You make sure everyone on the BTS / MRT is aware that you have an iPhone by bringing it out every few minutes - just to reassure yourself.

Tell people you will meet them in Siam Paragon for shopping ,and then travel to a cheaper place ...to actually shop .....

Whether male or female, when you think you've reach a sufficient point in the societal hierarchy that you are now permitted to attend "I'm an important Thai Walking College" so that you can learn how to walk like the upper class by gently kicking your feet out 45 degrees (rather than the normal commoner walk where most of the energy for walking is utilized in a completely forward motion).

When you change the day of your move into the new house because some fortune teller told your tgf the next day was luckier.

It pissed down all day!

When it doesn't matter whether you put the toilet paper roll in the toilet or on the dining table.

You start posting pictures of your food on facebook.

You post pictures of your very average-looking, unspectacular, likely rather cheap and quite boring food on facebook.

You post pictures of your very avearge-looking, unspectacular, likely rather cheap and quite boring Thai wife/gf on facebook.

When you know how to get balloons on the skytrain without getting your head smashed in.

When you need a separate wallet to carry all your discount / membership cards.

when you have 15 bank accounts and atm cards from every bank in the country ............and no money in any of them

because you dont get paid for another two weeks ........

When your personal physician is the 14 year old behind the counter at the corner pharmacy.

When you start telling people you were in the SAS/CIA and honestly think that people believe you.

when you have 15 bank accounts and atm cards from every bank in the country ............and no money in any of them

because you dont get paid for another two weeks ........

Ooh, low blow to the gut...

When you don't care if the leftovers from dinner, are left on the table and not refrigerated.

And, they are covered up by one of those big plastic bug bonnets, that take up most of the table, and don’t do shit for ants.

You just brush the ants off and spit the ones out that you missed, unless they're fried.

When you know how much water you have to put in the rice cooker to get rice that's cooked to perfection.

When you can park your motorbike in a 40cm gap and dismount without burning your leg.

When you need a security guard to park or come out of a parking spot irrespective of how long you've been driving.

When you need a straw to drink from a can.

When you need a plastic bag for your plastic bags.

You don't mind eating lukewarm food cooked hours ago.

When you make a chair from the re bar left over from making your motor bikes sidecar

When you temporarily become a monk just for the fashion of it.

When you give a proper and respectful wai to the massage lady after your "take care" session.

When you organize your evening so you don't miss your favorite Thai soup opera

When you realize you've probably eaten less than a kilo of beef over the past five years, without actually trying to avoid it.

You *have* been trying to avoid those tiny dried shrimp though, but probably ended up eating a kilo *per year* of them. . .

When you realize there are only two kinds of farang music: Hotel California and anything by Bob Marley

When you are a passenger in any vehicle, you get stressed out when the driver is obeying the speed limit and not overtaking any motorbike unless it is safe to do so.

You forget how to read a clock

You start to say "na" after every sentence

- another beer NA

- she was cute NA

- she is not like all the others NA

- is the buffalo back on all fours NA

When you describe something using the term 'farang' like it means something.

When you cannot make any important decision without the help of a group.