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Posted

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking barrels

Eddie: Oh, and if Tom or anyone else for that matter feels like givin' them a bit of a kickin', I'm sure it won't do any harm.

Soap: Yeah, little bit of pain never hurt anybody. If you know what I mean. Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, ######-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. Shit 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.

Tom: Soap, is there something we should know about you?

Bacon: I'm not sure what's more worrying. The job or your past.

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Rory Breaker: Your stupidity may be your one saving grace.

Nick the Greek: Uuugh?

Rory Breaker: Don't "uuugh" me, Greek boy!

-----------------------------------------

Tom: Listen to this one then; you open a company called the Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club. You take an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, sell it a bit with, er... I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", latest and greatest in sexual technology. Guaranteed results or money back, all that <deleted>. These dills cost twenty-five each; a snip for all the pleasure they are going to give the recipients. They send a cheque to the company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five. You put these in the bank for two weeks and let them clear. Now this is the clever bit. Then you send back the cheques for twenty-five pounds from the real company name, Arse Tickler's Faggot Fan Club, saying sorry, we couldn't get the supply from America, they have sold out. Now you see how many of the people cash those cheques; not a single soul, because who wants his bank manager to know he tickles <deleted> when he is not paying in cheques!

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Tom: [after having just robbed Dog and his crew] Jesus, that wasn't too bad, was it?

Soap: When the bottle in my arse has contracted, I'll let you know.

Eddie: Bacon, see what we've got.

Bacon: Let's have a butcher's, eh?

[As he inspects their loot]

Bacon: We've hit the jackpot, lads! We've got God-knows-how-much of this stinking weed, a shitload of cash... and a traffic warden.

Tom: What?

[bacon holds up an unconscious man]

Tom: Jesus, Ed, we've got a traffic warden!

Bacon: I think he's still alive -- he's got claret coming out of him somewhere. What did they want with a traffic warden?

Eddie: I don't know, but I don't think we need him! Knock him out and dump him at the lights!

Bacon: Knock him out? What'd ya mean, knock him out? Knock him out with what?

Eddie: I don't know! Use your imagination!

[bacon punches the Traffic Warden, who moans in pain.]

Tom: Don't touch him up! Knock him out!

Bacon: I'll knock you out in a minute! Look, you want to knock him out? *You* knock him out.

Eddie: I ######ing hate traffic wardens.

[After a pause, Tom and Eddie jump into the back of the van with Bacon; all three proceed to batter the Traffic Warden senseless.]

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Eddie: They're armed.

Soap: Armed, armed with what?

Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!

Posted (edited)

From the irefutably excellent USUAL SUSPECTS

Verbal: Back when I was picking beans in Guatemala :D , we used to make fresh coffee, right off the trees I mean. That was good. This is shit but, hey, I'm in a police station.

after being strip-searched]

Fenster: Man, I had a finger up my ###### tonight.

Hockney: Is it Friday already? :o:D

[Keaton is introducing quiet Verbal to the other suspects in the cell]

Keaton: His name is Verbal. Verbal Kint.

McManus: Verbal?

Keaton: Yeah.

Verbal: Roger, really. People say I talk too much.

Hockney: Yeah, I was just about to tell you to shut up.

Keaton: I'm a businessman now.

Cop: Yeah? What's that, the restaurant business? No. From now on, you're in the gettin'-fukced-by-us business.

Cop: I can put you in Queens on the night of the hijacking.

Hockney: Really? I live in Queens, did you put that together yourself, Einstein? Got a team of monkeys working around the clock on this?

and of course THAT moment....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack Baer, FBI: They tell me you got the cripple from New York in there. He mention Keyser Soze?

Dave Kujan: Who?

Jack Baer, FBI: Bear with me here...

Dave Kujan: [Kujan bursts into Rabin's office] Who's Keyser Soze?

Verbal: Ohhh, ######!

Edited by kayo

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