Testing Your Thai Lady

[sbk]

you shouldn't be overly paranoid, for one thing. but some signs are- poor family, speaks good english, happily takes money when offered (or even outright asks for it) and doesn't pay it back, drinks/smokes/gambles a lot, has a "brother" hanging around all the time... i am sure many of the men on here can contribute.

girlx

is that based on experience or do you read too many books.

would love to know

poor family??? now thats funny

speaks good english??? so no unis here,and no private schools too

happily takes money??? so do english,french,greel ladies etc etc

drinks,smokes,gambles??? no other lady does that then,and you dont trust them

this is so funny,i could go on but am too busy.

It's her pre conceived ideas that she has of most Western men here in Thailand. Sad, very sad.

Oddly enough, mrtoad, I have read these exact same things from men on this forum time and time again. Is it so offensive because its coming from a western woman whereas if it comes from a western man its more acceptable? Sad, very sad.

[mrtoad]

you shouldn't be overly paranoid, for one thing. but some signs are- poor family, speaks good english, happily takes money when offered (or even outright asks for it) and doesn't pay it back, drinks/smokes/gambles a lot, has a "brother" hanging around all the time... i am sure many of the men on here can contribute.

girlx

is that based on experience or do you read too many books.

would love to know

poor family??? now thats funny

speaks good english??? so no unis here,and no private schools too

happily takes money??? so do english,french,greel ladies etc etc

drinks,smokes,gambles??? no other lady does that then,and you dont trust them

this is so funny,i could go on but am too busy.

It's her pre conceived ideas that she has of most Western men here in Thailand. Sad, very sad.

Oddly enough, mrtoad, I have read these exact same things from men on this forum time and time again. Is it so offensive because its coming from a western woman whereas if it comes from a western man its more acceptable? Sad, very sad.

SBK, I hope you are not insinuating that I am trying to bring sex into this? Either way, said by man or woman it is not acceptable in my opinion.

[Samuian]

Interestingly w e just rented a condo out to a guy and his Thai girlfriend, he doesnt speak Thai but her first words to my wife who is Thai were could she have a second keycard while her boyfriend (farang) is away. My wife asked her why?................ answer, in case she wanted to bring her Gik round!!

jesus. not even subtle, i guess she thought your wife would understand???? :confused:

yes, lowest shelf!

Why bother?

Came across a few who could be her clones!

There are many our there and one is most likely to hit the jackpot if she comes from a certain background!

Some lack the feeling, it's business, the partner is seen as a "customer" who purchases a certain offer... think abut it, it's the way it is!

But then there are the human beings, with a morale and an understanding for ethical behavior too!

One of them, by the way was Australian!

Edited December 31, 2008 by Samuian

[Ta22]

First OF all , You did not even refer the the one you choose to love as a girl firends or Wife ,

so i guess , it say alot about how you feel .

.

If you look for WIfe and GF in a BAR or PUB , or some massage parlour < what you expect .

-

The Truth is alot think their ROMEO here , and their LOVE is enough .

- Relationship is not as easy . as most would want to have it .

-First rule is . IF she can live without you in the past 20+ 30 years or so ..

She do not need your Money to live on .

If she is out t live on You . Is so easy to spot .

.

I ask the one i love to marry me 6 days after i know her .

not that i am good at judging if the persn is good or bad .

but i trust myself . and have no regard to what i do .

- The fact is if someone lie to you . is relaly the smallest of thing .

but if you LIE to yourself . That is a HUGE PROBLEM ..

many time in a relationship . alot choose to LIE to one self . knowingly get into what i call a BAR BAIT .

-

SO you go to some bar pick up a giirl paying BAr fine .. and next you expect her to LOve you for who you are cos you can give her money .

.

think twice .

in all respect . I would not test my WIFE cos i TRUST her ..

and if she Lie to me I believe she have her reason .

But that does not MEAN i am a MONO brain cell who don't make my choice .

The standard rule of respect do apply .

since we got MArried .

she had INvested all her money on me . and our business . her father bring me to go see about 30 rais of land and ask me . where w want to build out house .

i was intro to all the local and province minister , and her relative seem all more rich then me

whahhahha

i guess i am one lucky dude .

[IMA_FARANG]

So many stories of woe on here almost everyday, regarding getting ripped off by a Thai lady, you begin to question everything in your own relationship. So what is the ways to uncover these fraudulent relationships before they cost you a house, children or much more. What are the signs?? Whats the advise??

The same as always....let your big head (the one with the brain in it) lead you around not your little head (the one in between your legs).

I was lucky. I got a good one. Well on the 2nd try anyhow, the first one taught me a lesson. The 2nd one was a keeper, so I'm still with her 30 years later.

[loong]

Threads like this always amaze me, there is no such foolproof test.

The Farang should be testing himself and asking himself these questions.........

In my own country would a stunner like her fall in love with me?

If I met a girl in my own country would I buy her a car or house after knowing her for a few months?

There are a lot more questions the Farang should ask himself before settling into a relationship

There are rules that a western man should follow when embarking on a relationship with his new girl

Decide on an affordable monthly budget and STICK TO IT. If she keeps trying to force you to spend more and starts getting moody or angry when you refuse, you have a problem. I'm not saying be stingy, just sensible. Don't start digging into your life savings, use your income.

No matter what you tell her your budget is, she will not believe you, don't give in - stick to your budget.

Things are different here than Farangland. A man that is perceived as well off (Farang or Thai) will be expected to give his wife a monthly allowance. It doesn't have to be a fortune.

Thailand is a status orientated society, they all want to show off what they have. Your girl will lose face if she has nothing to show for being with a "rich man". You will have to buy the odd baht gold.

If you want a car, buy it in your name, or if in her name by monthly payments (from your budget)

On no account buy or build a house within the first 2 or 3 years.

If you want to buy a house, save the deposit from your budget and buy the house in her name with a mortgage.

If she is still with you after a few years, your relationship has a chance, much the same as Farangland really.

The really big nono.............. If you are coming to Thailand on holiday for a few weeks or months each year, don't even think about it. Enjoy your visits, but NEVER send money. You have next to no chance of anything but reducing your bank balance.

Again ask yourself " If I went on holiday anywhere else and met a girl that I liked, would I send her money between visits"?

If you met the girl in a bar in your own country (maybe on a business trip away from home) and paid for her company, would you send her money afterwards?

[patklang]

you shouldn't be overly paranoid, for one thing. but some signs are- poor family, speaks good english, happily takes money when offered (or even outright asks for it) and doesn't pay it back, drinks/smokes/gambles a lot, has a "brother" hanging around all the time... i am sure many of the men on here can contribute.

He said getting ripped of by a thai lady not a bar girl.So a thai lady who speaks good english cannot be trusted?????-Realy dont understand that one.

Poor family-is this thai lady or isaan lady specificaly????

drinks/smokes and gambles a lot- i totaly agree with that one.

Brother hanging around(meaning thai bf or husband)-Think you have been reading too many books here.

May i contribute please.

I WOULD NOT have a farang for a gf who smokes/drinks and gambles heavy.

who wouldnt take money thats offered lol.

My ex wife in uk did me out of 150,000 quid and half the house so it can happen to anybody.if i had been thai i would have killed her lol lol.

Had to try and be funny because some of the experts on here read far too many books.You should know within 30 mins what a girl in thailand is like.

Is this super human power to discern the character of someone you just met something that is gained by eating Thai food and breathing Thai air?

It would seem to be the case since it's a 'power' you evidently didn't have back home in the UK!

you have an uncanny knack of getting things totaly wrong,is it the saudi smell or something.

so you dont think been with a girl(thai or not thai) for 30 whole minutes you wouldnt know what she is like.thats not power thats asking open neutral questions.

Edited December 31, 2008 by patklang

[patklang]

you shouldn't be overly paranoid, for one thing. but some signs are- poor family, speaks good english, happily takes money when offered (or even outright asks for it) and doesn't pay it back, drinks/smokes/gambles a lot, has a "brother" hanging around all the time... i am sure many of the men on here can contribute.

girlx

is that based on experience or do you read too many books.

would love to know

poor family??? now thats funny

speaks good english??? so no unis here,and no private schools too

happily takes money??? so do english,french,greel ladies etc etc

drinks,smokes,gambles??? no other lady does that then,and you dont trust them

this is so funny,i could go on but am too busy.

It's her pre conceived ideas that she has of most Western men here in Thailand. Sad, very sad.

Oddly enough, mrtoad, I have read these exact same things from men on this forum time and time again. Is it so offensive because its coming from a western woman whereas if it comes from a western man its more acceptable? Sad, very sad.

SBK

please dont turn this into a slanging match between girlx,me,another postewr and a mod just because girlx is a woman.i would have posted about her silly post if she was a man.i dont want anyone banned for replying to to girlx post,have seen this so many times on here of someone banned because the women stuck together.

[Boo]

have seen this so many times on here of someone banned because the women stuck together.

lol creative thinking. prove it

[patklang]

SBK

BTW

i didnt know girlx was a western women so that knocks a big hole in your assumption.

[patklang]

BOO,

i dont have to prove it,speak to half the guys on here lol.

you too tough for me anyway lol

[Boo]

send me a pm with who you claim to be banned due to the "women sticking together" but in the mean time keep your false acccusations off this thread.

[patklang]

send me a pm with who you claim to be banned due to the "women sticking together" but in the mean time keep your false acccusations off this thread.

i rest my case,reeling a fish in isnt my sport,sorry,no interest of continuing this post boo,happy new year to you and everyone else on here

[Neeranam]

So many stories of woe on here almost everyday, regarding getting ripped off by a Thai lady, you begin to question everything in your own relationship. So what is the ways to uncover these fraudulent relationships before they cost you a house, children or much more. What are the signs?? Whats the advise??

It's simple - don't get a girl from Pattaya, night entertainment areas or the internet. They are all looking for easy money.

[Chaimai]

Threads like this always amaze me, there is no such foolproof test.

The Farang should be testing himself and asking himself these questions.........

In my own country would a stunner like her fall in love with me?

If I met a girl in my own country would I buy her a car or house after knowing her for a few months?

There are a lot more questions the Farang should ask himself before settling into a relationship

There are rules that a western man should follow when embarking on a relationship with his new girl

Decide on an affordable monthly budget and STICK TO IT. If she keeps trying to force you to spend more and starts getting moody or angry when you refuse, you have a problem. I'm not saying be stingy, just sensible. Don't start digging into your life savings, use your income.

No matter what you tell her your budget is, she will not believe you, don't give in - stick to your budget.

Things are different here than Farangland. A man that is perceived as well off (Farang or Thai) will be expected to give his wife a monthly allowance. It doesn't have to be a fortune.

Thailand is a status orientated society, they all want to show off what they have. Your girl will lose face if she has nothing to show for being with a "rich man". You will have to buy the odd baht gold.

If you want a car, buy it in your name, or if in her name by monthly payments (from your budget)

On no account buy or build a house within the first 2 or 3 years.

If you want to buy a house, save the deposit from your budget and buy the house in her name with a mortgage.

If she is still with you after a few years, your relationship has a chance, much the same as Farangland really.

The really big nono.............. If you are coming to Thailand on holiday for a few weeks or months each year, don't even think about it. Enjoy your visits, but NEVER send money. You have next to no chance of anything but reducing your bank balance.

Again ask yourself " If I went on holiday anywhere else and met a girl that I liked, would I send her money between visits"?

If you met the girl in a bar in your own country (maybe on a business trip away from home) and paid for her company, would you send her money afterwards?

An excellent approach to the financial aspect of relationships - valid for Falang/Thai and Falang/Falang, Thai/Thai.

I would only take issue with "In my own country would a stunner like her fall in love with me?"

The answer is invariably no, particularly when there is an age difference of 20 years. The chances of me 'pulling' a 30 year old in my country are somewhere between zero and f.all. Other threads have covered the complexities of the Thai/Falang relationship and I think a Falang needs to look closely at his definition and expectation of "love".

[patklang]

ok then,so we only test a thai lady if there is a certain age difference and only if she is beautiful too.

so ladies that are closer to the farang/middle class thai age and arent great looking are good for relationship then.

still sounds good to me.better start looking at some rich farang ladies then lol

[Neeranam]

here are rules that a western man should follow when embarking on a relationship with his new girl

Decide on an affordable monthly budget and STICK TO IT. If she keeps trying to force you to spend more and starts getting moody or angry when you refuse, you have a problem. I'm not saying be stingy, just sensible. Don't start digging into your life savings, use your income.

No matter what you tell her your budget is, she will not believe you, don't give in - stick to your budget.

Things are different here than Farangland. A man that is perceived as well off (Farang or Thai) will be expected to give his wife a monthly allowance. It doesn't have to be a fortune.

Thailand is a status orientated society, they all want to show off what they have. Your girl will lose face if she has nothing to show for being with a "rich man". You will have to buy the odd baht gold.

If you want a car, buy it in your name, or if in her name by monthly payments (from your budget)

On no account buy or build a house within the first 2 or 3 years.

If you want to buy a house, save the deposit from your budget and buy the house in her name with a mortgage.

If she is still with you after a few years, your relationship has a chance, much the same as Farangland really.

The really big nono.............. If you are coming to Thailand on holiday for a few weeks or months each year, don't even think about it. Enjoy your visits, but NEVER send money. You have next to no chance of anything but reducing your bank balance.

Again ask yourself " If I went on holiday anywhere else and met a girl that I liked, would I send her money between visits"?

If you met the girl in a bar in your own country (maybe on a business trip away from home) and paid for her company, would you send her money afterwards?

[SomNamNah]

rule number one for many: cut off the money supply and see what she does...

A - become a freakin biyatch

or

B - become 'nicer' to you

although sometimes this leads to a freakin biyatch who is nice to you

Edited December 31, 2008 by SomNamNah

[Maigo6]

I dunno, just wear a Thai Visa T-Shirt and you'll have overseas university MBA Graduate rich girls from influential families dripping off your arm.

99% of Thai Visa members claim to be in such relationships.

Edited December 31, 2008 by Maigo6

[marsteele]

I knew my thai wife for 2 years before we married and she has never asked me for a single penny.

[qwertz]

IMO, any relationship in which one partner feels the other needs to be tested is a no brainer from the get-go.

Relationships come under enough strain from outside influences and both partners should be there for each other, not for less noble

motives.

[mickba]

Firstly, I came here with 3 UK divorces behind me so probably I'm not perfect even if my 3 lovely daughters tell me so.

I met the Witch Queen 2 days after I arrived, split up a week later for 2 weeks and we have stayed together (more or less) ever since - nearly 2 years.

I should be able to give advice as requested in OP, but sadly I'm still not qualified.

I was distrustful and cynical, she distrustful and intensely jealous and probably cynical too.

I am now 60 and she 42, but then my wives 2&3 are currently 42&43 so I don't think that's too daft.

Not being stupid (until recently) I bought the car and m/bike in my name.

Yes, I bought the land in her name and built the house, but I was careful to do the 30 year lease thing back to me and all that is sound no probs (hahaha).

I won't bore you with the whole story, but if you want a word doc copy by email then PM me.

Today, having ended the r'ship 3+ months ago, we still share the same house (separate b/rooms). It's a mess.

She won't accept any deal to vacate or sign land t/f. Her declared intent is to stay until she "make me crazy". She says that I only have the lease until I die and that won't be long and then it's all hers anyway. Despite all the clever clauses in the agreement she is probably right in reality.

I have tried being reasonable/helpful/friendly but anything like that is interpreted as a positive sign and when she finds otherwise all hel_l breaks loose again - enough!!!

Maybe I'll start a thread "What should I do now - serious advice only please (haha)?" or maybe "So how will she kill me?".

So what possible advice could I give you that hasn't been given above, but then all that was available and given before?.

The biggest problem of all is listening to it (the good bits that is) when you don't want to.

Happy New Year to one and all - I'm afraid I can't see that working for me but........onward we go.

Edited December 31, 2008 by mickba

[patklang]

MICKBA

cant you sell the house????

much better than all thats shit.to be honest this sounds like a bg that you have taken home for a quickie and she wants to stay and leave her tooth brush.

[skippybangkok]

Open a bank account in her name, put $2000 or close in the bank, leave the country for 2 weeks, tell her she can use the money if she needs it, the first time i did it she spent the lot and asked for more,( finished straight away ) the second time ( different girl ) she spent 1500 baht on something for me, ,i married her and seven years on a and a 5 year old daughter later we are still in love, shes my best mate and i wouldnt change her for anything,. luck ? maybe, but it worked for me,.good luck to you,.

Good approach.

[bingobongo]

not in LOS but does involve Thais...poor bastard almost lost it all

Bride, accused of marrying for money, wants to stay wed

Two women accused of kidnapping a man from his Issaquah nursing home so they could get access to his bank account pleaded not guilty in King County Superior Court on Tuesday.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/loca...erabuse31m.html

Edited December 31, 2008 by bingobongo

[wensiensheng]

A "rich" man and "poor/er" GF. A "rich" woman and "poor/er" BF. Doesn't matter what the sex of the richer partner is, nor does it matter the nationality. If there is a wealth disparity, the "rich' one will start a relationship in fear. Why? Because history shows, sometimes the "poor" one is in the relationship for only money. OK if both know it from the start, not so good if the richer partner is in it for love.

Also, I have lived in Asia for many years and IMHO, old values still exist to a much greater extent than in the West. By this I mean, a greater percentage of Asian women regard the man as being the "breadwinner" and long term planner, while the woman takes care of house and family and short term organisation. Not saying it is right or wrong or whether I agree with it, just seems to be the case.

Also, also, how many Thai woman have been let down by Fareng men who "promise" to love them and care for them, but end up at the next girlie bar instead, or just go home and forget any promises because they didn't mean what they said in the first place?

Also, also, also, IMHO, genuine Thai (but you could also say Asian,) woman at some point "test" their man by seeing whether they will spend money on them. And every so often, retest them. Seems most prevalent in those "tourist" areas where girlie bars are populated. Not saying it is right or wrong to do so, just that it seems to be the case.

Also, also, also, also, because there is more often a wealth disparity between farang men and Thai ladies, naturally there is a higher incidence of deceit than might normally be the case, so more care needed on the part of the farang.

As to the question asked by the OP, time spent getting to know the real person you are dating, will reveal what and who they are. Time is the operative word, for a Thai partner or a Western partner.

[wensiensheng]

MICKBA

cant you sell the house????

much better than all thats shit.to be honest this sounds like a bg that you have taken home for a quickie and she wants to stay and leave her tooth brush.

Suspect the house might not "show" too well with the Witch Queen in residence. Even assuming there is a buyer to be found in this economic environment.

Mickba, sorry to hear about your troubles, have you talked to lawyer to see what your options are? I know, I know, the legal system ain't great, but at least you would know what your options are in theory. And maybe the lawyer will have some practical suggestions also? Probably not the first time they have come across the issue??

[mickba]

cant you sell the house????

Suspect the house might not "show" too well with the Witch Queen in residence. Even assuming there is a buyer to be found in this economic environment................................................

maybe the lawyer will have some practical suggestions also? Probably not the first time they have come across the issue??

You're not far wrong but it's much more complicated that that. Also lawyers don't really deal with the eventuality that the lessor terminates the lease by terminating the lessee.

However, I must not and didn't mean to, hijack the OP.

My bottom line remains, that the hard part is listening to advice when you don't want to, but having said that, I did listen and did all the papers on the assumption that the r'ship would not last the life of the lease and I would be OK.

I ignored one important piece of advice - "Never be worth more dead than alive" - and that's why I am where I am.

As I said, perhaps I'll start my own thread - while there's still time!

[Slip]

I know its off topic so my apologies; but Mickba, please be careful- you're situation sounds chillingly similar to that farang guy who got topped by his wife a few months back. She was being forced to live in the garden or something as I remember, and he ended up very dead. It was widely discussed on TV at the time.

[Digitalman]

Depending on a person's level of insecurity, there will always be a bit of mistrust in a relationship no matter the race or relative wealth of the persons involved. To doubt is a human characteristic.

I would say that if your doubt and certain situational evidence become agreeable than you have a problem. The doubt itself is not the issue, the issue is with what is immediately recognizable.

If you get to a point to where you need to hire someone to validate your doubts, your problem is two fold. First, you have an issue with her and second you have issues that you need to work out.

I am sure there are many stories of happy relationships that began in a bar or over the internet, but I like statistics and the fact of the matter is that these are often shown to turn out very poorly.

Granted some people couldn't care less about the circumstances surrounding the meeting of their partner or the nature of their current relationships/agreement, and that is fine, but even so I would argue that these people have certain psychological/emotional issues. In most cases people that have these relationships often have a history of failed romantic and family relationships.

I would say first, use your logic; if the circumstances surrounding the establishment of your relationship are shown to often be unsuccessful than use that as red flag number one.

Second, I would say take your time to get to know the emotional and intellectual side of your partner. There is no designated time period for this, but if there are still a list of unknowns than maybe give it more time.

Now all this is said not to speculate on the specific causes of failed relationships nor why certain relationships are more likely to fail, but is rather meant to simply state what recent evidence suggests about their longevity.

Be careful not to generalize or profile to the point of making harsh personal judgements against a person and at the same time be careful not to stop relying on your common sense. If all else fails, remember that the more love you give the more love you get and subsequently make.