Thai Students (Boys) Sexually Harassing Me (Foreign Woman Teacher)

[Scott]

As easy as it may sound to make light of the situation, the OP is a teacher and the conduct is occurring in a school.

[sbk]

Some of these men's answers make it very clear they do not understand the seriousness of these boys bad behavior or how things really work for women in Thailand. Do not ignore it and do not make light or fun of it, some of the most off advice you can take.

Trust me as a woman who has lived in Thailand and intimately with Thais for a very long time, this is NOT acceptable behavior and you should make it very clear that you will not tolerate it.

[drdaveperry]

The truth of the matter is: You are damned if you do and you are damned if you don't. Sorry for the gruel response but this is my understanding after being in Thailand for several years. Being a female in this culture or society makes you a second class gender. Adding in the fact that you are a foreigner only diminishes the chance any Thai will listen to you or even take you seriously.

You original post as received some interesting responses. Most are honest and sincere. Some very much need to be disregarded as frivolous. I wish you the best and I feel better scenery from the window of a different school would ease your heart. Please understand not all schools, students, or administration are the same.

[smokie36]

Some of these men's answers make it very clear they do not understand the seriousness of these boys bad behavior or how things really work for women in Thailand. Do not ignore it and do not make light or fun of it, some of the most off advice you can take.

Trust me as a woman who has lived in Thailand and intimately with Thais for a very long time, this is NOT acceptable behavior and you should make it very clear that you will not tolerate it.

Excellent post. ...and really some of the posts here are ridiculous. People with no understanding of Thai culture or even the expected behaviour of 14 year old boys within that.

The OP should approach the head of the school and express her valid concerns. If she receives an unsatisfactory response then she should leave at the earliest opportune time.

[richard10365]

When I was a soldier and had soldiers misbehaving I would document their behavior. I sat down with the young soldier and explained (in writing) why their behavior is unacceptable and what they need to do to correct it. I then warned them what would happen if they did not correct their behavior. Then they signed and dated the document. I also signed the document as the person giving the counseling.

One problem with this idea in a Thai school is that Thai students cannot understand English and the message might get lost in translation. To overcome this have a Thai teacher with significant influence over the students help you translate this document and be present with your to explain it. Also ask the Thai teacher to sign the counseling statement as well. Hopefully the school has an idea of right and wrong when it comes to sexual harassment.

If the student continues to misbehave then ask for a meeting with you, the influential teacher, the bad student and his/her parents.

Not fixing this problem can possibly cause the boy, later in life, to have worse behavior as an adult and do more damage than just verbal abuse. Fixing the problem can also have positive affects on his classmates as they learn sexual abuse is wrong and should not be tolerated.

Of course it's easy to give advise and harder if you are the person with the problem. Good luck.

[Rhys]

The support will only come through your self-determination... Remember your calls for action will go unheard..BEST to get out, because nothing will happen to the 14 years boy children. Time to walk away.. A lesson learned...There are other schools out there waiting..find a better choice

Good luck

[stewyk71]

The support will only come through your self-determination... Remember your calls for action will go unheard..BEST to get out, because nothing will happen to the 14 years boy children. Time to walk away.. A lesson learned...There are other schools out there waiting..find a better choice

Good luck

I agree move on I've had problems of a different nature with 14/15 year old boys wanting to fight me

I just got moved out because they like to do things in packs and are never wrong in the eyes of their parents and teachers

Good luck

[teacher17]

Thanks for the responses! Boo, SBK, good advice. For those of you who think I should just "suck it up and deal with it...." my answer to that is a profound NO. I've been coming to Thailand on and off for 6 years (though this is my first teaching position here). I can speak a decent amount of Thai (my husband is actually Thai). I told the teachers and the teacher in charge of the foreign teachers told me that the director will be told and the boys will bet hit. I think the teachers are taking it a bit more seriously right now, and I HAVE noticed that the boys haven't been nearly as bad as usual. They haven't been doing anything inappropriate or rude lately...we'll see how long that lasts. Respect is very important in every culture, especially in Thailand, and kids have to know the boundaries. If we don't teach them these things, god knows what kind of men (or women) they will grow up to be. I can't talk to the headmaster directly...or so some of the teachers here say....I guess I don't have a "high enough position" to talk with him...which I think is ridiculous...but this IS Thailand...

[Scott]

Snip

If we don't teach them these things, god knows what kind of men (or women) they will grow up to be.

And that, Teacher17, is what makes you a good teacher. As teachers, it is important that we actively teach positive values. If these boys learn nothing else, I hope they learn this lesson from you.

[phuturatica]

Some of these men's answers make it very clear they do not understand the seriousness of these boys bad behavior or how things really work for women in Thailand. Do not ignore it and do not make light or fun of it, some of the most off advice you can take.

Trust me as a woman who has lived in Thailand and intimately with Thais for a very long time, this is NOT acceptable behavior and you should make it very clear that you will not tolerate it.

Agreed!

[Scott]

I just found this article on CNN about a young girl who got suspended for 180 days for inappropriate touching of a female teacher. The touching was not seen as sexual, but was considered disrespectful.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/Madison-Heights-student-suspended-for-touching-teacher/-/1719418/4763164/-/jpga32z/-/index.html?treets=det&tid=2658484839813&tml=det_8pm&tmi=det_8pm_1_07000111152011&ts=H&hpt=us_bn6

Edited November 18, 2011 by Scott
link added/Scott

[hehehoho]

A lawyer's letter to the parents informing that they're being sued.

[Scott]

Off-topic posts deleted.

Edit: posts concerning spelling and grammar have also been removed. Such comments are not permitted, unless the OP is requesting information about grammar or spelling.

Edited December 10, 2011 by Scott
edit added

[paulfr]

This makes me so angry

At our school we have had students attack male

teachers and the admins do nothing.

Finally when the parents are called in not much happens.

The kids are back in class the next day.

These kids almost always come from a bad home or one

with neglectful parents. The parents may not help but

it is worth a try to make them aware of the shame their

boys bring to their family. Loss of face is powerful in LOS.

I would write a letter detailing the offenses and submit

it to the Head Admin with mentioning you may have to call the

authorities. You need to document your accusation.

I would also begin looking for another school.

There are lots of jobs everywhere.

Do you need to stay in that area ?

My sympathies and best of luck.

Stay calm and keep looking for a solution.

[terrychris]

Dont take this the wrong way,but is your teaching personality 'weak'.

pUT YOUR FOOT Down Sister,demand some respect,start being a strict bitch.,otherwise your going to lose your job.

Toughen up,tell them to their faces,tell them to f.... off.

Edited January 4, 2012 by terrychris

[jvs]

Well if your husband is Thai maybe he should deal with it?I bet these boys will be really surprised when a Thai husband shows up and tells them to smarten up or else!

[FiscalFizz]

Dear OP,

Do you have any younger, male, foreign Teachers you are friends with in the city/region.? Perhaps have them "Talk" to the boys in a back alley or secluded spot on their way home. 14 year old boys are all talk.

I wouldn't ignore them. I was a problem child/teen to. I just wanted attention because I was loney ( only child, very few friends, socially awkward). One teacher tried to embarass me in front of class, and HE did. It made me shut up but that man was never able to get through to me and teach me because I hated his guts afterwards.

If you want them to shut up- Embarass them in front of the class, espeically the other girls.

If you want a solution to the problem- Stop taddling on them to the other teachers and just go to the police or call their MOTHERS in for a conference. Get all the boys and their mothers in a room at the same time and address the problem. Think of how embarassed these boys would be to have you discussing sexual harassment in front of them and their mother's at the same time. Don't hit them or have them switched. That doesn't do a thing. I was hit at that age by my parents. It hurt for like an hour, then it was over.

Good luck. If all else fails, move schools

[cdnvic]

Post deleted that advocated a physical response. Any further such posts will draw account action.

[Somtamnication]

Yesterday, my school director, a man, and I were in the office drinking a cup of coffee. Two other female teachers in the same room. I am a fat guy.... He says to me in Thai "big body big dick".

In any other country, I would have body slammed him into submission.

I am in Thailand, where jokes, no matter how strange or obscene, are just that, jokes. I smiled and shot back, pointed at him and said in Thai "yes, and small body small dick". Everyone laughed.

In teacher17´s case, you have to shoot back with a joke and belittle this idiot IN FRONT of his friends. That is the only way to do it. Give him a nickname and always call him that.

You gotta control your classes and students from the first day of class, otherwise, you lose them for the term.

[Scott]

This is an old topic. The OP hasn't responded for several months.

//Closed//