Thaksin Responds To Critics

In response to critics of the Red Zone, Thaksin has decided

that a demonstration of human rights is in order. Consequently,

he has selected several critics of his policy, primarily academics,

to participate in his new “get to know your southern neighbor” program.

Below is one of the letters sent out..

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter critical of our treatment of certain

citizens in the South, and their Arab and Malaysian instructors.

The administration takes these matters seriously, and your

opinion was heard loud and clear here in Bangkok.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the

concerns of citizens like you, we are creating the

Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the

"Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program,

or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines

of this new program, we have decided to place one

terrorist under your personal care.

Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for

transportation to your residence next Monday. Ali

Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for pursuant

to the standards you personally demanded in your

letter of admonishment. We will conduct weekly

inspections to ensure that your standards of care for

Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly

recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is sociopathic and extremely violent,

we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as

his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome this

character flaw. Perhaps you are correct in describing

these problems as mere cultural differences.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in

hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with

such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. He is

also expert at making a wide variety of explosive

devices from common household products, so you may

wish to keep those items locked up, unless you feel

that this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or

daughters since he views females as a subhuman form of

property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for

him. He has been known to show violent tendencies

around women who fail to comply with the dress code

that he considers appropriate, but I'm sure that over

time they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by

the bhurka. Just remind them that it is all part of

respecting his culture and his religious beliefs.

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it

when folks like you inform us of the proper way to do

our job.

Take good care of Ahmed and good luck!

Cordially,

Thaksin Shinawatra