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Risque Jokes

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  • Author

Hitchhikers Part 1 of 6

Remember when Mom and Dad told you,

“Never pick up hitchhikers?”...

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

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Hitchhikers Part 2 of 6

Well maybe they weren’t so smart...

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

  • Author

Hitchhikers Part 3 of 6

because after all, times have changed...

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

  • Author

Hitchhikers Part 4 of 6

and what do Mom and Dad know anyway??...

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

  • Author

Hitchhikers Part 5 of 6

‘nuff said…

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

  • Author

Hitchhikers Part 6 of 6

ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS!!!

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

  • Author

SERIOUS MEDICAL WARNING

Looking.gif

IMPORTANT BULLETIN

Many men are buying "black market" Viagra pills from Mexican mail-order drug stores.

The U.S Food and Drug Administration announced that several of these pharmacies are mixing the Viagra with ground up Mexican Jumping Beans.

The results can be horrible....

Here is what you get when you combine Viagra with Mexican Jumping! Beans.

Bean.gif

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

Good un Ossy...

Would have been funnier if those guys had large cocks... :o

totster :D

Would have been funnier if those guys had large cocks...  :o

totster  :D

I thought it was yours?

Kayo

You know Totster well enough to recocknise it huh????

well, ... hmm... user has run out of english vocabulary.

well, ... hmm... user has run out of english vocabulary.

Why the Hmmm? Sore throat? Been smoking too much? :o

well, ... hmm... user has run out of english vocabulary.

Why the Hmmm? Sore throat? Been smoking too much? :o

You're getting turned on thinking about it aren't you Uncle .... :D

totster :D

  • Author

I heard it's not all that it's cracked up to be... :o

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

  • Author

He forgot... :o

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

I heard it's not all that it's cracked up to be...  :o

That reminds me, Have you seen the banners for Blue Eagle (Whisky?)

Blue Eagle written in Thai on these banners looks very much like english Vagina

He forgot...  :o

Nice one... Don´t know the song, but it sounds incredibly liek an argentinian band I know called Los Piojos... I seriously recommend getting hold of a couple of their albums.. They do Blues, Rock, Tom Waits style Jazz (like the ad clip) and are genrally just a phenomenal group of mature musicians.

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author

Onions and Christmas Trees

(Not sure if this should be in the Tits or Willies thread... :o )

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asked his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only".

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead

sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat

down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in

place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ....... and stay for breakfast.

They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The guy is amazed!! Everything has been SO incredible!!!!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies........."

"You just happened to catch my eye." :o

  • Author
cartoon002.jpg

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

  • Author

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

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