Worst Joke Ever

[scottiejohn]

6 hours ago, riceyummm said:

I suppose people are still dying to get there?

Or have I missed the plot?

Please don't shout out your answers unless you have joined in the spirit of the posts.  I undertake not to haunt you for less than grave answers.

 

PS;  I had not noticed the graveyard/cemetery across the road when I first saw the original Post;

[riceyummm]

41 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

I've got that Deja Vu feeling again! 

See post 7608 page 508!

I thought maybe it was so I went back to look but missed it.

 

 

 

[riceyummm]

[scottiejohn]

45 minutes ago, tifino said:

 

it's a Medical joke - so I'd call it a '2nd Opinion'

 

 

or a Relapse

 

21 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

In that case it may just be indigestion and he is just repeating himself.

It is certainly putting the wind up me with all this waffling around!

 

12 minutes ago, riceyummm said:

I thought maybe it was so I went back to look but missed it.

 

 

 

No problem, we got some more fun out of it 2nd time around which is the whole point of this bit of the TV Forums!   

 

Keep up the good work!

 

[riceyummm]

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

 

What did The Terminator say to Batman?

I'll be bat !　

　

Who is the bat's favorite hero?

Batman, of course !　

　

What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin?

Flatman and Ribbon.　

　

Why couldn't Batman go fishing?

Because Robin had eaten all the worms.　

　

What's Robin's favourite game?

Batmanton.

　

What made Batman sad in the autumn?

Robin flew south.

　

Why did Batman go to the pet shop?

To buy a robin.　

　

Why does Batman go looking for worms?

To feed his Robin.

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

A True story?

 

 

A Nice Thai lady in Nana Plaza gave me a neck and back massage.

When she finished she turned me over and as she did so the towel mysteriously slipped off my nether regions. As that happened she then very demurely asked me in very nice English with a smile on her lips and a twinkle in her eyes

"Do you want me to make your big banana cry?"

 

I was so embarrassed and confused that I quickly got dressed, paid the fee and fled.

 

Does anyone have any idea what she was asking me about the banana?

[scottiejohn]

[riceyummm]

[scottiejohn]

On a trip together, a Hindu, a rabbi, and a lawyer stop at a farmhouse and ask to stay the night. There’s space for two, but one will have to sleep in the barn.

"I’ll go," the Hindu volunteers. A few minutes later, the lawyer and the rabbi hear a knock.

"There’s a cow in the barn," the Hindu says. "A cow is sacred, and I cannot sleep with a sacred beast."

"No problem, I can do it," the rabbi says, grabbing his pillow. But minutes later, the rabbi knocks.

"There’s a pig in the barn. It’s an unclean animal—my belief forbids me to be near such a creature."

With a tired sigh, the lawyer heads out. Almost immediately, there’s a third knock at the door.

 

It’s the cow and the pig.

[scottiejohn]

5 minutes ago, riceyummm said:

They said it was already in use but I think the real reason is that it was just too much of a mouthful.

Maybe if they had turned it around it may have come out better, oops I meant turned out better!

[riceyummm]

[scottiejohn]

Re the Cow post above;

 

In the Thai version you have a "Cow Pledging" system where the government buys your two cows for twice their value and sells them to the Agriculture minister's chauffer for 1Baht each who puts two in storage with his uncle, two in storage with his son, two in storage.........

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[Ron19]

A man in  Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

“Like hell  they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”

She calls  Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there.

I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing,  DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

'Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'

[scottiejohn]

39 minutes ago, riceyummm said:

I think I'll sleep on this one!

[CantSpell]

3 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

Re the Cow post above;

 

In the Thai version you have a "Cow Pledging" system where the government buys your two cows for twice their value and sells them to the Agriculture minister's chauffer for 1Baht each who puts two in storage with his uncle, two in storage with his son, two in storage.........

OK, now I am really really confused...

 

I am pretty sure I was told that the Thai Version was this one:

- You have two cows. One of them just called, please transfer some money, the buffalo is sick... 

[nausea]

3 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I think I'll sleep on this one!

I had to look "roofie" up. Shows how out of touch I am. Drank a few though. What was it they said about Hannibal Lecter: "We tried sodium amatol on him ... he gave us a recipe for dip."

[scottiejohn]

1 hour ago, CantSpell said:

OK, now I am really really confused...

 

I am pretty sure I was told that the Thai Version was this one:

- You have two cows. One of them just called, please transfer some money, the buffalo is sick... 

I think we may be mixing up our "cows" although both types are involved in both the meat and milking trades I thing the cow you are referring to may be a euphemism  regarding a sex type worker we are not allowed to discuss on this forum.

But I do agree with the sentiments!

[riceyummm]

[scottiejohn]

Or the Empire State Building and the Tower of London!

 

[riceyummm]

Delete.

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[nausea]

The things that make women horny ... ?

[riceyummm]

[scottiejohn]