Are Farangs Who Marriages Failed Lucky?

[Maigo6]

A same-age gay relationship to the majority is somewhere between strange and normal nowadays in my view.

Marriage to someone not from your race would be strange-normal outside of Thailand.

So you think that society views a man marrying another man the same as a guy from Sweden marrying a girl fron Japan?

[WaiWai]

Marriage to someone not from your race would be strange-normal outside of Thailand. In Thailand it would be more toward normal??

Nobody seems to care about different cultures marrying in Australia. Where are you from ? I don't think it's quite "normal" in Thailand - more like "tolerated" to "accepted".

Marrying/having sex with someone the same age as your child (or grandchild) is often frowned on touches on incest taboos. It also upsets the "natural" partnering-off of same-age peers in the community - someone's going to be left out.

Edited August 20, 2007 by WaiWai

[bendix]

It also upsets the "natural" partnering-off of same-age peers in the community - someone's going to be left out.

Tough.

Charles Darwin didn't make the rules; he just explained them.

[WaiWai]

So you think that society views a man marrying another man the same as a guy from Sweden marrying a girl fron Japan?

Different cultures may tend to have different views of different other cultures. (Viz. the oft-discussed attitudes towards Asian partners.) So the answer you get to this question might depend on the culture of the person you ask.

Also, it would depend on the ages, relative financial status & perceived attractiveness & language abilties of the people in question .

I could devise profiles of people who might comonly be regarded as "top" & "bottom" of the heap in Australia, but ...

[WaiWai]

Charles Darwin didn't make the rules; he just explained them.

If everyone did this, it wouldn't work out for the group, though; it would cause huge amounts of conflict.

We make exceptions for more socially powerful people.

If a "weaker" older person tried to move in on a young person's "territory", they'd quickly be warned off. (think some sort of animal emoticon is needed here ).

[Aujuba]

As for the interracial marriages I put strange to normal because in some places its normal and in other places like East bonehead wyoming it might be strange. As for the gay marriage thing that applies as well. In San Francisco its normal but in East Bonehead its strange.

Okay I instantly thought up this scale. Feel free to criticise it. There is no exactness to this. You can use it the way you like to.

[WaiWai]

I wasn't criticising, Aujuba. There is a lot of truth in it.

[buffcoat]

The OP clearly regards sexual attraction as the dominant factor in choosing a spouse.

If that attitude is prevalent then I am not surprised at all that the divorce rate is 50% (?) and rising in the West.

The only chance you have of a long term succesful marriage is if you love the person you are with and not what they look like.If you are lucky enough to find someone like that then what they look like will not matter at all.

Some good friends of mine were married 17 years ago and both of them were regarded as hot.Sadly she developed cancer 4 years ago and as a result of the medication she has to have she went from size 8 to size 20 in 6 months.

Her husband is as in love with her now as the day they married and clearly could not careless about her figure,he is just grateful that they have had one more day together.

I am sure that if they were on the BTS some of the shallow respondents on here who saw them would feel sorry for him being saddled with an 80kg wife.Personally I feel sorry for the people who have that attitude since they clearly have no conception of what genuinely being in love (as opposed to in lust) actually means.

I do realise that some of the age mismatched couples you see are based on the financial element alone but to assume that all are is absurd and insulting.

[donna]

At the risk of making the most outrageous generalisation ever posted on Thaivisa, anyone who hasnt been married by the time they are 40 is either:

1) gay

2) mother-fixated, or

3) Italian (which nicely combines 1 and 2)

quite outrageous bendix!

im 42. straight (very), have been living in thailand for 8 years now, so cant be mother fixated (or father i guess is more appropriate as im female) and whilst my first name is donna, thats as close to italian as it gets!

[Edonista]

old man with young chick = old man trying to be young again but failing miserably. Like the emperor with new clothes.

old man with young chick = old man still with a healthy appetite he can happily satisfy.

[Creeper]

Acceptable to society in general......................what a load of hogwash.

Humans are humans, is war acceptable, NO, but there is always one going on, are landmines acceptable, NO, but children are still getting their legs blown off daily in countries that have the landmine problem. These types of things should be unacceptable, but they are not.

Who cares if a guy is 50 and his wife is 25, do you ?

Do you care if 62 year old Rod Stewart has a 19 year old GF?

My Father married for the 3rd time to a woman he met at work, she was 22 years younger than him, she was 1 year older than me.

They have been together for over 20 years and are very happy.

Seems to me that people who critisize such unions are just envious and stumped as to why that relationship works, when theirs does not.

If it works, don't try to fix it.

[Edonista]

Personally - when i see some 50 something year old bloke in the department store with his juvenile wife (as i did yesterday when i returned my videos), and both can't even communicate the barest minimum without using their hands and feet, i feel very embarrassed.

Although I enjoy a lot of your posts, I must say I disagree with you on this.

Trying to communicate even if it is difficult to is part of the fun in a relationship too. If both parties are ok, then everything is fine.

In theory, i might agree with your sentiments, but lets not get too PC here.

The vast majority here of relationships with a huge age gap (be they Thai-Thai, or Farang-Thai) is an arrangement of convenience - the young women gets the financial security, the old man gets a nice body. So yes, be honest about it, no problem. But lets not interpret anything into this that rarely is there.

There are exceptions, no doubt about that. I do know a few. But when apart from a huge age gap there is also only minimal communication possible - don't tell me that this is a relationship based on mutual respect and deep understanding of each other's personality.

Glad you understood. I knew you are a intelligent man.

But I think shouldn't we the society judge people less. It is reality. There is no way as an outsider to know whether a relationship is based on what. Shouldn't give anyone in our society the benefit of doubt.

I understand that there are a lot, probably most relationships here in thailand between farangs and thai girls that are based on convenience. But there could be young women really in love with old men. If the man is genuinely in love with the lady and treats her well I can't see why they cannot be together.

And for those who are just buying love, the girls are also selling. Hard to tell when it is right or wrong as an outsider. Let them live in peace.

From what I hear a lot of Thai women would prefer an older man. Though, if that means 30+ years I doubt. But I am told that many women prefer security and maturity.

and a faster inheritance

[OlRedEyes]

Seems to me that people who critisize such unions are just envious and stumped as to why that relationship works, when theirs does not.

Or they're just a little short on brains, quite honestly.

Anyone who feels they have to judge two adult strangers who are posing no threat and are not interfering with him/her, or feels 'embarrassed' by them, surely needs to get a life of their own.

[lodesafun]

Personal Motivations involved in the Commitment of marriage are innumerable.

No one but a fool can confess they understand all the reasoning.

The only true comment on marriage I can offer is,

“ALL Relationships are Different.”

As they are in any proposition be it business, friendship or marriage.

My late mentor, (a lifelong bachelor) would often say,

” EVERY proposition is a trap.”

I took it to mean that once you agree you’re bound to the rules. So you better like and know the rules that you have limited your parameters to.

Proposition = Rules Trap = Limits/ parameters.

But then again there’s Solicitors.

[Creeper]

Seems to me that people who critisize such unions are just envious and stumped as to why that relationship works, when theirs does not.

Or they're just a little short on brains, quite honestly.

Anyone who feels they have to judge two adult strangers who are posing no threat and are not interfering with him/her, or feels 'embarrassed' by them, surely needs to get a life of their own.

Well said,

Sure, and why should a guy who has a wife or GF 30 years younger than him have to defend himself ?

I'm quite sure he knows all the ins and outs at his time of life, and he will do what he thinks is right for him, and other peoples opinions don't matter that much anyway, should he be miserable with a person his own age, or happy with a person of a different age?

As long as one's happy, what's the problem?

I always go back to the 60 + year old Rod Stewart factor, it seems as though the general public accept his 19 year old gf's as something that is his god given right.

Yet the lorry driver from Barnsley who has a young GF is seen as abnormal.

Envy is a word that springs to mind.

Edited August 20, 2007 by Creeper

[GuestHouse]

My parents were married for 46 years, raised five children and at the time of my father's death he had seven grandchildren. He had the oportunity to see the values he passed on to his children give them the foundations of a good life and to see those same values being passed on to his grandchildren.

He died in the love of his wife (regardless of her age and weight) the love of his children and grand children AND with the respect of family and friends for his commitment to family, marriage and the values that he held dear.

Of course some guy getting divorced back home and flying over to Thailand to marry (let's not go there) might believe himself lucky - but to trumpet that as good luck over my father's life and the lives of many many people like him is streatching it a bit.

Though I would streatch the argument to suggest that the woman that gets rid of such guys as the OP is indeed lucky.

[bangkoksingapore]

you guys are missing the point.

two guys are in a happy marriage. one is married to a 22 year old and the other is married to a 50 year old. Who won?

[ColPyat]

you guys are missing the point.

two guys are in a happy marriage. one is married to a 22 year old and the other is married to a 50 year old. Who won?

The one whose wife is genuinely happy and satisfied with the marriage as well, and not just the material benefits that are a perk of that union.

[GuestHouse]

Come on OP, tell us your story...

[bendix]

Can someone define 'happy marriage' for me. Surely until that's defined for EVERYONE (which is, of course, impossible), this thread is a waste of space.

[uptou]

i agree that women in the west are on an equal footing with men now & do not need to marry so much for dependency.

why people feel the need to get married so much is strange to me,family pressure,tradition,status,to ease the ladies doubts???

Edited August 20, 2007 by uptou

[ColPyat]

i agree that women in the west are on an equal footing with men now & do not need to marry so much for dependency.

why people feel the need to get married so much is strange to me,family pressure,tradition,status,to ease the ladies doubts???

Well, because it is really nice to be in a partnership with someone you can trust, where there is mutual understanding, you can raise kids together, love, etc.

[bangkoksingapore]

colpayt you seem like a nice guy but id be quite careful if you ever plan to come down to patters. the boys down there dont play.

Edited August 20, 2007 by bangkoksingapore

[bangkoksingapore]

i am 30 year olds. i think this is one of those uncomfortable things about life, the fact that a guy is a drunk and leaves his home land on a one way ticket with kids who on welfare and then he ends up happily married with a 22 year old and finds his soul mate is just an uncomfortable fact of life for all of us with partners our own age in happy marriages.

here is to all those 55 year olds in beach attire on the sky train locking lips with their soul mate. cheers!

for example, i saw a farang the other day try to walk into the skytrain holding a leo beer wrapped in a napkin. the bts security guy made him throw it away. this guy is perhaps a used car salesman and now he is probably dating a 21 year old model.

Edited August 20, 2007 by bangkoksingapore

[ColPyat]

colpayt you seem like a nice guy but id be quite careful if you ever plan to come down to patters. the boys dont play dont their and if you say the things you have said in this thread, well lets just say that quite a few holes get dug in patters if you know what i mean. fair warning.

Well, fortunately i am not a very small person either, and have some friends there who are not as nice as me, both Thai and Farang. I feel rather secure there when i have to visit.

I have been there a few times - and i do not like the place, so, no love lost there, i guess, with that shithole.

Sorry.

[bangkoksingapore]

colpayt you seem like a nice guy but id be quite careful if you ever plan to come down to patters. the boys dont play dont their and if you say the things you have said in this thread, well lets just say that quite a few holes get dug in patters if you know what i mean. fair warning.

Well, fortunately i am not a very small person either, and have some friends there who are not as nice as me, both Thai and Farang. I feel rather secure there when i have to visit.

I have been there a few times - and i do not like the place, so, no love lost there, i guess, with that shithole.

Sorry.

i cant believe you would call thailand with such a filthy curse word. how dare you insult the members of patters, a fine community. most of the farang there are retired professionals, doctors lawyers and scientists.

and i am happy you have big friends who arent nice. i bet they have killed people so you are happy about that? bragging about it even. lol

[uptou]

here is to all those 55 year olds in beach attire on the sky train locking lips with their soul mate. cheers!

for example, i saw a farang the other day try to walk into the skytrain holding a leo beer wrapped in a napkin. the bts security guy made him throw it away. this guy is perhaps a used car salesman and now he is probably dating a 21 year old model.

not sure i understand the connection with drinking leo beer,used car salesman,21 year old model bit.

[ColPyat]

i cant believe you would call thailand with such a filthy curse word. how dare you insult the members of patters, a fine community. most of the farang there are retired professionals, doctors lawyers and scientists.

and i am happy you have big friends who arent nice. i bet they have killed people so you are happy about that? bragging about it even. lol

Yeah, well, Pattaya may appear for some as a community of upstanding citizens of the highest echelons of the global jet set. But for me - it's a shithole. Sorry.

[Dustoff]

Can someone define 'happy marriage' for me. Surely until that's defined for EVERYONE (which is, of course, impossible), this thread is a waste of space.

Good question and I asked my Thai wife of 6+ years (who is also 30 years younger) and I was not in the least surprised when we both had exactly the same answer: "When you wake up every morning absolutely delighted to have the opportunity to spend yet another day with the one you adore."

And that has nothing whatsoever to do with age differences, finances, race or cultural differences, slight language hurdles which are joyfully overcome through mutual learning nor (perhaps especially) the opinions of others who don't even know you.

I asked her if our occasional language struggles bothered her and she asked, "So what, you don't know that all males and females have to work to understand one another?"

Good question. Duh..

We have done two 2-month journeys to the States to visit with not only family and friends but a few ex-relationship partners and they, to a person, love her almost as much as I do.

For me however, it is not just about who you are with, but who you are when you are with them...

[bangkoksingapore]

Can someone define 'happy marriage' for me. Surely until that's defined for EVERYONE (which is, of course, impossible), this thread is a waste of space.

Good question and I asked my Thai wife of 6+ years (who is also 30 years younger) and I was not in the least surprised when we both had exactly the same answer: "When you wake up every morning absolutely delighted to have the opportunity to spend yet another day with the one you adore."

And that has nothing whatsoever to do with age differences, finances, race or cultural differences, slight language hurdles which are joyfully overcome through mutual learning nor (perhaps especially) the opinions of others who don't even know you.

I asked her if our occasional language struggles bothered her and she asked, "So what, you don't know that all males and females have to work to understand one another?"

Good question. Duh..

We have done two 2-month journeys to the States to visit with not only family and friends but a few ex-relationship partners and they, to a person, love her almost as much as I do.

For me however, it is not just about who you are with, but who you are when you are with them...

god bless you dustoff. your wife is your soul mate AND 30 years younger. you both answered the question the same, complete equals, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. you obviously beat the hel_l out of this life and deserve the utmost respect of the ENTIRE farang community.