I was taken to task today in another sub forum for describing a situation, where my wife's niece was followed around a Chiang Rai super market by an elderly Farang, in a tongue in cheek manner.

The guy that took offence is a relative newbie who gives his place of abode as the UK and I immediately got on my high horse and prepared to give him a spray.

But then I stopped to think, ten years ago if I'd heard of a similar occurrence I'd have been concerned also. Ok, the girl was 14, in my wife's family that makes her an adult, and everyone was laughing about it including her, so I had a bit of a giggle as well.

So what happens to some people up here, I've seen two perfectly willing 15 year old girls married in this family since I've been here, taken the wedding photos in one, but is that right? Should I have made some sort of protest? My wife, who's lived in Europe, certainly did but I got the idea her concerns were economic rather than moral. (The bridegrooms were young as well, 17 and 20).

So I'll address this to guys (and gals) who've lived here awhile and mixed in the Thai community.

Do some of the things that used to matter seem so important now?

I was taken to task today in another sub forum for describing a situation, where my wife's niece was followed around a Chiang Rai super market by an elderly Farang, in a tongue in cheek manner.

The guy that took offence is a relative newbie who gives his place of abode as the UK and I immediately got on my high horse and prepared to give him a spray.

But then I stopped to think, ten years ago if I'd heard of a similar occurrence I'd have been concerned also. Ok, the girl was 14, in my wife's family that makes her an adult, and everyone was laughing about it including her, so I had a bit of a giggle as well.

So what happens to some people up here, I've seen two perfectly willing 15 year old girls married in this family since I've been here, taken the wedding photos in one, but is that right? Should I have made some sort of protest? My wife, who's lived in Europe, certainly did but I got the idea her concerns were economic rather than moral. (The bridegrooms were young as well, 17 and 20).

So I'll address this to guys (and gals) who've lived here awhile and mixed in the Thai community.

Do some of the things that used to matter seem so important now?

for sure living here has hardened me ,nothing is surprising anymore ,even deaths ,when i first came here i saw an accident and could'nt face food for a couple of days ,now years on i could watch an accident and keep eating ........

I have a much better understanding of who is truly needy and who is a con-artist that begs constantly and never tries to make money any other way. If the con-artists beg quietly and leave me alone, I don't make judgements, but if they touch me or whimper or follow me or make loud noices to try to make me feel sorry for them, I long to give them a good kicking.

I HATE aggresive beggars!

I do feel empathy for the truly sick or hungry or needy, but the police usually arrest them and remove them from the public eye.

I have a much better understanding of who is truly needy and who is a con-artist that begs constantly and never tries to make money any other way. If the con-artists beg quietly and leave me alone, I don't make judgements, but if they touch me or whimper or follow me or make loud noices to try to make me feel sorry for them, I long to give them a good kicking.

I HATE aggresive beggars!

I do feel empathy for the truly sick or hungry or needy, but the police usually arrest them and remove them from the public eye.

err.. sure you've got the right thread here General? It's the stalking one, not the begging one.

Most times I'm in a state of ambivalence.

On a recent visit, my parents actually remarked that I have become more "hard nosed" since living here. I suppose thats because I moved here at 23 and in the last 10 years have had to deal with a lot more than my counterparts in the UK.

One of my first assignments here involved was property management, during which time we had poisonings and discovered a bomb that needed to be disposed of.

It is these sorts of things that have made me realise that with no social safety net in Thailand here you must do everything you can to take care of yourself and your loved ones first, I mind my own business because its safer that way.

Most times I'm in a state of ambivalence.

I used to think I was, too, but these days I'm just not sure anymore.

On a recent visit, my parents actually remarked that I have become more "hard nosed" since living here. I suppose thats because I moved here at 23 and in the last 10 years have had to deal with a lot more than my counterparts in the UK.

One of my first assignments here involved was property management, during which time we had poisonings and discovered a bomb that needed to be disposed of.

It is these sorts of things that have made me realise that with no social safety net in Thailand here you must do everything you can to take care of yourself and your loved ones first, I mind my own business because its safer that way.

But after saying all I realised that I also do my bit for charity too. Just because.

I have a much better understanding of who is truly needy and who is a con-artist that begs constantly and never tries to make money any other way. If the con-artists beg quietly and leave me alone, I don't make judgements, but if they touch me or whimper or follow me or make loud noices to try to make me feel sorry for them, I long to give them a good kicking.

I HATE aggresive beggars!

I do feel empathy for the truly sick or hungry or needy, but the police usually arrest them and remove them from the public eye.

err.. sure you've got the right thread here General? It's the stalking one, not the begging one.

Sorry, but was addressing the title of the thread, and I think that being "hard or indifferent" about beggars fits the bill.

I’m not living in Thailand at present but have spent fourteen out of the last fifteen years in S. E. Asia so I can relate to your sentiments.

During that time, once I made the transition from newbie to experienced expat, I have become more ambivalent almost to the point of being insular of my surroundings. It has become more apparent just lately as we have two South Africans on the project team and to them everything is bright and new. Simple things like impossible loads or several people on motorbikes, people strolling across the road oblivious to the traffic, different food to what I ordered turning up all hardly register.

I wouldn’t, though, say I’d become hardened. Like UG I can now differentiate between genuine hardship cases and panhandlers. There are not many of the latter here in VN (yet) most folk get on with trying to eke out a living somehow. That’s not to say they don’t stick the hand out when I walk past, opportunists abound, but when they do I’m more likely to donate as they are trying to make something of the meagre opportunities that exist.

As for something cultural like the fifteen year olds getting married I too would not be comfortable with that but provided they were willingly tying the knot I’d just accept it as part of being in another culture’s family environment.

I was hard and indifferent before I starting coming here.

I am more hard living here.

Last night I was hard but once I was indifferent it was much better.