Have I Ruined It For Myself

[smartecosse]

to make himself feel better for the absloute mingers he had to pay to take home.

[Theyreallrubbish]

I fully understand the OPs position. I was in it myself. The attractions of promiscuity in Thailand are as high as they are because its so easy to be promiscuous. It may be possible to be promiscuous in the West, but it takes a great deal more effort than it does here.

So in the West being in a regular relationship is easier than going out and doing the song and dance routine to pick up new women every night.

In Thailand, you can turn up at any disco, be grumpy and still go home with a cute girl, even without paying.

So the balance of effort is changed. To maintain a relationship you need to make an effort, you need to start compromising, changing what you do to please the other person, put up with their mood swings, start thinking of them rather than yourself all the time, etc. In the West that's not so bad as its still less effort than picking up women regularly entails, but in Thailand picking up women is effortless and so work/benefit equation has a shifted balance to make promiscuity more of an attractive option for longer.

The worry for the OP and for myself at the time this was happening was whether we'd ever be willing or even able to start to make the compromises and effort necessary to maintain a relationship or if we'd become too "spoiled" and "lazy" and were now incapable of maintaining a relationship.

The only thing I can say to the OP is that at some point you meet someone for whom it doesn't feel like an effort to do things for their benefit rather than your own and the relationship is one where it feels like the benefit to work equation pays off to make it better to stay with her than to be promiscuous.

Getting older also increases the effort required to remain promiscuous even in Thailand so at some point a relationship starts seeming like a better deal even if 5-10 years earlier you wouldn't have made that trade.

[fletchsmile]

After many years in SE Asia "dating" 100's of the best looking women in the world, ...

Is there hope for me to mend my ways and become "normal" again?

-----------------------

I ask myself the same question bro'.

However, what is "normal".

Oh yeah and always ignore the persons calling you names and insulting you when you pose a legit question.

Don't take things too seriously...

Pretty much agree with all 4 points above. Have heard many people ask the same question, though have seen the numbers vary as to 100's, 10's, 1,000's

either the right woman will come into your life at the right time or she wont.

these things never happen when you are actively seeking them

taking yourself away from places where there is a high availability of willing women might help.

a spell in scunthorpe or possibly riyadh might concentrate the mind a bit.

That's pretty much the answer too. Tho' it's "up to you" - the biggest thing that holds most people back in life is usually themselves...There does seem a little extra in this part of the world in terms of temptation. Never been to Riyadh, but I know Scunthorpe.

For me the answer is "yes". After several years as a single guy in Asia, I'm now very happy with only one woman here in Thailand... so far . Particularly when you then have a baby too, and think of the 3 most important things in life you could lose in exchange for a single one nighter.

The only question that leaves, is whether you were ever "normal" in the first place? I heard the jury's still out on that one, but will take your word for it. :D

Edited October 19, 2007 by fletchthai68

[wileycoyote]

I agree with rainman,you can't hurry love.

Be happy when it truly comes

Wiley Coyote

[Khun ?]

Sexpat

[jamesc2000]

The OP had to pay to get beautiful woman, haha! Hardly much of a success there...

Don't fool yourself! We all pay one way or another. We are on the demand side of the equation and they are on the supply side.

Some posters here get PAID to sleep with women! But not all the time cos some of his customers do a runner after his does his service thing.

[blizzard]

dude, the ones u paid for werent your girlfriends..........lol. you were CUSTOMER!

[Pepe']

The OP had to pay to get beautiful woman, haha! Hardly much of a success there...

-------------------

"The difference between free sex and sex that you pay for is that free sex is more expensive" - Charlie Sheen

[villagefarang]

The OP had to pay to get beautiful woman, haha! Hardly much of a success there...

-------------------

"The difference between free sex and sex that you pay for is that free sex is more expensive" - Charlie Sheen

Good old Charlie knows of what he speaks. On a per unit cost basis, it is cheaper to rent.

[gburns57au]

OP......

When you are ready to settle down, it will happen...

I tried and failed to settle down many times because I wasnt ready for that committment then lo and behold I met that special someone and found that I was finally able to make the committment.

Take your time and dont stress.....

[rixalex]

Sorry but I just don't understand why the OP feels the need to ask a group of complete strangers about who he should or shouldn't sleep with. But I'll give my opinion away.

Many people (especially men it seems) enjoy sleeping around through their late teens and early twenties.

I think almost anybody can sleep with hundreds of people, it's not exactly brain surgery.

There are plenty of desperate and lonely people with no self-respect out there and some of them are quite attractive.

I was no slouch in this myself but after a few years realised that it felt a bit pointless and meaningless.

The real fun could be found in relationshps.

Other people continue to sleep around into middle-age and beyond.

To me it seems a bit of a shallow existence and it would make me suspect that there was something wrong with them.

Maybe some abuse or something else from their past. It often goes hand in hand with alcohol abuse.

Some people may really enjoy it.

Up to them.

In regards to the OP question.

How would I know?

I don't know you from Adam.

If you do get a Thai girlfriend though.

Don't feel that you need to convince others that she is not a prostitute.

Don't feel that you have to constantly tell people that she is a good girl from a good family and never been touched.

That's your business.

Thats a new one on me Garro! 'Expat who has sex, is single and is in middle age is abusing themselves'. Jeez I'd better check myself into 'Sugar Daddies Anonymous' pronto

I'll go see a shrink while I'm there too!

Careful Garro, you're beginning to sound like the voice of the Thailand Temperance Movement!

I think you need to understand that people like yourself and others on TV may wish to settle down etc. But not everyone (yours truly included) desires to do this. Some of us (whether we admit it or not) are biologically and mentally unsuited to being monogomous. If we marry and settle down, it's gonna just be causing long-term aggro and stress in the relationship. Better to be honest and quit pretending everyones suited to house and kids.

Some of us desire our freedom and space too much to sacrifice, especially in a country where we would have few rights as husbands that a thai man would have.

Some of us want to move and travel and do our own thing in life.

Wife and kids are a good thing though, but they ain't for everyone! And the sooner people realise it the better.

Also lets be honest, I think as a single farang you have to be at least slightly selfish sometimes to surive out here and make your money last, otherwise the first chick who wants to hustle you will have you at Suvarn. before you know it.

I can recall a time when there would be many single men on TV (that would post) and could talk the talk of being single. The dearth of this on TV is to be much lamented.

OT Too few single guys post on the ways of singletons or to tell it like it is and post on TV.

There are way too many dudes on TV putting down the single folk for my liking.

Maybe it's some guilt trip 90s crap that somehow has worked it's way into the psyche?

Couldn't agree with you more JimsKnight. What is it with these guys who "find love" and settle down, suddenly becoming high and mighty, looking down on single guys and judging them to have shallow lives. There is a core of posters on TV who stick together with their PC views on life and are quick to knock down anyone who doesn't conform to their conservative values. What i find ironic is the ones i know personally out here, were some of the most liberal minded people, before "seeing the light", delivered them by their Thai teerak.

[Sarge]

Is there hope for me to mend my ways and become "normal" again?

you're normal for you , there's nothing to mend.

if you were tired of your promiscuity then you would have stopped it.

either the right woman will come into your life at the right time or she wont.

these things never happen when you are actively seeking them

taking yourself away from places where there is a high availability of willing women might help.

a spell in scunthorpe or possibly riyadh might concentrate the mind a bit.

.... or anywhere in Australia, hel_l on earth! count your blessing man, loads of people would want to be in your predicament

[PeaceBlondie]

To merely reply to the apparent attitude in the opening post by the opening poster, not replying to all the responses,

Not everybody is supposed to marry a person of the opposite gender as virgins, reproduce faithfully, and stay committed to that person past senility.

[JetsetBkk]

The OP had to pay to get beautiful woman, haha! Hardly much of a success there...

-------------------

"The difference between free sex and sex that you pay for is that free sex is more expensive" - Charlie Sheen

Good old Charlie knows of what he speaks. On a per unit cost basis, it is cheaper to rent.

Charlie Sheen! What a fella: "You don't pay them for the sex, you pay them to leave."

[asiaworld]

Can it really be that if somebody posts on TV about having a lot of women that it's considered bragging? I can't believe that. It would be like if a person said they eat every day or something. We all know that anyone can have as much sex with as many people as we want, so how can it be bragging?

I sympathize with the OP and suspect many of us do.

And kind of harsh for those who are posting his earlier post about having found someone. Isn't that just part of what he's pondering, the sex is great but he's wondering if something is missing and if he can stick with that one special person?

Or is TV really just for the PC crowd and mod-lead mob attacks on posters like these? I have no problem with you who have one Thai spouse, live a quiet life, etc--- but geesh, isn't the TV tent big enough for a little diversity of thought and lifestyle?

Above is seriously one of the BesT posts , that should probably be pinned on top of the forum !

[mikethevigoman]

We may need a much bigger boat for this fishing trip!

Altho I think that, given the subject matter, we should try to avoid catching anything..

The cynic in me wants to tell the OP, short of choosing and prostrating himself to one of the many religious superstitions, to have his penis surgically removed and stored for reconnection whenever he has created sufficient blood to supply it and his brain at the same time.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that it may be his brain that is weak - anyone who can create such a successful troll thread has to have something going for him - but it seems that since he pays for sex and doesn't have these whoardes of women chasing him down the street with offers of either free sex or money (as I do), there may be something more limp in his life than the prospect of a meaningful relationship.

Gotta admit, being fully loaded with male whoremones, I would likely have been a better man without that one-eyed monster hanging around. Scoring was never my gig tho, nor necessary, and I was more into really liking women and seeking partnerships and companionship and I found 'one-night stands' meaningless (had one, didn't like it, felt degraded, sought therapy). During a couple of long journeys around Merka with my Thai wife, she repeatedly exclaimed, "Wow Ken, you sure know a LOT of cool women!" Yeah, I do. And looking forward to meeting more.

Anyway, not that the OP is really interested in 'gettin right with normality' but I didn't find "the one" until sixty years of age so I would suggest that you take your time, dude. Just remember to treat them all with respect and compassion or suffer the consequences of lifelong mediocrity.

Ah, what a great thread! I haven't had this much fun since I performed an accidental self-circumcision with my motorcycle boots while not being aware of what I was stepping on...

As usual a classic post from you dustoff, brilliant !

[matter]

After many years in SE Asia "dating" 100's of the best looking women in the world, I know I would find it almost impossible to settle down in a relationship with just one woman for the rest of my life.

I've had truly wonderful gf's, almost perfect, well educated, good looking etc etc, but after a year or less I'm out there looking again. (in between this, there are also many, many one nighters, most paid, some not)

Is there hope for me to mend my ways and become "normal" again?

I don't mean normal in the western world sense, like grovelling after overweight, solemn women at discos, but as in sticking with one women and building a solid relationship.

Cant even be bothered to read the rest of the replies.

Just to answer your original question.... if you seriously have to post a question like this..... you better go home.

[thaiman]

After many years in SE Asia "dating" 100's of the best looking women in the world, I know I would find it almost impossible to settle down in a relationship with just one woman for the rest of my life.

I've had truly wonderful gf's, almost perfect, well educated, good looking etc etc, but after a year or less I'm out there looking again. (in between this, there are also many, many one nighters, most paid, some not)

Is there hope for me to mend my ways and become "normal" again?

I don't mean normal in the western world sense, like grovelling after overweight, solemn women at discos, but as in sticking with one women and building a solid relationship.

If you got cash, then just bang all then die. If you want love, then it will creep up and kick in the ass. Deal with it then!

[TakingAVacation]

These 'serious' troll posts always amuse me at how many sympathetic, 'serious' responses they provoke...

Edited October 20, 2007 by TakingAVacation

[blizzard]

i also worry about those who respond so seriously about a guy and his hookers(girlfriends(

[maxelchey]

After many years in SE Asia "dating" 100's of the best looking women in the world, I know I would find it almost impossible to settle down in a relationship with just one woman for the rest of my life.

I've had truly wonderful gf's, almost perfect, well educated, good looking etc etc, but after a year or less I'm out there looking again. (in between this, there are also many, many one nighters, most paid, some not)

Is there hope for me to mend my ways and become "normal" again?

I don't mean normal in the western world sense, like grovelling after overweight, solemn women at discos, but as in sticking with one women and building a solid relationship.

..even after all your drivel and self-pitying attitude, i was still going to be sympathetic, respectful, and give a reasoned response. But alas with the final cliche its all just too much verbal diarrhea for me to spend my time wading through. Good luck. Sounds like you need it.

So why do you waste your time posting this one then... !! so much arrogance in CM lately !! not everyone is a clean serious "one woman ever" and stable man like you, forgive us, pleaaaaaase

[meemiathai]

What the OP says is a problem of many men, some women maybe. So just because some of you don't understand does not mean this is a troll post. It is a matter of your own ignorance. Maybe a bit of hypocrisy too.

It is unbelievable, there are so many prostitutes around and do people think just the single guys in this world are enough to keep their existence? So what do people think the short time hotels are there for? Husbands and wives? Go inside to one of them and do a survey and see how many of them actually have their own partners!

The only trolls I see are the some of those responding.

If you like music, do you stop looking for new ones once you have found one you like?

If you like fashion, do you stop looking for new ones once you are wearing something you like?

Same it is with a lot of things. Some enjoy the process of dating a woman/man. Some enjoy sex. Why is the desire suddenly gone once you have had a partner? It doesn't go away. You just have to force yourself to be loyal in terms of sex. So it means it is a battle. And in battles some people win some lose.

Those who cheat or care much enough to cheat actually have feelings for their partners and do not want to hurt them.

Don't get me wrong, I am not looking for excuses for such behaviors. But these activities are just one of the contradictions in life. Just because you are able to be loyal(in terms of sex) does not mean you are morally better than those aren't. You may still treat your partners like shit.

What are your DESIRE that you lose battle to? Drugs? Drinking? Gambling? ?????

[phuketrichard]

what BULLSHIT.

Normal what does that mean??

if we were normal (as you seem to think ur not) we would all be back in our own countries married with kids/ a mortgaga and misserable

enjoy your life as u only go around once

[Grover]

After many years in SE Asia "dating" 100's of the best looking women in the world, I know I would find it almost impossible to settle down in a relationship with just one woman for the rest of my life.

I've had truly wonderful gf's, almost perfect, well educated, good looking etc etc, but after a year or less I'm out there looking again. (in between this, there are also many, many one nighters, most paid, some not)

Is there hope for me to mend my ways and become "normal" again?

I don't mean normal in the western world sense, like grovelling after overweight, solemn women at discos, but as in sticking with one women and building a solid relationship.

To the OP, you should consider that fertilizing women is not just physical but mental and emotional. Maybe you should look into those departments if you are failing long term and feel frustrated by it.

My guess is if your gf's are 'almost perfect' it means they are willing and capable of accepting your seed at all levels so maybe you need to work on your impotency.

[A_Traveller]

To those who took the time to reply to this, click here -> Californication

Regards

[pcruzer]

u are doin the lords work...we are programmed to have many partners to keep the species goin...any other concept is an intellectualization!

there isnt just one! it a cultural/civilization thingy...dont be duped by the pundits..bang all u can as your programming DICKtates

[distortedlink]

If it is true that you have dated 100s of women, nature may mend your ways for you.

Only needs one dodgy condom and the wrong promiscuous sexual partner, deadly viruses could come your way.

[chicowoodduck]

OP, this is my first day on the Thaivisa Forum, and I must say, your topic has been an eye opener for a "newbie" like me! There seems to be no lack of advice from both genders and I don't envy you trying to sort it all out, at least today. Hey, you didn't get to be in your position in a day, you certainly won't figure it all out in a day, a week, or perhaps ever. We all have addictions, food, sex, drugs and for some, even rock 'n roll. The only cure for any of them starts from the core of desire within us and with the help of those around us. Take a look in the mirror, if you don't like what you see, than make a positive change. If the mirror says you are the fairest, keep on truck'n, mate!

[qwertz]

OP, this is my first day on the Thaivisa Forum, and I must say, your topic has been an eye opener for a "newbie" like me! There seems to be no lack of advice from both genders and I don't envy you trying to sort it all out, at least today. Hey, you didn't get to be in your position in a day, you certainly won't figure it all out in a day, a week, or perhaps ever. We all have addictions, food, sex, drugs and for some, even rock 'n roll. The only cure for any of them starts from the core of desire within us and with the help of those around us. Take a look in the mirror, if you don't like what you see, than make a positive change. If the mirror says you are the fairest, keep on truck'n, mate!

Looking in the mirror won't help.

We never see ourselves as others see us.

[NanLaew]

Note how the OP has disappeared since Pattaya_Fox caught the contradictory earlier post?

Maybe one of those who denies they are in a relationship when they already are in a relationship or can't tell the difference between a relationship and a one night stand.