Remember- Their Loyalty Is Always With Their Families

[Heng]

Rule # 1 of family loyalty: MAKE SURE YOU'RE A MEMBER FIRST.

Plenty of other rules as well, but another handy one is to limit the number of members in your family (in order to do this, you have to be the head of the family first... and no, yelling and throwing fits doesn't automatically give you the office).

And yes, foreigners can become members and found their own families, for the former path, you just have to pick and choose a bit which family you become a part of.

So your the 'Head' of your thai family, are you?

Nah, but I'd say that I'm on the board. About half a dozen people have to die first before I'd be the Big Cheese Heng.

[henryalleman]

Rule # 1 of family loyalty: MAKE SURE YOU'RE A MEMBER FIRST.

Plenty of other rules as well, but another handy one is to limit the number of members in your family (in order to do this, you have to be the head of the family first... and no, yelling and throwing fits doesn't automatically give you the office).

And yes, foreigners can become members and found their own families, for the former path, you just have to pick and choose a bit which family you become a part of.

So your the 'Head' of your thai family, are you?

maybe not him, but I am, because my wife and I are the oldest in the family

[robblok]

Rule # 1 of family loyalty: MAKE SURE YOU'RE A MEMBER FIRST.

Plenty of other rules as well, but another handy one is to limit the number of members in your family (in order to do this, you have to be the head of the family first... and no, yelling and throwing fits doesn't automatically give you the office).

And yes, foreigners can become members and found their own families, for the former path, you just have to pick and choose a bit which family you become a part of.

So your the 'Head' of your thai family, are you?

maybe not him, but I am, because my wife and I are the oldest in the family

Dont even want to ask how old you are then *LOL*

[henryalleman]

Rule # 1 of family loyalty: MAKE SURE YOU'RE A MEMBER FIRST.

Plenty of other rules as well, but another handy one is to limit the number of members in your family (in order to do this, you have to be the head of the family first... and no, yelling and throwing fits doesn't automatically give you the office).

And yes, foreigners can become members and found their own families, for the former path, you just have to pick and choose a bit which family you become a part of.

So your the 'Head' of your thai family, are you?

maybe not him, but I am, because my wife and I are the oldest in the family

Dont even want to ask how old you are then *LOL*

No problem my wife and I are over 60

Edited March 10, 2009 by henryalleman

[neverdie]

Bening loyal to your family is one thing, but if it brings dishonesty along with it, it's not exactly a good way to be. Especially if that dishonesty is towards your partner.

If I found out my family was trying to rip off my partner, i'd be livid, because not only are they stealing off her, they would effectivley be stealing off me.

I have been had a few times during my lifetime, everybody has (not under these circumstances). Being had once, no biggie, learn from it, but being had twice, it's your own fault.

Another good post Scottyd....very true!

[jackr]

I'm with Guesthouse; get rid of her. But first, tell her you're off unless you get some of your money back. Give it a few weeks and then piss off regardless, ensuring you bring loss of face to your g/f and or extended family at the same time

[ChiangMaiThai]

Who hands over 400,000 Baht without a contract?

I wonder how many other plots of land you even considered before putting the deposit down? Were you even in the market for land, or you g/f just suggested it and you slap down 400K?

And if i understand you correctly there is only 30,000 left unpaid for the car, and you did receive 400K for the car?

There was a contract. I chose not to take my girlfriend's (for other posters- not my wife) parents to court.

I was in the market for land and had extra money. 400,000 Baht wasn't a big concern to me at the time and I was happy to buy some land and help her family at the same time.

I sold my car to the older sister. So I never got the original money from the land. That's a separate transaction.

30,000 is still unpaid.

[ChiangMaiThai]

400,000 seems to be a magic no. for you.did the sister pay you 400,000 for the car,only owing 30,000 if so you are lucky,and can forget about the 30,000 still owing.

Buying the 9 rai of land off the g/f parents?does that now mean the parents still own the land cos of non transfer?did the 400,000 you paid pay off their debt to the bank?If that is the case it sounds like you may have been had.

Dont worry,to some extent we all have been taken for a ride where money is concerned(as farang living in thailand we are in unchartered waters where money and thais are concerned).The minute we arrive in thailand we soon realise that trust has to go out the door(trusting thais is an axymoron)and of course there is no legal recourse.

Parents still own the land, although I think it is mortgaged now. The 400k i paid to the parents was definitely given to the bank to prevent foreclosure on another plot of land that they had mortgaged to send their daughters to university.

I got 400,000 when I sold the car, but that was my car to begin with. I realize I will probably never get the 30k. It just amazes me (even after 8 years) how they can smile so cheerfully while they lie through their teeth. Yes, yes I know, I choose to live here. I can leave if I don't like it. I prefer it here to farangland, but still some things like this really reduce the enjoyment factor.

[ChiangMaiThai]

the OP only posted the once,and never replied,so maybe the whole has been made up.

Well he's been a member for a good while and has a good number of posts under his belt so he should have known he wouldn't get much sympathy here as equally he should know not to make up stories for whatever purpose.

Yes I'm a real poster and this is a real story and I never thought it would happen to me. And the people calling me a fool all think it could never happen to them. I'm not the first and won't be the last.

[ChiangMaiThai]

Just hope your gf isnt as dishonest as the family.You got stitched up like a kipper,and you DONT know about thai culture.

If that happened to me i would dump the gf unless she got her family to be honest and decent human beings.Your long term future is very bleak with family like that.

Okay, I don't know anything about Thai culture. Very insightful. Thanks.

My girlfriend is not her family just as I am not my family. I have watched people in my family do things that I don't agree with. I would absolutely refuse to be held accountable for the actions of people in my family. Would you not take the same stance or can I blame you for something your brother did?

[sbk]

. It just amazes me (even after 8 years) how they can smile so cheerfully while they lie through their teeth. Yes, yes I know, I choose to live here. I can leave if I don't like it. I prefer it here to farangland, but still some things like this really reduce the enjoyment factor.

is this "they" you are referring to your girlfriend's family? Or are you really suggesting all 65 million Thai people are exactly the same?

[scottyd]

SBK I think he means "they" as in family, as he writes "(even after 8 years)" before it. Suggesting the length of time he has known them.

ChiangMaiThai, If I were in your shoes, I would really have to question whether my girlfriend has "got my back".

One big thing for me in relationships is if my partner will stand by my side, and vice versa. This dosen't mean we have to agree on everything like some people may suggest after reading this. It means if somebody is trying to steal/betray etc. etc. from me, if she knows about it she will do her best to stop it from happening.

Your girlfriend doesn't seem to mind you being taken for a ride by her family, and that would be a big problem for me, being taken for a mug by people who are supposed to be friends/family. It's just not on.

Edited March 10, 2009 by scottyd

[Geekfreaklover]

Get rid of her - Get out quick. these situations only get worse. And they are not only Thai on Farang but Thai on Thai too. I don't know the details, but it sounds like you are being played.

My ex wife was a wrong choice and I only realised it after loosing a lot of money, house, car, land and suffering general physical and mental abuse. I divorced her, gave her all the assets and won custody of our two children. I have a Thai friend, a male who married a similar type woman. His wife gambled away his entire assets (14million bt) whilst he was working as a social worker on the burmese border. She was living here in Pak Chong. He is now 62, with no assets and relies on money his air hostess daughter sends to him every month, 10k a month.

I have a new girlfriend. Her mother has just given us 30k, so we can rent a new home in Bangkok. I have never given my gfs mum a penny, she wouldn't accept it.

I'm not gloating - just saying that I fcuked up the first time and have learnt and moved on and found someone that doesn't just want the money.

[sbk]

Ok, just so I get the story straight. You are living in Thailand and with the same girl for 8 years yet you have never married her and now you are wondering why she isn't showing you any loyalty?

[ChiangMaiThai]

There's too many crazy responses so I don't think I'll post on this thread again. Just wanted to share my experience and I still believe absolutely that the average Thai is more loyal to their family than the average farang. The kids here have a duty to look after their parents. In most cases the government doesn't do it and pensions don't do it and savings are non existent. As the parents age, the burden falls on the children.

For what its worth:

Yes I realize all Thai girls are not the same.

At the time, 400,000 Baht was really not a big deal (total price was 2 million or so and we set up a payment plan) and I was happy to help the family

I knew I couldn't own land. It was to be put in a Thai company. The money was needed quickly to avoid foreclosure on another property and I was happy to help them with that.

In 6 years I have not had one request from the family directly or via the girlfriend for any financial assistance. I don't give the girlfriend an allowance so she isn't funneling my money to them.

I feel relatively lucky compared to other first hand accounts that have been related to me (being kicked out of a multi million baht house you out in the wife's name is not especially uncommon)

Thanks for reading!

[WinnieTheKhwai]

There's too many crazy responses so I don't think I'll post on this thread again. Just wanted to share my experience and I still believe absolutely that the average Thai is more loyal to their family than the average farang.

You still don't get it, I believe it was Heng who said it first: You should be part of the family. If you're not then you have a choice to make, the outcome should depend on your girlfriend. But I think we've read enough, and Guesthouse had the best course of action.

The kids here have a duty to look after their parents.

And their spouse. And son in laws have a duty to look after their parents (in law) too. But you're not married, you call her your gilrfriend... I can see where they're coming from.

Better get out and pick a better girl (and family) next time; there's no shortage. (You make it seem like it's a genetic Thai thing)

[Johpa]

Moral of the story, the Thais' loyalty always, inevitably, no matter what- lies with their family. They could have sacrificed and done the right thing by handing the car over to me, but I'm a rich farang, so why bother?

Be aware....

It is not always the case. I bought land from my in-laws over 20 years ago when I got married. I paid above full market value at the time, as well as paying sin sod. In the intervening years the price of the land increased twenty fold. Somehow my father in-law and a few other in-laws got the notion, despite documentation to the contrary, that we really had not purchased the land, only rented it. My wife stood by our family and not with her parents.

[F1fanatic]

There's too many crazy responses so I don't think I'll post on this thread again. Just wanted to share my experience and I still believe absolutely that the average Thai is more loyal to their family than the average farang.

You still don't get it, I believe it was Heng who said it first: You should be part of the family. If you're not then you have a choice to make, the outcome should depend on your girlfriend. But I think we've read enough, and Guesthouse had the best course of action.

The kids here have a duty to look after their parents.

And their spouse. And son in laws have a duty to look after their parents (in law) too. But you're not married, you call her your gilrfriend... I can see where they're coming from.

Better get out and pick a better girl (and family) next time; there's no shortage. (You make it seem like it's a genetic Thai thing)

Of course it's not genetic, but it is cultural! Which is why it's not that easy finding a better girl and family.

[neverdie]

Ok, just so I get the story straight. You are living in Thailand and with the same girl for 8 years yet you have never married her and now you are wondering why she isn't showing you any loyalty?

Seriously SBK, you need to get over this marriage thing. Not everybody wants to run around getting married all the time. Perhaps his lady doesnt want to marry, did you ever think of it being that way?

Just because the OP isnt married to his lady, doesnt mean that they are not in a loving and caring relationship. I would expect loyality long before I got married, are you suggesting that only comes after?

Am I going to have to call Mr SBK again & get him to set you straight

[scottyd]

Exactly. Marriage doesn't show commitment. Commitment shows commitment.

[BigSnake]

Right on, most GF/Wives will give there last Baht to a no good low down brother, cousin, son or uncle, inspite of having been rape and abuse by them, sad and strange at the same time.

[Pierrot]

Ok, just so I get the story straight. You are living in Thailand and with the same girl for 8 years yet you have never married her and now you are wondering why she isn't showing you any loyalty?

Seriously SBK, you need to get over this marriage thing. Not everybody wants to run around getting married all the time. Perhaps his lady doesnt want to marry, did you ever think of it being that way?

Just because the OP isnt married to his lady, doesnt mean that they are not in a loving and caring relationship. I would expect loyality long before I got married, are you suggesting that only comes after?

Am I going to have to call Mr SBK again & get him to set you straight

How long have you been living in Asia ?

[Pierrot]

Ok, just so I get the story straight. You are living in Thailand and with the same girl for 8 years yet you have never married her and now you are wondering why she isn't showing you any loyalty?

Seriously SBK, you need to get over this marriage thing. Not everybody wants to run around getting married all the time. Perhaps his lady doesnt want to marry, did you ever think of it being that way?

Just because the OP isnt married to his lady, doesnt mean that they are not in a loving and caring relationship. I would expect loyality long before I got married, are you suggesting that only comes after?

Am I going to have to call Mr SBK again & get him to set you straight

How long have you been living in Asia ?

Actually, even by "traditional" western standards, your opinion is controversial

[dave111223]

There's too many crazy responses so I don't think I'll post on this thread again. Just wanted to share my experience and I still believe absolutely that the average Thai is more loyal to their family than the average farang. The kids here have a duty to look after their parents. In most cases the government doesn't do it and pensions don't do it and savings are non existent. As the parents age, the burden falls on the children.

I guess averaging 1 out of 1 would give you that....

The number of mistakes you made is not the sad part....the sad part is that you appear to have learned nothing from the experiences.

Instead of seeing the truth that you've been stitched up, you've created some kind of theory that "this is just the way it is here", and this is the way "average" Thai's are.

I guess at least that way it makes you average, instead of a sucker that has just been taken.

[neverdie]

Ok, just so I get the story straight. You are living in Thailand and with the same girl for 8 years yet you have never married her and now you are wondering why she isn't showing you any loyalty?

Seriously SBK, you need to get over this marriage thing. Not everybody wants to run around getting married all the time. Perhaps his lady doesnt want to marry, did you ever think of it being that way?

Just because the OP isnt married to his lady, doesnt mean that they are not in a loving and caring relationship. I would expect loyality long before I got married, are you suggesting that only comes after?

Am I going to have to call Mr SBK again & get him to set you straight

How long have you been living in Asia ?

Well my family moved to Thailand when I was,mmmm 13/14. I'm 40ish now, but I havent lived here the whole time. I have lived in other parts of Asia, the middle east & Australasia (does that count?). I dunno, whats your point?

I feel that young thai males are less likely to commit to marriage than what happens in certain parts of the west. I also know a few couples here that have been in steady loving relationships for years, yet remain unmarried. I also know plenty of married guys that stop at the 'knock shop' on the way home from work etc. I think merely being married doesnt guarantee comittment & NO I'm not married, yet I'm committed to my better half with absolutely no intent to get married in the near furture.

You wish to rip me apart now?

Edited March 10, 2009 by neverdie

[adjan jb]

Ok, just so I get the story straight. You are living in Thailand and with the same girl for 8 years yet you have never married her and now you are wondering why she isn't showing you any loyalty?

Seriously SBK, you need to get over this marriage thing. Not everybody wants to run around getting married all the time. Perhaps his lady doesnt want to marry, did you ever think of it being that way?

Just because the OP isnt married to his lady, doesnt mean that they are not in a loving and caring relationship. I would expect loyality long before I got married, are you suggesting that only comes after?

Am I going to have to call Mr SBK again & get him to set you straight

How long have you been living in Asia ?

whats your point?

I'd like to know too.

[JUDAS]

Right on, most GF/Wives will give there last Baht to a no good low down brother, cousin, son or uncle, inspite of having been rape and abuse by them, sad and strange at the same time.

Are you ok?

[Spee]

Exactly. Marriage doesn't show commitment. Commitment shows commitment.

IMHO, this is an extremely important point. Contrary to some posters who have recommended the "dump her and take a walk" approach, I would ask these questions about love and commitment.

CMT, if you love her and have a commitment to her, then stick to your guns and work through this rough period. If you feel that she has aided and abetted her family in taking advantage of you (ao bpriap, เอาเปรียบ), then maybe it is time to talk with her about reassessing the future standing of your relationship.

We live in a world in which it has become easy and accepted to walk away from relationships and commitments. Eight years is a long time and indicative of a significant level of commitment, not to mention love and other emotional attachments.

Think about it before taking action, make your choices and stand by your decision. As long as you can look yourself in the mirror every morning, that's all you need to know. Anything else is secondary. Good luck.

[neverdie]

I'd like to know too.

If you werent so busy cutting up my post, just to reflect 3 words within that post, you would have your answer

[adjan jb]

I'd like to know too.

If you werent so busy cutting up my post, just to reflect 3 words within that post, you would have your answer

Maybe a misunderstanding here. I'd like to know what is Pierrot's point.

Edited March 10, 2009 by adjan jb