On 7/8/2025 at 5:47 AM, Lewie London said:

You don’t see dolphins hiring dolphin coaches or pigeons needin’ motivational pigeons on rooftops shoutin’, “Believe in yourself, mate! Flap bloody harder!”

You remember that from past lives?

 

On 7/11/2025 at 8:10 AM, Prubangboy said:

She had no clients she never had any clients.

They just have to get married... and even then, they don't know how to coach guys - - I always wanted a woman to yell, 'hey batta batta batter' at an appropriate time... give me a little pat on the butt when I am going to chase the mouse or gecko out of the house... 

People with no thought process in their head and need advice or to ask people's opinions in everything before doing anything.

They will usually be good at some form of work job that enables them to earn a good living and fund their need for life coaches , therapists etc. But outside of work they are usually useless at most things without asking someone about it.

Although Tony Robbins made millions out of it , but then I remember probably not difficult when being in America due the amount of people he could convince they needed his books , tapes etc.

On 7/8/2025 at 8:47 AM, Lewie London said:

Right, so I’m scrollin’ through me feed down the pub the other day, just killin’ time between me midday nap and a cheeky oil massage up the soi, and up pops this bird I vaguely knew back in school, bit of a wallflower back then yeah, used to cry durin’ maths and once tried to sell bath bombs made of salt and glitter. Fook me, now she’s callin’ herself a life coach. Full-on inspirational quotes, selfie videos in her flat wearin’ skintight activewear with no sign of sweat, but a big bloody camel toe and bangin’ on about “transformational alignment” and “holding space for emotional truth.” I nearly barfed in me chips.

 

And it got me thinkin’, who the fekk is hirin’ these people? Who wakes up one day and thinks, “Y’know what I need? Some random stranger in see-through yoga pants and a minge gap the size of the Grand Canyon to teach me how to live.” 

 

Live? Mate, you’re already doin’ it. You woke up. That’s the assignment. You nailed it, bruv. No one’s forgot how. You don’t see dolphins hiring dolphin coaches or pigeons needin’ motivational pigeons on rooftops shoutin’, “Believe in yourself, mate! Flap bloody harder!”

 

Half of these so-called coaches look like they’re on meth. I reckon they need some help themselves, and are just one stubbed toe away from a complete meltdown. Eyes twitchin’, voices too calm to be normal, and that weird glazed look like they’ve just downed a bottle of Rescue Remedy and a chia smoothie.
 

And they’ve always “just come back” from some retreat in Bali where they sat in a circle with other lost souls bangin’ on drums and cryin’ about their inner child. Newsflash, love: if your biggest trauma is your dad didn’t clap loud enough at your school play, you might not be qualified to guide others through a midlife crisis.

 

And don’t get me started on the “certifications.” You click their link and it says they’ve got a diploma in Sacred Awakening from some online temple that looks like it was designed in Microsoft Paint. That ain’t a qualification, it’s a bloody scam with a pastel colour scheme.

 

Look, I get that people need a bit of help sometimes, yeah. We all hit a rough patch now and then. But you know what used to sort that out? Mates down the pub. A long walk. A good cry in the shower followed by a good chicken choke and a fry-up. Not some muppet on Instagram charging you £100 an hour to tell you “You are enough” while sniffin’ patchouli oil and postin’ selfies in front of a Himalayan salt lamp.

 

Let’s be honest now, “life coach” is just a title people slap on themselves when they’ve burned through every other gainful employment option and can’t even hold down a food delivery job. It’s career karaoke. Doin’ the motions without actually havin’ a voice.

 

Just another reminder that the world’s gone bloody bonkers, lads. And I’m sittin’ here tryin’ to figure out if I can charge for tellin’ people to stop bein’ daft and just go outside once in a while. Maybe I’ll print some business cards. “Lewie London - Unofficial Consultant in Gettin’ On With It.”

 

Innit.

The only one around here who's MINGIN  is you Lewie london.!!!