Review Of 2007

[mrtoad]

Said and done: the 2007 awards

David Hills

Sunday December 23, 2007

The Observer

Man of the year

How to captain England like you mean it? Do you a) Handle national Euro 2008 humiliation by pledging your match fee to The Sun's wounded soldiers campaign for England's 'real heroes', then open your heart: 'John Terry says he's so hurt by England's flop that he wants to go into hiding. "You don't want to come out of your house. You think people are looking at you. It's going to take a very long time to get over this"'; Or Build up to big Euro 2008 games by visiting a strip club with your England teammates, dancing on stage with lap-dancers, urinating on the floor, and in a cup, then being driven home by your wife at 4am? JT can do both. That's why he's Mr Football 2007.

Best roasting

Tough category - so let's try a threesome..:

· September The Sun: 'Two of the five hookers who romped with United ace Cristiano Ronaldo and pal Anderson at Ronaldo's £3m mansion said the players had "no morals". "They made me feel cheap," said Tyese, 18. "I've slept with 200 clients and I've never been treated with such little respect!'"

· October The Sun: 'Shaun Wright-Phillips is indulging his favourite hobby with his massive wages - PORN. The England star has ploughed £20,000 into porn channel Babe Central. "Shaun has been dropping in at Babe Central with his pals," says an insider. "The girls writhe around for the cameras while Shaun drinks his champagne."'

· December The Sun: 'The girl roasted by THREE Man United stars at their rape-claim Christmas party bragged about it afterwards to a sickened party guest. The guest said: "The men were shrieking like hyenas - it was vile. I asked the girl if she was OK and she said "Yeah, of course, why wouldn't I be? They said I was great shag!" Then she hobbled off down the corridor.'"

Best assist

So where's Rio - S&D man of the year two years running - in all this? The Mirror, 3 December: 'Rio Ferdinand has collected £4,000 from EACH United player to organise the lads' Christmas party - and rounded up 100 gorgeous females to keep them company. Boss Sir Alex Ferguson has warned them not to get into any trouble...'

Best Fifa moment

£50m: total amount lost on 'financial mismanagement' this year - a new Fifa best. £3.6m of it went to ex-general secretary Urs Linsi: handed a new contract by finance director Julio Grondona, two months after Sepp Blatter had privately decided to sack him.

Best campaign

October Uefa reveal new 30-second TV information film aimed at tackling obesity: 'Millions of Europeans are overweight. We're sending out a powerful message.' Also on Uefa.com: McDonald's confirmed as main sponsor of Euro 2008. The deal includes a network of 'McCafes' at all Euro 2008 venues: 'McDonald's are mad about football!'

Best vote of confidence

Adam Pearson, Derby. 30 Oct: 'Is Billy Davies safe? Absolutely. He's done a fantastic job and we're 100 per cent committed to him. If the worst comes to the worst and we do go down, I can't think of a better man to get us straight back up. He has passion, he's shrewd - he's a good manager.'

26 Nov: Sacks him.

Best Chelsea PR moment

October: banned their own TV station. 'The director of communications is unhappy with the tone of some interviews,' said an insider. The reporter involved was barred from the training ground and required to conduct future interviews 'on the phone'.

Best rant

Ian Holloway, 20 November 'I'm not going to Leicester. It's total poppycock, if I'm allowed to use that word. It's absolutely pathetic. The media is a very powerful thing and, unfortunately, they can make a rumour into a bigger rumour. But ask anybody who knows me how I feel about Plymouth and they will tell you the truth. And if you need me to say it again, I will. I'm in love with the place. It's absolutely magnificent.'

22 November Joins Leicester.

Second best rant

April Giovanni Trapattoni, Red Bull Salzburg coach, blasting journalists, in broken German, for criticising his fitness regime - as printed word for word in the Austrian press: 'Our training is strong. Is modern. Training wins also. I have 21 trophies. There is blah, blah, blah from you. Fools write who know nothing. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I can understand people paying. No problema. Let whistle. Is right. Have lost. But run 90 minutes! I am a professional in psychology. We train, make fitness. You people always make qua, qua, qua. Shit fools!'

Best official

Head of Indonesia's FA Nurdin Halid: jailed in November for 'gross corruption' involving 'the misuse of $18m of cooking oil distribution funds' - but kept his job as head of the FA. 'We will not remove Halid,' said an FA statement. 'There is no desire for a new election.'

Best headline

November Israeli Hebrew language paper Shem Hamisehak, reporting on Avram Grant's appointment at Chelsea...

Best contract negotiator

September Press statement released on behalf of Heerenveen's Afonso Alves Martins - annual salary £300k: 'Much is said about slave labour in Brazil. And yet in some cantons of liberal Holland slave-trading instincts still bloom strong. Heerenveen have tied Afonso to the bars of an outdated contract. And yet now they ask him to go to their fans' awards ceremony! No. Why should Afonso show up at an event full of Nazis?'

Best new merchandise

New for Christmas in the official Man United catalogue: T-shirt to celebrate the club's 130th anniversary next year. Slogan: 'Manchester United Football Club - since 1978'. Who's counting...

Best insight

The Sun : 'Page Three stunner Amii Grove told yesterday how she caught soccer bad boy Jermaine Pennant cheating on her - on his own mansion's CCTV. Amii also revealed how Pennant was addicted to Xbox. "I tried to break his addiction by playing board games with him. He became hooked on Scrabble, spending ages trying to save up the letters for the word 'zoo' - he thought it was high-scoring.'"

Best brawl

September: Peru keeper Juan Flores apologised for hospitalising a ballboy who called him a 'giant gay'. The boy at Cienciano's match at Total Clean was reacting to paparazzi photos showing Flores in 'compromising positions' with two men. 'The ballboy was annoying,' says a Cienciano official. 'So Flores just nailed him.'

And finally

August Best cover story, La Nacion, Brazil: 'Former Estudiantes coach Daniel Cordoba, 50, is suffering from serious penis damage following a fire at his home . Firemen called to the house were met by a 38-year-old woman, who claimed that during an argument with Cordoba, a TV had caught fire, then a vase had fallen on his penis. When the fire was out, Cordoba's long-term girlfriend arrived at the house and claimed to have received an answerphone message from the first woman claiming Cordoba "the bastard" was dead. Police later found a bloody kitchen knife. Inquiries continue.'

[mrtoad]

Thought this one sums up England pretty nicely.

or the extended version

Quite funny

[Sunderland]

Best moment - Leeds being relegated

Funniest moment - Leeds being given a points deduction

Worst moment - the realization that Leeds might get promoted and play Sunderland next season