? Instagram models? Get out of it. It was always Doris and her mates from the provinces, makin’ ends meet, lookin’ for a geezer with a bad knee and a pension. Always has been, always will be.

 

If you want the top shelf, you don’t shop in Poundland, do ya? Pattaya’s always been Porkerland. Great fun, plenty of bargains, but don’t complain when the packaging’s a bit battered and fallin' off the scale. Know what I mean, bruv?

While I miss some of the Brit Nuance as I am not British, I just had to laugh, (tears even) to this writing. Do you have any works published Lewie or are you just a bar stool writer?

[newbee2022]

17 minutes ago, kevozman1 said:

amount of chubby women had gone up nota

Depends what men are asking for. Maybe the chubby ones meet the expectations from men coming from Muslim countries? Or India?

[bubblegum]

Never noticed that. Been there twice because some restaurants actually serf very good food. Love it when even the wine fits the menu!

[kevozman1]

3 minutes ago, newbee2022 said:

Depends what men are asking for. Maybe the chubby ones meet the expectations from men coming from Muslim countries? Or India?

 

I have no idea, all I know is that many broads were notably fatter (and older) in Pattaya the last time I visited there (2018) than the first time I visited there (I believe 2004). I wasn't a regular visitor, but enough to observe the difference. However, people getting fatter has happened across much of Thailand, not just Pattaya, and many other parts of the world at that.. 

[henryford1958]

I've often wondered who pays money to bang these over the hill chubbies. I am not sure i would do them for free.

[FriscoKid]

No way, mates. Bob always insists Patts is the beez kneez! 😂

[quake]

Oh look. yawn. 

[JackGats]

It's not that there are fewer young hotties now, it's just that young hotties no longer give Farangs the time of day. This is what has changed.

[couchpotato]

1 hour ago, Lewie London said:

Right, let’s have it straight, people bangin’ on like Pattaya’s fallen off some cliff, like it used to be Victoria’s Secret down Walking Street and now it’s just leftover Greggs pasties in lipstick. Nah, mate. Pattaya’s always been built different. First time I rocked up there, what, thirty years ago, I clocked it straight away. It weren’t full of young stunners prancin’ about, nah it was mostly plumpers and old boilers even then. Half of ‘em looked like they’d just clocked off a shift at Debenhams. Old, haggard tarts, slappers, and sluts. The young ones? They were rare, like finding a decent pint of bitter in a Bangkok Irish bar. And if you did spot one in the high-priced go-gos, she was already booked by some Swiss bloke with orthopedic sandals and a gut like a sack of schnitzel.

 

And it made sense, didn’t it? The old boys, mostly Germans with ponytails, French geezers with dodgy moustaches, Brits lookin’ like they’d been left out in the rain, they weren’t after the young hot ones. Nah. They wanted the older ones, the ones with less ambition, ones who wouldn’t leg it first time they spotted some Yank flashin’ dollars about. Marriage material, they called it. Settle down, buy a shophouse, open a little cafe servin’ chips and Chang, job done. The young ones? Nah, too much admin. Always eyein’ up the next geezer with a bigger wallet and a better set of dentures.

 

Bangkok’s where the worldies were, always has been. If you wanted the ten-out-of-tens, you got yourself to Bangers. Or maybe one of the islands if you fancied a bit of that salty-air vibe. Pattaya? Nah. Pattaya was the retirement home of the game. It’s where Bangkok’s ex-stunners went to finish their careers, yeah.

 

So now you get these mugs moaning, “Oh the girls in Pattaya ain’t what they used to be.” Mate, what, you think it used to be full of? Instagram models? Get out of it. It was always Doris and her mates from the provinces, makin’ ends meet, lookin’ for a geezer with a bad knee and a pension. Always has been, always will be.

 

If you want the top shelf, you don’t shop in Poundland, do ya? Pattaya’s always been Porkerland. Great fun, plenty of bargains, but don’t complain when the packaging’s a bit battered and fallin' off the scale. Know what I mean, bruv?

What utter rubbish..30-40 years ago great choice of lovelies in Pattaya (of course in Bangkok also).......

Is the prose to get us to like the post and some guys to believe you.

 

[Cameroni]

1 hour ago, Lewie London said:

Bangkok’s where the worldies were, always has been. If you wanted the ten-out-of-tens, you got yourself to Bangers. Or maybe one of the islands if you fancied a bit of that salty-air vibe. Pattaya? Nah. Pattaya was the retirement home of the game. It’s where Bangkok’s ex-stunners went to finish their careers, yeah.

 

Bob, for once you have it spot on!

 

What gets me, in Pattaya even the Russian bar girls look rough!!!

[dinsdale]

Sure Bob. How's your little world in your bizarre head goin'? 'bout the same it would seem. Which ID are you going to use for your next inane thread?

[Cameroni]

He's not wrong!

 

The hottest ones are in Bangkok!

 

When he's right, he's right!

[kevozman1]

30 minutes ago, JackGats said:

It's not that there are fewer young hotties now, it's just that young hotties no longer give Farangs the time of day. This is what has changed.

 

There definitely are fewer. The average age of a Thai is now 40 and the obesity rates in the last 30 years have gone up massively. More processed sugar, more people have vehicles (less walking) and Thai broads haven't been knocking out the kids in the last 3 decades like they used to. Forgetting about statistics that I look at online, just observing and experience is enough to see the population has indeed got older and fatter. 

[Mentors65]

1 hour ago, Lewie London said:

Right, let’s have it straight, people bangin’ on like Pattaya’s fallen off some cliff, like it used to be Victoria’s Secret down Walking Street and now it’s just leftover Greggs pasties in lipstick. Nah, mate. Pattaya’s always been built different. First time I rocked up there, what, thirty years ago, I clocked it straight away. It weren’t full of young stunners prancin’ about, nah it was mostly plumpers and old boilers even then. Half of ‘em looked like they’d just clocked off a shift at Debenhams. Old, haggard tarts, slappers, and sluts. The young ones? They were rare, like finding a decent pint of bitter in a Bangkok Irish bar. And if you did spot one in the high-priced go-gos, she was already booked by some Swiss bloke with orthopedic sandals and a gut like a sack of schnitzel.

 

And it made sense, didn’t it? The old boys, mostly Germans with ponytails, French geezers with dodgy moustaches, Brits lookin’ like they’d been left out in the rain, they weren’t after the young hot ones. Nah. They wanted the older ones, the ones with less ambition, ones who wouldn’t leg it first time they spotted some Yank flashin’ dollars about. Marriage material, they called it. Settle down, buy a shophouse, open a little cafe servin’ chips and Chang, job done. The young ones? Nah, too much admin. Always eyein’ up the next geezer with a bigger wallet and a better set of dentures.

 

Bangkok’s where the worldies were, always has been. If you wanted the ten-out-of-tens, you got yourself to Bangers. Or maybe one of the islands if you fancied a bit of that salty-air vibe. Pattaya? Nah. Pattaya was the retirement home of the game. It’s where Bangkok’s ex-stunners went to finish their careers, yeah.

 

So now you get these mugs moaning, “Oh the girls in Pattaya ain’t what they used to be.” Mate, what, you think it used to be full of? Instagram models? Get out of it. It was always Doris and her mates from the provinces, makin’ ends meet, lookin’ for a geezer with a bad knee and a pension. Always has been, always will be.

 

If you want the top shelf, you don’t shop in Poundland, do ya? Pattaya’s always been Porkerland. Great fun, plenty of bargains, but don’t complain when the packaging’s a bit battered and fallin' off the scale. Know what I mean, bruv?

agree since 1989. But no tattoos and ugly nosejobs back then

[Patong2021]

I appreciate that this a  thread about Pattaya, but had the ferry still been operating I would have said, take a cruise to the geriatric hooker care center of Hua Hin, before you complain.

I did not see any fat bargirls when I was in Pattaya. Chubby or plump yes. The fatties were the customers. They waddle about, sweating profusely, with their red swollen legs and bulging guts. The worst thing for them are the  low cost English breakfasts with the fried  hotdog sausages, fried potato, white bread, blood pudding,  processed ham, and fried strip of lard called "bacon".

 

You should do your next missive on the low quality of bacon served in most Thai restaurants. It is mostly fat with no meat. The only place where I have  consistently been served proper bacon was at the former BKK airport Novotel. Maybe this is why so many are fat in Pattaya. Too much fatty fried pork and rice.

[Magictoad]

I doubt if Pattaya was ever "stocked." That seems more to do with your lurid fantasy. Talking of which; shouldn't you be switching your argot to 'Roadman' slang? Do keep up with the times old chap.

[tomazbodner]

2 hours ago, Screaming said:

While I miss some of the Brit Nuance as I am not British, I just had to laugh, (tears even) to this writing. Do you have any works published Lewie or are you just a bar stool writer?

Not even interested much in his topics, but it's sure a lot of fun to read 🙂

[lamyai3]

This must be the least convincing cockney impersonation since Dick Van Dyke starred in Mary Poppins 😐

[Middle Aged Grouch]

8 years ago or more, it was rare to see fat, plumpy or overweight women in Thailand, 

 

Today, it's a common sight. No doubt all the junk food invasion from the west with those outlets all over. Plus the simplicity of having western junk food delivered at a jiffy to the door step. 

 

But the good news here is the bra sizes have also grown wider and bigger and not rare to see ladies proudly exposing the cleavage that looks genuine for sure. 😜

 

But I would definately consider Bangkok or Pattaya to have many hotties. Unlike Hua Hin where frankly the standards are not at all anything worth the time or the bucks. Because when it comes to get flushed of your cash, one does get far more cheated in Hua Hin compared to Pattaya or Bangkok or further up north where the ladies are hot, far more friendly and not yet spoilt by falangs comming and throwing their money where it is not worth it. No offence meant. 🙏

[roo860]

25 minutes ago, Middle Aged Grouch said:

8 years ago or more, it was rare to see fat, plumpy or overweight women in Thailand, 

 

Today, it's a common sight. No doubt all the junk food invasion from the west with those outlets all over. Plus the simplicity of having western junk food delivered at a jiffy to the door step. 

 

But the good news here is the bra sizes have also grown wider and bigger and not rare to see ladies proudly exposing the cleavage that looks genuine for sure. 😜

 

But I would definately consider Bangkok or Pattaya to have many hotties. Unlike Hua Hin where frankly the standards are not at all anything worth the time or the bucks. Because when it comes to grasp to your bucks, one does get far more cheated in Hua Hin compared to Pattaya or Bangkok or further up north where the ladies are hot, far more friendly and not yet spoilt by falangs comming and throwing their money where it is not worth it. No offence meant. 🙏

8 years ago? More like 25yrs ago.

[HappyExpat57]

This is only for sober observers. You put on your beer goggles, they're ALL hotties.

 

Viva Pattaya!!!

[SAFETY FIRST]

8 hours ago, Lewie London said:

 Pattaya Was Never Stocked With Hotties

always been Porkerland

I disagree. 

 

25 years ago lots of petite 17yo girls working in the bars. 

 

My ex, the mother of my children, was an attractive 17yo when we met, she had the best little peachy bottom, f beautiful. 

 

We lived together in an apartment together for the first 6 months while I had my house built.

 

I still remember her young girlfriends coming around to visit occasionally, they were all petite, some of the girls were very attractive. 

 

 

[Quentin Zen]

2 hours ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

I disagree. 

 

25 years ago lots of petite 17yo girls working in the bars. 

 

My ex, the mother of my children, was an attractive 17yo when we met, she had the best little peachy bottom, f beautiful. 

 

We lived together in an apartment together for the first 6 months while I had my house built.

 

I still remember her young girlfriends coming around to visit occasionally, they were all petite, some of the girls were very attractive. 

 

 

International Centre for Missing & Exploited Children Updated April 2018 13 ICMEC Education Portal Prevention and Suppression of Prostitution Act B.E. 2539 (1996) Sec. 8 Any person who, in order to gratify his or her sexual desire or that of another person, has sexual intercourse or acts otherwise against a person over fifteen but not over eighteen years of age in a prostitution establishment, with or without his or her consent, shall be liable to imprisonment for a term of one to three years and to a fine of twenty thousand to sixty thousand Baht. If the offence under paragraph one is committed in relation to a child not over fifteen years of age, the offender shall be liable to imprisonment for a term of two to six years and to a fine of forty thousand to one hundred twenty thousand Baht. If the act under paragraph one is committed in relation to one's own spouse, and not to gratify the sexual desire of another person, the offender is not guilty.

 

Note  If holding an American passport, you will also be tried in American court if the girl was under 18, anywhere in the world

[thesetat]

Prior to Covid. Pattaya was a lot better in the type of women selling themselves there. The bars and gogos sported sexier and younger girls. After Covid all I saw were middle-aged women who got fat. It took a couple years since then before some younger versions began to appear. Prices went up double to what they were back then as well. Pay more for the fat I guess. Also, came the online quickies rather than the GF experience Pattaya was well known for. It is very rare to find a girl who wants with you more than an hour or 2 nowadays. 

One thing has not changed though. the majority of women who go there are Mommies whose man knocked them up and left them holding the crib alone. Sure, on walking street you could find University girls vying you to go inside the gogos to look at the fatties. But for taking home a sexy young one was/is difficult and expensive. Buying time with a woman in Pattaya now cost more than getting a girl in the USA where you can still find a street walker for 20-30 dollars. I go to Pattaya quite often and used to talk a lot to the women there. Rarely taking anyone home simply because I do not like quickies without any attachment. But I learned a lot talking and watching. Nowadays, I rarely venture from my room when I go there. It all seems a waste of money for what they offer now. Also, there is no attraction to the girls that are used and abused and getting fat. These women could not sell their wares in any other part of the country. They are chained to Pattaya being hopeful to find money or a man to take care of them in their dying years. Pathetic really that so many of them still get customers. But then, men do not use their bigger brains when horny haha.. 

 

[ericthai]

 

well.  I can Defiantly say that back in the 90's you hardly ever saw any old fat girls in Pattaya. 

[SAFETY FIRST]

39 minutes ago, Quentin Zen said:

International Centre for Missing & Exploited Children Updated April 2018 13 ICMEC Education Portal Prevention and Suppression of Prostitution Act B.E. 2539 (1996) Sec. 8 Any person who, in order to gratify his or her sexual desire or that of another person, has sexual intercourse or acts otherwise against a person over fifteen but not over eighteen years of age in a prostitution establishment, with or without his or her consent, shall be liable to imprisonment for a term of one to three years and to a fine of twenty thousand to sixty thousand Baht. If the offence under paragraph one is committed in relation to a child not over fifteen years of age, the offender shall be liable to imprisonment for a term of two to six years and to a fine of forty thousand to one hundred twenty thousand Baht. If the act under paragraph one is committed in relation to one's own spouse, and not to gratify the sexual desire of another person, the offender is not guilty.

 

Note  If holding an American passport, you will also be tried in American court if the girl was under 18, anywhere in the world

Why post a 2018 article, just here to antagonize, like most. 

 

I said 25 years ago, they were all 17yo. 

You missed the boat old timer. 

 

If you travelled down to Ban Chang they were years younger, sadly most of them are still working in the bars, now in their 40's 

 

Stop wasting my time, go annoy someone else 

 

 

[KhaoHom]

11 hours ago, Lewie London said:

Right, let’s have it straight, people bangin’ on like Pattaya’s fallen off some cliff, like it used to be Victoria’s Secret down Walking Street and now it’s just leftover Greggs pasties in lipstick. Nah, mate. Pattaya’s always been built different. First time I rocked up there, what, thirty years ago, I clocked it straight away. It weren’t full of young stunners prancin’ about, nah it was mostly plumpers and old boilers even then. Half of ‘em looked like they’d just clocked off a shift at Debenhams. Old, haggard tarts, slappers, and sluts. The young ones? They were rare, like finding a decent pint of bitter in a Bangkok Irish bar. And if you did spot one in the high-priced go-gos, she was already booked by some Swiss bloke with orthopedic sandals and a gut like a sack of schnitzel.

 

And it made sense, didn’t it? The old boys, mostly Germans with ponytails, French geezers with dodgy moustaches, Brits lookin’ like they’d been left out in the rain, they weren’t after the young hot ones. Nah. They wanted the older ones, the ones with less ambition, ones who wouldn’t leg it first time they spotted some Yank flashin’ dollars about. Marriage material, they called it. Settle down, buy a shophouse, open a little cafe servin’ chips and Chang, job done. The young ones? Nah, too much admin. Always eyein’ up the next geezer with a bigger wallet and a better set of dentures.

 

Bangkok’s where the worldies were, always has been. If you wanted the ten-out-of-tens, you got yourself to Bangers. Or maybe one of the islands if you fancied a bit of that salty-air vibe. Pattaya? Nah. Pattaya was the retirement home of the game. It’s where Bangkok’s ex-stunners went to finish their careers, yeah.

 

So now you get these mugs moaning, “Oh the girls in Pattaya ain’t what they used to be.” Mate, what, you think it used to be full of? Instagram models? Get out of it. It was always Doris and her mates from the provinces, makin’ ends meet, lookin’ for a geezer with a bad knee and a pension. Always has been, always will be.

 

If you want the top shelf, you don’t shop in Poundland, do ya? Pattaya’s always been Porkerland. Great fun, plenty of bargains, but don’t complain when the packaging’s a bit battered and fallin' off the scale. Know what I mean, bruv?

 

I have to agree. High season Pattaya brought in some lookers, but low season was pretty dire for tourists. That was 25 years ago.

 

The trick is to working Pattaya is setting up a book.

 

I'd always wondered how the women made it down to HH, Samui, Phuket, Krabi, HY. Probably just friends resettling, but I think there are levels.

 

Bangkok probably is worse than Pattaya not 1:1, but volume. Loads of fatties mid 30-40s. Many beer bars have women 50+.

[HappyExpat57]

24 minutes ago, ericthai said:

 

well.  I can Defiantly say that back in the 90's you hardly ever saw any old fat girls in Pattaya. 

When I first arrived circa 2004, the calls from truly good looking girls of "hansum mannnnn" permeated the air as I strolled down Soi 6. Now, the porkers sit on their widening bottoms, scanning their phones for their next "cha-ching" of idiots around the world sending them money. Heavy sigh . . .