Ok, you wanklettes. I need all the best short, snappy jokes, vids, pics (animals, especially) that you can drum up for me. No sex, porn or death please. Any help much appreciated.

Animals ?

Misc youtubes:

Talking Parrot

Ok Go on the Treadmills

Oh my dog

555 Thanks so much, Phazey! I'll be sending those over. Had a good laugh, meself. Cheers.

hehehe thanks, Itty Bitty. You feeling OK, yourself?

Most disgusting cat video

This is one of my favourite comedy clips.

Del Boy at the bar.

hehehe thanks, Itty Bitty. You feeling OK, yourself?

aw ty JG! Is it because you saw the thyroid thread? Anyway..i have a philosophy that so long as i can walk talk smile laugh and etc..then im OK!

I am sorry to hear your sister is unwell and hope her health improves.

Hopfully she will get a kick out of the things posted on this thread. I certainly am!

Most disgusting cat video

So gross....

(reminds me of a story a friend told me. As a kid he witnessed his baby brother being sick on the carpet..and his mother went to get a cloth. During the time it took her to return, the dog had wolfed up most of the sick..and the two cats had gone over and licked up any remaining residue. When his mum returned she apparently looked a bit baffled... then looked like she was going to be sick herself as it dawned on her what must of happened. My friend said he was too shocked for words and just sat there feeling grossed out. )

Most disgusting cat video

So gross....

(reminds me of a story a friend told me. As a kid he witnessed his baby brother being sick on the carpet..and his mother went to get a cloth. During the time it took her to return, the dog had wolfed up most of the sick..and the two cats had gone over and licked up any remaining residue. When his mum returned she apparently looked a bit baffled... then looked like she was going to be sick herself as it dawned on her what must of happened. My friend said he was too shocked for words and just sat there feeling grossed out. )

"As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."

Makes you wonder about a dog's taste buds? Ooops, sorry wrong thread!

Here is one she might like.

WIFE FROM hel_l

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through

clenched teeth, "Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."

Good one!

Thanks, Jeff. That is good. 555

Reminds me of this one:

Policeman pulls over a speeding vehicle. The driver is a little old lady. Officer says, Lady, you were driving at 110 mph in a 30 mph zone. Can I see your driver's licence?"

"Don't have one," she replies.

"May I see your registration?"

"Don't have that."

"Ok, may I see your insurance?" he says.

"Don't have that either."

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car and come with me."

He takes her to the cruiser and locks her in the back seat while calling for backup. His superior arrives and assesses the situation and tells the woman, "My officer says you are driving without a licence."

"Oh, no, I have that," she says and hands it over.

"And no registration."

"Oh, here it is."

"And your insurance?"

She hands that over, too, and says "I can't understand why your young officer is lying about these things. Now I suppose he is going to tell you that I was speeding, too."

Will try again in a minute...

Happysmileysummersong for you and your sis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPUJIbXN0WY

And he's Canadian!!!!

Thanks, Jeff. That is good. 555

Reminds me of this one:

Policeman pulls over a speeding vehicle. The driver is a little old lady. Officer says, Lady, you were driving at 110 mph in a 30 mph zone. Can I see your driver's licence?"

"Don't have one," she replies.

"May I see your registration?"

"Don't have that."

"Ok, may I see your insurance?" he says.

"Don't have that either."

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car and come with me."

He takes her to the cruiser and locks her in the back seat while calling for backup. His superior arrives and assesses the situation and tells the woman, "My officer says you are driving without a licence."

"Oh, no, I have that," she says and hands it over.

"And no registration."

"Oh, here it is."

"And your insurance?"

She hands that over, too, and says "I can't understand why your young officer is lying about these things. Now I suppose he is going to tell you that I was speeding, too."

Loved it !

I have another good one on video but I can't seem to copy it on here. Actually, im lucky to get email.

I will keep trying

I'll try again........

LookAtTheWomensFaces1.wmv

It worked !! I am a computer god

It worked !! I am a computer god

It worked. Thanks, that was lots of laughs.

Patsycat, Michael is from my sis's neighbourhood -- Burnaby, BC.

I have posted this already, however, every time I see it, it makes me laugh!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QhZRe_6Tphk&amp...ted&search=

Oh, Tigs, did he sing the f word?

I have a funny: I'm getting beat up by a noobie for, for, for posting an idiotic, banal thread about gravy recipes in, in, in...the food forum. He expects custard recipes next and says he rarely had meat, let alone gravy, when he was a hunny chile. Oh, I think I have to start a new thread...

I'm going to assume tubgirl was googled before the thread was posted...

Bye Jet