Marrying Bar Girls

[Martin]

Up here, in the Esarn villages, we see the "other end" of this discussion.

I would agree with Naka about a child needing a young father 'to grow up with and learn from' if this discussion was about Western nuclear families.

But in a Thai extended family, especially in a village, uncles and older cousins are as, and sometimes more, influential in a youngster's development.

After all, very often, the young Thai father is away, in Taiwan or wherever, working to send money home to support his wife, child and parents.

That kiddy in the stroller may be set for a great upbringing in an Esarn village. And the farang father may be set for a real 'Shangri La' retirement here in Esarn. (Provided he and his wife can bridge their culture gap and work out an acceptable middle-path between falling out with the aforesaid uncles and cousins or having their funds bled dry by them. It can be done, but the wife has to be prepared to 'slap away' some of the begging hands, and the farang husband has to see her difficult position, when they come reckoning she owes 'bun kun' for childhood help she got.)

We see some very dependable women lose their husbands in motor-bike accidents or get abandoned by irresponsible Thai men etc, and have to go off to Bangkok to earn money to keep the family solvent.

If they come back with a farang husband, the gossip isn't the prurient sort of "Do you think she went to 'sell body in bar'?", but much more concerned with whether they seem to be a well-matched couple.

Age difference isn't a big deal; after all, an actuary would probably see a 35-year-old Thai woman and a 60-year-old farang man as being about equal in life-expectancy. Also there are quite a few instances of young Thai women marrying much older Thai men.

The gossippers are very shrewd, and if their judgment is "Seem OK, very equal" the relationship does usually seem to work out well.

Where there seems to be a mismatch, I have a distinct impression---though I haven't kept score--- that we more often say "She deserves a better (farang) husband" than "He deserves a better (Thai) wife".

But I have to admit that we see some young Thai women (of the sort that you wouldn't want your son to take up with) going off to Bangkok and going from bad to worse (in terms of the farang men that they bring back for a few days---to the disgust of decent villagers).

Martin

[johnnyk]

Up here, in the Esarn villages, we see the "other end" of this discussion.

I would agree with Naka about a child needing a young father 'to grow up with and learn from' if this discussion was about Western nuclear families.

But in a Thai extended family, especially in a village, uncles and older cousins are as, and sometimes more, influential in a youngster's development.

After all, very often, the young Thai father is away, in Taiwan or wherever, working to send money home to support his wife, child and parents.

That kiddy in the stroller may be set for a great upbringing in an Esarn village. And the farang father may be set for a real 'Shangri La' retirement here in Esarn. (Provided he and his wife can bridge their culture gap and work out an acceptable middle-path between falling out with the aforesaid uncles and cousins or having their funds bled dry by them. It can be done, but the wife has to be prepared to 'slap away' some of the begging hands, and the farang husband has to see her difficult position, when they come reckoning she owes 'bun kun' for childhood help she got.)

We see some very dependable women lose their husbands in motor-bike accidents or get abandoned by irresponsible Thai men etc, and have to go off to Bangkok to earn money to keep the family solvent.

If they come back with a farang husband, the gossip isn't the prurient sort of "Do you think she went to 'sell body in bar'?", but much more concerned with whether they seem to be a well-matched couple.

Age difference isn't a big deal; after all, an actuary would probably see a 35-year-old Thai woman and a 60-year-old farang man as being about equal in life-expectancy. Also there are quite a few instances of young Thai women marrying much older Thai men.

The gossippers are very shrewd, and if their judgment is "Seem OK, very equal" the relationship does usually seem to work out well.

Where there seems to be a mismatch, I have a distinct impression---though I haven't kept score--- that we more often say "She deserves a better (farang) husband" than "He deserves a better (Thai) wife".

But I have to admit that we see some young Thai women (of the sort that you wouldn't want your son to take up with) going off to Bangkok and going from bad to worse (in terms of the farang men that they bring back for a few days---to the disgust of decent villagers).

Martin

Thank you Martin for a mature, level-headed post. Nice to hear from someone who isn't a keyboard warrior with an agenda.

[JamesTILAC]

IMHO ages of couple members is not a big deal.

Love may be within the "old" farang and the bar girl (I guess we are talking about bar girls). If this is the case they will behappy forever.

However, the other side of the relationship may show a girl who is just achieving one of their goals when they entered the "bar scene", which usually is "....I will get married. Leave this poor living condition and even get a suoi "farang baby"...."

Most of the massage, bar and gents club chicks are expecting a change in their economic condition. I've never came across any girl who is banging fat and smelly farangs just because they like it. Saying this, I think that the "ages in this sort of relationships" is not difficult to understand....and yes, usually the child will be moved from Bangkok to raise up with the bar girl parents and at the village in a remote area of Isaarn. The NEW parents will be the "family" of the bar girl....

[the gentleman]

I started this thread in an atempt to learn why guys marry bar girls, instead of a middle class Thai. On reading all of the posts, No one has owned up to it, (other than Johny Moron ). I take from this that either no one has married any on this forum , or just to embaressed to say. its funny that the people who do marry bar girls, try to hide it and have hundreds of stories about "what my wife did for work before she married me". I have heard she worked in a bank, she was the assistant to the director of Immigration and the like, when after listening to her for 1 minute, you can tell where she DID work.

I suppose that says it all, no one likes to say and in the end they live a lie - they live a lie in that the girl married them for love, where the courtship of the lady took 2 minutes and 1000 Baht and they live a lie to thier friends and family, in hiding her background.

If your in business or trying to establish yourself in one, do not deal with Thai people (unless its a bar business), as they will look down on you for not having married the right class - as that does mean a lot in Thai culture.

I just cant and wont understand why farangs do it, when there are so many "nice" girls out there, who will be a devoted wife and have no hidden agenda.

I have also said to my wife, that I apologise for 90% of the foreigners I see in Thailand and try to explain to her that they came here for one reason and in my country those 90% equate to 10%.

In all honesty I couldnt care why and who would marry a bar girl - totally "up to you", but I think it boils down to the respect you have for yourself - if you are angered by my post it is because you married a bar girl - you deal with that!

Pom Kit Khun Mai Mee Suksee!

[the gentleman]

In all honesty I couldnt care why and who would marry a bar girl - totally "up to you"

Really, you don't care? Wow, thank god for that , now i can sleep well at nights with my 21 year old cutie by my side.............your wife was a lousy shag anyway!

Honey that is the 90% I was talking about!

[Pepe']

I see we have another pepe on the board?

[pnustedt]

they will look down on you for not having married the right class - as that does mean a lot in Thai culture.

Pathetic! - There's only one reason to get married, and it doesn't involve what other may think. Get a life!

[the gentleman]

they will look down on you for not having married the right class - as that does mean a lot in Thai culture.

Pathetic! - There's only one reason to get married, and it doesn't involve what other may think. Get a life!

Out of all I wrote, you picked that line - LOL.

It is a fact by the way and as well as it should be.

Marry a bar girl did we?, sore point is it?, dont get angry with me.

At least I dare to post my position and thoughts regarding this, come up with a post that tells me why you opted for a bar girl?, as that was why I started the thread. WHY?

In your dreams growing up did it include - "mummy when I grow up, I want to marry a Thai prostitute" - what high regard you must have of yourself.

I laugh when you get the usual answers, they do it because they are poor and they have no other option, She has a good heart.. Dogs have good hearts to, but I wouldnt marry one , My experience/advice to all, live here for a while, get out of the bars and get a real life!

[Pink Mist]

This one might have to go to the bull pit

Geez Gent comparing bar girls to dogs

[the gentleman]

This one might have to go to the bull pit

Geez Gent comparing bar girls to dogs

Well Bronco, I can go only on my experience.

I get stupid farngs coming into my office every day, with the "bar girl" on there arm.

They are dripping in gold, like they have achieved some form of status, from selling there body. The guy is usually 5 beers short of a 6 pack, he puts the home/land into the wifes name (after me telling that will be a mistake) and sure enough, the property is taken from him, within the year - most of the guys are older and of course the "bar girl" is young and he usaully goes back home with none of his money and no future - Then she goes onto the next one. When they call for a property for there husband/boyfriend they want a commision on the side, without him knowing - I tell them to piss off.

All the guys that have married them, I would like there truthfull answer in another years time.

Its like the girl the other week, that has gone missing in Phuket and they suspected her husband of feeding her to the snakes. What I do know from the story is that they have been together for over 10 years, he is 30+ years her senior. Last year she got a new boyfriend and then took everything from the husband - house, car. kids....Hes 60+ with nothing..... I hope she did get eaten by the snakes!

I could keep going with another 100 stories - it all works out the same... lie, cheat, steal and have a disregard for anyone without money... Do you think the majority will stay with you guys, if you become poor? Answer No!

Rememer they are the best actresses in the world, learn some Thai and dont tell her and then just listen to her on the phone or in the company of her friends - its disgusting! Yes they are lovely to look at, but there mouths are like suers and there brains are non existent!

[the gentleman]

they will look down on you for not having married the right class - as that does mean a lot in Thai culture.

Pathetic! - There's only one reason to get married, and it doesn't involve what other may think. Get a life!

Out of all I wrote, you picked that line - LOL.

It is a fact by the way and as well as it should be.

Marry a bar girl did we?, sore point is it?, dont get angry with me.

At least I dare to post my position and thoughts regarding this, come up with a post that tells me why you opted for a bar girl?, as that was why I started the thread. WHY?

In your dreams growing up did it include - "mummy when I grow up, I want to marry a Thai prostitute" - what high regard you must have of yourself.

I laugh when you get the usual answers, they do it because they are poor and they have no other option, She has a good heart.. Dogs have good hearts to, but I wouldnt marry one , My advice to all, live here for a while, get out of the bars and get a real life!

Yea, now listen up, Take Gentlemans advice, then you too can end up spending all day on a PC remaining anonymous telling everyone what losers they are, i would love to bump into you in real.

Pm me with your number and I will meet you...

Another one of the 90%

[chonabot]

I married a Bar Girl , I have no shame in that. 7 years later , 2 kids , no diseases, no bankruptcy,. One of the reasons I didn't marry a middle class Thai was because I wasn't in a position to do so, I was not looking for a wife, I was 30 , my wife was 24. No big age gap, I was on a 2 year break from life , 10 years of working 12 hour shifts as an IT mainframe Op. The question asked does not bother me , nor does it make me want to punch the chaps lights out. Good luck to all of you who despise Bar Girls , I have little hatred for anyone, I have a great life.

We are responsible for ourselves and our families , no-one else.

There may be plenty of stereotypical bargirl/farang couples who are not suited , at the end of the day what choices do these couples have?

My wife had little English when we met , I spoke Thai reasonably, she now speaks near perfect English, goes to night school, learning to design websites. I have 18 years experience in IT , she is ahead of me already.

Smug people do annoy me , but only as much as a TV advert , if you don't enjoy it , turn the TV off.

Peace

[the gentleman]

I married a Bar Girl , I have no shame in that. 7 years later , 2 kids , no diseases, no bankruptcy,. One of the reasons I didn't marry a middle class Thai  was because I wasn't in a position to do so,  I was not looking for a wife, I was 30 , my wife was 24. No big age gap, I was on a 2 year break from life , 10 years of working 12 hour shifts as an IT mainframe Op. The question asked does not bother me , nor does it make me want to punch the chaps lights out. Good luck to all of you who despise  Bar Girls , I have little hatred for anyone, I have a great life.

We are responsible for ourselves and our families , no-one else.

There may be plenty of stereotypical bargirl/farang couples who are not suited , at the end of the day what choices do these couples have?

My wife had little English when we met , I spoke Thai reasonably, she now speaks near perfect English, goes to night school, learning to design websites. I have 18 years experience in IT , she is ahead of me already.

Smug people do annoy me , but only as much as a TV advert , if you don't enjoy it , turn the TV off.

Peace

An Honest answer, thanks...

She must be - not the norm!

All I have ever said is in my experience, now I have another side - nice one!

P.S Chonabot, I started this thread to see why people marry a girl from the bar, I was intrigued, it wanst to flame everyone who had married a bar girl, I was asking a question - you are the only one out of the lot who answered with something other than anger - thanks for that for what its worth!

[Johnny Moron]

I've just read all the stuff what you blokes have written and although I don't understand a lot of it, I think you're probably all quite decent blokes.

I would like to say though that there's one bloke here on this thread called Martin who talks a lot about what Isaan families think when their little whores start marrying people like me. Personally, I think his comments are a load of crap cos most people up there in the north east are even more thick and uneducated than what I am and any bloke who starts listening to their stupid shit is just a fool.

But I like what that "Gentelman" bloke says about most of you people having whore wives but being too afraid to admit it. I think he's right.

Like what I wrote before, I married my little whore a long time ago and I ain't never shy about saying so. Sometimes my mates give me shit cos of this, but sometimes they say good things too. The other day for example, my mate Wayne described my wife as a public toilet. Personally, I think this was one of nicest compliments I've heard about her for ages.

[chonabot]

INteresting Thread "Gentleman" , but I doubt the validity of a lot of the replies.

Mr Moron is amusing though , he has a way with words ,as it were.

[pnustedt]

It is a fact by the way and as well as it should be.

Absolutely untrue - maybe in the circles in which you socialise.

I know a few company executives who do business in Thailand who are married to girls they met in a bar. One in particular is a senior executive of a major international group. In general the girls are very reliable and supportive partners who have a better understanding of human nature than most and have good business heads. Money is not an issue. I don't know of any of them having status problems in Thailand or elsewhere.

Whenever I am in Thailand, or anywhere in the world for that matter, my wife commands great respect from all she meets.

Sounds like you're in the wrong business dealing with shallow clients - why not get a life?

[the gentleman]

pnustedt - your view of your world and my view of mine - ok?

"Whenever I am in Thailand, or anywhere in the world for that matter, my wife commands great respect from all she meets."

Do you tell them her previous occupation?

P.S. I do have a life, but obviously a lot different from yours - mine does not consist of spending time in girl bars to find a wife.

[pnustedt]

mine does not consist of spending time in girl bars to find a wife.

Then you don't know what you've missed!

[bangkokblue]

Girls are girls...the world over.

As per usual Doc you hit the nail on the head.

....are perfectly suited for one another.

Spot on Penelope.

The desire for sex is greater than the desire to kill (fact) What a relief that is, so along with money they make the world go round.

[Begs]

I have been in Thailand since 1990, i speak Thai have a good job working overseas earning real money. I have had all sorts of relationships from Bar Girls to a Nice Thai-chinese woman who has everything (except time). With many many in between.

Personally i do not pour scorn on guys that meet girls in Bars, i know many that have been together for years, one ex Bargirl is the Mother of my Son. As for all the talk about failed relationships, it would be interesting to see the ammount of people that have had failed relationships with western women before they came to Thailand.

People are people, (even bargirls @ Gentleman), you say that you have been in Thailand for 6 years, yet you still seem to think it is your business what other people do, Has none of the 'Mai pen rai' attitude rubbed off on you yet? If you think that people are embarrassed about their wives past, why do you throw scorn at them? With your attitude its probably just as well you are anonymous.

Pnustedt, take no notice of other people, some threads are written just because the original poster wants to see his name on a screen, you dont have to defend yourself to some anonymous character on here. You are obviously happy in your life, maybe some other posters here are not.

Good luck pnustedt.

Sorry if you are offended Gentleman, but i dislike bullies, and i consider that your attempts to make Pnustedt feel guilty are verbal bullying, and i am surprised that the admins to not pick that point up. Grow up!

[Begs]

mine does not consist of spending time in girl bars to find a wife.

Then you don't know what you've missed!

Classic!!! hahaha

[markt]

If you want to read real, anti-bar girl posts then read the Bkk2nite forum.

Jeez, those characters hate bar girls.

[Begs]

If you want to read real, anti-bar girl posts then read the Bkk2nite forum.

Jeez, those characters hate bar girls.

Mark i dont think that they do, most of those guys are Trolls. How can anyone HATE a Bargirl? I have met some great girls in Bars,and some real rubbish by other means. People are people, same as internet forum armchair experts.

[Georgie-Porgie]

I married a Bar Girl , I have no shame in that. 7 years later , 2 kids , no diseases, no bankruptcy,. One of the reasons I didn't marry a middle class Thai  was because I wasn't in a position to do so,  I was not looking for a wife, I was 30 , my wife was 24. No big age gap, I was on a 2 year break from life , 10 years of working 12 hour shifts as an IT mainframe Op. The question asked does not bother me , nor does it make me want to punch the chaps lights out. Good luck to all of you who despise  Bar Girls , I have little hatred for anyone, I have a great life.

We are responsible for ourselves and our families , no-one else.

There may be plenty of stereotypical bargirl/farang couples who are not suited , at the end of the day what choices do these couples have?

My wife had little English when we met , I spoke Thai reasonably, she now speaks near perfect English, goes to night school, learning to design websites. I have 18 years experience in IT , she is ahead of me already.

Smug people do annoy me , but only as much as a TV advert , if you don't enjoy it , turn the TV off.

Peace

I have lived in Thailand for 13 years and I have seen many cases like this. Usually it is the philandering Farang husband that ruins the relationship, not the "whore" wife.

I have also seen many young, professional handsome men (Hotel Manager types), who come here and marry "good girls", have a baby with them, wait a few years until they start looking a little older, and then dump them right away. On to the next one. Like clockwork.

Right now, I know of a Thai girl (who worked in a Go-Go bar for a short time) who has returned from Australia after 3 years of trying to make a relationship work. Her nutty husband has followed her back here and is proceeding to make things as miserable for her family as he has for her. He's already wrecked their car and borrowed a large sum of money, which he now refuses to give back.

All she wants is to get away from him. She doesn't care about his money and she doesn't care about Australian citizenship.

She comes from a poor family and they just want her to return home, even though it will stretch their resources even more.

She really studied English hard when she was abroad and she talks in detail about what has happened to her and does her best to be positive about her situation, but she just doesn't understand why he treats her like a slave and is just never satisfied, but he won't leave her alone.

She rips my heart out.

I was a teacher for many years and now I run a successful business with all wonderful women employees.

I've been around plenty of "good" Thai girls, and plenty of supposedly "bad".

When it comes to the best of both, I can barely tell them apart.

[the gentleman]

I am far from a bullie, actually the total opposite - I asked a question, got some great answers and then people threw in a few flames, so I reacted with my thoughts as you are with yours.

The line that "you dont know what you have missed" is far from a classic, it just shows the shallow and boring nature of a few guys thoughts about sitting in a bar with every girl saying the same jokes and the same lines - if you been here since 1990 and speak Thai, dont you crave a conversation with someone on your level - or maybe that is yours.

I also dont scorn at my mates who are married to them, I say the same things to them as I am saying here - why?, most of them dont want a serious relationship, but ended up marrying to shut her up and on and on.

I would say I have 20 mates with bar girl wives and 18 of them have nothing but trouble - so the 2 or 3 of you having a go at me are obviously lucky or it hasnt happened yet.

I love Chonabots answer - direct and he couldnt care about what people think - he didnt get angry. Maybe some of you guys a passing on your frustrations about being married to a bar girl.

You also say I am lucky to be anonymous - well if thats a threat PM me or maybe it just goes to show that, my above point is valid!

By the way I am not Offended, what you wrote, carry on and I hope your not offended by my reply.

[the gentleman]

Maybe it all comes down to how long they have been in the bar scene?

[Begs]

I am far from a bullie, actually the total opposite

if you been here since 1990 and speak Thai, dont you crave a conversation with someone on your level - or maybe that is yours.

Yes, i can see that you are a man of reason. A real nice guy.

I

[the gentleman]

You have a go at me and then use a throw away line like that - maybe you should grow up! I can see your sticking up for the mother of your child as I would be.

Dont judge me pal, you wouldnt have a clue.

[Begs]

You have a go at me and then use a throw away line like that - maybe you should grow up! I can see your sticking up for the mother of your child as I would be.

Dont judge me pal, you wouldnt have a clue.

Yep, a real great guy

[chonabot]

If you want to read real, anti-bar girl posts then read the Bkk2nite forum.

Jeez, those characters hate bar girls.

Nice Irony there Mark , missed by all but Nokna...........