No mention of the big NE derby this weekend on ESPN tonight. Usual blah blah blah about Liverpool, Man U and Chelsea.

So I have taken it upon myself to look in the crystal ball and see what is in store for today's big game.

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Mags' keeper Steve Harper heads the ball into his own net after 2 mins

A lucky equalizer off Michael Owen's backside just after half-time gives the great unwashed hope of stealing a point

Michael Chopra breaks the Geordie hearts (and his own) with an accidental volley from 30 yards into the top corner deep into stoppage time

Sunderland fans go mental and have a great Saturday night

The skunks go mad and smash up some phone boxes in Newcastle city centre (yet again)

Sunderland fail to pick up any more points before the end of the season and set a new Premiership record of 11 points

HALFORD SCORES HAT -TRICK.

Greg Halford sets a new record for scoring three own goals in the North east derby.

On his current form that would not be incomprehensible

Not one of Keano's best buys

HALFORD SCORES HAT -TRICK.

Greg Halford sets a new record for scoring three own goals in the North east derby.

On his current form that would not be incomprehensible

Not one of Keano's best buys

But the boy can throw a ball

HALFORD SCORES HAT -TRICK.

Greg Halford sets a new record for scoring three own goals in the North east derby.

On his current form that would not be incomprehensible

Not one of Keano's best buys

But the boy can throw a ball

He sure can...just a pity he can't kick one

Mike Ashley names himself as goal keeper for a one off show, he knows nothing will get past him between the sticks (daylight included!) Niall Quinn makes a surprise appearance as center forward. Roy Keane celebrates by having a shave after claiming a point after 0 - 0 entertaining draw.

People tune in and watch the game

Sunderland to end a 28 year winless streak and actually beat Newcastle at home. :D Yes, it's been that long.

Or maybe something even more unbelievable. Alan Smith to score a goal wearing Newcastle colours.

Sunderland to end a 28 year winless streak and actually beat Newcastle at home. Yes, it's been that long.

Or maybe something even more unbelievable. Alan Smith to score a goal wearing Newcastle colours.

Oh come on......give us something that's remotely believable

Sunderland to end a 28 year winless streak and actually beat Newcastle at home. Yes, it's been that long.

Or maybe something even more unbelievable. Alan Smith to score a goal wearing Newcastle colours.

Oh come on......give us something that's remotely believable

Big Sam performs a death defying act of levitation ?

HALFORD SCORES HAT -TRICK.

Greg Halford sets a new record for scoring three own goals in the North east derby.

On his current form that would not be incomprehensible

Not one of Keano's best buys

It would be the biggest miracle since Jesus walked on water, since Halford is suspended. Best place for him to be honest! The word '<deleted>' comes to mind.

Mike Ashley names himself as goal keeper for a one off show, he knows nothing will get past him between the sticks (daylight included!) Niall Quinn makes a surprise appearance as center forward. Roy Keane celebrates by having a shave after claiming a point after 0 - 0 entertaining draw.

Latest is that Ashley will be sitting in the away end as he's not allowed to wear his shirt in the posh seats. If you didn't believe they made size "FB" (fat b@$turd) shirts then keep your eyes peeled. The fattest bloke to wear a Newcastle shirt since Micky Quinn!

People tune in and watch the game

Wye aye ... you can mock. More at stake than the Mickey Mouse Manchester derby. Unfortunately for the purist there will be little skill on show. Nothing matters more though than winning. Ha'way Sun'lun!

Sunderland to end a 28 year winless streak and actually beat Newcastle at home. :D Yes, it's been that long.

Or maybe something even more unbelievable. Alan Smith to score an own goal wearing Newcastle colours.

Don't abuse the history books Spit, it's actually 27 years, but that's splitting hairs on a poor record! Fortunately it is raining today which brings back memories of Sunderland bringing Gullit's reign as manager to a halt in 1999 if memory serves me right. Can't do much worse than the 4-1 defeat suffered at home 2 seasons ago. Hopefully Chopra remembers which goal to score in tonight.

Loser pays for the taxi down to Patana tomorrow ...

People tune in and watch the game

Wye aye ... you can mock. More at stake than the Mickey Mouse Manchester derby. Unfortunately for the purist there will be little skill on show. Nothing matters more though than winning. Ha'way Sun'lun!

But the big derby match this weekend is Torquay v Yeovil

People tune in and watch the game

Wye aye ... you can mock. More at stake than the Mickey Mouse Manchester derby. Unfortunately for the purist there will be little skill on show. Nothing matters more though than winning. Ha'way Sun'lun!

But the big derby match this weekend is Torquay v Yeovil

Aye, I forgot that. Better cancel the north-east derby then.

I daren't go out tonight for fear of yelling profanities that will both offend and get me into trouble. Shouting abuse at the TV in solitary confinement is a safer option.

People tune in and watch the game

Wye aye ... you can mock. More at stake than the Mickey Mouse Manchester derby. Unfortunately for the purist there will be little skill on show. Nothing matters more though than winning. Ha'way Sun'lun!

But the big derby match this weekend is Torquay v Yeovil

Aye, I forgot that. Better cancel the north-east derby then.

I daren't go out tonight for fear of yelling profanities that will both offend and get me into trouble. Shouting abuse at the TV in solitary confinement is a safer option.

Keep the noise down then, as I can hear you shouting

People tune in and watch the game

Wye aye ... you can mock. More at stake than the Mickey Mouse Manchester derby. Unfortunately for the purist there will be little skill on show. Nothing matters more though than winning. Ha'way Sun'lun!

But the big derby match this weekend is Torquay v Yeovil

Aye, I forgot that. Better cancel the north-east derby then.

I daren't go out tonight for fear of yelling profanities that will both offend and get me into trouble. Shouting abuse at the TV in solitary confinement is a safer option.

Keep the noise down then, as I can hear you shouting

$#%$^%!#^%!^#%^!#&!#%^^&%$*&*(!%#^!%$^

Honours even .. 1-1.

Chopra almost won it with a header off the bar.

Thought we shaded it overall, particularly in the first half. Shame we conceded such a poor goal. Misjudged by Gordon.

Relieved that Newcastle did not steal a late winner and fairly optimistic that Edwards still start feeding the bear (Jones) on a regular basis now that he's back from injury.

I watched the first 10 minutes then switched over to see The Bruce Willis film.

Anyway a 1-1 draw..suits me fine in the prediction compo as I got it right LOL.

PS...lucky for you Sunderland that Halford was suspended otherwise you would probably have lost !!

I watched the first 10 minutes then switched over to see The Bruce Willis film.

Anyway a 1-1 draw..suits me fine in the prediction compo as I got it right LOL.

PS...lucky for you Sunderland that Halford was suspended otherwise you would probably have lost !!

You missed a good game, although not as exciting as Portsmouth 7 Reading 4 and Sunderland 2 Reading 1, which were both infinitely more exciting than a Bruce Willis movie.

Sunderland to end a 28 year winless streak and actually beat Newcastle at home. :D Yes, it's been that long.

Or maybe something even more unbelievable. Alan Smith to score an own goal wearing Newcastle colours.

Don't abuse the history books Spit, it's actually 27 years, but that's splitting hairs on a poor record! Fortunately it is raining today which brings back memories of Sunderland bringing Gullit's reign as manager to a halt in 1999 if memory serves me right. Can't do much worse than the 4-1 defeat suffered at home 2 seasons ago. Hopefully Chopra remembers which goal to score in tonight.

Loser pays for the taxi down to Patana tomorrow ...

Sunderland were the better team and Newcastle were very fortunate to get a point. If you had taken your chances then you would have won the game comfortably.

I've no idea what Newcastle's game plan was yesterday. The defence looked disorganized, the midfield was shapeless and the 2 strikers looked off the pace. It looked like Souness style football all over again.

Sunderland to end a 28 year winless streak and actually beat Newcastle at home. :D Yes, it's been that long.

Or maybe something even more unbelievable. Alan Smith to score an own goal wearing Newcastle colours.

Don't abuse the history books Spit, it's actually 27 years, but that's splitting hairs on a poor record! Fortunately it is raining today which brings back memories of Sunderland bringing Gullit's reign as manager to a halt in 1999 if memory serves me right. Can't do much worse than the 4-1 defeat suffered at home 2 seasons ago. Hopefully Chopra remembers which goal to score in tonight.

Loser pays for the taxi down to Patana tomorrow ...

Sunderland were the better team and Newcastle were very fortunate to get a point. If you had taken your chances then you would have won the game comfortably.

I've no idea what Newcastle's game plan was yesterday. The defence looked disorganized, the midfield was shapeless and the 2 strikers looked off the pace. It looked like Souness style football all over again.

I think there was disappointment all round yesterday. Sunderland's disappointment centred on not taking their chances and finally nailing the Mags. Newcastle's disappointment, as Spit said, due to the return of 'clueless football'. But as with most derby games both sets of fans will be delighted not to have lost and given the other bragging rights for the next few months.

We generally do better at Sid James Park, so all is not lost this season ...

I think you guys in the North East need a coach to teach you how to pass the ball!!!!!!!

Kenwyn Jones is a wasted talent...good player no service.

I wonder how long it will take Allardyce to discover that Barton is pants at taking dead ball situations.

Both teams were crap, but I think Derby are in a league of their own as far as crapness goes

Tell Keano to pop along to Fratton Park later.Watch the Elano magic

I think you guys in the North East need a coach to teach you how to pass the ball!!!!!!!

Kenwyn Jones is a wasted talent...good player no service.

I wonder how long it will take Allardyce to discover that Barton is pants at taking dead ball situations.

Both teams were crap, but I think Derby are in a league of their own as far as crapness goes

Tell Keano to pop along to Fratton Park later.Watch the Elano magic

Dream on and enjoy it while it lasts ...