Tomorrow's News

[srisatch]

JUST FOR FUN:

You could write something like this about UK, US, Oz or wherever…couldn’t you?

Do it?

News. News. This year’s/Next Year’s. Maybe!!…..When it all gets too much…must be the heat!

1. Shin Corp( That is The Prime Ministers Phone Company) confirms all new Mobile Phone Contracts and Sim Top Ups require ID in form of Thai ID Card. No Passports or Foreign ID permitted….reason Terrorism in Yala

2. Only 30 day Visas will be issued in future. Extensions for further 30 days will cost B5000. Maximum Stay under any circumstance 90 Days. Reason. Go away.

3. All foreigners (farang) from non-ASEAN countries can apply for 90 day visas if employed by organisation with headquarters/registered office etc outside Thailand. ASEAN nationals: talk to us, fees not excessive…Reason. Foreign capital and investment we love.

4. All contracts with EFL schools are for maximum of one term. Reason. We know about what EFL Teachers are up to in Thailand.

5. Minors ie-18years. Living in Thailand with non-Thai fathers are required to renounce any dual citizenship. Reason . Luk Khreung (Half Thai children) are not Thai

6. Sale of Beer and other Intoxicating liquor only permitted 17.00-19.00. Reason. Lord Buddha…and also tax increased by 300%. Yum. Already only available 11.00-14.00 and 17.00-23.00…remember that in the UK?!

7. Tax on Signs in English increased to 1000B per square centimetre. Reason. Thais do not need to read English/French/German etc.

8. All missionaries of all denominations to return to their countries. Reason. Enough ‘Dividing of the Thai people’

9. All persons residing within Thailand to be accorded Thai citizenship provided they promise to vote TRT (PM’s Party) at next election. Reason. Good source of vote fodder.

10. War declared. Thai forces attack Malaysia. Reason. Assisting Muslims in South.

11. Malaysia forces return fire. Did not need Reason

12. Yala, Pattani, Narathiwat (Thai Southern Provinces) become Thailand’s Northern Ireland. Reason. Provinces should never have been ceded to Thailand in first place. Defence…protection of integrity of Thai State. Cause: Ethnic and Religious minority marginalized and impoverished by Thai colonialism and neglect.

13. 2 Year drought wrecks rice harvest, Reason Theft of timber and other resources by high-ranking Thais. Talking of rice..Thai Jasmine Rice is discovered in 9thCentury tombs in Peru therefore proving: a Thais discovered S.America. Therefore All S. Americans are Thai (but of course Luk Khreung)

14. Myanmar declares war on Thailand. Reason. Thais renege on contracts to sell and distribute amphetamines etc.produced by companies of Wealthy Thais in Myanmar.

15. Thailand becomes 10th biggest Economy in the world. Reason. Profits of Noodle sellers and other street stalls; also we discovered how to TAX them. Also profits of Shin Corp Casinos. Failed to tax those.

16. Bird flu decimates Thai population. Reason. Not politically helpful to police and control ‘Wet Markets’. Also ’Might discourage tourism.’ However coach tours of Bangkapi Wet Market suspended for now.

17. Thailand wins Football World Cup 2006. Reason. Suddenly discovered 11 players in Premier League and Bundesliga are entitled to Thai citizenship by maternity. Not all called Tiger either. (For this purpose NOT Luk Khreungs)

18. CP foods (huge Thai multinational food etc.Company) assures consumers there have NEVER been any outbreaks of avian flu in CP plants, or premises of suppliers, in any country, anywhere, ever, never.

19. Tourism to Thailand down. Reason. Worldwide reporting: 600 Foreigners prevented from travelling on Thai Ferry with capacity for 100. Foreigners say: Where’s the buzz?

20. Foreigner deported for declaring he loves his Thai wife and children and is very happy, in spite of everything…. (cos better than elsewhere)… living in Thailand. Reason. Don’t want your sort. Never mind you inject B150,000 a month into Thai Economy! You are Not Thai. And Farang says: Who’s that? Chinese Thais, Khmer Thais, Lao Thais, Sipsong Panna Thais, Mon Thais, Muslim Thais, Hill Tribe Thais…or just those who have bought the subscription?…..No Farang Thais ha? Ho Ho…More??

[sriracha john]

Perhaps the lack of response indicates that the real daily news in Thailand is certainly mind-boggling, fascinating, perplexing, saddening, entertaining, frustrating, and complex enough already....

[Lars]

Not perhaps John, for sure