WOMEN'S Humour

My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.

My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right.

When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly.

She said - Well, you've succeeded.

He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'

She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart'.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?

A: They can't stand criticism.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?

A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

They're good but where did you pick them up?