Was I Being A Cheap Charlie Or Not?

[OxfordWill]

double post.

Edited February 5, 2009 by OxfordWill

[Mac1]

OP, you must be a joker, with more than 1700 posts here = you should know better.

Easy : change Sim card, get a new number = she can not contact you by sms or calling.

Even better: change place of living = she can not visit you.

Then follow the many advice you already got here = MOVE ON.

a little reminder : this country have more than 30.000.000 females .......

Still think you are a joker!

spoken like a true coward.

had to check the adress bar on my browser, i thought i was logged into nanaplaza.com for a moment there

? spoken like a true COWARD ?

W h a t is coward about make it impossible for a gold digger to stalk you 24/7 ?

You prefer have her sms you 20 times a day, call you 50 times a day, call your door bell every time you have a new gf with you back ur place?

Did you think longer than your nose, before you made your comment to me ?????

Who are u talking about ? have u care to read all from the OP?

How long have u been here ( not only vacations in Pattaya)? not long it seems....

after A DECADE living HERE, I and many friends have learn, woman that the OP talking about will not leave you alone after this!

To change ur sim and make it impossible for her to call and sms, shure make it easier to forget her ( as he mention he start miss her)!

If she's one of the worst cases who follow the falang anywhere he goes, and stalking him 24/7 at his place of residence = change place of living make that also impossible for her ---- r e a d, and maybe you get my point " Bangers" ......

seems that you belong in nanaplaza.com

Never stop to surprise me how many here who only want to throw out braindead negative comments to others.

If i had been a moderator or Admin - i would have "cleaned out" these people .......

[a2396]

All you guys saying i would never pay are deluded

It seems you are deluded or trying to be to make yourself feel better by insisting all men must pay like you, most men don't pay, its only the minority that do. But I'm lying, Im in my 30s now, in 10 or 20 years how will I feel? Well maybe 30 years I'd be willing to pay a salary to a woman to pretend to be my girlfriend.

I have lived in LOS for over 4 years and I have not seen any Farang man who did not pay his lady, one way or another, maried or single, young or old. Farang pays.

And all your friend are old fat guys right?! Cmon you guys do realise there are other brackets of society out there right? And not all Thai women are desperate and poor? Ah forget it.... At least Im willing to admit then when I'M old and fat I may follow the same trend as the rest of you but you guys just cant get your mind around what its like to be in my shoes now... NO PAY NOTHING EVAH!!!!!

If you read my reply carefully, I said friends young & old. Two gents in particular are late 30's & handsome & trim & pay the lady (GF). I NEVER saw any freebie Thai woman for Farang.

[caulfield2]

This point has only been made twice in this thread, whereas the "she's a gold digger" has been made 100 times:

I dont think its likely in 4 days she has become a gold digger. Unless a big sister filled her head with experience for years prior.

Maybe, she is insulted by how little of your wealth you are sharing with her, given that she comes from the village and possible thinks you are in a serious relationship together. This means she would assume you have other girls more important to you than her.

Solution: clarify your relationship with her.

The problem is that the cat's out of the bag now as far as his finances, unless he tries a lie or rationalization that she believes (something like he had to borrow it and have it in his account for immigration purposes, but it's not really his money to give or spend freely)...if he's willing to give her a "raise" and up it to 30-50,000 per month, then by all means, go ahead.

I think the OP person is smart enough to realize that he could have a lot better girls with that type of investment (ROI is a strange way to discuss women!)...more educated, better English, more compatible. And she might be beautiful, but there's literally millions of beautiful women here, you can't go for more than a day without seeing a handful, unless you never leave your house/condo/apartment/townhome.

[OxfordWill]

caulfield2 all you are really doing is describing the human condition, and I don't feel you should hold this against anyone, young or old, male or female, thai or western.

[caulfield2]

I don't understand why ANYONE would want a girl from a bar.

I met a millionairess Thai women in Italy many years ago. I was working as a model there so maybe looks are important.

Even the uglies - there are normal women everywhere.

When you say "normal," do you mean normal lifestyle (non-bar, professional/white-collar job, college degree) or "normal" in appearance?

As you yourself should know, normal people and models/beautiful women don't mix without a lot of money coming from the man...unless the guy has something REALLY attractive or special about him that piques her interest.

[caulfield2]

caulfield2 all you are really doing is describing the human condition, and I don't feel you should hold this against anyone, young or old, male or female, thai or western.

It's one thing to acknowledge the human condition....sure, sure...but to brag about having women and never paying, well...sometimes we have to call them like we see them.

People make value judgements all the time. I know from talking to my Master's degree students that most of them have Thai girlfriends married and living now in Northern Europe and none of them feel like they accorded the respect or dignity they should be when Europeans find out they're from Thailand. Many of them would like to come back home.

[Sabum]

All you guys saying i would never pay are deluded

It seems you are deluded or trying to be to make yourself feel better by insisting all men must pay like you, most men don't pay, its only the minority that do. But I'm lying, Im in my 30s now, in 10 or 20 years how will I feel? Well maybe 30 years I'd be willing to pay a salary to a woman to pretend to be my girlfriend.

I have lived in LOS for over 4 years and I have not seen any Farang man who did not pay his lady, one way or another, maried or single, young or old. Farang pays.

And all your friend are old fat guys right?! Cmon you guys do realise there are other brackets of society out there right? And not all Thai women are desperate and poor? Ah forget it.... At least Im willing to admit then when I'M old and fat I may follow the same trend as the rest of you but you guys just cant get your mind around what its like to be in my shoes now... NO PAY NOTHING EVAH!!!!!

Ummm...why are you bragging you can meet girls for free on an Internet forum, Im not bragging just stating the obvious, like you say, it is not an accomplishment and anyone can do it (with work) but so many men here think you have to pay and all men pay, where is love? and women have lust too! like it's some kind of major accomplishment? As mentioned earlier in this thread, if you're under 40, are normal or above in appearance, not socially akward or mentally ill and are nice/sweet/polite/charming, then it's impossible NOT to have as many women as you'd like here. Exactly, why are you picking on me like I dont totally agree with you? lol

If you could have an unlimited amount of women (very easily, with little effort) in your own country, then why are you here? I WORK here, Im certainly not here for women, or is that why you think ALL men are here? You ask if I can get women back home then why am I here, that infers the ONLY reason to be here is for women, guess thats YOUR reason buddy.... oh brother, my partner isnt even Thai, we've lived together 5 years. And I never said I could have an unlimitted amount of women in any country... I see whats going on here now, you took a couple things I did say and immediately decided Im those other guys that have said OTHER things?! Please respond to me only and don't put words in my mouth. Western women want equal rights and are all evil, non-traditional feminists? They can't be controlled and manipulated so easily? Because they want depth and substance in a relationship and you can't become emotionally-attached or committed? WHO are you talking to? Im NOT THAT GUY THAT SAID THESE THINGS. My partner (I use term partner because although we arent legally married we might as well be) is an architect and business woman, she is VERY strong and intelligent, I couldnt possibly love or respect a woman that wasnt. Stop pretending Im somebody else, pissing me off.

I think you are starting to let your "success" with women here go to your head...the wrong one. It's not real, get over it. You are just a normal, average person...not a celebrity or "VIP." If you want to believe that you are God's gift to Thailand, go ahead and continue to live in denial of the reality approaching when you're still living the same lifestyle (or trying to) in your 50's or 60's. Then please come back to this forum and post about your new range of experiences with the suddenly more calculating/cold Thai females. Im not that guy and I didnt say anything like that... but I DID say that when Im older I might change my tune and perspective! I freely admitted that already... are you even reading or just happy to go off on a tangent that has nothing to do with the quotes you are responding to? Learn to POST buddy.

All you guys saying i would never pay are deluded

It seems you are deluded or trying to be to make yourself feel better by insisting all men must pay like you, most men don't pay, its only the minority that do. But I'm lying, Im in my 30s now, in 10 or 20 years how will I feel? Well maybe 30 years I'd be willing to pay a salary to a woman to pretend to be my girlfriend.

I have lived in LOS for over 4 years and I have not seen any Farang man who did not pay his lady, one way or another, maried or single, young or old. Farang pays.

And all your friend are old fat guys right?! Cmon you guys do realise there are other brackets of society out there right? And not all Thai women are desperate and poor? Ah forget it.... At least Im willing to admit then when I'M old and fat I may follow the same trend as the rest of you but you guys just cant get your mind around what its like to be in my shoes now... NO PAY NOTHING EVAH!!!!!

If you read my reply carefully, I said friends young & old. Two gents in particular are late 30's & handsome & trim & pay the lady (GF). I NEVER saw any freebie Thai woman for Farang.

Then you have a limitted experience, I dont know ANYONE that pays women to be their mates, but I certainly know it does happen. You however are convinced that it only goes the way you have seen it which is just a limitted experience based on a limitted group of friends or commmunity.

[jrbkk64]

Sabum,

Get of your high horse NOW :-)! You claim to be in a relationship with a non-thai lady and at the same time you seem to screw around with non-bargirls. Who are you to judge anyone if that is what you do? ;-)

I am no saint and I do pay my live-in gf 40,000. She does all the shopping for the house/food etc, has some income from a shop and can keep whatever she saves from the 40k. She also acts as my "project manager" for renovations on condo's that I own etc.

[Moonrakers]

If I went to 'pay' my wife a single baht then she'd likely slap me for treating her like a whore.

Sometimes, like now, she is the main bread winner and essentially supports us. Whilst at other times in the past and no doubt in the future the roles are reversed and I bring in the lions share of money.

It never has been and never will be a scenario such as "Well I gave you x amount when I had money so........", what we make essentially goes into a pot and we SHARE, just taking what we need and I wouldn't like it to be any other way.

I would NEVER consider paying my wife a 'salary', if she needs something then she can just take it but then I guess it helps also that she is far from a greedy person. Of course trust is a major factor as well.

And in reverse, where I am currently making nothing I am still going out for a drink tonight. Yet I will get no mention from my wife as to how much I am "allowed" to spend. I know how limited our finances are right now and so I shall be sensible.

Again it is 'sharing', and those whom might consider 'sharing' to be 'paying' are cynical and narrow minded to say the least.

I am not having a dig at those who do, after all if I was 60+ and single then I might consider paying for some female companionship, but those who are suggesting that ALL Thai girls are paid to be in a relationship really do need to open there eyes a bit and consider venturing outside of walking street.

[caulfield2]

So please enlighten us, lol.

I'm assuming (please correct me where I'm wrong) that your "partner" is an Asian female younger than you?

(By the way, do we now get "extra credit" in the dating world for having success with Chinese, Hong Kong, Taiwanese, Japanese, South Korean or Singaporean girls???)

Maybe I should be given an award because my fiance (Filipina) left her American fiance (she was supposed to marry in September 2008), gave back her diamond ring, ATM card/allowance/stipend and is with me now, even though I haven't given her either a ring or any money? And she's 23, no kids, has a teaching job (not ESL) and is almost finished with her Master's...and I am 39, so I should taunt and belittle the majority of men here who are either paying/sponsoring or are with women aged 30-50 and/or women with children?

By the way, why are you afraid to get married? Unless common law kicks in a year 7 in Thailand, then it's curious what is holding you back? You don't want to leave Thailand and go back to the "real world"? And you've never cheated on your g/f in five years, but you're making fun of fat/old/balding men who have to pay? What gives?

[TheVinylMan]

WOW I did open up a can of worms didnt I ............ I have just read the seven pages in depth and find some of the views "interesting" to say the least............ lol............... I notice that there are a few posts that have been just made up............ I can not see anywhere that i have stated that 20K was 5% of my months salary......I dont think what i earn is information that is required....... Why do people assume just because your relatively new on thai visa that you can not speak thai??? I can speak it enough to have a conversation, along with 5 other languages fluently!!!!!!!!......... but dont talk about thai economics in thai :-)........... to be honest the guys that say they never pay there wives/gf's/katoeys or who ever are lying thru their back teeth........ you have a thai lady...... you will be paying somewhere down the line........... in some form or other............ maybe even with your life as we see many many times!!!!!!!!!!

Update on the ex gf.......... yes i did ditch the bitch......... before i posted up here actually............ She has called me just the once..... shes a little upset.... but she says she thinks she with stay bkk with her friends............ so we have not got any problems there.......... and wished me good luck and i told her to take care............ and that was that :-)

Anyway thanks for all the "advice" guys and gals i gtg............ got a plane to catch.......... I look forward to reading the latest in a few hours time

VM

[t.s]

This point has only been made twice in this thread, whereas the "she's a gold digger" has been made 100 times:

I dont think its likely in 4 days she has become a gold digger. Unless a big sister filled her head with experience for years prior.

Maybe, she is insulted by how little of your wealth you are sharing with her, given that she comes from the village and possible thinks you are in a serious relationship together. This means she would assume you have other girls more important to you than her.

Solution: clarify your relationship with her.

your insights always make me chuckle.

[thecatman]

Do you see any of the leading countries for sex tourism in the world that you would describe as industrialized nations by anyone?

We're getting off topic somewhat here, but in answer to you question, Yes, Holland, and theres a huge scene going on down in Amsterdam, but I suppose that's 'kind of different' as well is it??

Edited February 5, 2009 by thecatman

[caulfield2]

Do you see any of the leading countries for sex tourism in the world that you would describe as industrialized nations by anyone?

We're getting off topic somewhat here, but in answer to you question, Yes, Holland, and theres a huge scene going on down in Amsterdam, but I suppose that's 'kind of different' as well is it??

Well, part of it is proximity/location...for those who can't afford to travel all the way to Asia or South America, for instance.

When I think of Amsterdam, I also think of it (from an American POV) as a place where one goes to have a good time, and I guess the idea of drugs/drinking isn't too far removed...whereas quite a few of the 2nd/3rd world countries have very strictly-enforced/harsh anit-drug policies (many Asian countries fall into this group). And haven't there been recent efforts to really "clean up" or reform that "red light district" area, to so-so success?

I also separate it in the sense that there are strippers/entertainers there, but you don't hear so frequently of them getting married/engaged/sponsored by tourists. There's an exchange of money...but that's usually the end of it.

Just go to websites like "A Foreign Affair" and where you see the most girls on-line trying to meet guys, that's probably where you will see a corresponding number of men travelling to meet girls (whether they're "good" girls, party girls, bar girls or escorts....and everything in between).

I also don't think there are very many girls from Amsterdam trying to marry or build long-term/sustainable relationships...but maybe someone will correct me if I'm wrong there.

Edited February 5, 2009 by caulfield2

[Dmitry]

lol, first of all if she is a newbie she must speak zero english.

i'd like to have a look at the girlie pic to accurately measure

her pay-per-day, pay-per-week, pay-per-month, pay-per-bumbum prices

take care, Dmitry

[henryalleman]

I think we need to distinguish reality from fiction here.

Yes, it's relatively easy to find girls between 24-44 that have very good (for Thailand) jobs, maybe a car, their own apartment, an independent standard of living, etc. Most of these girls will also speak pretty good English (because of their university and/or better schooling)...to where there is a legitimate level of communication possible.

The problem is always the guys who are in a hurry (visiting for 1-2 weeks) that don't have the ability invest in building a relationship...or maybe they don't trust "on-line" dating websites because of the stereotype that all those girls are working/gaming the system and have 2-3 different guys baited and sending money.

These guys might think they are falling in love and want to "sustain" the relationship by sending money when they return home. Of course, there are plenty who are targeting girls for relationships who are too pretty or too young for them. And that's where the money/support always comes in as a factor. If you want the 18-22 year old, coyote girl types, whether they work in a bar or not, and you're over 40...well, that's not normal either in any Western country, is it?

So I'm guessing that all the guys on here who never pay have women that are within 3-5 years (older or younger), right? If not, basically it's telling me that they weren't able to have a hot, younger, supermodelish girl in their own country...so they're using basic economics to expand the pool of dating possibilities. Even a doctor/dentist/lawyer/CEO in America or Europe or China/Japan/Korea at age 45 is not socially accepted to be with 18-22 girl with a perfect body, right? Celebrities even are frowned upon when they push the age limit thing too far...but, hey, they're celebrities or have millions so they can do as they please. I have lived in China, Philipppines, Thailand and Colombia, and have actually seen more "native" rich/upper-class men in those countries "dating" these younger girls. In reality, the parents are "pimping" them out to a family friend (better than a stranger to them) for the money it provides. Or in many universities, really incredible girls will find a rich guy willing to give them the equivalent of 5-10,000 baht for one night or weekend...guys they select/screen and can freely accept or reject. They use this money for plastic surgery, clothing, make-up, travel/vacations, school fees, their family, whatever.

So the question isn't really about prostitution, per se, it's about realistically looking at your age, money, appearance....and finding someone compatible. If there's a disconnect in a 3rd world country, you're going to pay....whether it's direct or indirect. I'm sure there are many men who pay for apartments/rooms, school fees, 1000 or 2000 baht here and there for the family, gifts/shopping, etc., that don't feel they are "paying" for their g/f's. It's just when someone has the temerity to actually make "lump sum" payments that everyone gets hot and bothered. Or maybe they know that all girls will talk and these men are subconsciously driving up the expectations for all Thai women. Just like if you were dating Pancake or Tongmo/Watermelon, Thai supermodels, you'd have to have a minimum of 100,000,000 baht to keep up with their lifestyles, travel, clothing requests/Siam Paragon, etc.

I highly doubt that most of these men are dating women OLDER than they are, or that anyone is dating a woman FIVE years older than he is. That I would like to see, maybe I'll be proven wrong...

When it comes down to it, what's the difference if a rich American or European has a trophy wife who doesn't work, is 10-20 years younger, has a perfect body (from a personal trainer and plastic surgery), maybe a decent education, involvement in her kids' school activities/PTA, volunteer work, travelling every month, spas/facials/manicures/pedicures/massages every couple of weeks...the women who are with the rich men. Well, simply, Westerners can come to Thailand and be those rich men they aren't in their own countries.

That's a different conversation, though. Whether/if taking "advantage" of your birth in a Western country by dating beautiful women in a 3rd World country is ethical/moral, right?

Yes, it's relatively easy to find girls between 24-44 that have very good (for Thailand) jobs, maybe a car, their own apartment, an independent standard of living, etc. Most of these girls will also speak pretty good English (because of their university and/or better schooling)...to where there is a legitimate level of communication possible.

The problem is always the guys who are in a hurry (visiting for 1-2 weeks) that don't have the ability invest in building a relationship...

You are absolutely correct about this. In the range of 24-44 there are a lot of very attractive independent no string attached ladies. And if you are an 55+ its much more sensible and rewarding to look for an 40+ year old lady who is single and financially independent.

And I know by experience that money is seldom a topic in a conversation with this ladies.

But maybe they are too much woman for some insecure men. Its just more easy to get a girl from the entertainment industry.

[caulfield2]

I think we need to distinguish reality from fiction here.

Yes, it's relatively easy to find girls between 24-44 that have very good (for Thailand) jobs, maybe a car, their own apartment, an independent standard of living, etc. Most of these girls will also speak pretty good English (because of their university and/or better schooling)...to where there is a legitimate level of communication possible.

The problem is always the guys who are in a hurry (visiting for 1-2 weeks) that don't have the ability invest in building a relationship...or maybe they don't trust "on-line" dating websites because of the stereotype that all those girls are working/gaming the system and have 2-3 different guys baited and sending money.

These guys might think they are falling in love and want to "sustain" the relationship by sending money when they return home. Of course, there are plenty who are targeting girls for relationships who are too pretty or too young for them. And that's where the money/support always comes in as a factor. If you want the 18-22 year old, coyote girl types, whether they work in a bar or not, and you're over 40...well, that's not normal either in any Western country, is it?

So I'm guessing that all the guys on here who never pay have women that are within 3-5 years (older or younger), right? If not, basically it's telling me that they weren't able to have a hot, younger, supermodelish girl in their own country...so they're using basic economics to expand the pool of dating possibilities. Even a doctor/dentist/lawyer/CEO in America or Europe or China/Japan/Korea at age 45 is not socially accepted to be with 18-22 girl with a perfect body, right? Celebrities even are frowned upon when they push the age limit thing too far...but, hey, they're celebrities or have millions so they can do as they please. I have lived in China, Philipppines, Thailand and Colombia, and have actually seen more "native" rich/upper-class men in those countries "dating" these younger girls. In reality, the parents are "pimping" them out to a family friend (better than a stranger to them) for the money it provides. Or in many universities, really incredible girls will find a rich guy willing to give them the equivalent of 5-10,000 baht for one night or weekend...guys they select/screen and can freely accept or reject. They use this money for plastic surgery, clothing, make-up, travel/vacations, school fees, their family, whatever.

So the question isn't really about prostitution, per se, it's about realistically looking at your age, money, appearance....and finding someone compatible. If there's a disconnect in a 3rd world country, you're going to pay....whether it's direct or indirect. I'm sure there are many men who pay for apartments/rooms, school fees, 1000 or 2000 baht here and there for the family, gifts/shopping, etc., that don't feel they are "paying" for their g/f's. It's just when someone has the temerity to actually make "lump sum" payments that everyone gets hot and bothered. Or maybe they know that all girls will talk and these men are subconsciously driving up the expectations for all Thai women. Just like if you were dating Pancake or Tongmo/Watermelon, Thai supermodels, you'd have to have a minimum of 100,000,000 baht to keep up with their lifestyles, travel, clothing requests/Siam Paragon, etc.

I highly doubt that most of these men are dating women OLDER than they are, or that anyone is dating a woman FIVE years older than he is. That I would like to see, maybe I'll be proven wrong...

When it comes down to it, what's the difference if a rich American or European has a trophy wife who doesn't work, is 10-20 years younger, has a perfect body (from a personal trainer and plastic surgery), maybe a decent education, involvement in her kids' school activities/PTA, volunteer work, travelling every month, spas/facials/manicures/pedicures/massages every couple of weeks...the women who are with the rich men. Well, simply, Westerners can come to Thailand and be those rich men they aren't in their own countries.

That's a different conversation, though. Whether/if taking "advantage" of your birth in a Western country by dating beautiful women in a 3rd World country is ethical/moral, right?

Yes, it's relatively easy to find girls between 24-44 that have very good (for Thailand) jobs, maybe a car, their own apartment, an independent standard of living, etc. Most of these girls will also speak pretty good English (because of their university and/or better schooling)...to where there is a legitimate level of communication possible.

The problem is always the guys who are in a hurry (visiting for 1-2 weeks) that don't have the ability invest in building a relationship...

You are absolutely correct about this. In the range of 24-44 there are a lot of very attractive independent no string attached ladies. And if you are an 55+ its much more sensible and rewarding to look for an 40+ year old lady who is single and financially independent.

And I know by experience that money is seldom a topic in a conversation with this ladies.

But maybe they are too much woman for some insecure men. Its just more easy to get a girl from the entertainment industry.

My experience has been...

1) Many of the male tourists that I have met while living abroad (and it doesn't happen so often, as I prefer to live in smaller, off the beaten path cities, even though my city in China was 8+ million people) tend to be pretty conservative...I keep hearing negative rants and raving about how things used to be better back when women stayed at home and the men hunted, lol. I'm not talking the "backpacking" crowd in their 20's/30's but the 35-55 age group. Many are ex-military or retired early. They really don't like the way that women have become in the West and they prefer to find a more "traditional" (cooks, cleans, takes care of kids, accepts his authority and an allowance without question, doesn't ask too much about finances, the "help-mate") stay-at-home girl without an extensive formal education that they can control better...because if she leaves them, the only place for her would be to go back to her family in a somewhat humiliated state. So they (the girls) make the bargain with their sense of morals/ethics and sacrifice themselves to help younger brothers and sisters as well as other family members financially. Not having a job/education makes it harder for them to leave the relationship, as its one of dependence largely.

2) Men will almost always be unrealistic (I did this with my Russian wife, picking a well-educated model instead of "regular" girl) and try for a "9" or "10" girl instead of a 7-8, when they themselves are a 6-8 realistically, and many below average in apperance guys with superhot "cupcakes" as my friend used to call them. This seems to happen magically as soon as you realize what is possible in another country. However, just because you can have it doesn't mean it's good for you! And just because almost anything is "possible" (dating an 18 year-old with a perfect body, for instance) doesn't make it good or correct.

We should be eating "whole wheat" but we want "white" bread instead, lol.

3) As bad as the stories about the women are, what the men do to the women is just as bad, if not worse...it's just that there aren't as many message boards or "help lines" or websites dedicated to protecting abused/trafficked women working in bars or on the streets.

I always think of it like this...on the Internet, such as dating sites, about 30-50% of the women are "good" and about 10-20% of the men are. Sometimes our POV or perception becomes too jaded due to all the bargirl stories, and the fact that "normal" couples having successful/legitimate relationships are almost never posting on websites. You only hear about the extremes...deaths/murders, houses being taken over and men going back to their countries penniless, with their tails between their legs. But how many times are the abusive actions of men here in Thailand/Cambodia/Laos ever documented? I would guess we hear about well less than 1% of it, and that's the 1% of it where there is a police action which brings about public notice.

Edited February 5, 2009 by caulfield2

[Birdman]

I have seen Thai bg working for their Farang boyfriends, because they were in love...handsome Farangs at 35 doubling the monthly 1.000 pounds for their lying wifes...nice guys sending 35.000 THB every month from abroad and when in T their gf do not once show up...others give 4.000 THB/month to the non working gf incl. food and everything...

BTW...there are countless lovely and caring Farang females in this world, one can spent the whole life together, without any hassles.

[t.s]

OP, you must be a joker, with more than 1700 posts here = you should know better.

Easy : change Sim card, get a new number = she can not contact you by sms or calling.

Even better: change place of living = she can not visit you.

Then follow the many advice you already got here = MOVE ON.

a little reminder : this country have more than 30.000.000 females .......

Still think you are a joker!

spoken like a true coward.

had to check the adress bar on my browser, i thought i was logged into nanaplaza.com for a moment there

? spoken like a true COWARD ?

W h a t is coward about make it impossible for a gold digger to stalk you 24/7 ?

You prefer have her sms you 20 times a day, call you 50 times a day, call your door bell every time you have a new gf with you back ur place?

Did you think longer than your nose, before you made your comment to me ?????

Who are u talking about ? have u care to read all from the OP?

How long have u been here ( not only vacations in Pattaya)? not long it seems....

after A DECADE living HERE, I and many friends have learn, woman that the OP talking about will not leave you alone after this!

To change ur sim and make it impossible for her to call and sms, shure make it easier to forget her ( as he mention he start miss her)!

If she's one of the worst cases who follow the falang anywhere he goes, and stalking him 24/7 at his place of residence = change place of living make that also impossible for her ---- r e a d, and maybe you get my point " Bangers" ......

seems that you belong in nanaplaza.com

Never stop to surprise me how many here who only want to throw out braindead negative comments to others.

If i had been a moderator or Admin - i would have "cleaned out" these people .......

Oh i get your point, that is why i said your advice was cowardly.

and, since you asked, I have lived and worked here in Bangkok since 1996, oddly enough i have never moved: though i have changed girlfriends a couple of times, i have managed to remain in the same house. My phone number has been constant as well. Perhaps my criteria for a partner differs from that of you and your friends.

So as i said, changing your place of residence to avoid an ex is basically spineless.

Do you just quit your job when something goes wrong? Walk out the door and never come back rather than taking responsibility for your actions?

Anyhow, you have a nice night hiding from the scary bad lady.

Wait, did you hear that???

nevermind

Edited February 5, 2009 by t.s

[Birdman]

To change ur sim and make it impossible for her to call and sms, shure make it easier to forget her ( as he mention he start miss her)!

If she's one of the worst cases who follow the falang anywhere he goes, and stalking him 24/7 at his place of residence = change place of living make that also impossible for her ---- r e a d, and maybe you get my point " Bangers" ......

...some people have company phones with an old sim, known to many business partners and company superiors as well...

...some people own expansive residencies...

...some people have a place, they have to go for work daily...

[G54]

All you guys saying i would never pay are deluded

It seems you are deluded or trying to be to make yourself feel better by insisting all men must pay like you, most men don't pay, its only the minority that do. But I'm lying, Im in my 30s now, in 10 or 20 years how will I feel? Well maybe 30 years I'd be willing to pay a salary to a woman to pretend to be my girlfriend.

But not all of us have to pay xxx per month. Some, like me, have - after a lot of broken relationships here - actually found a lady who does not want to be paid.

I think of certain people I know in Pattaya who would call the OP a cheap Charlie as they are paying more than he is talking of.

For the cost of helping out - as in on top of the wage she earns - I get her love, care and attention because she wants to give it. I get to make love to her 5 days a week too - dang those Fridays where she works 20 hours, means she is too tired

But too many have an escort they pay for.

Giving a wife money? Why? Is a joint account not enough for a man and wife? Then they budget within that account. If you want to treat your other half now and again, go ahead, that is a good thing to do.

240,000 Baht a year for her? She will be living in a mansion near all the rich Farang before long at those rates

[Sabum]

Sabum,

Get of your high horse NOW :-)! You claim to be in a relationship with a non-thai lady and at the same time you seem to screw around with non-bargirls. Who are you to judge anyone if that is what you do? ;-)

I am no saint and I do pay my live-in gf 40,000. She does all the shopping for the house/food etc, has some income from a shop and can keep whatever she saves from the 40k. She also acts as my "project manager" for renovations on condo's that I own etc.

Honestly if that is your true situation that doesnt sound so bad at all, not as bad as handing over cash for love straight up with no duties to buy stuff for the family from her. Its still a little sketchy though but whatever, my only beef is when people fool themselves into thinking a straight up transaction buys love. That will only lead to heartbreak abd trouble.

So please enlighten us, lol.

I'm assuming (please correct me where I'm wrong) that your "partner" is an Asian female younger than you?

(By the way, do we now get "extra credit" in the dating world for having success with Chinese, Hong Kong, Taiwanese, Japanese, South Korean or Singaporean girls???)

Maybe I should be given an award because my fiance (Filipina) left her American fiance (she was supposed to marry in September 2008), gave back her diamond ring, ATM card/allowance/stipend and is with me now, even though I haven't given her either a ring or any money? And she's 23, no kids, has a teaching job (not ESL) and is almost finished with her Master's...and I am 39, so I should taunt and belittle the majority of men here who are either paying/sponsoring or are with women aged 30-50 and/or women with children?

By the way, why are you afraid to get married? Unless common law kicks in a year 7 in Thailand, then it's curious what is holding you back? You don't want to leave Thailand and go back to the "real world"? And you've never cheated on your g/f in five years, but you're making fun of fat/old/balding men who have to pay? What gives?

Im 35, she's 36, she's not super pretty, doesnt have a killer body... but she's the best woman Ive ever met and Ive met ALOT. Almost got married twice before and maybe this is the one, its not that Im scared exactly Im just super careful, I dont want to get a divorce later like so many people.

Im not judging people and condemning what people do, I just dont want people to lie to themselves.... if you want to pay for a relationship then you should accept what youve got, but nobody does this, they always start thinking its real and that is when the real heartbreak and trouble starts. If 25 years from now I feel I need to have a 20 year old supermodel as my girlfriend and am willing to pay for it, then I will do that and accept my situation without falling into the trap of self delusion.

Forgot to add, one of the reasons I have such a hard time listening to people think its ok to pay their girlfriends is because their money is NOT buying loyalty or monogamy. TRUST ME. I know so many situations where every time the paying guys back is turned the girl is out the door and on some other non paying guy right away. We nicknamed one girl taxi meter girl because she would bolt out the door when her paying boyfriend would go for a beer for 45 minutes, she'd jump in a taxi, rush to her other lovers house, make the taxi wait while she had sex with the lover and then hopped back in her taxi abd rushed back home before her paying boyfriend could even know she had left. Do NOT TRUST any girl you are paying, they already are demonstrating a lack of principle and morality by being in that situation in the first place(whether you agree or not), cheating is not an issue for them and they actively seek it.

Edited February 5, 2009 by Sabum

[LadyHeather]

Why would you pay your girlfriend to be a girlfriend? I am sorry, but I don't understand those posters who talk about an allowance. Would you do this at home? Of course not, why is it now acceptable here?

Seems to me that many men here are doing far more thinking with the little head than the big head and that is the cause of all their troubles, not some girl who is smart enough to get the money while she can. You are the one paying, so you are the only one responsible for getting ripped off, cheated, or used.

[Fun2Fun]

Paying an "allowance" to a Thai girl is essentially placing her in the position of a "Mia Noi" (or even possibly as low as a "gig") and then that will probably also be how she will perceive the relationship and by proxy color her perception of you role in relation to her.

Edited February 5, 2009 by Fun2Fun

[canadianmonkey]

Why would you pay your girlfriend to be a girlfriend? I am sorry, but I don't understand those posters who talk about an allowance. Would you do this at home? Of course not, why is it now acceptable here?

Seems to me that many men here are doing far more thinking with the little head than the big head and that is the cause of all their troubles, not some girl who is smart enough to get the money while she can. You are the one paying, so you are the only one responsible for getting ripped off, cheated, or used.

CAuse 90% of the people who post here and total life losers.

They dont understand that if a woman loves them, all they need is to pay for their rent,food and sometimes a gift here and there and if their gf want to buy clothes or cellphone related crap they can find a small income.

My gf takes care of the kid, the only $ i give her is to go buy our food, if she wants more baby clothes, creams and shit she gets herself about 20k a month doing stuff online and in a shop.

Anyone doing otherwise is a loser, no matter how many excuses they have. Like my girlfriend's two ex's (1 of them is a big poster on thaivisa) that gave her 100k a month and have begged her every single day for more than a year to come back. and btw she only slept with him once a month.. she actualy liked him but was a huge insecure pussycat even though he's pretty rich and decently good looking like most of the expats in their 20-30's

But my post will be deleted because a huge majority of the mods fall into this category.

Edited February 5, 2009 by canadianmonkey

[caulfield2]

Why would you pay your girlfriend to be a girlfriend? I am sorry, but I don't understand those posters who talk about an allowance. Would you do this at home? Of course not, why is it now acceptable here?

Seems to me that many men here are doing far more thinking with the little head than the big head and that is the cause of all their troubles, not some girl who is smart enough to get the money while she can. You are the one paying, so you are the only one responsible for getting ripped off, cheated, or used.

CAuse 90% of the people who post here and total life losers.

They dont understand that if a woman loves them, all they need is to pay for their rent,food and sometimes a gift here and there and if their gf want to buy clothes or cellphone related crap they can find a small income.

My gf takes care of the kid, the only $ i give her is to go buy our food, if she wants more baby clothes, creams and shit she gets herself about 20k a month doing stuff online and in a shop.

Anyone doing otherwise is a loser, no matter how many excuses they have. Like my girlfriend's two ex's (1 of them is a big poster on thaivisa) that gave her 100k a month and have begged her every single day for more than a year to come back. and btw she only slept with him once a month.. she actualy liked him but was a huge insecure pussycat even though he's pretty rich and decently good looking like most of the expats in their 20-30's

But my post will be deleted because a huge majority of the mods fall into this category.

How are you sure you can trust her if she USED to accept sponsorship to the tune of 100,000 per month? You're telling me that "love" has over-ridden all of her financial desires? I just don't know of many women that can go from that type of money (crazy money here) and be so easily satisfied.

But the strange part is why did she sleep with him once a month? Was there a contract that stipulated it? It seems that people either really want to have sex or stop having it altogether (for many reasons), but once a month? Why did she even have sex at all if she didn't love him? Would he have turned off the money spiggot? How can you be absolutely sure you can trust her...that she's not waiting for marriage and then she will change her leopard spots and become a tiger?

Just a couple of thoughts that jumped out.

[HYENA]

As I said in the original post I knew i would get the "why pay a girl to live with you brigade" slating me ........... but do none of you ever give your wives/gf's (thai or not) any money for there own needs???? I always gave my ex-wife (english) some money every month just to keep her sweet.... so she could go and get some new clothes/ perfumes etc!!!

We all have our own set of values, views on what is right and wrong. Off course it's normal to buy ones partner gifts from time to time, for me it's a sign of respect and appreciation amongst other things. Having a young, single ( no children to care for ) partner who doesn't work, for whatever reason would not be an ideal partner for me. Do you believe you are actually helping this young lady by making her totally reliant on you?

I'm in Issan at the minute and in the last few days have along with the wife spoken to people earning 4-5 thousand baht a month. Poor indeed, but friendly, cheerful and probably with a sense of self respect. Better to help this lady of yours progress in life through supporting her with education etc rather than her present situation.

I agree. I pay my fiancee 30k a month. She also has gotten jobs here and there enough to earn money to buy me gifts. She has offered to work f/t bu tthat also means she can't work for our business and when she works with BKK Thais, they treat her like hel_l (the prejudice is horrible between BKK Thais and Isaan farm girls). I take care of her, pay everything for her and make sure her family will not go without food again (which has happened in the past). In Thailand; money is love. Think about it-- money we hold near and dear to our hearts so taking assumptions out of the equation, giving money is giving your hard worked time and effort converted to cash.

It all depends on what would happen if the money stopped. Of course anyone is looking for more (a raise, higher status, etc) but I believe her motivations are not for you but for your money. It is true she could be getting bad advice from friends (friends spoil many relationships). I'm lucky because my fiancee cut off her "friends" and only hangs around with sweat shop workers and other true friends. On occasion she takes them out to eat (nam jai) which is OK by me.

When I first started to send her money, I demanded she do something in return (take classes-computer English, school) because if something happens to me, I need her to be able to tow the line for the family with or without me. I believe funding someone's independence is the best thing for her.

If you have a oft spot wanting to take a girl out of a bar; be careful and think with your head. I'd received lots of advice to dump my fiancee but she has proven to be smart, faithful, dedicated and look after hers and my best interests. I had lots of reservations early on but I'm happy I weathered through it.

I would take her aside and if you're exclusive with her, tell her how you feel and of your intentions. Share with her also that whatever is in there has to last you for x amount of time and you just met her and what has she done for you to have to pay more, etc? Tell her you're trying to help her and her family out but you've got other responsibilities and if what she's getting isn't good enough for her, offer for her to look elsewhere. You've also got to cut her off from her friends. If she doesn't do it on her own and start associating with decent women once the prize is caught so to speak, you're in for her acting on more bad advice.

Is there a reason you didn't bring her along to Isaan? She'll be jealous unless she knows your'e exclusive. There was great mistrust between my fiancee and I but it only took a couple conversations for her to learn I'm not the cheating type even with a gf and definitely after marriage, I'm not one to ever cheat or think about it.

I don't think you're a cheap charlie at all. If you get serious, make sure she goes to university or something,,,give her something to show for your relationship other than love if it all ends. My guess is you'll go back to her regardless. This sort of thing leaves many baffled but unless you've done it, one can never know. They're very knowledgeable about human behavior and also benefit for them and their family. It all depends on what you want out of this. If she knows it's a shorter term relationship, she'll try to get what she can. If she thinks it may go serious, she may start looking after your needs, as well.

If you're "loaded" so to speak, find someone who doesn't ask for money and give them more. I give all I can because no matter what, they will always be more poor than I am so in the big picture, I win in life. Tell her you're looking after her best interests and try to make a good woman out of her--send her to school (that's a sore point with many Isaan girls so paying for education will give them self esteem they never dreamed possible).

I never give money without some expectations of something in return other than rent and food...the extra is for saving, securing rice, fixing the house but never any money schemes to stupid decisions...always towards education for a younger relative...training, school or a business idea we want to try.

Just my thoughts. It's easy to be an armchair judge but in their culture, one who "takes care" is the Thai way of saying I love you. All anger is fear based. She's scared she's not the only one, scared you'll leave her and what you give her will be it. Reduce the fear and you'll begin to see her real motivations coming out. The most important thing regarding a bar girl (many, many marry bar girls, contrary to popular belief I think it's closet to 50% of marriages are from bar or former bar girls) and they come out on the other end happy and content. Isaan girls for the most part just don't know where else to meet farang men and support their family at the same time. It's considered a noble and great sacrifice (although a sad and desperate one) for a girl to work in a bar so they try to make the best of it and tell their neighbors they work in a restaurant when they visit back home. Anyway, that's my 2 baht. Be careful and best wishes!

Don't listen to armchair judges. This is a real life situation. I could care less who thinks who is a loser or whatever personal issues cause one to lash out and completely miss the point not offering their own experience-based advice. If they haven't been there, done that--ignore it. If they've been there, done that; then you need to learn from their mistakes and successes. Anyone can call another names without putting the slightest bit of thought or intuition never firing a single neuron. Focus more on responses that offer real solutions from those who have been there, done that and come out on the other side with their varied results and make your decisions from there.

My 5 year old can call someone names but cannot currently understand complicated situations like these and offer valuable suggestions. Consider the sources and consider your options.

Edited February 5, 2009 by HYENA

[Neeranam]

Anyone doing otherwise is a loser, no matter how many excuses they have. Like my girlfriend's two ex's (1 of them is a big poster on thaivisa) that gave her 100k a month and have begged her every single day for more than a year to come back. and btw she only slept with him once a month.. she actualy liked him but was a huge insecure pussycat even though he's pretty rich and decently good looking like most of the expats in their 20-30's

Just wait until the cash she has saved up from the ex runs out, then you'll have problems.

[OxfordWill]

your insights always make me chuckle.

No, I once embarrassed you so terribly on a particular thread, highlighting your gross misunderstanding of basic Thai culture, that you now simply follow me around the forum making comments like the above, hoping that making irrelevant condescensions may one day make you seem, so long as one does not look too hard, like you know something. It is not a lifestyle I would recommend, t.s, nor one that will lead you ultimately to any satisfaction. I'm really not that important. Feel free to quote that last sentence without the rest of what I wrote, for added effect.

People make value judgements all the time. I know from talking to my Master's degree students that most of them have Thai girlfriends married and living now in Northern Europe and none of them feel like they accorded the respect or dignity they should be when Europeans find out they're from Thailand. Many of them would like to come back home.

That is a shame, and you are right.

Edited February 5, 2009 by OxfordWill