I'll kick this off with a funny story that got me thinking about the question:

The chemistry of hel_l

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is hel_l exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of hel_l is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into

hel_l and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hel_l, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering hel_l, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hel_l. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to hel_l. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hel_l to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in hel_l because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hel_l to stay the same, the volume of hel_l has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If hel_l is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hel_l, then the temperature and pressure in hel_l will increase until all hel_l breaks loose.

2. If hel_l is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hel_l, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hel_l freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in hel_l before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that hel_l is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since hel_l has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

I was going to say that this guy touched upon some profound points, but thought might be taken the wrong way, so over to you.

Considering the sometimes way out lifestyle I lead the destination could be a foregone conclusion.

Wine, women & song! Aghhh.... Temptation!

I believe it is compulsary to kiss Jet and dance with Kayo. ( I'm not going ).

I believe it is compulsary to kiss Jet and dance with Kayo. ( I'm not going ).

No, that's purgatory.... in he11 it's the opposite.

Kiss Kayo and dance with Jet ??????

No chance.

In hel_l your computer mouse doesn't work right but it doesn't work badly enough for you to get a new one...so you just keep accepting that continual little frustration....forever.

having problems with your mouse, Chownah?

Suiging, it's alright. I hear I'm a pretty good kisser.

Suiging, it's alright. I hear I'm a pretty good kisser.

That's not what my Chihuahuas told me

Moss

If you are talking to Chihuhuas, stop smoking that stuff or get help..................quickly.

You have to speak German.

I'm gonna let my (ahem) female relations handle this one...'get back ye horned, ugly MF...ye ain't takin' my uncle tutsi anywhere...'

The first thing everyone says when entering hel_l is ..."but I have GOOD intentions!!!"

You are forced to watch the Eurovision song contest for all of eternity

TBWG

You are forced to watch the Eurovision song contest for all of eternity

TBWG

Sandy Shaw? No problem - so long as it was then and not now. She must be well past retirement age now (as am I)

You are forced to watch the Eurovision song contest for all of eternity

TBWG

Sandy Shaw? No problem - so long as it was then and not now. She must be well past retirement age now (as am I)

In hel_l you have to go back to school because that was where you first got your preview of it. At hel_l School you start off with Latin, then move to Bagpipes for beginners, staight to Banjo practice for the Country And Western Hoe Doe Shinding. After lunch it is two hours of Esperanto and then to finish up the day its dodge ball in the gym. At night you can watch any of the 666 channels of hel_l TV but the only things playing are Greek wrestling, Australian Soap Operas, American Sit Coms and Thai Television.

Meals are served in the cafeteria and consist of left overs from Boarding school with Tea and Coffee supplied by British Rail.

CB

You are forced to watch the Eurovision song contest for all of eternity

TBWG

Sandy Shaw? No problem - so long as it was then and not now. She must be well past retirement age now (as am I)

In hel_l you have to go back to school because that was where you first got your preview of it. At hel_l School you start off with Latin, then move to Bagpipes for beginners, staight to Banjo practice for the Country And Western Hoe Doe Shinding. After lunch it is two hours of Esperanto and then to finish up the day its dodge ball in the gym. At night you can watch any of the 666 channels of hel_l TV but the only things playing are Greek wrestling, Australian Soap Operas, American Sit Coms and Thai Television.

CB

which, admittedly, is a heck of a lot better than, say,

Australian wrestling, Thai Soap Operas, Greek Sit Coms and American Television.

you have to work as a Fuji waiter and Weho walks in...

You little willie wankas.

I like that essay.

hel_l? No. There's not a division, but if you piss off a Gorgon, they have a little room where they take you and, well, dream up your worst nightmare besides doing kissyface with me and you'll know what to expect. 555

I hate to be a killjoy, however, I have refered to this in more 'serious' threads. He11 just refers to the grave, (not a place of eternal torment!) check it out in a Hebrew lexicon! So we are all going to hel_l!

ps if anyone is seriously interested pm me for the detail!

If you're a suicide bomber who screwed up and managed to take one stray dog and two passing blowflies to eternity with him you get to watch all the guys who got it right diddling the four and twenty virgins , the hundred and one dalmations and the occasional camel from behind a plate of armoured glass FOREVER.

FS, you can be so funny sometimes! Fab!