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Time For A Laugh

Featured Replies

SOMETHING

TO OFFEND EVERYONE

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What do lawyers use for birth control?

Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

20 kgs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in grade 7.

Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

'Are you sure it's mine?'

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo?

An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... Word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern

USA fairytale?

A Northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time...'

A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shiit...'

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

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!

:lol:

All good humour needs the element of truth.

:P

Pretty good.

I shouldn't read these at work. Alone in my office with the door open and laughed out loud at:

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

Certainly got some strange looks. :lol: Okay, back to work. Oh wait, it's lunch time.

  • 3 months later...

MESSAGE TO THE OP

There is already a thread for jokes.

You may have misinterpreted it.

"Short Ones" is not a thread about the current President of France. (Or of Russia)

Nor is it for people who are vertically challenged or stumpy. :D

Nor is it for people who are vertically challenged or stumpy. :D

Which brings us back to Sarkozy and Medvedev.

Nor is it for people who are vertically challenged or stumpy. :D

Which brings us back to Sarkozy and Medvedev.

Is it just me or my TV, or does Medvedev appear to have an unusualy large head for his body....(or an unusually small body for his head)?

He was the original model for the bobblehead politician series. :D

The missus was watching a cookery programme the other day.

I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."

She said, "You watch porn."

Bitch!!!!

  • 2 weeks later...

A teacher goes round her class asking each of the kids what they need at home.

First kid says: "A computer". Teacher replies "That'd be very useful".

Second child says "A new car" and gets a similar answer.

Finally she asks Billy who answers "At my house we don't need anything."

The teacher asks him to think carefully as everyone needs something.

Billy replies "No,..... I'm sure, because when my sister started going out

with a Muslim, I remember my dad sayin' .....

"Well, ..... that's all we f**king need.....!"

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